Hilarious tips on how to deal with scammers, so clever!

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-06

1. On the morning of October 18, 2010, I had just returned from a karaoke session with friends when I suddenly received a text message: "Notification: Your mobile phone has won 280,000 yuan. For details, please contact the Manulife Group Prize Claim Center at 0731-6136368 or log on to [website name omitted] (details omitted)."
Still reeking of alcohol, I replied to the text message: "Get lost! I'm going to teach you a lesson today! 1. I should be the winner. You should call me by my name first, then your mother's phone will automatically start the lottery. Is it some kind of CJ8? 2. Is 280,000 USD, RMB, or Vietnamese Dong? Do you even know what currency is? 3. Is your prize collection center a phone number or a hotel room number? Room 68, 3rd Floor, Building 6, Hotel 613, City 0731? With your little tricks, you dare to try and cheat me?"
Comment: This guy is something else. The scammer claimed he'd met a master.
2. Scammer: Congratulations sir! You've won the second prize of 90,000 yuan!
Me: Oh! Really! Is it really me?! I'm so excited! (Tears welled up in my eyes, and my voice trembled)
Scammer: Yes, it's you! (His voice trembled) But you must first...
Me: (Interrupting the scammer) Wait a minute, can I ask you a question first?
Scammer: You said
Me: I won the second prize. How much is the first prize?
Scammer: Um... the first prize is 150,000.
Me: How about this? (In a tentative tone) I'll hang up first, then you call me back and tell me I won the first prize, making me even more excited?
Comment: I reckon the scammer was already in tears after hearing the last sentence.
3. I've been feeling down because I've never received a scam text message before, which makes me feel discriminated against. Today, I finally received one from someone impersonating a bank to steal my card number! I was so excited; I'd been waiting for this! So, I composed myself and started dialing. The call connected, but I deliberately didn't speak, waiting for the other person to speak first. Sure enough, a Fujian accent came from the other end, and the person confidently identified themselves as being from the ICBC card department, ready to serve me. I was secretly pleased. I said, "Didn't you receive any Mandarin training before starting your jobs?" The other person couldn't answer. I asked again, "This is supposed to be ICBC's service hotline, don't you need Mandarin training?" The other person stammered, "Our boss said no..." I interrupted, "Your boss? Aren't you ICBC? How come you have a boss?" The other person panicked, "No, our company..." I continued, "Company? How did it become a company?" The other person was speechless. I continued, "You gave yourself away the moment you opened your mouth, speaking in a dialect, how can this be a customer service hotline? I hate these kinds of text message scams the most, they have no technical sophistication whatsoever..." The other person completely broke down and hung up on me impatiently, leaving me very unsatisfied...
Comment: Dude, don't worry, there are plenty of scammers out there. You'll have a great time next time.
4. Are you like me, constantly bothered by messages about issuing VAT invoices on your behalf? Emails, text messages, phone calls—I receive so many almost every day! Because of my business, I once considered buying one myself. The scammers always confidently tell you that once the invoice arrives, you can get it certified by the State Taxation Administration before paying. It seems like we won't lose anything this way. The invoice is in our hands, and the money is in our hands, so there seems to be nothing for us to worry about. But I know there's no such thing as a free lunch, and because of my worries, I never actually bought one.
But a friend of mine bought one, and then tragedy struck. My friend, needing funds for business, made a deal with an invoice scammer. He first had it certified by the State Taxation Administration, then paid a small fee (usually much less than the 17% State Taxation Administration fee). My friend received a genuine invoice, which passed the State Taxation Administration's certification. However, when he went to pay the agreed-upon percentage, the scammer demanded 40% and threatened to report him to the State Taxation Administration if he didn't pay, resulting in a fine of three times the invoice amount. Good heavens! My friend was completely fooled. He had invoiced 1 million yuan, and he was owed 400,000 yuan. The consequence of not paying was being exposed for fraudulently issuing VAT invoices, which would result in a 3 million yuan fine. Desperate, my friend tried to report it to the police, but that wouldn't work either, as it would also result in a fine. In desperation, he had no choice but to negotiate with the scammer and finally paid 300,000 yuan to settle the matter.
I knew I couldn't let these scammers get away with it so easily, or at least not so comfortable. I started looking for ways to bring them to justice. I created fake companies, accounts, and tax IDs, then called the scam companies and asked them to send invoices. Now I had the leverage over them. I didn't need to verify anything, and I wasn't afraid of being exposed. On the contrary, haha, if I wanted to expose the scam companies for issuing fake VAT invoices, I wouldn't take their money, I just wanted to report them. Now the scammers were helpless and begged for mercy.
Comment: Haha, why not scam the swindlers too, and make some money?
5. This morning I was at home when I received a harassing text message, and then my phone kept ringing. After a string of vulgarities, the sender said, "You can turn off your phone." After being bothered by him several times, I couldn't take it anymore and turned off my phone. After turning off my phone, my home phone suddenly rang. When I answered, the person on the other end said, "Hello, is this xxx's home?" (xxx is my name). I nodded, and he continued, "xxx was in a car accident, very seriously, and is in the hospital now. They need to prepay for surgery..." I froze for three seconds, realizing it was a scam. I wanted to be angry and amused at the same time, but I held back and deliberately lowered my voice to ask, "Which hospital?" The scammer mentioned a hospital I'd never heard of; I figured even if it existed, it would be in a remote area. I replied, "I'm sorry, this is xxx. Actually, I just came from this hospital, but I saw your dad and mom were in a car accident and taken there. You should go see them quickly."
