100 Newest Jokes from University BBS in 2005

page views:1 Publication date:2022-06-05

1. The boy said to the girl, "If you're willing, I am!!!" (Did you guess the hidden meaning?)
2. Today I played the role of an "HR" for a day! After watching for a while, I said to the turtles, "Whoever moves first, I'll buy them!" (HR = headhunter)
3. Question: What kind of inflammation does Huahong tablet treat?
Girlfriend: Indirectly treating stomatitis~
4. Question: Harbin has been without water for 4 days. What should I do if I get diarrhea?
Answer: Are you working yet? Then go to your workplace!
Have you gone to school yet? Then go to school!
Do you have any friends? Then let's go to a friend's house!
Do you have any relatives? Then let's go visit them!
Do you have a car? Then let's go haul it in the wilderness!
Are you sick? Then go to the hospital!
Can you swim? Then let's go to the swimming pool!
Do you know how to winter swim? Then go swim in the Songhua River!
If none of the above works, please urinate in your pocket, find a warm place to dry it, and wash your pants four days later!
5. Starting at noon today, the university will be without water for at least four days. To help everyone get through the water shortage period, the following emergency plan is provided:
Brushing your teeth with white vinegar kills bacteria, removes odors, and keeps your breath fresh all day, boosting your confidence.
As for washing your face, no problem. Use milk, which is all-natural, gentle, non-irritating, and can moisturize and soften facial skin. At the same time, senior students can choose from various scents such as apple, strawberry, and fruit and vegetable according to their own preferences. It is best to use yogurt before going to bed, because lactic acid bacteria can effectively remove the dirt accumulated on the face throughout the day.
Soaking your feet in Harbin beer at night can relax bones and moisturize the skin, promote blood circulation and relieve the fatigue of a day of studying.
Shampoo with Red Bull to stimulate hair roots, making every strand of hair excited, energetic, and flowing!
6. Actually, the Olympic mascots should have been designed as "a million soldiers crossing the Yangtze River," with a total of one million mascots, each with a different shape. You'd have to buy all one million at once; losing even one would render them worthless, making a fortune...
7. Miss: Business is tough these days!
Boss: Why?
Miss: Bird flu!!
8. (Tianya Bieyuan Administrator) It's said that anyone who files a complaint against handsome guys Yi Ma (Qingchen) and Yu Ge on the main forum will be dragged out, stripped naked, hung up, and brutally beaten! Their eyes will be gouged out, their hair pulled out, acid poured on their faces, their teeth knocked out, their tongues cut off, and they'll be turned into human stumps, including their breasts! :)
9. No gifts this weekend, only bottled water! The young man confessing his love is no longer holding chocolates and roses, but Wahaha bottled water—you're the only one in my eyes!!
The girl who used to act cute no longer complained about not having roses, but instead complained, "Look at other people's boyfriends, they bring me big bottles of water!!"
Anyone who lacks confidence in front of their girlfriend probably didn't buy water...
10. Roll call at the end of get out of class; if you're absent, you'll lose 50 points on your final exam! When they called one student's name, they somehow skipped him, so he yelled, "Teacher, you missed someone!"
The elderly teacher, well past sixty, looked down and said, "No, there isn't."
11. This water outage in Harbin was exclusively sponsored by Nongfu Spring!
12. A woman, trembling, said to a robber, "I'm from China University of Mining and Technology, I just graduated, I haven't found a job yet, I really have no money..."
Upon hearing this, the robber burst into tears, saying, "Girl, I'm also from China University of Mining and Technology. Keep your student ID safe. The robbers ahead are also from China University of Mining and Technology. Don't worry, we would never rob our own people!"
13. (Harbin Institute of Technology) Me: Rumors say there's going to be an earthquake in Harbin? What will we do if we're in xx then?
Boyfriend: Well, then I can be on top of you and won't have to move myself~~~
14. I hate two types of people the most:
First, it involves racial discrimination;
Second, Black people;
Third, they can't count!
