A Collection of Witty Sayings in College Entrance Examination Essays

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With their eloquent pens, the candidates roamed freely between history and reality. Their bold imaginations and humorous writing transformed the dry and dull world of history and reality into something incredibly fascinating. Our candidates truly deserve to be called history creators! Below are some of the witty remarks I have excerpted, which I now present verbatim for the enjoyment of readers.
1. In the past, such heroes appeared like bamboo shoots after a spring rain in our textbooks, such as Dong Cunrui who blew up a pillbox, and Huang Jiguang who jumped into an icy lake to save people in the bitter cold of winter. "Why didn't Huang Jiguang block the gun emplacement? Why did he run into the icy lake to show off?"
2. Li Yu is singing: "Unable to bear the weight of so much sorrow, it flows eastward like a river of spring water." "Wasn't this sung by Li Qingzhao and Li Yu together?"
3. If General Montgomery had not reflected on his defeats and continued to strive, how could he have decisively defeated Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo? "Napoleon versus Montgomery, it's like Guan Yu fighting Qin Qiong."
4. Looking at the gloomy sky above... "There are heavens beyond heavens!"
5. Yue Fei chose to serve his country with utmost loyalty, even unto death. He fought countless battles throughout his life, so much so that the Xiongnu soldiers trembled at the mere mention of his name. "The moon of Han, the pass of Song."
6. Mencius, from the Warring States period, explained the key to making choices to us more than 3,000 years ago. "Mencius was truly a sage. He lived more than 2,000 years ago and was able to instruct people from more than 3,000 years ago."
Seven mountaineers made a heartfelt choice during a blizzard, saving a person on the verge of death. "A miracle worker brought back to life!"
8. In modern Chinese history, the high-ranking cadres who were massacred by the Kuomintang... "Were the high-ranking cadres of the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom massacred by the Kuomintang?"
In the examination room, every candidate must answer the questions after receiving the exam paper, including many multiple-choice questions… But no matter how tense the atmosphere is or how much pressure you are under, you must make a choice, like making a life-or-death decision. You will make a choice based on your own conscience. “An inhumane exam!”
10 Just then, a car with the license plate "Stroke" (or similar) hit the husband. "Stroke"? Wasn't that Bin Laden driving?
11. Those who can adapt to food are the best; survival of the fittest. "Good teeth, good appetite, and excellent health! Being picky about food is not the way to maintain good health."
12. A hunter is chasing a Tibetan antelope in the forest. The plump, clumsy antelope has been desperately trying to escape, circling the forest countless times. "Desperately trying to escape? Does the Tibetan antelope want to live or die?"
13. What comes into view is a checkered bed sheet, white walls, and a medicine bottle dripping slowly down. "Is the medicine bottle made of asphalt?"
14. Unfortunately, the weather turned against him, and he developed uremia at a young age. "No wonder there have been continuous floods in the south; it turns out the heavens are suffering from uremia."
15 One day, the mother returned home from the hospital, overjoyed to learn that her son, who was suffering from uremia, could regain his sight through a kidney transplant. "Are you blind? Go get a kidney transplant!"
16. With a "screech," I slammed on the brakes, but I still knocked the old lady to the ground and sent her flying, her basket of eggs bobbing in the wind. "What beautiful eggs!"
17. Anyone who has seen "Life and Death Choice" will be deeply moved by its gripping scenes. As a Communist Party member, Li Ka-shing resolutely made a "life-or-death choice" to protect national interests and maintain his loyalty. "Red Capitalist—Li Ka-shing!"
18. Qu Yuan, exiled, never forgot his duty to serve his country, but ultimately, finding no way to do so, he kissed himself at the Wujiang River. "Even now, I think of Xiang Yu, who refused to cross the river to the east!"
19. Faced with a stranger who was about to freeze to death, the mountaineer abandoned his plan to leave alone. "Were you masked today?"
20. If you are facing a beautiful woman, please don't choose her, because behind her lies a terrifying beast. "Profound!"
21. Everything became clear. I understood. The root of Mom's illness lay in environmental destruction… Without our indiscriminate dumping of waste, would Mom's eyes have become blurry and bloodshot? Without our destruction of vegetation, would Mom's face have become wrinkled from sun exposure and wind erosion? Without our deforestation, would the oxygen produced by photosynthesis in the forests have decreased? Would Mom experience difficulty breathing, palpitations, and shortness of breath? …“Child, don't blame yourself. You don't have to bear all the problems alone!”
22. Let love fill our hearts; it will make us call the old beggar "Grandpa." "What a polite child!"
23 Deng Jiaxian's "Oedipus complex" that led him to return to China despite numerous hardships... "A successor of Freud!"
