Look at you

Wake up, ladies!
First of all, I am a man who has been studying extramarital affairs in China for quite some time. Based on my research, the rate of male infidelity is higher than that of female infidelity (obviously, haha). However, the rate of male infidelity leading to family breakdown is far lower than that of female infidelity. This is, of course, thanks to the magnanimity and virtue of our female compatriots. There are also social traditions and other factors. However, in recent years, the rate of female infidelity has risen sharply, and the consequences are very serious, even leading to bloodshed. What are the reasons? Let me explain.
Extramarital affairs are generally called having an affair, but actually, women "have affairs," while men "have sex." The vast majority of men's extramarital affairs are uninvolved in emotional factors, or very little. Women, on the other hand, often invest a great deal of emotional capital, eventually finding themselves unable to control themselves and extricate themselves. Let me tell you about the psychology of men having extramarital affairs: Men are all lustful, I don't need to elaborate. At first, he notices you, your face, your figure (that's all, really). Knowing you're a married woman excites him even more. Driven by a strong attraction to the opposite sex's body and the thrill of conquest (conquering you, and your husband), he attacks you with countless methods: sweet words, composure, wisdom, calmness, generosity, wit, humor, and so on. (At home, he's still a domineering, petty man, no different from your husband).
You think, "Wow, this man is really great! All the bad habits of your husband seem to be exactly the opposite of his!" Gradually, you enjoy talking to him more. He always tries to make you laugh; a single sentence can make you smile (this is an essential skill). You laugh more with him in a day than you do with your husband in a year. You start to like him; you've rediscovered the feeling of first love. The difference is that this time, there's no awkwardness, but a lot more genuine sweetness. At this moment, the primal curiosity and impulse within you sprout (everyone has this; it's Pandora's box). This box has been opened by a man who seems like an angel to you. This box, which you originally intended to close forever after your wedding (to be a devoted wife and mother), is now open. His place in your heart slowly grows larger and larger, while your husband only holds a small amount of so-called commitment to the marriage? Guilt towards the children? But what prevents you from taking another step forward is the pressure of society, the constraints of traditional values. What will your colleagues think? Your boss? Your parents? You're afraid.
You're really afraid. At this point, it's still not too late to pull back from the brink. But... You intentionally avoided him for a few days, but the more you avoided him, the more you missed him. At work, you longed to see him; his charming smile always made your heart flutter, and his calm, witty humor always made your heart soar. You didn't want to work, didn't want to cook, didn't want to see your husband (because that would make you waver again), and didn't want to sleep. Your mind was filled with him. At this point, you're doomed! What? You haven't slept together yet? Slept together? That would be a natural progression, effortless, wouldn't it? Because you truly felt "love," and you betrayed him for "love." Now you don't want to go home; you want to spend every spare moment with him, telling your husband you're working overtime, entertaining clients, hanging out with classmates, and so on... He won, he triumphed, he won against you, and he won against your husband, trampling him underfoot. You're scared. You've done something wrong, and after a couple of days your husband is still acting all innocent and carefree, you feel more at ease. He hasn't found out (you know, that comes from his trust in you), so you continue. His sweet words seem endless. You feel fear, excitement, guilt, tension, and pain—a mix of emotions. Do you want to break up? Haha, can you really bear to? Your husband hasn't found out yet. Or maybe you want to say goodbye to him next week, so you become even more reckless this week. You look at this man you love (you believe he loves you too), and ask yourself, can you really bear to leave? Out of 100,000 women, only one can. Are you her?
Secrets can't stay hidden forever (you know this better than anyone). Finally, one day, the truth comes out, your husband finds out everything, and he says, "Divorce!!" He only says two words. You cry, tears of guilt, regret, resentment, and relief. You don't want to divorce him. You still have your pride, you still have to face the world, you have children, parents—no!! You can't get a divorce. You swear you'll cut all ties with him and beg your husband to forgive you this time. Do you know what most men are thinking at this point? Let me tell you: If there's a maggot in a bowl of rice, can you still eat it? Even if you remove the maggot (cut all ties), can you still eat it? Isn't it disgusting? Okay, even if you encounter a lousy guy, and you remove the maggot and force yourself to eat it, will he feel good about it later? He'll feel disgusted, and will you feel good about it? It will always be a scar covered in maggots.
Okay, then get a divorce. You think at least you still have him, the man you love and who loves you. You go to him and say you have nothing now—no husband, no children, no home, maybe even no job, no understanding from friends, no forgiveness from parents—you only have him left. Guess what he'll think? Sad? A little. Guilt? Almost nothing. Pain? Impossible. Schadenfreude? Not quite. Only indifference. Helplessness. You must understand he has a wife, children, parents, a career, and a future. You? He likes you, he really, really likes you, he really, really likes your face and your body. He's willing to give you money, but I guarantee he gives his wife even more. You don't care about his money, you just want him, and he remains indifferent, head down, smoking. Deep down, he knows it's impossible. He just wants a lover, no, more accurately, a sexual partner, to satisfy his curiosity, his desire for novelty and romance, the conquering pleasure of possessing another man's wife. It's that simple. Really, men are simple creatures. Love? You might have gotten a little, but only a tiny bit. A man's love is 30% with his mother, 30% with his wife, and 30% with his children (the ratio can be adjusted). You have 10%? Then you're really not simple (in bed).
Okay, that's the end of the story. You buried your happiness (sexual happiness, emotional happiness buried happiness) with a passionate "love." What will happen next? Perhaps you two are still continuing this affair, but only to him. For you, there's no longer any "stealing." Perhaps he'll slowly distance himself from you (this is the most common scenario). You'll still have to live your own life, but one filled with bitter regret. Your ex-husband will remarry; he won't give you another second glance. Your child will grow up. In his heart, you? Mother? Oh, you gave birth to him. Your parents will be ashamed in front of their neighbors, relatives, and friends. They'll eventually die filled with resentment towards you... (Note: Men, seeing such an ending, if you have even a little compassion, wouldn't you feel remorse? Remember, don't destroy someone else's family...)
This is the story of an affair. If your husband—no, your ex-husband—is a decent person, what if you had a petty, hot-tempered, and audacious man? Then a bloody tragedy awaited you; I don't even want to think about it.
Ladies, thank you for your patience in reading the above. You might think that the man who "cheated" on you had ulterior motives from the start, that he was too wicked. You're wrong. He didn't do it on purpose, really not on purpose. Sex is a basic human need. He truly loves you, he loved you (starting with loving your body), he wasn't lying. He did have feelings for you. But men are simple creatures, and also rational creatures. Men know that sex is temporary, sex doesn't equal love (ladies, please remember this). He won't give up his love for sex. His true love is in his wife (even if she's not as pretty or sexy as you, and nags all the time), his children, his parents, his career, and himself. The love he gives you can only be a small part of his own. Okay, he might even be willing to give you his entire share, truly willing, but no more. His love can only go this far. (This is a long text, thank you for reading.)

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