15. While playing CS, I saw a bespectacled terrorist charging straight ahead with a "51" pistol, and a line of text displayed below it—
“woshidangyuan, follow me!!!”
16. Unable to wake up no matter how hard I try.
The teacher said, "That's all for today's lesson..." and I woke up.
17. One of my roommates just learned to play the violin, and the sound was like fingernails scraping the bottom of a pot… The sharp sound assaulted our eardrums, but out of kindness, we tried not to criticize him. One afternoon, while he was playing, the door was suddenly pushed open, and the cleaning lady came in and said sternly, “Who in your dorm is burning prohibited electrical appliances?!”
18. My classmate is getting married, and my senior sister is looking on with envy. To tease her, I said, "Don't be like that? Getting married is easy now. You can do it with your ID card and nine yuan."
The senior student exclaimed in shock: "Doesn't that mean any two people can get married???"
I embellished the story: "Yeah, and premarital checkups aren't mandatory!" My senior colleague exclaimed happily, "Then I can just grab a guy off the street and say, 'Let's get married!'"
Oh my god! Before I could even get up, my senior sister, with the characteristic boldness of a northern girl, said again, "It's just nine yuan~, it's on me!"
I then fell down again.
19. A junior classmate sent a text message to the leader to report on his work: There are 14 party members in our class, 8 of whom are boys.
The leader replied: Aren't there any girls?
20. Question to the cafeteria: What foods are good for keeping warm in cold weather?
A: Eating some cotton will help keep you warm.
21. If replying to posts is a virtue, then I would have become a saint long ago!
22. I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend, but she said I couldn't do it without showering. I agreed that since it was cold, I could shower "partially." After showering, she said shyly, "Honey, you're so lazy, you just used everything to wash..." I fainted when I heard that. I just brushed my teeth! (A very subtle, lame joke)
23. A blind beggar wearing sunglasses was begging on the street. A drunk man came by, felt sorry for him, and threw him a hundred yuan.
After walking for a while, the drunkard turned around and happened to see the blind man examining the 100-yuan note against the sun to determine its authenticity.
The drunkard came over and snatched the money back, saying, "You fucking bastard, you dare to cheat me!"
The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm so sorry. I'm watching this place for a friend. He's blind and went to the toilet. Actually, I'm mute."
"Oh, is that so?" The drunkard threw down the money and staggered away...
24. Jiaotong University GGA: Which do you think is more important for a girl, her voice or her appearance?
Jiaotong University ggb: Hmm~ In our school, I think the voice is more important~
Jiaotong University GGA: Why?
Jiaotong University ggb: Because sound alone isn't the same whether the lights are off or not...
25. It's better for China to have no virgins than for Japan to have no virgins!
26. A male student from Jiaotong University went to the School of Foreign Languages to meet an old classmate. At the entrance, he saw a beautiful girl and unconsciously stared at her. Unexpectedly, the girl noticed and came over to ask, "Handsome, you're from Jiaotong University, right?" The boy was puzzled: How did she know where he was from? He wasn't wearing his school uniform, and there was nothing written on his face. So he asked, "How did you know?" The girl, without turning her head, retorted, "You even look at me? If you're not from Jiaotong University, where are you from?!"
27. My mom called yesterday and said, "Whether your job search goes smoothly or not, don't poke the cat's eye!" (See the "Zhang Liangliang Cat Abuse" incident for details)
28. A couple was studying together. The girl asked the boy, "What does this word mean?" The boy scratched his head, "I just saw it yesterday and I've already forgotten it. Hit me!" The girl hit him and told him the meaning of the word. A few days later, they went to study again, and the girl asked the boy the meaning of that word again. The boy blushed, scratched his head, and said, "Hehe, I forgot. I only remember you hit me!"
29. When I was three years old, I said I wanted to be an emperor when I grew up, and my mother laughed;
When I was thirteen, I said I wanted to be the next Chen Jingrun, and my mother smiled.
When I called home just now, I said, "Mom, actually I'm just the daffodil you've been growing for over twenty years that has never bloomed..."