When the massive earthquake struck... the sky darkened, sandstorms raged, chickens and dogs barked, chaos reigned. "My head is spinning!"
My brother-in-law is very fond of me and often buys me gifts. At this moment, he changed the subject and said to my father, "Father-in-law, about this project..." "I don't understand it. Have you figured out the relationships involved?"
26 PLA soldiers...fighting the flood, they often start work as soon as the dike breaches. "Are the PLA soldiers just a construction team under a contractor?"
27 Suddenly, a motorcycle came hurtling towards us. There was no one on it, and the driver was desperately pulling on. I threw my friend aside, rushed over, and turned off the accelerator. The motorcycle stopped immediately. "A race against time!"
Her 28-year-old mother, pale and thin, looked like a five-year-old even though she was in her thirties. "Good things come in small packages!"
29. Heartbreakingly, on a cold winter night, her father was involved in a car accident on his way home from the construction site and soon passed away. "Wake him up!"
30. "Traitors" were those who brought shame upon the Chinese people and completely lost their dignity during the Anti-Japanese War. But now, some "new-era traitors" have emerged—waitresses who disregard their own dignity and the dignity of their nation in order to solicit tips from foreigners. "Oh, so many enemies are hiding among us!"
Morning of 312060, Taiyuan Jiuquan Space Device Launch Base. "Was it built by Yama, the King of Hell?"
32. Looking back now, I realize that the overall quality of people in our country is too low. I'm not saying our country is bad, but this is a shortcoming in some areas, and it sets a precedent for our citizens. "What exactly are you talking about?"
33. A patient has a bone marrow problem, but no suitable donor has been found. "Keep searching. Send police to guard the train station, dock, and intersection until a suitable donor is found."
34. (Falun Gong) has committed inhumane acts such as besieging the Southeast Sea, killing his mother, and murdering his wife. "Falun Gong didn't deploy an aircraft carrier, did it?"
35. A dejected young man walked alone on the cold street. "Poor child!"
36 Suddenly, the bus stopped, and three young men with shady looks got on... At this moment, the train conductor also issued a warning: "Watch out for pickpockets..." "I wonder if the author was on a train or a bus!"
37. I remember Mr. Lu Xun once said something like this: "Walk your own path and let others talk." "Don't frame me, Dante will have something to say!"
38. He went to school and worked during the day to earn money, and at night he would secretly read books in the sunlight… Eventually, he became the founder of Russian literature—Maxim Gorky. "I wonder if the night sun is too hot?"
Have you forgotten the Nanjing Massacre perpetrated by the Japanese? Three million Nanjing compatriots perished under Japanese bayonets. "Be careful, the Japanese might protest: 'We didn't kill that many!'"
40. The overall quality of Chinese people is declining, and the culprit is the one-child policy. "Excellent! Report to the State Council: abolish the 'one-child policy' as a fundamental national policy!"
On the 41st, he and I went swimming in the "Qin River," a place we frequented... I got stuck on seaweed. "Seaweed has grown into the inland river, causing an ecological imbalance."
42. As the ancients said, "A small gift can yield a great reward." "I don't understand!"
43. Throughout history, the images of Beethoven, who remained steadfast in his dedication to art; Dong Cunrui, who sacrificed himself to blow up a pillbox; Deng Xiaoping, who devoted himself to modernization; and Kong Fansen, who dedicated himself to scientific endeavors, come to mind, and my heart begins to ache. "Wasn't Kong Fansen sacrificing himself while researching the atomic bomb?"
44. During the Qin Dynasty, Duke Xiao of Qin employed Guan Zhong's "Shang Yang's reforms" (Note: as stated in the original text) to make the state wealthy and militarily strong. "Who exactly was implementing these reforms?"
45. (During the 9/11 attacks) Watching the White House collapse before our very eyes—how mysterious! "The White House collapsing, what a great prophecy!"
46 Suddenly, a soldier stepped out from among the passengers. He walked towards the captain, pulled out a cell phone from his waist, and pointed it at the captain's chest... "I've always wondered why we can't use cell phones on airplanes. Turns out it's to prevent passengers from using them to hijack the plane!"
47. At first, my heart sank to the very bottom of Mount Everest… “Where is the bottom of Mount Everest? East longitude? North latitude?”
48. In a drug rehabilitation center, a young man who had recovered from drug addiction said to his superior, "Is this a drug rehabilitation center run by the Kuomintang?"
49 When I parted ways with my uncle, he said to me, "You are such a good child..." "This uncle is really polite!"
50. Those who chose money and beauty, ask yourselves honestly, are you happy? Are you joyful? If your answer is yes, then you are certainly not human… “Such a resolute statement makes me very ashamed! To be honest, I am also tempted by money and beautiful women!”

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