The allure of pajamas

I never imagined I'd be getting a divorce. Even today, I can swear I still love my wife, and if she forgives me, I'll spend the rest of my life with her. But now my vows are worthless, because in my wife's eyes, I'm a man having an affair, and knowing her as I do, it's unlikely she'll forgive me, because infidelity is what she can't tolerate most.
Indeed, if affairs could be categorized, I'm merely unfaithful, not quite an extramarital affair. I didn't actually date anyone else, but the nature of it is more concrete than dating. This
"pajama temptation
" incident happened when I went to Huangshan for training. People are strange; they're one way at work and another way outside, and new dynamics emerge between men and women. The usually reserved programmer suddenly became very lively, getting along famously well with what everyone considered a beautiful woman. Watching them play golf together, the way they taught and practiced, they looked like a couple deeply in love, even though one was married and the other was married.
I dislike such fleeting romances. I've always considered myself a decent person, but this woman named Ke, for some reason, keeps clinging to me.
Ke works in the administration department, responsible for arranging many things for our trip. I haven't had much contact with her, and to be honest, in a crowd, she's just an average-looking woman. She usually wears unremarkable dark clothes in the office, but once she's out in the fresh spring air of the mountains, she seems like a completely different person.
A silk floral blouse, white fitted trousers—from behind, she looks very elegant and capable. However, her face is too flat, and her features are unremarkable. Yet, she always likes to seek my approval for this transformation: "Teacher Qi, what do you think of the pattern on my shirt today? Does it make my face look yellowish?"
What can I say? Naturally, I had to offer a few compliments: "Oh, you look radiant."
You thought that would end the conversation, but she continued, "That's true. I have sweaty skin; the more I sweat, the whiter I become. I hardly ever need sunscreen in the summer; I never get tanned. My skin is even whiter than foreigners'."
To be honest, my wife and I rarely discuss these kinds of women's topics, but to others, it seemed like we were very close, even discussing such private matters.
While we were shopping together, she playfully asked, "Ms. Qi, could you help me carry this bag?" My hands were empty, and how could I refuse her request?
Back at the hotel, my hands were full of her things, so I had to escort her to her room. She was very enthusiastic, saying, "I also bought some wood ear mushrooms and chrysanthemums for your family; let me get them for you."
As she rummaged through the pile of things, her chest was conspicuously exposed, her private parts barely concealed, and under the hotel's dim lighting, it was indeed strikingly white. This time, I was staying in a room by myself, which I felt was inappropriate, so I quickly left. She, however, enthusiastically chased after me, insisting on giving me her things. This turned into a scuffle in the hotel hallway, and I had no choice but to take her things back.
I returned to my room somewhat embarrassed. While showering, for some reason, I thought about what was visible at her neckline, and my face flushed red. About two or three hours later, late at night, I was almost asleep watching TV when she texted me: "Teacher Qi, I think I left my wallet with you. Is it convenient to look for it?"
Her wallet was in the bag I was carrying. I texted her back, and she said, "I'll come get it."
A little embarrassed, I took the wallet to the door, intending to give it to her in the hallway. As the door opened, she slipped in.
She was wearing perfume, a cardigan casually draped over her shoulders, which she immediately took off and tossed onto the bed, revealing she was only wearing a bathrobe underneath. At the crucial moment, I realized I wasn't a saint, and then, the accident happened. After the night
the affair was exposed
, she became distant from me. She stopped contacting me to discuss her complexion, and when she went shopping, she would mingle with a group of female colleagues. But even through the crowd, she would occasionally glance at me; if I looked at her, she would look away. She never contacted me again, and I was terrified, lacking even the courage to speak to her. Most of the time, I thought about our new home with its still-paying mortgage, my academically excellent child at school, and my loving wife. I realized how happy my life had been; losing all of that made it completely meaningless. I deeply regretted everything that happened that night; I truly wished it were all a dream.
I became terrified of seeing her, terrified that she would tell everyone about us. So when I returned to Shanghai and she texted me saying she needed to discuss something, I broke out in a cold sweat. Don't laugh, but my first thought was that she was pregnant. But instead, she took me to a hotel room, saying she missed me. The fear I had suppressed for days made me feel a strange sense of closeness to her, like two accomplices in a crime. I told her that we both have families and can't continue like this. She laughed and said she never intended for me to divorce, nor would she, adding that we're both adults and can naturally control the boundaries of such matters.
This woman's boldness shocked me. She seemed like a normal woman at work, but I never expected her to be so open in private. I was terrified by her words and ran away.
Perhaps she really saw through me. Although I went home, seeing my wife dressed in an old t-shirt and floral pajamas, looking disheveled, I inexplicably thought of her again. When she asked me out again, I went.
Every time I saw her, I regretted it, but after a while, I couldn't resist seeing her again. After a while, my wife began to suspect and eventually found out. My wife is a tall
and
beautiful woman, and she's always been very confident in herself. So when she discovered my infidelity, she was devastated, especially after seeing Ke, which made her even angrier. Ke is a woman who, by societal standards, is inferior to her in looks and temperament. She couldn't understand why I would do such a thing with such an ordinary woman.
I don't blame my wife, but after having a child, we became two roommates with little difference in gender. She's tall and often wears my old t-shirts as pajamas, and her underwear is always just something she buys casually from the supermarket. Occasionally, I've bought her a lacy bra or two, but she never wears them, saying they're made of synthetic fibers, not breathable, and not as healthy as pure cotton. When she's busy, she doesn't wash her hair for days. She puts her hair up in a bun before work, and when she gets home, she just loosely clips it together.
She hasn't worn makeup or nail polish since she was pregnant, initially because it was bad for the fetus, but later it became a habit.
I can't call her a haggard housewife; she's very capable at work and earns a good income. Although she's gained a little weight in recent years, you can still see the beauty she once had. It's just that her femininity has been steadily fading.
Ke, on the other hand, is the opposite. Every time we meet, she meticulously grooms herself, exuding a faint fragrance, and sometimes even has delicate flowers painted on her nails. When I'm with Ke, there's an unreal quality about her, something beyond everyday life. So, I think I was just seduced by appearances.
I didn't even consider Ke my lover; I knew nothing about her personality or interests. At least for me, there was no affection between us, but we did *that*, and I couldn't explain this relationship to my wife.
After finding out about my infidelity, my wife immediately changed the locks on the house and told me to prepare divorce papers. She's always been so inflexible, leaving no room for negotiation.
I didn't even have a change of clothes, so I had to go to the mall to buy some and then stay in a budget hotel near my workplace.
I have no interest in analyzing the difference between an old undershirt and a silk nightgown anymore. If Ke asks me out again, I have no interest. I want to go back to my home and live my old life. If I hadn't succumbed to that immoral pleasure, I wouldn't be in this deep regret now.
I know that in other people's eyes, I'm a despicable person, and I did make a mistake. I don't know how my wife can forgive me.
Now I understand what it means to go from heaven to hell in a single thought. If I had resisted temptation, if there hadn't been a second and third time, perhaps I would still be living a happy life now. But there are no "ifs" in this world. The family I worked so hard to build has fallen apart. I'm truly unwilling to accept this. I want to take this opportunity to tell my wife that I was wrong, I was wrong, but I don't want a divorce. I still love you. I've told you all my true thoughts, and I beg for your forgiveness. At least, can the children have a complete family?

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The allure of pajamas

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