Through the phone, I could hear my mother sobbing, and my father angrily snatched the phone, yelling, "When did you learn to pretend?!"
30.某重点高校一博士毕业后欣喜若狂！五年了，他总算拿到交叉学科的博士学位，遂准备投身社会主义市场经济大干一番，尽自己所学为国家为人民为党奉献自己尚存的一缕青春。此君来到“人财”交流中心，发现没一个招博士的摊位，遂又跋山涉水翻山越岭，总算找到一家未注明学历的公司。在将自己五年来科研成果一一列举后，他露出得意表情，hr却无甚反应；于是又补充到此成果在二十年后必可造福全人类。hr一听顿时来了精神，“非常好，你来公司吧，二十年后我们再支付你薪水！”
31.早晨六点，一向邋遢、爱睡懒觉的伟哥居然叠起了被子！这时一旁的大刘拍腿惊呼：“完了，要地震了！”看着他一本正经的样子，大家急忙围过来问个究竟，大刘指着伟哥说：“你们没看到‘动物’有反常表现吗？这是地震的前兆呀！！”
32.有两种人得禽流感的几率极大——1.禽兽；2.禽兽不如的人！
33.我觉得一个民族真正强大起来，就应该有海纳百川的气度，我想等到2008年北京奥运会的时候，我们一定会把最好的镜头呈现给全世界的电视观众；从另一个方面说，这个日本导演的表现可能反映了小部分日本人的心态，可能是嫉妒强大的中国女排取得的成绩，果真如此我们就应该在更多的领域创造更多的辉煌成就，让他们嫉妒去吧——央视镜头封杀超女之后，重温韩乔生2003年日本女排世锦赛语录。
34.闹，再闹老子就把你送到校医院！
35.mm肚子疼，发消息给男友，外地的男友对她说：“老婆，你把手机开震动放在肚子上，我不停地打，全当给你揉肚子了……”
36.（天涯开心乐园）我要感谢小泽圆、朝河兰（武藤兰）、长濑爱、美竹凉子、高树玛莉亚、川本舞、憂木瞳、夏木美夕、芹尺直美、白石、工藤葵、小山内真由、岸川美穗、西田友纪、泽井牙衣、藤崎彩花、葉山みづき、井上千尋，松村、yuki、观月雏乃、薫まい、三田愛、柳上友香、松岡理穗、霜月、沖那つばさ、中里愛菜、高木萌美、樱田、夏目衣织、朝仓音梦、芳乃樱、白河小鸟、天拁美春、水越真子、水越萌、胡ノ宫环月城アリス、芙蓉枫、时雨亚沙、プリムラ、カレハ、茜亚、莉可莉斯、水无灯里、蓝华アリス、アリシア、アテナ、近卫七海、仲里ひかり、友坂铃夏、石和多惠、佐仓裕美、凤仙エリス、桔梗雾、荻野可奈、鹭ノ宫纱绫、美咲堇、藤浪朋子、竹内麻巳、ドロス雪儿、シャナ、eureka、姫百合珊瑚、姬百合琉璃、灰原哀、千鸟かなめ、テレサ、来栖川姬子、姬宫千歌音、陵波レイ、ラクス、ルナマリア、四枫院夜一、井上织姬、渡瀨晶、常盤櫻子、菊川蓮、瀬戸準、夏目衣织和泉静香等等这些我知道名字和不知道名字的、曾经出现在我电脑中现在已经被删除或者仍然在电脑中的异国友人：每每夜深人静的时候，是她们陪我渡过了一个又一个孤单的夜晚；在我精神最不济的时候，是她们适时地来安慰我；当我玩cs精疲力尽时，是她们让我体会到通畅的快感；在我状态低迷没有手感时，是她们让我精神为之high起来～
