22 short jokes

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-16

1. Here's a watermelon for you. When you're in a bad mood, you can use a small knife to cut and slice it. You can also vent your frustration by grabbing a big knife and shouting: "I'm killing the watermelon! I'm killing the watermelon! I'm killing the watermelon!"
2. A young man was learning to ride a bicycle and, not quite sure how, went out onto the street. He saw an old man walking ahead and, feeling he was about to crash, yelled, "Don't move! Don't move!" The old man immediately stopped, but the man swerved around and still crashed into him. The old man stood up and said, "Were you aiming?"
3. Tomorrow is Singles' Day. On behalf of the Central Committee of the Singles' Association, the Chinese Singles' Federation, and the International Singles' Association, I extend my festive greetings and highest respect to all the single comrades fighting on the front lines of singlehood! (If you're already a nunchaku—just ignore this.)
4. On a crowded bus, a man and a woman collided. The woman turned around and glared at him, saying, "Are you sick?" The man, bewildered, replied, "Do you have medicine?" People on the bus chuckled. The woman, annoyed, retorted, "Are you mentally ill?" The man coldly replied, "Can you cure me?"
5. Xiao Zhao, 18 years old, is a high school freshman. His only flaw is that he looks too old. Once, on his way to school on the bus, a man in his thirties sitting next to him struck up a conversation, asking, "Brother, where are you going?"
Xiao Zhao, used to this treatment, calmly replied, "No. 3 Middle School." The man said, "Oh, going to see your child? School is tough for kids these days." Zhao's face twitched, but he held back and
said nothing. Unexpectedly, the man continued, "Brother, what grade is your child in?" Zhao didn't want to continue the conversation, but out of politeness, he said, "First year of high school." The man exclaimed in surprise, "Brother, you got married quite late..."
6. A shy boy finally mustered the courage to ask his beloved girl: "What kind of boy do you like?" The girl said: "Someone I click with." The boy asked again, and got the same answer. He could only sadly say: "Can't someone with a flatter head do it?"
7. A boy was taking a walk with his girlfriend. They passed a restaurant. The girlfriend exclaimed: "It smells so good!" The boy, who was short of money, said very gentlemanly: "If you like, let's walk past the restaurant again..."
8. A man was riding a bus when a pretty girl kept looking at him. He thought: "She might be interested in me," and felt secretly pleased. When the girl got off at her stop, the man immediately followed. The girl walked ahead, occasionally looking back. He mustered his courage and ran up to her, not without humor, and said: "Miss, why do you keep looking at me? Is there a grain of rice on my face?" The girl glared at him: "Are you sick?! You know it and you don't even wipe it off..."
9. A woman tried to buy breakfast with counterfeit money. The vendor got angry: "Sister, it's one thing to give me counterfeit money, but at least it's printed! This bill of yours is drawn! Even if it's drawn, you could at least draw a five-yuan or ten-yuan note, but you drew a seven-yuan note...!"
10. Have you eaten yet? You should have eaten by now. If not, don't look at this.
A farmer was carrying two loads of manure along the ridge of a field. Someone walked up to him and asked: "Grandpa, how much is this sauce per pound?" The farmer didn't answer. The person dipped their finger in the sauce, tasted it, and thought: "If you don't tell me how much it costs per pound, I won't tell you your sauce is rotten...
I guess after all that talk about eating it, you'll start
thinking about it every time you eat... If that's the case, by the way, I just want to remember that I didn't mean to
say that." 11. A wolf cub was a vegetarian from birth. The wolf parents racked their brains to train the cub to hunt. Finally, one day, the wolf parents happily saw their son chasing a rabbit. The cub caught the rabbit, his fierce face revealed, and
he said menacingly: "Hey kid! Hand over the carrot!" 12. Dentist (examining a patient's mouth): "You have a big hole in your tooth! A big hole." Patient (unhappily): "Yes, there is a hole, but you didn't have to say it twice." Dentist: "I only said it once. It was an echo, an echo."
13. Letters and numbers got into a fight. The numbers 1 and 3 formed the letter 'b' and infiltrated the enemy. Not long after, 1 and 3 returned with bruises and swelling. Everyone asked them how they got like that. 1 and 3 answered crying: Except for the first letter, 'a', which is capitalized, all the others are lowercase...
14. A man was lying across four seats in the front row of the theater. The hostess told him, "Sir, one person can only sit in one seat." He just grunted and didn't move. The hostess called the theater manager, who politely said, "Sir, please sit down. One person can only sit in one seat." He still just grunted and didn't move. The manager then called the police. The policeman said, "Brother, you're pretty arrogant! What gang are you from?" The man grunted and said, "...I fell down from the aisle upstairs..."
15. A TV news anchor was reporting the news... Just then, a note was handed to him. He picked it up and habitually said, "This is the news our station just received..." Then he opened the note and read: "Buddy, there's still a spinach leaf in your front tooth..."
16. A man was riding his bike down the street. He passed an intersection and let go of the handlebars. A traffic cop saw him and exclaimed: "Good hand!" The man happily waved and replied: "Comrades, you've worked hard!
" 17. Grandpa said to his grandson: "Jin Yong's works can be connected to form a couplet." Grandson: "Isn't it just 'Flying Snow Shoots the White Deer, Smiling Proud Wanderer, Divine Hero, and Jade Couple'?" The grandson said disdainfully, "J.K. Rowling's seven books can also be connected to form a sentence: Hahahahahahaha..."
18. Do you have a TV over there? Hurry up and watch CCTV-1! Zhao Benshan was bombed to death, the police have sealed off the Northeast, 19 people died, 11 are missing, and 1 person was fooled!
19. On a dark and windy night, on the longest and most terrifying road, a taxi driver drove by, and a woman flagged him down. The journey was very quiet until the woman spoke. She said to the driver, "Here's an apple for you, it's delicious..." The driver thought it was great and took it, then ate a bite. The woman asked, "Is it good?" The driver said, "Yes, it's delicious!" The woman added, "I remember I loved eating apples when I was alive..." The driver's hair stood on end, and he ate the apple core! The woman slowly leaned forward and said to the driver, "But I don't like them anymore after I gave birth..."
20. The pastor told the farmer who bought his horse and carriage, "This horse only understands church language. Say 'Thank God,' and it will run; say 'Praise God,' and it will stop." The farmer was skeptical, but he tried shouting "
Thank God," and the horse immediately galloped off, faster and faster. Only when it reached the edge of a cliff did the terrified farmer remember the command to stop it: "Praise God." Sure enough, the horse stopped. The farmer, having narrowly escaped death, breathed
a sigh of relief: "Thank God..."
21. During Gorbachev's visit to the United States, Reagan invited him to experience America's latest high-tech product—a fully automatic, ultra-comfortable toilet. After using it, Gorbachev was deeply impressed and secretly resolved: We must develop one too. Upon returning home, he
demanded that a research department complete the development before Reagan's return visit.
The first thing Reagan did upon arriving in the Soviet Union was to gleefully try out their toilets, only to discover something even more advanced, complete with a lifelike human hand. Reagan kept trying, hoping to find some flaws. Then, on
the eighth try, a human head suddenly popped out from under the toilet: "Are you done yet?! I've wiped you so many times already!"
22. A polar bear mother and cub were playing when they suddenly saw a panda traveling in the Arctic.
Son: Mom, that bear is so handsome! It's black and white, a spotted bear, right?
Mother: He's your distant cousin. He went to China to work that year. Why did he have to go and mine
coal ? He still has those black stripes on his coat!
Son: Look how cool his sunglasses are!

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22 short jokes

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