Lend me three thousand urban management officers to restore my mighty China! In the first battle to liberate Taiwan, use me, and victory is assured.

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-28

While browsing online discussions about urban management officers, I stumbled upon a post containing some rather boastful remarks about them!
No malice intended, just taking it as a joke...
Lend me three thousand urban management officers, and I will restore the mighty China; my sword will point west of the Tianshan Mountains, and my horse will trample north of the Black Sea; I will draw my bow on Lake Baikal, and admire the snow on Sakhalin Island; I will visit ancient sites in the Indochina Peninsula, and pay homage to my ancestors in the ruins of Tokyo.
Chinese urban management officers are invincible. They kill gods and Buddhas alike. They punch European princes and kick North American flag bearers. They can shoot down airplanes and tanks in an instant. They can destroy aircraft carriers at sea and shoot down satellites in the sky.
China's urban management officers (Chengguan) are a quasi-military organization secretly developed by the country. In peacetime, they manage cities and hone guerrilla tactics; in wartime, they can be incorporated into the regular army. They are an excellent reserve force capable of assault, reconnaissance, guerrilla warfare, endurance, and fighting tenaciously. A secret Pentagon report states that China's Chengguan force is a formidable quasi-military organization with immense potential, capable of operating around the clock with just a beat-up van or pickup truck (my country solemnly pledges not to be the first to use Chengguan against foreign powers).
"In our eyes, if British and American special forces are dust, then we are a sandstorm."
--------Excerpt from the preface of "The Outstanding History of Urban Management Officers"
"Run away? We'll make you live in endless fear."
-----A city management officer's comments during the battle
Before the plane crashed, we thought it had been attacked by a surface-to-air missile, but it turned out to be urban management officers using bamboo poles...
---------Excerpted from former pilots of US and Soviet Su-30, F-22, and F-117A fighter jets
When a hail of bricks and countless punches and kicks, coming from nowhere, blocked the soldiers being counted on the battlefield, I could hardly believe that this was merely a small Iraqi army squad trained by urban management officers.
----------Excerpt from Captain Miller, E Company, 502nd Regiment, 101st Airborne Division, U.S. Army
When an entire M1A2 tank platoon of our army was wiped out one morning, there were no traces of explosions at the scene. Only countless fists. Those fists deeply pierced the armor. The crew members inside were reduced to mincemeat.
--------------------------Excerpt from Corporal Tommy Colin, 1st Marine Division, U.S. Army
"I'm sorry, I can only answer that I don't know, because this involves top state secrets."
---------------------------------Urban management team leader answers reporter's question about urban management training
During one of our army's campaigns, there was a position located in the suburbs behind our lines. When our army had already broken through the outer defenses, that position was surrounded. We captured the position, leaving behind the bodies of 500 German soldiers, 3 F-22s, and 30 Tiger tanks. But what held us off for three days and three nights were only 5 urban management officers.
---------------Excerpt from Lieutenant Manstein, B Company, 12th Regiment, 78th SS Division, German Army
Our resolve crumbled instantly, simply because we learned that there were urban management officers among the enemy's troops.
--------------------------A commander of the U.S. Marine Corps
The effect is even better when combined with the mobilization of radical nationalists; it's an impenetrable defensive line. It's an iron wall composed of urban management officers and radical nationalist mobilization troops. I hereby warn all members of parliament: Never go to war with China. Because China has urban management officers and radical nationalists.
--------------------------Excerpt from President Obama's congressional speech after Pearl Harbor was destroyed by three urban management officers and rioters.
A thunderclap and a sword
A pack of fierce dogs are urban management officers.
A heart of steel, a gall bladder of black.
Comprehensive governance to safeguard public order.
The sounds of battle terrified the beggar.
The fame of wind, forest, fire, and mountain spread far and wide.
When you rob, be ruthless.
It will break if hit.
Smash enemy stalls and then fine them!
When they appeared on the battlefield, I knew our end had come.
Former Russian Defense Minister
Seeing them, I can't think of anything else; only two words pop into my mind: Superman.
Former Prime Minister of Zimbabwe
You must have never seen urban management officers before. If you had, you wouldn't be standing here so perfectly intact.
-------------------A wounded American soldier
You can't believe it. One of our Marine snipers accidentally shot a city management officer in the hand. That officer actually fought his way over and killed him. But... by the time he arrived, he had already killed 200 Marines, overturned 3 tanks, and taken down 5 attack helicopters.
----------------------Instructors of the U.S. Delta Force
Urban management officers? Are they Satan's army for conquering the world?
---------------------------Survivor of the 2nd Battalion, U.S. Artillery Regiment
I always thought they were Predators, until someone told me they were urban management officers. I've seen urban management officers enforcing the law. Yes... I've seen urban management officers enforcing the law...
Smith W. Bush, a patient at the New York City Trauma Rehabilitation Center in the United States.