37.刚才女友发短信给我：“我们还是分手吧！”
过一会，我又收到：“对不起，发错了！！”
38.我抱起小男孩，亲他可爱的小嫩脸一下，不料旁边的小女孩很生气：“姐姐，你不可以亲我弟的弟，因为你有口水！妈妈说，口水很脏滴！！”我恍然大悟……（恶心）
39.抵制“日”货，从小jj做起……
40.给我一根南大食堂的油条，我就能撬起地球！
给我一个南大食堂的麻团，我就能做油条的支点！给我一个南大食堂的烧饼，我能砸断你的油条！标枪、铁饼、铅球在这里统统能找到替代品！给我南大所有的早点，我就可以举办2008年北京奥运会！
如果把南大食堂包给我，那么来年我就可以把微软买下来！
如果把微软给我，那么我就拿它换南大食堂！食堂大门一开，烧饼油条地球全tm给我进来！黑，真黑，比黑洞还黑！！
41.（奥运吉祥物揭晓后）北京奥运会新口号为：更多，更丑，更傻！
42.兄弟，你可千万要保重好自己的身体啊！要知道，男人是牛，女人是地，自古以来没有耕坏的地，只有累死的牛；地越耕越熟，牛越耕越老……唉，男人命苦呀！况且你家里自留三分地不耕，偏到俺们矿大来耕仅有的几亩盐碱地……
43.gdp长的像胡子一样快，工资长的和眉毛一样慢！
44.a：哎，你怎么学会抽烟了？
b：我从亚当夏娃偷吃禁果的时候就会了~c：知道亚当夏娃为什么会偷吃禁果吗？ab：不知！
c：因为亚当没有烟！（提示：谐音一个字）
45.最谦虚奖：一般一般全国第三！
最腻心奖：一脸的美人痣！
最有学问奖：阏！！
46.师兄：现在哈尔滨都停水，那你们上厕所怎么办？
师弟：尽量憋着……
师兄：那寝室楼里味不是老大了？
师弟：拿小便冲大便……
师兄：练着练着大家都可以当消防员了……
47.女友：亲爱的，你进来帮我洗澡~男生听得内火中烧，脱了衣服就进了水房。女友大愕：帮我洗枣，你脱衣服干什么！
48.你唱歌绝对不会把狼引来，真的——你只会把狼吓跑！
49.刚才给房东打电话，开口就说：“喂，是楼主嘛？”
50.
-----------------------------------------
刮奖区█████████刮签名，中大奖51.现在地震预测精度确实提高了不少，这次只差两个字：预测在“黑龙江”，结果却在“九江”！
52.（天涯娱乐八卦）
如果你恨一个男人，就把他的女人揍成李宇春，让他无法享受上半身的快乐；
如果你恨一个女人，就把她的男人揍成李宇春，让她无法享受下半身的快乐。
53.影子猪刚被女友抛弃，碰巧在大街上撞见前女友和新欢调情，他越看越气，想羞辱他们一下。于是很有礼貌上前打了个招呼，并很鄙视地对女友新欢说：“我用过的旧货你也不嫌弃！”正当他为自己创意得意的时候，前女友却笑出声道：“外面一寸是旧的，里面全是崭新的！”
54.地摊上，老外问学生二手电视的价格：“howmuch?”
学生：“sixty.”
老外：“twenty?”
学生：“twenty?twentyyearsago!”
