How can young men and women who are separated for a long time resolve their sexual problems?

page views:1 Publication date:2023-04-27

The world is entering an era of high rates of couples living apart. In the United States, at least 3.5 million people are involuntarily separated from their spouses; in Germany, 12% of married couples live apart; in China, the number of "end-of-month couples" and "end-of-quarter couples" is increasing in cities like Beijing and Shanghai… To help couples living apart better maintain their relationship and sex life, we interviewed Li Huili, a marriage and relationship expert and a national level-two psychological counselor, and, based on the latest international experience, summarized "four dos and four don'ts" for separated couples.
Regarding emotional connection:
Learn to communicate skillfully. Communication is the most crucial factor in maintaining a healthy marital relationship. The more honest both parties are, the easier and more effective the communication will be. In fact, living apart can also improve one's communication skills.
Maintain daily contact through various means. With advancements in technology, living apart from your spouse is much easier today than it was 30 years ago. The couple should try to contact each other daily, ideally via video call. Occasionally, they can even write a long letter to express their feelings. Knowing that someone is always thinking of you will make a big difference.
Don't be unrealistic. When living apart, it's normal to feel jealous of other couples who are spending time together, and it's not always good to have unrealistic fantasies about your partner. In this situation, don't get angry or bottle it up; instead, communicate with your partner.
Don't always be filled with worry. Don't always think about the negative effects of "living apart". It actually has a positive side, such as having more time and space, being able to be alone, and also spending time with friends.
Regarding sex life:
Regularly meeting and having sex is essential. Sexual intimacy is a significant issue for separated couples. If they can meet every one or two months, they can adopt a "deposit-and-accumulate" approach, allowing their sexual energy to build up before having one or two high-quality sexual encounters. At these times, both partners often experience greater sexual pleasure than usual.
Learn to masturbate. For couples who can only see each other every six months or even longer, they can first satisfy their sexual desires by practicing masturbation, or they can try using sex toys.
Avoid actively seeking sexual stimulation. During periods when family reunions are difficult, sexual stimulation should be reduced. Visual and auditory stimuli can significantly increase sexual tension in the short term, especially in men. Reducing opportunities for sexual arousal will help maintain a moderate level of libido.
Don't complain about your sex life. Separation is a challenge to the sexual needs of both partners. Don't complain about your partner. Couples can also satisfy their sexual needs by calling or texting each other regularly and reminiscing about the good times they had together.

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