New skill learned: How to grab a seat on the bus

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1. Years later, Haruki Murakami, still without an award, had long since regarded fame and fortune as fleeting. Alone in Hokkaido, he contemplated life, quietly enjoying his twilight years. Walking slowly along the beach, facing the direction of Sweden across the sea, Murakami recalled many past events. He stopped, lost in thought, and softly sang: "There, the lake is always clear, there, the air is filled with tranquility; the snow-white moon shines on the earth, hiding memories I don't want to recall..."
2. When you're lying in bed alone, unable to sleep, take a moment to think about this: in unseen corners of your home, thousands of cockroach eggs are hatching. After the lights are off, cockroaches, spiders, centipedes, and flies keep you company in the darkness; sometimes they'll even playfully crawl onto your face, burrow into your ears or mouth, and nuzzle you affectionately. Tens of thousands of mites also embrace you in your blankets, providing warmth. So, you are never truly alone. Cheer up!
3. Thoughts on going out: Twin dolls are fun, but first and foremost, they have to be cute; otherwise, it's heartbreaking.
4. The other day I accidentally stepped on my cat's tail, and as compensation, I gave her a can of fish food. For the past few days, she's been circling around my feet every day. If I even slightly step on the tip of her tail, she screams and jumps around, then runs to the food shelf and sits there quietly… This kind of blatant extortion is unforgivable, especially since I know she'll give up if I don't give her the food for three days.
5. On the bus, two girls in front of me were talking about Haruki Murakami not winning the Nobel Prize. One girl said, "Those old geezers are all just jealous!" The other girl said, "I really want to hug him and wipe his tears." Someone else said they hoped Mo Yan could defend his title.
6. True Story: A middle-aged man in the company's technical department married a 19-year-old beauty from the workshop. After she gave birth, he took a liking to his 15-year-old sister-in-law. He drugged her and attempted to rape her, but failed. His wife wanted a divorce to settle the matter privately, on the condition that she receive one of his three apartments. His mother-in-law objected and accused her of extortion. The daughter-in-law then exposed the affair, and the man was arrested for attempted rape; he probably won't be out for a while…
7. You hate unruly kids, you hate square dancing. Actually, you're just standing at the most glorious age of your lives, hating the age you've already passed through and will eventually enter—the age of greatest vulnerability and helplessness.
8. How to snag a seat on a bus: 1. Find someone who's asleep; 2. Gently wake them up; 3. Tell them it's time to get off. Hmm, I'm wondering which bastard told me to get off.
9. Zhu Muxiao, the director of the clinic at the Flying Bird Blanket Factory, came from a family of doctors. His family had inherited the 64-step traditional Chinese medicine technique, which had helped countless people. The old gentleman was particularly skilled at treating colds and flu; after just one dose of herbal medicine, patients immediately felt much better, their breathing easier and their internal organs warmer. Technician Yang Jisi, always eager to learn, sought to understand the principles behind this medicine. Zhu Muxiao, appreciating Jisi's earnest nature, was willing to teach him, saying: "The principles aren't complicated. You know, the main component of traditional Chinese medicine is hot water."
10. [New skill acquired√] I just came back from the second-floor service hall. A couple was arguing. I heard the man coldly say, "...I'm not good enough for you? What a joke! Look at yourself, huge face and baby breasts..." I didn't react for a moment.
11. The fruit stall lady pulled me aside and asked me to buy some summer fruits. After I bought them, I found that they were indeed leftover fruits.
12. There are so many perverts on buses these days. Yesterday I spotted a man wearing high heels and stockings. It took me ages to notice him.

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New skill learned: How to grab a seat on the bus

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