55.他的刀是冷的；
他的剑是冷的；
他的心是冷的；
他的血是冷的……
靠，这孙子冻上了！！
56.一mm来办公室问关于email方面的问题。走后，助教叹息道：“如今小孩啊，太没安全意识！走的时候连ie都不关，要是我把她帐号偷了咋办？还问网络安全问题呢……”
忽然助教大叫：“靠，这小骚娘们把我派克笔给顺走啦！！”
57.逮什么吃什么，碰到谁谁倒霉！
58.见到女友准备给师弟介绍的plmm后，偶对女友说：“亲爱的，要不咱俩算了吧，我把你介绍给师弟好吗？”
59.（天涯开心乐园）正所谓平生不识武藤兰，便称色狼也枉然~~
60.（天涯开心乐园）张靓颖说：“崇拜我的歌迷都说——偶的偶像叫颖”
何洁说：“崇拜我的歌迷都说——偶的偶像叫洁”
周笔畅说：“崇拜我的歌迷都说——偶的偶像叫畅”
李宇春说：“你们聊，我先走了！”
61.我问左边的女生：“你作业搞没搞完？”——“我没搞完！”
遂又问右边女生：“你呢？”——“我刚交！”
62.（天涯开心乐园）项羽：虞姬，现在来不及逃了，摆在你面前的只有两条路：第一，自刎；第二，被后面赶来的八十万人马轮jian，你选择吧~
虞姬：大王…我…我选择被八十万人马轮jian！
项羽：啊？虞姬啊，你可要听清楚，是八十万“人马”——不光有人，还有马呐！
虞姬：我自杀！！
63.晚上跟几个兄弟出去喝酒，喝差不多了，我们问旁边一独自喝酒的哥们几点了，他看了眼放在桌子上的台秤（里面没装东西），不耐烦道：“12点整！！”
64.某大学校规极为严厉，夜不归宿将开除！三哥们回来晚了，准备翻墙进来，一兄弟很小心地探头看墙内，见一民工站此，小声问：“有学校保安没？”民工很镇定地做了个“ok”手势。三男生一阵狂喜，翻墙进去，被蹲坑在此的三个学校保安成功抓获！带走前，三男生回头向民工埋怨道“你不是说‘ok’吗？”民工苦涩道：“我不是告诉你们有‘三个’嘛～”
65.小妍是个追求浪漫的狮子座女孩儿，最近却义无反顾地爱上呆板木讷的魔羯座博士。约会几次后，两人感情日渐深厚，但仅仅是吃吃饭、看看电影，没什么特别表示。这次博士送小妍回去路过一家花店，小妍别有用心地走进去，看看这朵，又嗅嗅那朵，博士耐心地跟在身后。
终于，小妍拿起一束红玫瑰，一脸娇艳问道：“好看吗？”
博士老实回答：“好看。”
小妍再次引诱：“真的好看吗？”
博士肯定地点点头，仍无任何行动。
小妍终于忍不住，提示道：“我也觉得挺好看，我真的好喜欢，你可不可以……”
博士十分诚恳地说：“没事，喜欢就多看会儿，我可以等你！”
66.小a实在“饥渴难受”，遂一咬牙，拿奖学金去嫖鸡。
鸡头：“我们这儿有两种服务，一种是带声音的200元，一种是不带声音的100元，你选哪种？”
小a：“我是学生，没那多钱，还是选不带声音的吧～”
小a回来就上百度下载一段声音copy到mp3上，心中暗自高兴：没声音，再好的戏也出不来！用百度，下回老子就能省100元啦！
67.交大校园，修自行车的师傅问二期工地的建筑工人：“小兄弟，你是船建的吧？”
食堂烧锅炉的大叔走过来问：“那您一定是机械的咯？”
电工师傅说：“我知道的，你是动力的！”清洁工阿姨接茬道：“大哥，您电院的吧？”整理自行车的大爷：“咳咳，大侄女，你环境学院的，嗯？”
建筑工人嘿嘿一笑：“大爷，听说你们管院课特少，是真的吗？”
这时候交警叔叔走过来：“唉，我知道我是交通大学的，就是不知道是哪个院！”
68.师兄正在翻译自己的博士论文，足有100多页！
我敬佩至极，问：“这里有多少东西是你自己写的？”
师兄不语，默默地把订论文的两个订书钉给拔了下来……
我更是五体投地，无比惊讶：“你居然写了这么多！！”
不料，师兄把那两个订书钉放到我手里……
69.（大连理工）热烈庆祝我校食堂年末返利促销大行动！
我只得了参与奖——5毛硬币，不过是在菜里找到的！
更多“奖品”，更多“惊喜”，尽在大工食堂！大家赶快参加啊！
70.二手的大学高数课本待出售，九成新，有成绩单为证！
71.“兄弟如手足，女人如衣服”，如此看来，我只是一只赤身裸体的蜈蚣！悲哀之余，又暗自庆幸：还好，我不是一条被剥皮的蛇！
72.一个在美国的哥们回国探亲给亲戚们捎些礼物，嫂子在拆开礼物后说：“这双鞋是我们厂做的！”
73.高中时讲排列组合，分组做题。
老师叫起磊：“你们组多少人？”
磊：“十二个。”
老师：“好，那你算一下，十二个人排队，你不能站在排头和排尾，则有多少种排法？”
磊埋头算：“啊，有十二个人，我不能在排头…是…不能在排尾……”
一会儿，终于糊涂，做错。老师怒，罚磊站。又叫起波：“你们组多少人？”。
波惧，半晌，答：“三个……”
74.深圳大学某寝室，同学a正玩星际，华为招聘人员b走进寝室。
b：同学，你好，我是深圳华为的，这是我公司的介绍，你可以抽出点时间看看吗？
a：没看我正忙着吗！
（b等了一会……）