While our aircraft carriers were still assembling in the Pacific, the city management officers had already swum across the Pacific and occupied our capital.
-----------------------A U.S. Navy Recollection
While you were still playing WoW at the internet cafe, the city management officers had already stormed into your house, killed your father, raped your mother and sister, and even anally violated your brother.
———————— This is what one of your neighbors in the yard said....
The only ones who can stand up to me now are the urban management officers. But luckily, we're on the same side.
------------------------------Excerpt from Brother Chun's autobiography, "I'm a Real Man"
The greatest tragedy of my life is surviving the last war, in which I had always planned to die. I should have died near the end; for a soldier to die at the hands of the city management officers would have been the most glorious sacrifice.
If I had to choose, I would definitely give up my current job and choose to become a city management officer.
------------------------Ultraman, President of the United States
I am a city management officer.
Inscription on the tombstone of a good hero of the people.
When Japan applied to us for nuclear protection, China had already begun establishing urban management units.
It is clear that our current choice is correct. If we were to use nuclear threats against China because of Japan, we would face an even greater catastrophe.
Spokesperson for the U.S. Department of Foreign Affairs
We are human beings, yes, we are human beings.
---------------------------Urban Management Brigade Answers Reporters' Questions
I think they could kill God with their bare hands.
----------------------------Former Commander of the 73rd Marine Division, Niken
Fighting an army like this would be a colossal mistake.
————————————Napoleon
Ugh~ What should we do if they attack?
---------------------------------God
We fought the wrong war at the wrong time, in the wrong place, and with the wrong people. Because we never expected our opponent to be... the Chinese urban management officers!
This is what the US military commander said after his defeat in South Korea.
Between Chinese urban management officers and nuclear bombing, I choose the latter.
————————Survivor of the Hiroshima atomic bomb
Oh God! Spare me! I don't want to face them; they're demons from hell. No! I'd rather face demons than them! They're city management officers, after all!
————————————Will Hughes, a Black deserter
There is no one in the universe who can defeat them.
-----------------M78 Nebula Commander-in-Chief, Ultraman (or "Shaobing Ultraman")
Even after becoming a Super Saiyan 4, I still can't beat them.
————————————————Gogeta, the strongest warrior in the universe
They have surpassed the limits of human imagination.
CIA Director Robbs
Why do Americans still not know what Chinese urban management officers are?
Because when you know what it is...
You'll end up like me, never seeing tomorrow's sun!
--------------Last news from an independent division surrounded during the Korean War
Given that China's urban management officers possess power exceeding that of nuclear weapons, we have decided to sign the "Urban Management Non-Proliferation Treaty" and guarantee that we will not prioritize deploying urban management officers when others do not use nuclear weapons.
------------- The People's Congress unanimously passed
Because of the existence of Chinese urban management officers, we gave up our attempt to invade Earth.
-----------Mars Defense Minister
If I had three urban management officers, I could quell the wars in Africa. Unfortunately, I only have half an officer...
— UN Secretary-General Panjiwen
Beijing's urban management officers have a 53-year history! In that 53-year history, a total of 150,000 people have become members of the urban management force! "Ma Dashuai, how many urban management officers are you in Beijing?"
"I am the 150,000th urban management officer in Beijing! I am proud of myself! I am proud of the 149,999 people who came before me!"
"Ma Dashuai, do you still remember those predecessors who sacrificed their lives for the sake of the city management and the censorship of rivers?"
"I remember the 1,104 urban management officers who sacrificed their lives for the sake of the river crabs!"
"General Ma, when the fighting comes to a last man, do you have the courage to carry this dog-tooth flag?"
I am the 150,000th member of the urban management team! I have the courage to carry this flag! But I have even more courage to be the first to be killed!
"General Ma, do you have the courage to sacrifice yourself for your brothers?"
“They are my brothers. I will die for my brothers.”
"Master Ma, no matter who it is, whether it's a captain or a member, as long as he was once a member of the urban management officers, you have the right to demand that he remember the predecessors of the Beijing urban management officers!"
“I will ask him to remember the predecessors of the urban management officers, and I will also remember every word I said today.”
"Ma Dashuai, now join us in reciting this song of the urban management team without any melody. All the predecessors who knew how to sing this song have already sacrificed themselves, leaving only the urban management team members here to recite the lyrics. But I hope you can hear the singing of 150,000 urban management officers!"
"A thunderclap, a sword, a pack of fierce dogs—the city management officers; With an iron will, iron-willed men, they smash street vendors for the nation. The shouts of battle terrify the vendors, spreading the city's reputation for harmony. Smash and destroy, confiscate and overturn, a triumphant march of garbage..."

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Lend me three thousand urban management officers to restore my mighty China! In the first battle to liberate Taiwan, use me, and victory is assured.

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