My foreign boyfriend came in.

My first encounter
with But was in the school library. I was a second-year student then, just adjusting to everything at school and my life as an international student, and full of curiosity. Perhaps it was my longing for my mother tongue, but I would often sit in the Chinese reading room for a while. One day, as I was engrossed in a Chinese magazine, a tall foreign man suddenly sat down next to me. "Miss, are you Chinese?" he asked me in Chinese, though not very fluently, but it made me feel an unprecedented sense of warmth in this foreign land.
I answered him kindly, "Yes, I'm from China." But when I spoke to him in Chinese again, he stared wide-eyed, looking completely bewildered. Through our conversation in English, I learned that this was the only Chinese he knew, which he had only learned the day before. The reason was simple: he guessed I was from China and wanted to strike up a conversation with me in my mother tongue, hoping to make friends.
That noon, we had lunch together in the school cafeteria. His name was But, he was from the Netherlands, and he had come to Australia in 2000 to study engineering. He had a beautiful country villa in his hometown, with a large blue lake in front. His parents were divorced, but they still met often like friends. We chatted like old friends, and as the meal was about to end, he suddenly grabbed my hand and said, "I don't have a girlfriend yet." My face flushed. Although I knew foreigners were generally bold and open, I hadn't expected such a strong hint over a meal. Butt's smile was irresistible. I wondered if my love had truly arrived. Before
I left
the country, my family repeatedly warned me to be cautious about relationships. In fact, I'm a very traditional person. Before leaving, I had a boyfriend, but he lacked ambition and flatly rejected my suggestion that he continue his studies. In a fit of anger, we broke up. On the day I boarded the plane, he came to the airport to see me off. I felt a little reluctant, but thinking about the life I wanted in the future, I reluctantly gave up. My last words to him were, "I wish you happiness."
I don't know if he's happy or not, but Butt's arrival brought me unprecedented joy. After meeting him, I spent almost all my lunch and dinner time with him. This humorous and cheerful Dutch boy helped me temporarily forget the loneliness of being in a foreign land. I thought we could continue like this, and that I could maintain my boundaries. However, this idea was quickly disrupted by a party.
One day, Butt came to me mysteriously, saying he wanted to take me to a friend's birthday party, and secretly slipped me a gift. I was in class at the time and couldn't open it. When class ended, I ran to the lounge and was shocked to see a transparent lace bra. Did he want me to wear this to my friend's party? Just as I was wondering, Butt called unexpectedly: "Honey, remember to wear this underneath. I'll be waiting for you at the usual place at 8 pm."
Although I was a little scared and vaguely worried, I still went and put on the transparent and sexy bra. Butt's smile was as charming as ever, and his tone was as gentle as ever, which eased my anxious heart a little.
“You seem a little tense. Relax, have something to drink.” Butt handed me a glass of juice. I saw Butt had already drunk some, so I drank it without thinking. A little while later, I felt a headache coming on, and my body felt hot, a swelling sensation I'd never felt before. I suddenly realized something and wanted to leave, but Butt had already grabbed me. He hugged me tightly and kissed me. I couldn't breathe, and I felt a little scared. The traditional education I'd received in China over the years told me to leave immediately, but the drugs were clearly taking effect. Butt's hands and lips made it difficult for me to control myself.
Then I saw a scene I'll never forget: all the men and women at the party started taking off their clothes. The men were shirtless, wearing only shorts, and the women were wearing all sorts of transparent and sexy lingerie. Everyone was embracing in full view of everyone. The music was louder, some were shouting, some were laughing, some were shaking their heads… I'd only ever seen such crazy and hazy scenes in movies before, and today it was happening in my real life. I felt dizzy and disoriented. Soon, my underwear was exposed to everyone. I heard Bout shouting, "Today she's my Oriental bride, no one will be happier than me!"
That very night, I couldn't hold back. For the first time, I felt that excruciating pain. When Bout's "big thing" thrust into my body without restraint, I felt no pleasure, only pain.