b：同学，你还看看吧，我们公司待遇不错的～a：我学习不怎么样啊，挂了好几科！
b：没事儿，我们相信你肯定会都通过补考拿到毕业证的～
a：我四级也没过！
b：没事儿，我们相信你一定能通过并顺利毕业的～
为不影响打游戏，无奈签约。
75.由于今年过年不回家，现正式征友，共度春节良宵简称“共度春宵”。
如果征到三个人，我们可以打麻将；
如果征到两个人，我们可以打斗地主；
如果征到一个人，我们可以打泡泡龙；
如果只有我一个人，那只好打-打-打飞机了！：（
ps：女士优先，男士免谈，超女以及拥有超女气质者免谈！
76.寝室几个兄弟一起去黄山玩。有个叫鲫鱼背的地方非常险，从那过去后，老大的腿就吓得不听使唤了，在山上休息一夜也没缓过来。第二天，大家商量凑钱让老大坐两人抬的竹椅子下山，其他人好先走。在那里等竹椅子时，老大觉得过意不去，于是很义气地把大家所有背包都抢了过来，准备到时候挂在椅子上。几小时后，大家到了山下等老大，左等右等不来，等的花儿也谢了太阳都落了才在路上发现一个模糊的小点，等到能看见全身了，发现是老大——只见他全身上下挂满了包，拄着一根锁山竹，缓缓倒下……三天后，老大在医院醒来的第一句话：“那竹椅子…只有上山的…没有下山的……”
77.南大男生极传统又极现代，且有侠气，信奉独立之精神，自由之思想，学贯中西，又不失民族风骨，绝不趋炎附势，随波逐流，大义凛然，又不失诙谐幽默，且尊重女性，对民族之前途命运目光如炬，洞若观火，足以与欧洲文艺复兴时期的人物相媲美。他们大方开朗，又不失稳重，淡泊宁静，又不失鲜明的个性，有责任心和进取心，且多才多艺者居多。毫不夸张地说：南大男生起码是中国男人中的极品，不过据偶长期滴观察，南大男生就是放到世界上去，也是比较有魅力的那种，跟德国男人有一拼！mm们，如果有一天你发现自己喜欢上或是爱上又或是有感觉的男人是南大的，那么偶在此衷心的祝福你，因为你已经找到了开启幸福大门的钥匙！
78.我对上帝说：“让我们的友谊天长地久吧！”
上帝说不行：“我们最多只能做七天朋友。”我说好：“那从星期一到星期天！”
上帝说不行，只能四天！
我说好，“那春天、夏天、秋天、冬天！”上帝说不行，只能三天！
我说好，“昨天、今天、明天！”
上帝说不行，只能两天！
我说好：“白天和黑天！”
上帝说不行，只能一天！
我说好，上帝茫然，问是哪一天。
我说：“是我活着的每一天！！”
上帝昏……
79.分手时，她给了我一个吻，那感觉——就好像新闻联播一样真实……
80.做京酱肉丝，班里一mm看到说：“你这肉丝切得也太粗了吧？都成‘肉棒’了~”偶说偶做的就是肉棒！一会，菜熟，邀mm：“快来尝尝我的‘肉棒’！”mm没发现话里的“深意”，尝了口大喜道：”你的肉棒好好吃呦！”
81.今天去拔牙，回到家本以为老爸会来安慰一下，没想到他却说：“你可以去荷兰发电了~”555……
82.一女生扮纯情问：“你说小孩是从哪儿生出来的呢？”
另一女生不屑道：“靠，这还不简单，哪儿进去就从哪儿出来的呗！！！”（尼加拉瓜大瀑布汗）
83.师姐电脑屏幕上方有个类似新闻滚动条的东西，上面的文字过得非常快。
偶好奇：这是歌词吗？
师姐：是呀！
偶：怎么过得这么快？都没看清！
师姐：周杰伦的！！
84.校长和英语老师一起去法国某中学访问，校长在礼堂讲话，英语老师做翻译。
校长：“各位老师们，同学们！”
英语老师：“ladiesandgentlemen！”
校长：“各位女士们，先生们！”
英语老师！想了下说：“goodmorning！”
校长：“早上好！”
英语老师：……
85.a很兴奋：“nnd，今晚运气真好，上自习周围坐的全是美女……”
兄弟b马上接口道：“哇，那真是好一束鲜花插在了你这堆牛粪上！”
a：“怎么说话呢，是不是想找扁呀？”，b赶忙换口道：“好好好，我错了，是你好一堆牛粪放到了鲜花中可以了吧？”
86.问：王同学在北大食堂的米饭里吃到一只蟑螂为什么却要赔食堂5块钱？
答：因为他吃了食堂特意养的宠物——小强！
87. I ran into a guy at the barbershop. After he sat down, the barber asked if he wanted a shampoo. He hesitated for a moment, then agreed and chose a shampoo. The barber carefully washed his hair twice. Back in his seat, the barber, while drying his hair, asked, "What kind of haircut are you looking for?" This guy stared at himself in the mirror for a long time and said, "I want my head shaved..."
