Either lighthearted and humorous, or simply entertaining oneself.

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-28

1. My husband is five years older than me. He always calls me "little sister" this and "little sister" that. One day, while watching TV, he called out again, "Little sister, can you pour me some water?" As I was pouring it, I heard my five-year-old daughter mutter, "They always say I'm not smart, it must be because you two are related by blood."
Comments: 1. Regardless of gender, there is always one person who is dominant in the family, followed by another, with the children at the bottom; 2. There is no 2.
2. A single sentence to brighten up an overweight person's life: We spend so much money, eat so well, and get so fat, why should we lose weight?
Comment: Being fat isn't the problem, being poor is.
3. I work as a waitress at a barbecue restaurant. One evening, when I was taking a customer to the cashier, the manager said to the customer, "Hello, if you don't want an invoice, you can get a free bottle of Coke, would you like that?" The cashier next to me said to another customer, "If you don't want an invoice, you can get a free pack of tissues..." After they finished speaking, I saw one of the male customers I was helping to pay quietly pull a work ID from his suit pocket. It clearly read "Wuhan Municipal State Taxation Bureau"!
Comment: Hello, do you need this certificate to issue an invoice with 5 times the value?
4. I have a dog.
From the day I bought it, I trained it to pick up any money that was dropped on the ground whenever I had free time.
Now it's finally paying off; every time we let it out, it brings back some money most of the time.
Now, the money it brings back is not only enough for its monthly living expenses, but it also helps me supplement my household income.
Comment: What a good dog!
5. We have a round water tank at home. My mom asked me to measure its circumference so I could make a lid. I thought, the circumference formula is 2πr, so to measure r, I need to find the center. So I found two clothes hangers, crossed them, and tried to find the center on top of the tank. My mom stared at me for a long time: "What are you doing?" "Measuring the radius to calculate the circumference!" "...Can't you just take a piece of yarn and wrap it around the tank?" ... I feel like I've let my elementary school graduation certificate down!
Comment: This is China's education system! Even if you get some damn university degree, what good is it once you go abroad? ╮(╯▽╰)╭
6. I remember a test I took when I was little. The questions were: Dad's dad's name is ( ). Mom's mom's name is ( ). Dad's mom's name is ( ). Mom's dad's name is ( ). And so on... I thought the teacher was crazy, asking me what my family members were called! How boring! Later I found out: everyone else wrote grandpa, grandma, maternal grandpa, maternal grandma, but I wrote Chen xx. Wei xx. Chen xx. Chen xx...!! Holy crap, that was so stupid!
Comment: This is the result of inbreeding.
7. I know a foreign couple who chose their own Chinese names. The man is called Sima Dang, and the woman is called Huomayi. They said the inspiration for their names came from a Chinese idiom, and it took them a while to figure out which one it was.
Comment: The man's name is Chuhe (锄禾), and the woman's name is Dangwu (当午).
Welfare
1. Two kernels of corn got married. The next morning, the male kernel of corn woke up and found popcorn lying next to him. He asked in surprise, "Where's my wife?" Popcorn replied shyly, "I popped her up in one shot, so you don't recognize her anymore!"
Comment: This is a problem caused by frictional heat.
2. A couple, impoverished, hadn't eaten all day. That evening, the wife suggested that having sex three times would be equivalent to three meals, and the husband agreed. The next day, the husband felt dizzy and had to lean on the wall to walk. He muttered to himself, "Goodness, sex can not only be eaten but also drunk!"
Comment: It's consuming male essence, how could she not feel dizzy?
3. A young woman complained: Young men are fast, but they always back out after I've pulled up my pants, it's so unfair! Middle-aged men are good, but they do it twice in one go, it's exhausting! Old men are slow, and after I'm done, they make me want to open them up to check, it's so embarrassing!
Comment: These are clients of three different age groups.
4. A company was recruiting employees, and hundreds of college students eagerly introduced themselves: "I'm from Peking University!" "I'm from Shanghai Jiao Tong University!" "I'm from Zhejiang University!" Suddenly, a girl shouted, "I have big breasts!" The chairman slammed his fist on the table and said, "You're the one!"
Comment: Schools with exceptionally large breasts are definitely a plus.
5. At the director's family dinner, the sister-in-law helped serve the dishes. A guest made a bet, saying, "If you touch my sister-in-law's breasts, I'll drink a glass of wine." Both of them kept their promises. Unexpectedly, the sister-in-law said, "Brother-in-law, just keep your hand on it and drink him to death!"
Comment: The wives of uncles-in-law, aunts-in-law, brothers-in-law, and uncles-in-law are not family members.
6. A host asked a contestant, "What is the purpose of using Viagra?" The female contestant thought for a long time and replied, "I can't think of one!" The host immediately said, "Congratulations, you're right!" The audience murmured, "That's a brilliant answer!"
Comment: That's so insightful, I just couldn't think of anything like it.
7. A teacher was teaching literacy in a rural area and asked a farmer's wife to recognize the characters for "quilt." The woman couldn't remember. The teacher prompted her: "What's on you when you sleep?" The woman replied, "My husband." The teacher was both amused and exasperated: "And when your husband isn't around?" The woman answered: "The village head!"
Comment: So who is it when the village chief isn't around?

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Either lighthearted and humorous, or simply entertaining oneself.

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