Ten Family Jokes

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1. During Singles' Day, I bought my wife a bra online. It was a designer brand, 50% off, but it still cost nearly 200 yuan. It turned out to be a size too small. My wife suggested giving it to her younger sister. Yesterday, at my father-in-law's house, during dinner, the topic of how her sister treats her well while her brother doesn't came up. Her younger sister said, "My sister is so good to me; she even bought me such an expensive bra." My wife, head down, didn't look up and said, "I wouldn't buy it for myself; it was your brother-in-law who bought it for you." The table fell silent.
2. I went with my best friend to buy condoms. She went in, her face flushed, and asked, "Do you have any plastic bags?" The shopkeeper asked, "What size do you need?" My friend stammered, "Big enough to fit a sausage!"
3. French police used over 5,000 rounds of ammunition to kill the mastermind behind the Paris terrorist attacks. When asked by the media why the fighting had lasted so long, a spokesperson replied, "Actually, the first bullet hit its mark, but just to be on the safe side, we decided to keep fighting until we were satisfied..."
4. Mom: My daughter's so old and still doesn't have a boyfriend, it's really worrying. Dad: Don't worry about it. Mom is confused. Dad: Your daughter doesn't shower once a week at home, but she always comes home smelling of shower gel. Looks like she showers a lot outside...
5. A dark-skinned male classmate explained his dark complexion to his girlfriend like this: First, because I'm not superficial; second, I'm secretly protecting you.
6. A girl on QQ changed her signature to: "Road construction ahead, please detour!" I thought for a moment and left her a message saying, "Are you pregnant?" She replied, "How did you know?" Oh my god...
7. "Give me a bed, and I can sleep until the end of the world!" "How about a coffin?!"
8. A classmate bought a wine pot at an antique market. The seller said it was a mid-Qing Dynasty blue and white porcelain. My classmate went home, poured some wine, and had everyone in his family take a few sips to absorb some of the ancient people's magic. Later, he took it to an expert for appraisal, and the expert ultimately determined it was a Republic-era imitation chamber pot...
9. A science and engineering student went to his girlfriend's house to meet her parents. It happened to be raining heavily that day. As soon as he entered, he heard his girlfriend's mother complaining, "Your dad went to buy groceries. He knew it was going to rain, but he didn't bring an umbrella." The science and engineering student grabbed his unfolded umbrella and rushed outside. The girlfriend said, "You've never met my dad, who are you going to deliver the umbrella to?" The engineering student replied, "No problem, I can deduce what your dad looks like just by looking at you and your mom."
10. When encountering unscrupulous sellers online, giving a bad review is actually useless. Instead, try giving a sincere five-star review—"The item is great, 20% off, and they even included a bunch of small gifts, thank you boss!" The seller will then encounter countless buyers demanding discounts and gifts before placing an order.

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