He begged for my forgiveness.
After the party, I couldn't recover for a long time. It seemed that suddenly, I lost myself. What was the purpose of my coming abroad? In this absurd night, the love I had once longed for suddenly turned sour.
Bout kept contacting me. Emails, phone calls, letters—he used every means to win my forgiveness. He kept explaining to me that this was life, campus life, and part of human life, but I still couldn't accept it.
Another evening, Bout waited for me at the dormitory entrance, saying someone wanted to see me and hoped I would do him the honor of meeting. Then, a middle-aged woman with gray hair but a very elegant demeanor appeared. It turned out she was Bout's mother, visiting Australia. She kindly took my hand and said, "My son told me he's fallen in love with a beautiful Eastern girl, but she keeps rejecting him, so he asked me to help him."
Bout stood beside me, smiling sheepishly, looking helpless. At that moment, the weight that had been pressing on my chest for so long finally lifted. Subconsciously, perhaps I had already forgiven him, but I hadn't convinced myself. The fact that he had invited his mother today was proof enough that what I felt wasn't a game of sex, but genuine love. Thinking this, I happily accepted their invitation.
I also opened up to her: we Chinese are very traditional, especially for girls; we value family, yearn for marriage, and hope for a happy life. Bout's mother told me many things, including her three marriages and her current friendship with Bout's father. She told me that marriage is a natural progression, and sex is a very important part of it; if both parties feel happy and in love, they will naturally get married.
Bout's mother's arrival became a turning point between Bout and me. In front of his mother, But promised to marry me. I was overjoyed. I forgot everything that had happened before and the pain I had just endured. Soon, we rented a place off-campus and moved in together. But
was a man with an exceptionally high sex drive. After we moved in together, he made sexual advances on me almost every day. He somehow got hold of some films that he considered romantic, but which I thought were extremely pornographic, and made me watch them with him. After watching, we would imitate the scenes from the films and have sex. At first, I found it novel, but after this constant back and forth, I felt weaker and more exhausted than ever before. I was already physically weak, and I was no match for the powerful But. A month later, I asked But to move back to the campus apartment. But refused. He held me tightly and said that he would respect my feelings from now on, that he didn't like sex without love, and that he wanted every day we spent together to be happy.
After I got together with But, he helped me a lot with my language and studies, and he also helped me quickly integrate into this unfamiliar country. He also helped me make many friends from other countries, which is why I didn't want to leave him. Another reason is that he always emphasized safe sex and always used condoms, which made me feel that he was a responsible person. So, after much hesitation, we didn't break up.
However, things didn't go as I expected. After another passionate encounter, But suddenly yelled, "Oh my god, my condom is gone!" I was terrified. My first thought was, what if I got pregnant? But told me to go to the bathroom and wash myself clean immediately, and asked if I had a history of promiscuity. When he asked me the same question again and again, I realized he was worried I might transmit some disease to him, and I was furious. The next morning, he took me to the hospital for a checkup. When the doctor told him I didn't have any diseases, just a minor inflammation in my genital area, he finally breathed a sigh of relief.
This incident made me doubt this foreign man again. Perhaps he didn't care about me; perhaps he even suspected me, suspected I had an STD, suspected he would get one from it, and that he always wore a condom not for my sake, but for his own. But things had spiraled out of my control. A month later, when I finally decided to move out, I suddenly realized my period was late. I panicked; my worst fears were confirmed by a positive urine test. With no other option, I called Butt and told him I was pregnant.
Butt was equally surprised; he seemed incredulous, muttering repeatedly, "Is it really such a coincidence that I got pregnant on the first try?" I considered abortion, but illegal abortions are illegal in Australia. For me, the only option was to get married and have the child. I proposed to Butt, who neither agreed nor refused, only saying he would marry me after he finished his studies, and then we would settle in the Netherlands, the beautiful land of tulips. Embarking on this arduous pregnancy journey, fueled by his beautiful promises, I began my struggles.
