30 Jokes

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30 Jokes:
1. A friend said the easiest way to find out if a woman has a boyfriend before pursuing her is to observe her knees for a while and see if there are any bruises...
2. Two drunkards were urinating by the river.
A: "The water is very cold."
B: "It's also very deep..."
3. A man discovered his wife's infidelity, so he hired a sniper to monitor their bedroom. The sniper asked: "Where do you want to shoot them?" The man said: "Shoot the adulterer's genitals, and my wife is always nagging, so I'll smash her mouth!" The sniper said: "I charge 5000 yuan per bullet." The man readily agreed! The next day, the adulterer arrived. The sniper aimed for half an hour and finally fired a shot! Then he stood up, dusted himself off, and said to the man: "I saved you 5000 yuan."
4. A doctor told a patient about to undergo surgery: "If the surgery fails, it will cause paralysis on your left side!" The patient immediately touched his genitals!! The doctor asked suspiciously, "What are you doing?" The patient replied, "I'm moving it to the right!"
5. I just passed by a primary school computer lab and suddenly noticed a piece of paper pasted on their window that read: "Prevent sparks from flying into the room!"
I thought to myself: This school is pretty sci-fi! Then I thought about it, oh~
6. Student A just got a girlfriend, so the next day he asked for leave saying he had a toothache (actually, he wanted to take her out). Student B sneered, "Does your girlfriend have diabetes?"
Over the weekend, Student B went home for a blind date. Monday morning, Student B called A to ask him to call in sick, saying he had diarrhea…
7. A sign was put up on the lawn in front of the boys' dormitory. A freshman read, "Green grass, afraid of your feet."
An upperclassman said, "Freshman, right? Please pronounce the last character of each sentence in the fourth tone!!!"
8. Why are men smart? Men have two heads!
Why do women love to eat? Women have two mouths!
Why do men and women get married? Men have figured it out, women have come to terms with it!
And why do they divorce? Men have learned their lesson! 9. A male
teacher angrily said to a female student who was sleeping in class: "I'm exhausted up here, and you're not moving at all! Not only are you not cooperating, but you don't even have a reaction. If you don't have anything in your belly in the future, don't blame the teacher for being incompetent!"
10. I had a roommate in college who was witty and humorous. He had the same hobby as most guys: watching porn and related interests. One day, seeing his worried face, I asked him why. He replied, "My plane is delayed..."
11. At noon, I went to deposit money. While queuing, the pretty girl behind me asked, "Are you depositing money?"
I said, "Yes."
She said, "How much?"
I said, "5000 yuan."
Then she said, "I just need to withdraw 5000 yuan. Since you're depositing and I'm withdrawing, why don't you give me the money, and we won't have to queue?"
I thought it made sense, so I gave her the money.
I've always felt something was off...
12. I saw a pair of gloves I liked. The shopkeeper wanted 35 yuan. I said I'd take them for 30 yuan, but he insisted on 35. After several rounds of negotiation, he wouldn't budge. I thought I'd just give up and gave him a 50 yuan note. He quickly gave me 35 yuan in change...
13. A boy arrived at his girlfriend's house and couldn't wait to kiss her! The girlfriend said, "No, I'm on my period!!" The boy was confused: "What does kissing have to do with your period?" So the boy forcefully kissed his girlfriend, and suddenly a woman rushed out of the kitchen, pointing at the boy and yelling, "Why are you bullying my niece?!"
14. An 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. His friend said, "It's really unfair to the girl. You could be her grandfather." The old man was very dissatisfied: "I'm even more unfair. Her grandfather is two years younger than me, but I have to act like a grandson!"
15. Tang Sanzang hadn't seen Bajie for a long time. "Wukong, go see how Bajie is doing lately?" Wukong somersaulted to the Pure Altar Mansion. "Bajie, what's wrong? You haven't visited your master in so long?" "Brother Monkey, are you a pig?! Can't you see there's a huge crowd at my door? With pork prices like this, how dare I go out!"
16. Yideng: Rong'er, tell me, where are you hurt?
Huang Rong: All my bones and muscles are injured, and every place I touch makes a creaking sound...
Yideng: Touching your breasts makes a sound too?
Huang Rong: Yes, they do.
Yideng: I don't believe it, I don't believe it~~~ Unless, let me touch them too~~~
Fisherman, Woodcutter, Farmer, and Scholar: (No wonder Master is so eager to treat her...) Master, what's wrong with Miss Rong?
Yideng: (Whispering) You're so stupid, I actually guessed it as soon as she walked in, tinnitus.
17. The head teacher saw a group of students chatting on the balcony, still discussing intensely:
Student A: "I think it's either B or C."
