Humorous jokes about couples

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-20

1. A man played cards every day and never came home until the middle of the night.
One day, his wife angrily said to him, "I'm warning you, if you keep doing this, I'm bringing men home to sleep!"
"Suit yourself! But I'm also warning you, don't take my card-playing buddies away."
2. A wife suspected her husband of having an affair, so she hired a private investigator to follow him. The investigator finally found out the truth and reported to her, "This afternoon, your husband went to a beauty salon, a fashion store, and a dance hall."
"He must be doing something wrong..." she said.
"No! He's following you," he replied.
3. One day, Little Lishen saw a short man staring intently at a hedgehog curled up in a ball by the roadside.
"What are you studying?" Little Lishen asked curiously.
"I'm thinking that if I transferred the hedgehog's genes into myself, my wife wouldn't dare to bully me anymore," the man said helplessly.
4. In a village, hearing that bandits were about to attack, the villagers hid all the young women in the cellars. A young woman, shivering and looking around, suddenly noticed an elderly woman in her sixties or seventies among them.
She said to the old woman, "Grandma, you didn't need to hide here!" The old woman retorted angrily, "How can you talk like that? There are old bandits too!"
5. A wife brought home a dog and decided to name it after her husband. Faced with his notoriously shrewish wife, the husband dared not speak out, and could only meekly say, "Honey, could you consider that it's not really appropriate to name this little mangy dog after me? It'll cause a lot of mistakes later..."
The shrewish wife said, "No, just pay attention to my tone. When I call the dog, my voice will be very gentle."
6. Wife: Honey, do you remember last December when you said you went carp fishing with Lao Wang?
Husband: Of course I remember... Is there something wrong?
Wife: This afternoon a carp called and said you've become a father...
7. On the morning of the first day of the Lunar New Year, the wife suggested to her husband, "Starting today, let's have a fresh start for the new year and respect each other. I'll change my bad habit of swearing, and you should change your habit of hitting people at the drop of a hat, okay?"
The husband readily agreed, but then added, "From now on, if you swear again, I'll beat you to a pulp!"
The wife roared, "You bastard, I'd like to see if you dare!"
8. At a dance, a lady kept staring at a man not far from her, without blinking.
The man felt a little awkward and decided to go over and ask her. He politely asked her if they had met before.
"We've never met," she replied very politely, "but you look a lot like my third husband."
"Have you been married three times?" he asked.
"No! Only twice," she answered.
9. A man had two wives. When he turned sixty, his hair had turned quite white, so he asked his wives to pluck it out every day. But his first wife hated that he had so few gray hairs, fearing that his second wife would cling to him, so she deliberately plucked out all his black hairs;
his second wife, wanting him to look young, plucked out all her gray hairs. In less than a month, the man became bald.
10. Mr. Wang, through his wife's connections, became the general manager of a company. One day, he and his wife were inspecting a construction site when a worker wearing a hard hat greeted them and jokingly said to his wife, "General Manager's wife, do you remember me? We used to date often!"
Back home, Mr. Wang teased his wife, saying, "Marrying me was a blessing you earned in your past life! Otherwise, you would have been a construction worker's wife, not a general manager's wife."
His wife replied, "Husband! Don't flatter yourself. If I hadn't married you, he would already be the general manager of this company."
11. A man came home one day to find his wife embracing another man in bed. Enraged, he grabbed a pistol and shot his wife dead. Then he ran to the nearby police station and turned himself in.
During the trial, the judge asked him, "Why didn't you shoot her lover, but your wife instead?"
"Killing her only hurts her," the man explained. "If I didn't kill her, I'm afraid I would have to kill many other people every now and then."
12. A white couple had been married for many years and finally had a child. But at birth, the child's skin was black.
The husband complained to his wife, "It's all your fault! Every time we're intimate, you insist on turning off the lights."
13. A beautiful young woman married an old man, and everyone felt sorry for her.
A friend asked her, "Why did you marry such a frail old man?"
She smiled and retorted, "If someone gave you a check for over a million dollars, wouldn't you care about the cash date?"
14. A young boy and girl were talking.
Boy: If I leaned close to you, what would you do?
Girl: I would resist!
Boy: If I reached out and hugged your waist, what would you do?
Girl: Of course I would resist too!
Boy: What would you do if I tried to kiss you forcibly?
Girl: Of course... I would resist!
Boy: If I...
Girl: Are you ever going to stop?! Don't you understand that a woman's strength is ultimately limited?
15. A policeman on patrol at night found a drunk man leaning against a telephone pole crying. Curious, he approached and asked, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The drunk man sobbed, "Oh! Who are you... You've come at the right time! Please... Please help me think of a solution... because my urine... keeps flowing..."
The policeman then investigated. He discovered that the tap next to the telephone pole was not turned off properly.
16. Man 1: "My wife and I are very democratic. If my opinion is the same as hers, she will obey me; if it's different, then I will obey her."
Man 2: "My wife and I are very equal. I manage all the affairs at home, and she manages the dog and me."
Man 3: "Hehe! I'm different. I'm a chauvinist. I'm responsible for all the important matters at home, and she's responsible for the small ones. But thankfully, after so many years of marriage, nothing major has happened in my home!" 17.
A woman's husband died of a serious illness less than three years after their marriage. She was still grieving while dealing with the funeral arrangements.
A man who had always secretly loved her and was still single, upon hearing the news of her husband's death, felt his opportunity had arrived.
One day, he found out her home phone number and quickly dialed: "Hello! This is... Please accept my condolences. By the way, could you consider... whether I could marry you, this..."
The woman angrily said: "Is something weighing down your brain?!"
The man exclaimed in surprise: "Huh! Is this the condition for me to marry you?"
18. The willful and unreasonable eldest sister is finally getting married. The prospective son-in-law went to visit his future in-laws. The bride's father looked at him with concern and said, "After the wedding, you must..."

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/217286.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=217286&aspx=1

Last access time:

Previous Page : Jokes that appeal to all age groups

Next Page : World Cup jokes

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

Humorous jokes about couples

comment Open a new window to view comments