Getting drunk

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Pregnancy? Those two words were even more jarring than "anal sex." I initially thought Xiaoying and her father had crossed

the line into anal sex, but after reading her diary, I realized it hadn't happened at all. The possibility of pregnancy, however, brought me

immense pain and anguish. Forty days late for my period—was I really pregnant? I'd always trusted

IUDs , but could they really be 100% effective? If I had to

choose between pregnancy and anal sex, I'd choose anal sex .

My breathing became increasingly rapid, as if I were about to suffer from asthma and oxygen deprivation. I clutched my chest, feeling a chill run

through my body , as if all my body heat had vanished. I had never felt such fear before.

I tried to control my emotions, desperately trying. I kept telling myself: it's not

certain yet, I must stay calm. At least I need to know if IUDs are 100% effective.

I regulated my breathing, constantly reassuring myself that there was still hope, that it might all be a false alarm

. After closing Xiaoying's diary, I opened a webpage with trembling hands and began researching

IUDs . My heart was filled with prayer; the contraceptive failure was my last lifeline. Please, no accidents

! But reality dealt me a heavy blow. I discovered that even with an IUD, there were precedents of

contraceptive failure and pregnancy.

It turned out pregnancy was indeed possible. My feelings at that moment were indescribable. My last glimmer of hope had vanished.

The agitation and pain I felt were more intense than ever before, except for the time my mother passed away.

I gripped the computer monitor tightly with both hands, afraid I would

collapse to the ground if I didn't. I wanted to dig my fingers into the screen. The monitor

creaked and groaned under my weight, as if I might crush it at any moment.

Holding onto the monitor, as if it were my only support, my head drooped limply. I

took deep breaths, feeling sweat pouring down my face, as if I were about to faint. And

yet did everything in my power to stay conscious and balanced.

The father and Xiaoying will gradually sever their ambiguous relationship, and everything will return to normal.

But if Xiaoying is really pregnant, will things still go back to the way they were? If Xiaoying is really pregnant, whose

child is it? Mine? Or the father's?

Both are possible. I'm young, and my sperm motility is definitely higher than my father's. In terms of the probability of pregnancy, the child is

more likely to be mine than the father's. But from another perspective, the father's ejaculation volume is much larger than mine.

Thinking about the image of his thick, white semen flowing from Xiaoying's vagina, it seems that

the number is greater than mine. I think this alone is enough to offset the difference in sperm motility.

Moreover, the father's penis is much longer than mine, making it easier to penetrate Xiaoying's cervix and ejaculate

deep into her uterus. Comparing these two points, barring any unforeseen circumstances, the child is most likely to be the father's.

Overall, it seems that the father has a higher chance of conceiving Xiaoying than I do.

Before Xiaoying and her father had their affair, we had specifically discussed having a second child. Her father had also

suggested it, given the new two-child policy. We already had a son, and Xiaoying always

wanted a daughter. With a son and a daughter, we would truly have a complete family.

If the second child was also a son, we could easily support two sons financially.

However, our initial discussion was disrupted by our busy work schedules, and we never truly discussed

it again. Now, this wish might unintentionally come true, but unexpectedly, it will be within this complex

family dynamic.

What if Xiaoying is really pregnant this time? Can we keep the child? If Xiaoying is really pregnant, is the little life growing

inside my child, my child, or my sister?

I sat at my desk, feeling sweat trickling down my face. I looked at

the photo of Xiaoying and me on my desk—a photo from our university days. We looked so young and innocent in the photo,

so happy back then. Looking at the photo, was I seeking some solace?

Seeing only made me more miserable.

I didn't know what to do. I turned on the home security camera and saw Xiaoying still lying on our

wedding bed. She was lying on her back. Her face looked much more haggard; the past two days had been mentally

exhausting . Her once smooth hair now seemed to have lost its luster and looked somewhat disheveled. I

might be following in her footsteps, perhaps even worse off.

My gaze followed the camera to her abdomen. Her abdomen was still the same as before,

surrounded by a slender waist, and her lower abdomen was still so flat. I wished I had

superhuman eyes to see through Xiaoying's belly and see if a life was growing beneath that flat stomach.

If Xiaoying was really pregnant, and if nothing was done, that flat stomach would grow bigger

and bigger, eventually giving birth to a new life

. Reading Xiaoying's diary almost made me collapse. I regretted reading it; perhaps

it could have eased some of my inner pain. I have to say, this problem struck me like a

bolt from the blue, leaving me completely at a loss. Right now, I feel like I've smoked too much—my whole body is numb and tight, as if

most of my pleasure has vanished. I'm mentally disoriented, unable to find any real thoughts in my mind.