88. (Tianya Happy Paradise) The five Fuwa mascots gathered together chatting. Beibei suggested: Let's give ourselves nicknames, I'll be called "Beiwa"!
Jingjing: Then I'll call myself "Jingwa"!
Huanhuan: I'll call myself "Huanwa"!
Nini: I'll call myself "Niva"!
Yingying jumped up and said, "You guys chat, I have something to do, I'm leaving first..."
In 2058, the five Fuwa mascots gathered together for a chat. Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me and call me "Master Bei"!
Huanhuan: People call me "Master Huan"!
Nini: People call me "Master Nini"!
Yingying: People call me "Master Ying"!
Jingjing jumped up and said, "You guys chat, I have something to do, I'm leaving now..."
89.mm: "Do you think men are doomed after they get married?"
Me: "I don't know, but after you marry me, you can play with eggs~"
The ultimate level of 90.ws (obscenity) is to grow a mimosa plant and touch it for fun. Eventually, the mimosa plant can't bear the humiliation and dies of shame from being touched so much!
91. At night, the two lay in bed discussing life.
Boss: Life is like sperm. If you don't work hard, you will definitely be eliminated. Only by running the fastest will you find a way out!
Second brother: Even if we succeed, we might get knocked out again... From this we can conclude that life depends not only on ability, but also on luck!
92. Finally, the course credits were earned, and the professor asked the students how they felt.
The student said, "Great! I'm going to recommend this course to my ex-girlfriend!"
The teacher was delighted and asked, "Why? Do you think taking my class will help you and her get back together?"
The student gritted his teeth and said, "Forget it! She dumped me back then, and now I'm going to show her what it means to wish you were dead!!"
93. Lu Xun carved the character "早" (early) on the corner of his table, and he was never late again after that.
I carved "I am a genius" on the corner of my desk, and as a result, I was fined twenty yuan by the school!
