Does loving your wife mean sending her to another man's bed?

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This is a question someone asked me on Penguin this morning. The reason I don't think it's an impolite accusation is because many people think this way, so I'll answer it.

First: The person who asked this question inadvertently objectified the wife, treating her as an object subordinate to her husband, sent to someone else's bed by the husband with his own will, becoming someone else's plaything. Therefore, he questioned the husband's love. I think this question should be asked from the wife's perspective, treating her as an independent subject—'Does loving your wife necessarily mean letting her experience more men?'

Hmm, asking it this way makes sense and is easier to answer.

My answer: Not necessarily. The measure of loving your wife is definitely not the number of men she has been with. Loving your wife is a comprehensive and meticulous understanding and fulfillment of her needs. These needs include spiritual, material, and physical needs.

If you love your wife, you will definitely care about her spiritual and emotional needs." For example, to truly love her, you must make her feel meticulous care and attention. Talk to her, enjoy time with her, take her on trips, cherish every holiday she's on, and express your love frequently. Reduce her housework, respect her in everything, love her parents, respect her hobbies and work, and resolve all family matters through discussion. If your wife is a very emotional person, don't restrict her emotions. It's impossible for anyone to have feelings for only one person throughout their life. If your wife's feelings wander, give her space to store, analyze, and process her emotions; or stand with her, sharing and experiencing the small thrills of her emotions; or help her suppress feelings she deems inappropriate… In this way, a husband's love for his wife is inclusive, like a father watching his daughter fall in and out of love. This kind of open-mindedness is undoubtedly the breadth of a husband's love.

If you love your wife, you will care about her material needs. Women value material things as a measure of affection. Simply put, she feels that if a man is willing to give, it's love, and this willingness to give is easily understood when it's reflected in material things. Therefore, a husband who loves his wife will undoubtedly be willing to give her everything he has without reservation. Of course, for the sake of daily life, this generosity must be within his means. For example, I will give her a big gift on her birthday; I will splurge on a handbag when my finances are tight; and when I rarely accompany her shopping for clothes, I will let her do as she pleases, being more like a lover than a husband… Of course, the more I give to her, the more she cherishes what we have together and is unwilling to weaken our family foundation for her own desires.

Most people think that loving a wife is simply about these two things, and that they are relatively easy to do. But in reality, a wife's life is not entirely composed of deep affection and a husband's generosity. As a husband, loving your wife, in addition to satisfying the above two aspects, also includes—not neglecting the harmony of your sex life.

Couples married for five, seven, or even ten years or more often know that their sex life has become quite bland, while their individual needs remain, only diluted by other aspects of life; or both partners are filled with doubt while enduring it; or the husband simply feels his wife is becoming distant while he's still seeking other women; or both are secretly using extramarital affairs to spice things up… So why not break down these barriers in their sex life? As a loving husband, why can't he face his and his wife's true physical needs instead of letting their sex life slowly wither? Sex is a powerful glue that holds couples together. Why do people say that couples who argue in bed make up before they get out of bed? It's because many arguments over trivial matters don't need a reason; a moment of intimacy in bed can suddenly make all the conflict disappear.

Therefore, maintaining the freshness and interest in their sex life is not only an expression of a husband's love for his wife, but also a way to cherish the warm atmosphere of the family. So, does this mean the wife has to experience more men?

The answer is definitely yes.

Put yourself in her shoes. As a man, you'll understand. If your wife generously allows you short periods of intimacy and sex that don't affect your marriage, wouldn't you feel more vibrant, love your wife more, and feel more attached to your home? As a man, you'd definitely nod in agreement. Since you nod, it means what works for you also works for your wife. Women, especially, are cautious and grateful. Their sexual needs are often ignored by their husbands and society as a whole. Everyone thinks a wife's role is to be virtuous and gentle, to take care of the family and children. If a wife has an affair, it's considered a terrible thing, a moral collapse… But have you ever considered why you must suppress your wife's sexual needs? Are they necessarily less needy than men? Are they necessarily just supporting characters or sacrifices in family life? Must their sex life be confined to the marriage?

Therefore, loving your wife means not only giving her enough attention emotionally and materially, but also valuing her sexual needs. What's wrong with letting her experience different men and enjoy unique sexual encounters? Women can also be the main actors in the things men do and enjoy, and receive understanding and support from their loving husbands. This is the breadth and multi-dimensionality of love shown by many men I know.

This is also my official answer to the psychological pride of wanting my wife to experience more of a man's life, because she is not an appendage of a man, she is not sent to another man's bed by her husband, but chooses who sleeps with her! Her emotions and sexuality are not bound or hijacked by marriage. I also hope that all wives, in terms of emotions, at least sexually, have an unrepressed side, at least like men, with a certain degree of freedom, instead of constantly being demanded of, suppressed, and ignored.

Of course, the premise is still not to destroy the marriage. Although the institution of marriage may disappear, in the presence of children, and when women are not completely economically independent, marriage still provides a guarantee for children and women.

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Does loving your wife mean sending her to another man's bed?

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