[Given to the teacher]

Ningning, 28 years old, unmarried. When she was 21, she deeply loved her teacher.
I never imagined I would meet him again at this moment, in this setting, under these circumstances. This is a story buried deep in my heart for seven years.
Seven years ago, I was 21. After graduating from vocational school, I worked as a cashier in a supermarket while preparing for my self-taught higher education entrance exam.
His name was Kang, and he was a teacher at the vocational university I was applying to.
That's how we met. Compared to all the teachers who taught us, Kang seemed particularly young. Actually, he was 38 years old that year, but he didn't look it at all; he always looked like he was in his late twenties—very lively and attractive.
Now let me tell you about myself. You wouldn't believe it, but although I had many beautiful fantasies about love, due to my conservatism, closed-mindedness, and complete ignorance of romantic love, I never had a boyfriend. Not only did I never have a boyfriend, I never even had my first love. There were boys pursuing me at the supermarket where I worked and at my former school. But when they told me they liked me, all I felt was nervousness and embarrassment. No excitement, no anticipation, no longing. In other words, before meeting Kang, I was truly like a blank sheet of paper, a stubborn and conservative blank sheet, ink prepared, pen ready, waiting for an unknown destiny to arrive.
I thought that what could move me wouldn't be that kind of impetuous, shallow young man, and I also knew that a girl like me, a little chubby and not pretty, wouldn't attract men who only valued a woman's appearance and completely ignored her inner world.
I thought that kind of man had disappeared, until I met Kang. He taught Classical Chinese, a very dry subject, yet his analysis made it so vivid and engaging.
When he lectured on the Book of Songs, I felt that all the girls in our class were captivated by him.
It was winter then, just before Christmas, I remember it clearly. I don't know which girl spread the rumor that Professor Kang's birthday was Christmas Day. We cheered again for his birthday; such a romantic person deserved to be born on such a romantic day.
On a whim, I went to the stationery store and picked out a beautiful notebook for him. I wrote my name and phone number on it, along with these words: "Teacher, for Christmas, and for the most adorable person born on this day." After sending the notebook, I waited for his call. This waiting was simply a little girl's desire for praise and affirmation. For example, someone saying, "Thank you for the notebook, the colors are beautiful," or "I really like this notebook," would be enough. But a day, two days passed, and the teacher didn't respond at all. His classes remained captivating, he politely said goodbye after class, and sometimes even asked someone to deliver his notes to a student who couldn't attend. But he wouldn't even glance at me.
Until one day a week later, the teacher called me after class. Then, he took a notebook out of his bag, handed it to me, and said, "This is for you, thank you for your thoughtfulness." When he said those words, I was stunned… When I got home and opened my notebook, there was a line that read: “You are a unique girl. Your teacher hopes you are happy every day.” Below that was his signature. That night, I couldn't sleep a wink, tossing and turning, thinking about his words about me: “You are a unique girl.” Really? Did my teacher really think so? In a hazy dream, I saw Kang smiling as he walked towards me, then bowing his head… Everything stopped there. When I woke up, my face was still red. In my daze, I wondered what my teacher would have done to me if I hadn't woken up. Thinking about it, my heart was pounding. If my admiration for Kang transformed from a simple teacher-student relationship into romantic love, it probably started from that dream.
From then on, I was caught in a delicate yet torturous vortex of love. I stared intently at him on the podium. Time and air seemed to stand still. Kang probably noticed my unusual behavior; he began to intentionally avoid me. There was even one time when he clearly saw me walk past him, but didn't even say hello. "I'm in love," I told my best friend on the phone. "I'm in love," they asked, "who is it? Why are you so distracted?" I said, "I can't tell you, I can't." That night, I went to Kang's dorm at school. He sometimes stayed at school, not often, just occasionally.
That day, I just wanted to try my luck because I was so heartbroken. To like someone, but not know if they like you back. How painful is that? Actually, I didn't ask for anything, I just wanted him to say, "Yes, I like you too." Really, just that one sentence would be enough to make me die happy.