Zhuge Liang persuaded Liu Bei to visit his thatched cottage three times, but after he came out of seclusion, he became a great general.
My mother came into the room three times this morning to wake me up, but the third time she came with a feather duster!
Newton was sleeping under an apple tree when an apple hit him on the head, leading him to discover the law of universal gravitation.
I was sleeping under a peach tree when a cute caterpillar landed on my face, which made me realize the truth of the saying, "There are bound to be worms under a peach tree!"
Washington chopped down his father's cherry tree, then confessed, and instead of being beaten, he was praised.
I locked my dad in the bathroom and he fell asleep. Three hours later, I went to confess, but he beat me up and then locked me in the bathroom for five hours!
I tried to imitate celebrities, and as a result, I got fined, scolded by my mom, kissed by a caterpillar, and disciplined by my dad...
Later I realized—I am who I am!!!
94. Liu Haiyang from Tsinghua University threw a bear at a cat, Zhang Liangliang from Fudan University abused a cat—can Peking University remain indifferent?!
In order to uphold the school's century-old tradition,
I picked up a fruit knife—
It went straight to my refrigerator.
Take out a pomelo:
Peel and gut it, but don't eat it immediately.
Instead, after appreciating its painful struggle,
Only then did I peel off each petal and put it in my mouth.
Even bananas need to have their clothes torn open and be humiliated first.
Then take a bite.
Apple's situation is even more tragic:
First peel off the skin, then slowly torture him to death, bit by bit!
...
Its cruelty, its perversion,
This is enough to make Tsinghua and Fudan Universities blush with shame, finally upholding the prestige of China's top university!
95. It's said that Zhang Liangliang from Fudan University and Liu Haiyang from Tsinghua University were locked in the same cage. First, Zhang Liangliang gouged out Liu Haiyang's eyes with scissors. Then, Liu Haiyang splashed sulfuric acid on Zhang Liangliang's face and asked, "Does it hurt?" At this moment, Ma Jiajue smashed open the cage door with a hammer and rushed in, immediately giving each of them a good whack, shouting, "I couldn't stand it anymore! These two idiots are real perverts!!"
96. Third brother: I bought two laptops yesterday, come and take a look?
Other roommates: Huh?! That's awesome!!
Third child: One from Princess Pearl, one from F4...
In an instant, all sorts of moves not included in Jin Yong's novels—"The Immortal Points the Way," "The Monkey Steals the Peach," "The Egg-Flicking Skill"—were unleashed on the third brother...
97. A makeup bottle covered in English words fell from upstairs and landed right in my underwear that I had left hanging outside the window. The white liquid inside spilled everywhere. I angrily cursed at the upstairs girl, then brought it inside, soaked my underwear, dried it, and wore it again. Unbeknownst to me, my body began to subtly change… Three years later, we had a reunion with my former dormmates who used to live upstairs. At the dinner table, everyone had to share their most painful memory from university. One of my dormmates said, “Back then, I bought a hair removal cream for 698 yuan—it was imported! I accidentally dropped it from the windowsill, and when I ran downstairs to look for it, someone had already picked it up…” I exclaimed, “Ah—it was you!! Do you know what my most painful thing is—I haven’t been to a public bathhouse for three years!!!” (c_chairman/chai2001)
98. I went to the west cafeteria for lunch. My classmate got a plate of braised beef, the kind that's dark purple and long. I walked past him and asked what he was eating. He said it was beef, but I didn't hear him clearly: "Beef-beef?" Then he threw up...
99. A guy made a sexual advance to his girlfriend, was rejected, and returned home extremely depressed. Just then, they were watching an educational film in their dorm. He glanced at it and said, "Damn it, in my next life I'll be a stud pig! Then you'll have to put up with my attitude even if you come to me!"
100. Only one left. Same as always, let's play a word game that requires a good command of language!

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/216684.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=216684&aspx=1

Last access time:

Previous Page : Six classic jokes

Next Page : Pleasure seekers enter

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

100 Newest Jokes from University BBS in 2005

comment Open a new window to view comments