Again!

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-16

1. A female student at a medical university got pregnant. The class monitor was furious: "It's outrageous! After studying medicine for several years, she still failed at contraception."
2. The next morning, after their wedding night, the bride emerged from the bridal chamber in agony, one hand against the wall and the other covering her lower body, cursing: "Liar! What a liar! Before the wedding he said he had thirty years' worth of savings, I thought it was money!"
3. Wife: "You have to explain to me now how your photo ended up at the marriage agency!"
Husband: "Don't be angry, honey. I sent this photo to them last year when you were seriously ill."
4. A dog was strolling down the street when it saw a sign in a shop window: "Programmer Wanted. Must be able to program, a team player, and proficient in at least two programming languages. Equal opportunity."
The dog went in to apply, but was rejected.
"I can't hire a dog to work in the company," the manager said.
The dog was indignant and pointed to the words "equal opportunity" on the notice in protest.
The manager, at a loss, sighed and asked dismissively, "Can you program?"
The dog silently walked to the computer, wrote a program, and it worked accurately.
"Do you have team spirit?" the manager asked.
The dog turned its head and looked outside the door, where a large pack of stray dogs were eyeing it menacingly.
"I really can't hire a dog for this job," the manager said angrily.
"Even if someone can program and has teamwork skills, the employees I need must be proficient in at least two languages."
The dog looked up at the manager and said, "Meow—oh."
5. A pretty girl accidentally tore her swimsuit while running into the swimming pool, and all the boys stared at her... As she walked along the edge of the pool, she noticed something was wrong and grabbed a sign to cover her private parts... The boys burst into laughter! The pretty girl found it strange, then noticed the sign said "Men Only" and quickly changed it. But when she changed it, the boys laughed even louder... because the sign said "Two Meters Deep Here!"
6. One day, the son went over to his father and asked...
Son: Dad, why is it that when men and women have sex, it seems like women experience more pleasure?
Dad: Think about it, when you pick your nose with your finger, does your nose feel more comfortable or your hand?
Son: Then why did they seem to be in so much pain when they were being raped?
Dad: Imagine you're walking down the street and someone comes up and picks your nose, would you feel comfortable?
Son: Why don't men like to use condoms?
Dad: Do you like picking your nose while wearing gloves?
Son: Then why don't women have sex when they're menstruating?
Dad: Do you pick your nose when it's bleeding?
7. One day, a contest was held in an auditorium to see whose penis was the longest. One man thought his penis was long enough to participate in the contest, so he wanted to enter the auditorium, but was stopped by the old man guarding the door.
The old man asked: Young man, what do you want to do?
Young man: I'm here to participate in the competition.
The old man said: "You can compare with me first. If you are longer than me, you can go in. Otherwise, you should go home as soon as possible."
As he spoke, the old man pulled his penis out from under his trouser leg. The young man was startled and turned to leave, but the old man quickly said to him: "Don't rush, don't rush. Since you're here, I won't let you come for nothing. Let you go in and see what it's like, but once you're inside, you have to sit in the first haiku."
The young man readily agreed: Sure, sure.
After the young man went inside, he went straight to the first row. Just as he was about to sit down, he suddenly heard someone in the thirty-third row shout: "Who is so blind? Don't they watch where they're going? They stepped on my glans!"
The young man quickly said: I'm sorry, I didn't expect your penis to be so long.
8. Mr. A was worried that his wife had mental problems, so he consulted a psychiatrist. "She's terrified of her clothes being stolen," he told the doctor. "How do you know?" the doctor asked. "One day I came home early from get off work and found that she had hired a man to stand in the closet and watch over her clothes."
9. A young man on a bus saw a beautiful woman with a very low neckline, revealing her cleavage, and jokingly said, "What a place where peach blossoms bloom!" Upon hearing this, the beautiful woman lifted her skirt and said, "And the place where you were born and raised!"
10. After the Chinese national football team's defeat, the manufacturer of "Powerful and Long-Lasting Pills" hired a national team player, "l" "x," for an advertisement. The scene was: "l" "x" holding a football in his left hand, pointing at the screen with his right hand, saying, "Who can go over 90 minutes without shooting? I can!"
Inspired by an advertisement for "Powerful Long-Lasting Pills," a condom manufacturer recruited a group of players from the national football team to create their own ad. The visuals showed the players relentlessly attacking a goal, with the tagline: "No matter how many times you shoot, if it doesn't go in, it just won't go in!!!"
The manufacturers of birth control pills wanted to jump on the bandwagon, but their pills were for women, so what could they do?! However, after three days and nights of deep thought, they finally came up with a solution: have a referee known for biased officiating in the Chinese Super League dress in black, blow his whistle, make a gesture, and arrogantly declare, "No matter how many shots go in, they don't count!"
11. Mr. Wang took a bus to Gaochao Town in a certain city. Since he had never been there before, he asked the female ticket seller after only two stops, "Has Gaochao arrived yet?" The ticket seller replied, "No." After two more stops, Mr. Wang asked again, "Has Gaochao arrived yet?" The ticket seller replied, "No." A few minutes later, Mr. Wang asked again, "Has Gaochao arrived yet?" At this point, the ticket seller was extremely impatient. She loudly replied, "When Gaochao arrives, I will announce it!" As soon as she finished speaking, everyone on the bus was startled. All eyes turned to the ticket seller.
12. A man, carrying a prescription from a female doctor, wandered around for a long time before returning to ask, "Where exactly is the 13th ultrasound?"
The female doctor laughed and said, "It's not a 13-ultrasound, it's a B-ultrasound."
The man angrily exclaimed, "Damn it, your 'b' is way too far apart!"
13. In the office, a beautiful woman asked a male colleague to tell her a short but witty dirty joke. After pondering for a moment, the male colleague said the classic eight words: "I am the farmer who hoes the field, you are the farmer who thaws the field at noon..."

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