Please name the three things you lose most often.

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1. Please name the three things you lose most often.
Someone asked, "Please name the three things you lose most often." I wrote, "Wallet, ID card, phone." My wife saw it, forwarded it, and added, "Face, my face, my parents' faces..." A bunch of likes followed. Holy crap.
Comment: Everyone makes mistakes, and this is something that's definitely embarrassing.
2. I have fair skin and am beautiful.
I wanted my boyfriend to call me back, so I sent a message: "I'm a fair-skinned, beautiful, slim-waisted, long-legged, pure-hearted, and alluring young woman—an invincible beauty in my youth. I'm seeking a successful, down-to-earth man to be my sugar daddy. I'm available 24/7, to accompany you for meals, chats, and shopping. Gentlemen, if interested, please call for details." In my excitement and amusement, I accidentally sent it to my dad's phone… and he hasn't replied since.
Comment: Your dad is already being very kind of you by not being so angry he vomited blood.
3 Oh. Then you can keep getting soaked in the rain!
It's raining today. I didn't bring an umbrella. I was walking down the street, listening to music with my headphones on, looking for a place to eat. Suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and saw a girl. She asked me, "Handsome, didn't bring an umbrella?" I said, "Yeah." She said, "Oh. Then you can keep getting soaked!" She then twirled her umbrella around, splashing water all over my face, and ran off, leaving me standing there bewildered in the rain. Girl, were you in the same group?
Comment: You're so clueless. Go after them, and you'll have good luck from there.
4. A county magistrate was furious after being dismissed from his post...
A county magistrate, after being dismissed from his post, became so distraught that he fell into a vegetative state and was taken to the hospital. The doctor said, "Reading him a notice of reinstatement might cure him." His wife thought, "Since we're going to read it anyway, let's read him a notice of becoming mayor, to cheer him up." But after reading it, the magistrate suddenly sat up, laughed loudly, and died. The doctor sighed, "Disobeying medical advice and arbitrarily increasing the dosage!"
Comment: This is the behavior of someone obsessed with officialdom. Even when he's practically a vegetable, he's still thinking about getting promoted and making money.

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