And that day, I was lucky; Kang's dorm light was on.
I gently knocked on his window, and when Kang opened the door and saw me standing outside, he froze. Fortunately, after his initial shock, Kang politely invited me in.
He asked if I wanted water, and if something was bothering me. Then he asked how I knew I was staying at school that day. I didn't speak, acting as if I didn't hear him no matter what he asked me
. Only one sentence kept swirling in my mind: "Teacher, I like you, Teacher, I like you..." This sentence kept turning in my head. Should I say it or not? If I did, how would he react? Would he laugh at me? Would he look down on me? My mind was in complete turmoil. Suddenly, the alarm clock on Kang's desk went off. I glanced at my watch; it was exactly 10 p.m. I knew that if I didn't say it now, I would never have the chance again... So, with a heavy heart, I finally said what had been weighing on my heart for so long, and then I cried, crying so unjustly. Kang seemed completely at a loss, his usual confident demeanor gone. He kept saying, "You silly child, do you know how much older I am than you?
I'm still your teacher! You silly child, I knew something was wrong with you! Look at you, what am I supposed to do?" Perhaps trying to calm my overly emotional state, he patted my back repeatedly. At that moment, I suddenly felt incredibly tired, like a child who had wandered far from home and finally found their way back...
Yes, things turned out exactly as you guessed. From then on, Kang and I fell into a genuine teacher-student relationship.
I gave him my first time; he was my first love and will be my last love in this life.
That's truly what I thought at the time. The first time he took me, he almost cried as he held my young body. He said, "Ningning, you're so good, I can't bear it." I replied, "Who asked you to bear it
? I know you've been married; even if you didn't say it, I would know." Kang smiled bitterly, seemingly trying to avoid the question, and said, "At my age, if someone tells you they're not married, don't
believe them." Really, Alai, when Kang said that to me, I felt like I matured instantly. Between a girl and a woman, there really is only this one step. As Kang held me close
, filled with tenderness and emotion, I told him, "Teacher, don't worry, I will never leave you, whether I am your wife or not. If possible, I would like to have a child with you
, a child who looks like you, so that even if you are not by my side one day, I will still have his companionship..." As I said this, I felt a sense of tragic
grandeur within me. Kang was completely taken aback by my confession; these words made him feel even more ashamed than my virginity.
Had I loved the wrong person? This is a question I only dare to ask myself today. This first love, lasting less than six months, died because of Kang's retreat. He said he couldn't continue like this with me
. He said he wasn't good enough for me, and if people found out he was having an affair with a student, he would be doomed.
Although it was painful, I understood him. That's why I haven't told anyone about my relationship with my teacher until today; I was afraid it would affect his future and life. He was such a
perfect teacher, so charismatic on the podium, citing countless examples. We broke up like that, and I said, "I won't cling to you." I gave you my first time, and I don't regret it
… Seven years have passed, and I thought I hadn't truly forgotten him. Over the years, people have introduced me to other men, and I've met and dated some, but no one has ever touched my heart as deeply as Kang
. Sometimes, when I'm listening to music, I can't help but think of him. How is he? What is he doing? Is he still as handsome as before?
Just last week, at the entrance of the Jili Building, guess who I saw? I saw Kang, yes, it was him. He was attentively accompanying a pregnant girl who looked much younger than him,
and the two of were chatting and laughing. Seven years ago, before Christmas, I fell for him. Seven years later, before Christmas, I saw him with someone else. I can't describe the feelings this scene evoked in me.
The next day, I took leave from work and went to my old vocational college to inquire about Kang. The teachers there told me that Kang hadn't been there for a long time, and that he'd divorced several years ago and later married
one of his students; they were probably expecting a child soon… At that moment, I saw my own love and Kang's image uprooted from my heart…

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[Given to the teacher]

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