The Path to Cognition

Looking back, I realize I was still preoccupied with wanting to know how my wife was doing; my ingrained male biases were kicking in. The bedroom door wasn't fully closed, and there was no noise (the bedroom and bathroom are next to each other), but when I came out of the bathroom, I heard my wife screaming loudly. That sound was so familiar; it was the kind of sound you only hear when you've reached a very high level of intimacy. A pang of sadness hit me. I rushed back to the bedroom. But the sound of my wife's scream kept echoing in my ears. What was wrong? No matter how hard I tried, it didn't work. The harder I tried, the less I could, and all sorts of feelings surged through me. Was she going to be impotent forever? That would be so unfair. The thought sent a chill down my spine. What was the point of being a man if that happened? How could
I be in the mood? My heart was a jumble of emotions, a mix of everything.
For a while, I was in a bad mood, thinking a lot. How could it have turned out like this? Whose fault was it? How could my wife feel so good about a man she'd just met? Wasn't she supposed to be shy? My wife said she was very nervous, her hands and feet were cold, but thankfully he was very considerate and gentle, which gradually relaxed her. Combined with the effects of alcohol and the intense sexual stimulation, she felt great.
As for me? I think firstly, I wasn't psychologically prepared enough. On the surface, I approved of my wife having sex with someone else, but deep down I was still bothered and felt a pang of unease. Secondly, I was under a lot of pressure, worried about not being able to satisfy him. Thirdly, our purpose for this trip was to visit friends (albeit friends in a swapping arrangement), we didn't expect it to actually happen, so we panicked at the last minute.
Later I learned that he had put a lot of effort into making this happen; he wanted everyone to be happy and hoped this relationship could continue—which was also our wish! We had planned the future too perfectly, making it difficult to accept this failure.
Psychologically, we could completely let go of traditional notions, accept that my wife enjoyed another man's sex, and understand that the prerequisite for swapping is a deep and trusting relationship between husband and wife. We also understand that the meaning of swapping lies in fully enjoying the experience and
navigating the post-swap period, which is a valuable lesson for us.

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