Why , why did my life, which was just beginning to settle down, have to be thrown into turmoil again? God, are you really punishing me

? Punishing my reckless thoughts and actions back then? Now you're making me reap what I sowed.

No wonder these past few days, when Xiaoying was sad and upset, her expression seemed to carry something else.

At first, I felt something was strange, but I didn't know why; I could only think it was my imagination. Now I think...

Get up, there's another reason for all this. Thinking of Xiaoying's submissive behavior these past few days, even her unintentional

, subtle kneeling, the pressure she's been under these past two days is probably greater than mine. She must be feeling incredibly helpless

and desperate right now, just enduring it all with unwavering strength. Even with the last glimmer of hope, she won't give up on our

relationship or our family. But is this the reason I should accept this?

If Xiaoying is really pregnant, should we keep the child, since we don't know who the

father is? Tolerating Xiaoying's relationship with my father is already my bottom line; can I also tolerate Xiaoying having

his child? To let my beloved wife give me another child, or even a sister? Those addicted to NTR might

agree with this, even be more excited, but I still retain a sliver of reason. This

question throbs with resistance within me; I simply cannot accept it.

Calm down, I must calm down. My hands trembled as I released the computer monitor. My lips trembled,

my whole body trembled, even the computer chair trembled with my body, making a scraping sound against the floor.

After a brief moment of calm, I gradually managed to regain my composure. I dragged my weary body

to the floor-to-ceiling window in my office. I wasn't actually tired, but my whole body felt weak.

I slowly reached the window, drew back the curtains, and

stood I lit a cigarette. There was no alcohol, only cigarettes could offer a temporary

, though faint, numbing sensation. The cigarette burned slowly, the smoke swirling before my eyes, making

my thoughts even more hazy. I tried to savor the comfort and pleasure the nicotine brought, a

moment of relief for my body. I inhaled each puff deeply, the nicotine instantly

coursing through my body, gradually calming me down.

I forced myself to think rationally; I couldn't lose my composure and let impulsive emotions control

me. Relying on the nicotine and my relatively strong resilience, I began to think, from an outsider's perspective,

imagining myself as an outsider, not Xiaoying's husband. The final decision on this matter rests with Xiaoying herself—

when she confirms whether she's pregnant and decides whether to keep the child. If her

decision differs from mine, then I'll consider other options.

Xiaoying doesn't want to confront the situation, and neither do I. If we confront it, our relationship will definitely be

damaged . Even if we forgive each other after the confrontation, can we ever go back to the way things were? Therefore, knowing

this, I have no intention of confronting her.

What should I do if Xiaoying gets pregnant? How should I treat her? First, if I

still love Xiaoying and want this family, I must change my attitude towards her starting tomorrow.

After all, I know the pressure Xiaoying is under. If I continue to put pressure on her, what if she suddenly has a mental

breakdown and does something foolish? I would truly regret it. Although I've been angry these past two days, I

can't lose Xiaoying. I can't imagine what I would be like without her. Hao Hao and

Xiao Ying have always been my motivation for living and working hard. Losing half of that motivation makes the rest of my

life unimaginable.

After all, Xiao Ying is a woman, and her resilience is somewhat weaker than a man's. What if she gets stuck in a rut and

can't think straight? I'll lose my wife, and my son will lose his mother. Will this family still be a complete family? These past two days,

my "shock and awe" approach has had some effect. In the next few days, I should use love and understanding to

influence Xiao Ying, letting her know what "losing and then regaining" means, so she can truly appreciate my kindness and how important

this family is to her.

I'll take it one step at a time. After all, whether Xiao Ying is really pregnant or it's a false alarm is still uncertain.

It's too early to make a decision. In short, I can't lose my composure right now. Even if something unexpected happens, I

must ensure things develop in the right direction. I can't afford to make a wrong move, or I might "

lose everything."

Perhaps I was tired of standing, because I slumped down on the wicker chair by the window. It seemed staying

at the company tonight was the right decision; it allowed me some peace and quiet. Not seeing Xiaoying, not seeing my father,

I, who usually loved crowds and was outgoing, was now enjoying this solitude. Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my finger. I turned to

look that the cigarette butt had burned to the very end, reaching the filter and searing my finger.

Had I become so slow to react? Had it taken me so long to feel the pain from the ash? I stubbed out

the cigarette, lit another, and smoked one before lighting another. No alcohol tonight, so I'd use cigarettes instead, letting myself drown my sorrows

in alcohol

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