Comment: That's satisfying! That scammer must be furious.
6. A colleague of mine received a scam text message a few days ago. It notified him that he had spent 3,890 yuan using his Agricultural Bank of China card and asked him to contact the Agricultural Bank of China card issuing center. It also left a phone number in Shanghai.
Hehe, this is my first time receiving it, and I can finally experience it for myself. My colleague's eyes immediately lit up, and he was so excited that he called me right away.
Woman: "Hello, this is the Agricultural Bank of China Card Issuance Center."
My colleague said, "Hi, I received a text message that says..."
Woman: "Please come to No. 108 Donghua Road, Huangpu District."
Colleague: "Is there a Donghua Road in Huangpu District?" (My colleague probably genuinely didn't know.)
Woman: Yes.
Colleague: "Do I really have to go?"
Woman: "For the security of your account..."
Colleague: "But I don't have an Agricultural Bank of China card."
Woman: Hangs up the phone.
My colleague thought it was funny, so he played it a second time, this time lowering his voice and making it much deeper.
Woman: "Hello, this is the Agricultural Bank of China Card Issuance Center."
Colleague: "I received your text message... but I didn't make any purchases."
Woman: "Let me check for you, sir. What is your surname?"
Colleague: My surname is Cao
Woman: "What's your name?"
Colleague: "Call her 'Mom'!"
Woman: Which one?
Friend: "'Ne' without the 'mouth' radical, is the 'ma' in 'mama'. Listen carefully, I'll call you Cao Ni Ma, Cao Ni Ma, did you understand?"
The woman hummed in agreement, seemingly not quite understanding, paused for two seconds, and then hung up.
Comment: This is how you should fuck a scammer!
7. Yesterday I received a call from a stranger with a southern accent who immediately called me by my name! Let's see how I responded.
"Hello, Mr. Li!"
Who are you?
"Your old friend."
Who is it?
"My old friend from Guangdong, oh dear, Mr. Li, you must have a bad memory! You can't even recognize my voice?"
I don't know anyone in Guangdong. I realized he must be a scammer. How awful! I've decided to play him for a fool.
I said, "Oh, you must be Lao Zhang?"
"Yes, yes, yes, see? I told you you have a bad memory; you can't even recognize my voice."
"Sorry, Lao Zhang, I thought someone was joking with me." I said it very seriously.
"Mr. Li, I'm going to Hubei. Please, it'll be my treat..."
Before he could finish speaking, I interrupted, "Old Zhang, how's your mother's cancer?"
The other person paused for a moment, then said, "Oh...the same as always."
"Sigh, there's nothing we can do about this illness. Has your father's car accident case been closed?"
"Oh...that's about it."
"Alright, since everyone's already gone, don't worry too much about whether we get compensation or not."
"kindness"
I asked again, "Has the thug who raped your wife been caught yet?"
"Gotcha! Gotcha!"
I asked again, "Has your son had the surgery to fix his lack of an anus?"
The other party hesitated for 10 seconds without saying a word, then hung up the phone.
Comment: This is amazing! He insulted the scammer's entire family, and most importantly, he did it without using any vulgar language, leaving the scammer completely dumbfounded.
8. I received a scam text message today saying that my China Construction Bank card was used to make a purchase of 9,000 yuan at Tianhe City and that they would deduct money from my account. They provided a phone number for inquiry: 85971106. So, my roommates and I started to investigate.
A: China Construction Bank?
The other party: Yes, how can I help you?
A: I received a text message saying I spent 9000 yuan at Tianhe City.
The other party: Please wait a moment. Yes, we need to verify the information now.
A: Could it be a scam?
The other party: Oh, you misunderstood.
A (interrupting): Then order me some char siu rice.
The other party: What?
A: It's nothing, I just suddenly wanted to eat char siu rice.
The other party is AFK
b: Is this China Construction Bank?
The other party: Yes, this is the China Construction Bank X Center.
b: May I ask where your address is?
The other party: No. xxx, Zhaode Road, Yuexiu District
b: Oh, could you go next door and order me some char siu rice?
(Hangs up)
b played again.
The other party: Hello
b: I just ordered char siu, can I change it to preserved meat rice?
(Hang again)
b continues to fight
b: Where is this place?
The other party: China Construction Bank, X Center.
b: Oh, this is the Consumer Association. Someone complained that you answered the phone but didn't deliver the char siu rice.
The other party collapsed
c: Hello
The other party: Hello, this is the China Construction Bank center. How can I help you?
c: I received a message saying that 9,000 yuan was spent on my China Construction Bank card. I would like to ask what happened.
The other party: Give me your account number, and I can help you check.
c: Oh, will I get points for spending this much?
The other party: Yes
c: Can you keep the promise?
The other party: It can be cashed out. Please give me your account number.
c: Then give me a box of char siu rice as payment.
other side:...
c: Or a double pinyin would work too.
We were laughing so hard when the other player went AFK.
d. Make a phone call.
D said angrily: "What's going on? I ordered char siu rice so long ago and it still hasn't arrived! What the hell is going on?"
The other party: Sorry, you've dialed the wrong number. This is China Construction Bank.
d: How could that be? I call that number all the time, there's no way I'd get the phone number wrong. Aren't you that chubby girl? I recognize your voice.
The other player went AFK, probably going crazy, while we continued to laugh hysterically.
e: Is this the China Construction Bank X Center?
The other party: Yes.
e: Did someone just contact me?
The other person: Who are you?
e: I'm Fatty Girl, the one who delivers char siu rice.
(We think we heard a sound of something falling to the ground.)
We were laughing so hard we almost passed out.
Comment: College students are all talented! It's bad luck for scammers to run into these geniuses.

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Hilarious tips on how to deal with scammers, so clever!

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