I've always had allergies and asthma. During my prenatal checkups, two positive results (viral infection) were found, making me extremely worried about the baby. In early pregnancy, my hair started falling out in clumps, and the doctor advised against sexual intercourse during the first three months. Perhaps Burt couldn't bear the loneliness, or perhaps he was increasingly annoyed by my growing frailty due to pregnancy, when I was two and a half months pregnant, he moved back to campus under the pretext of working on his graduation thesis, leaving me alone in my off-campus dormitory.
My pregnancy symptoms were still severe. At first, I was happy to be temporarily free from Burt, because he always wanted to have sex with me during my pregnancy. But I never expected that Burt's departure had other plans.
While I was struggling to count down the days, Burt began another chapter of his philandering. Soon, news of his pursuit of another Asian girl reached my ears. I heard from others that she was a Korean girl, only 19 years old, and very beautiful. When this news was confirmed, I couldn't hold back my tears. Had I come to Australia to pursue my dreams, only to pursue such an absurd life? The child in my belly was growing day by day, but I didn't know where my future lay!
But, not having completely lost his humanity, still frequently came back to see me, buying me daily necessities and paying my rent. He just stopped saying things like "I love you." One night, when I was over four months pregnant, But suddenly returned, drunk, and demanded to have sex with me. He forcibly removed my clothes and forced himself on me, completely disregarding the fact that I was over four months pregnant. I cried and begged him, kneeling on the ground, but it was all in vain…
My lower body began to throb with pain, followed by a trickle of bright red blood. I felt dizzy. At this moment, But seemed to regain his senses. He stopped his frenzied actions and took me to the hospital.
But it was too late. When the doctor told me the baby was formed, a boy, I could no longer control my emotions. I jumped off the bed and charged at But, wanting only to die with this extremely selfish man. This man who had once given me endless hope left me with only eternal, unhealable pain. The doctors nearby stopped me, and at my insistence, they called the police. Bout was taken away by the police.
"It was all an accident." A week later, Bout reappeared in my life, accompanied by the police. They concluded it was just an accident because we were living together, and it wasn't a case of one party raping the other. I was speechless. After
the game ended
and I was discharged from the hospital, I continued my studies. Bout still came to see me, constantly confessing and explaining, hoping I would give him another chance, and give myself another chance.
I became his girlfriend again, and we started living together again. If the last time was because of love, this time it was just my own fault. Maybe I felt that someone like me could never have perfect love again, or maybe it was vanity and loneliness at play. In any case, we lived together again.
He started his endless sexual torment again, regardless of time, place, or whether I needed it or not. He even didn't let me go when I was menstruating, forcibly running red lights, watching me bleed profusely, still satisfying his desires. He liked to flaunt his enormous penis in front of me and mock the flatness of the breasts of us Eastern women. Sex with him was no longer the passion it once was; there was no more enjoyment.
My body collapsed again. I hadn't fully recovered from my previous miscarriage, and his relentless torment day and night triggered an asthma attack. Then I experienced frequent pain in my lower body, and my once regular menstrual cycle became irregular. It was then that I truly understood the sexual differences caused by racial differences. I want to warn all girls like me who yearn for cross-cultural marriages: be extremely cautious! In
November 2004, after more than two years away from my homeland, I returned home. Many people assumed I had returned after completing my studies abroad, but only I knew the bitterness in my heart. I came back simply to escape the torment of this foreign man, Bout, and to try traditional Chinese medicine to heal my weakened body.
I went to the hospital for a checkup, and when I received the results, I couldn't believe my eyes: deep cervical erosion and vaginitis with three plus signs. The elderly gynecologist, her hair streaked with gray, held my hand: "Child, you must be careful in that area. Your uterus is very fragile; it might be difficult to conceive in the future." At that moment, I covered my face and wept.
During my time back in China, But still frequently called me, urging me to return to Australia as soon as possible. After much agonizing thought, I've made up my mind that even if I go back, I will break things off with him cleanly and clearly. This game, this dream, between us should end.

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My foreign boyfriend came in.

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