Student B: "It can't be A anyway."
Student C: "D is also very possible."
The head teacher was very pleased: They're still comparing answers during break time, the kids really love learning!
18. A loser was waiting for a bus at the intersection, but no one stopped for a long time, so he asked the traffic policeman next to him. The traffic police pointed ahead and said: "Go over there, stay away from me, there will be a car soon..."
19. Wang's wife was about to give birth, but Wang couldn't hold back and said to his wife: "Wife... I really want it."
His wife said: "Please, will it kill you to hold back a little longer..." But Wang really couldn't resist, so he pushed his wife onto the bed and forced himself on her.
Halfway through, his wife suddenly shouted: "No, no... I'm going into labor!" So Wang hurriedly took his wife to the hospital. Wang paced nervously outside. When he saw the doctor come out, he quickly went up to ask about the situation.
The doctor said: "Mr. Wang, I have good news and bad news... Which do you want to hear first?" Wang nervously asked: "The good news!" The doctor said: "Your wife gave birth to a daughter, and the delivery went smoothly. Mother and daughter are safe..." Wang breathed a sigh of relief, thinking: "Since mother and daughter are safe, what bad news could there be?" The doctor then said: "...But I'm very sorry... we discovered that your daughter is no longer a virgin."
20. A newlywed couple moved to Xinyi District. Their apartment had windows on both the east and west sides, and they hung their clothes in different spots each day. It was said that if the clothes were hung on the east side, it would rain on the west side, and vice versa. The neighbors were curious, and one day they asked the wife, "How do you know which side will rain?" She replied, "I don't know, I just see which side my husband's penis is facing every morning, and that's where I hang the clothes." The neighbors were even more curious and asked, "What do you do when your husband has an erection?" The wife shyly replied, "If that happens, I immediately mount him."
21. One day, my brother and I went to a restaurant. While we were enjoying our meal, a woman with a flushed face (probably drunk) walked towards us and grabbed my brother, kissing him repeatedly... on the lips... After kissing him, she turned and left. We were immediately stunned. My brother was completely absorbed, constantly saying, "I've found love..." That's not the point, of course. The point is, after the group finished eating, another woman came over... and told us... they were playing Truth or Dare, and the woman who lost chose Dare—she had to choose the ugliest guy in the restaurant to kiss... kiss... kiss... My brother almost fainted on the spot...
22. A beautiful female colleague brought her 5-year-old son to the office. The little guy was very talkative, constantly calling out, "Beautiful lady, beautiful lady!"
I asked him, "Which beautiful lady are you calling?"
"My mom!"
"Is your mom beautiful?" I wanted to tease him.
"My mom is beautiful! She's a beautiful woman, very fair-skinned and gorgeous. Especially her thighs!"
I said, "I don't believe you　 ."
He turned and shouted, "Mom, show your thighs to Uncle, he won't believe you!"
I was so moved I burst into tears.
23. A woman discovered a foreigner, taking advantage of his height and size, was secretly looking at her cleavage and personal information. She angrily shouted, "What are you looking at (come on)! You despicable (baby)!" The foreigner replied with a look of surprise, "OK! OK!"
24. A young man asked an old man, "What's your secret to keeping your wife so obedient?" The old man replied nonchalantly, "It's simple, every time she disobeys, I pull down her pants and spank her!" The young man sighed with a worried expression, "I've tried that method too, but every time I pull down her pants, I stop being angry!"
25. Last night I was on a date with my girlfriend. Suddenly, she gently rubbed my genitals and asked, "Honey, why is this part of you so bulging?" I didn't react immediately. She then touched the same part of her own genitals with her other hand and said, "Why don't I have that?" I laughed and said, "Only men have that." My girlfriend asked curiously, "What is it?" I calmly said, "Oh, you mean this? Two words... Adam's apple!"
26. Have you ever confessed your love? —A witty reply: White gets dirty easily, my watch is black.
27. Weibo launched a new feature called "Blow It." Bored while using the bathroom, I browsed Weibo and decided to try it out. Because the internet was unstable in the bathroom and kept failing, I could only keep blowing and blowing. Just as I was having fun, I heard a voice from next door: "Is it too hot to eat?"
28. Have you guys seen the Ultraman movie? Do you know how much it ruins your childhood? The Ultraman movie, which took me years to kill, was all wiped out in one episode!
29. School leaders were inspecting student dormitories. One student was playing Dota 2, and the school leaders were silently watching him from behind. After playing for a while, the student suddenly felt someone standing behind him. He turned around and found the leader behind him. He was so nervous that he didn't know what to do. The school leader suddenly said, "Watch out for the finishing blow."

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