Today's joke

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1. Today, while taking the bus, I saw a woman carrying a child get on the bus.
The guy next to me immediately stood up and offered his seat, and his wife gratefully sat down.
After sitting down, my sister-in-law said gratefully, "You're such a good person! Come on, touch my son's penis."
That made the guy very embarrassed. After a while of politely declining, he said something that almost made me spit out my drink!
He said, "Really, you don't need to touch it anymore, I have it, I have it."
Comment: I thought this way of expressing gratitude was really amazing! It would have been so much better if the lady had brought her daughter!
2. A few days ago, I took the bus with my buddy, and it was incredibly crowded!
I suddenly noticed that the woman next to my buddy was blushing shyly!
I gestured for my friend to take a look, and he glanced at it and said, "That's a thief!"
I asked, "How did you know?"
My friend replied, "Because my pockets are open, she stole my bird."
Comment: What if this guy accidentally steals the bird?
3. A friend was hospitalized, so we went to visit him.
Everyone bought some fruit, and when they arrived at the hospital, they distributed it to everyone.
Just then, a pretty female nurse walked in, and one of the guys threw her a banana.
The nurse said demurely, "I won't eat."
My buddy casually added, "It's not for you to eat, it's for you to play with!"
In an instant, we were all petrified.
Comment: Even if a female nurse likes to play around, she shouldn't say it in public.
4. I am a male, and my shoe size is 45, which is considered big in my area.
Today I went to my neighbor's house to play, and I took off my shoes at the door before going in.
I also met my uncle, who rarely appears in public.
My uncle glanced at my shoes, marveled at my big feet, and then tried them on.
The uncle's feet are not big. After trying them on, the uncle said to the aunt, "My feet are too small. I can't feel them."
The aunt said very quietly, "So you finally understand how I feel?!"
Comment: Are they here to have fun or to create conflict?
5. I just got back from helping my best friend break up, and I'm so depressed!
He's been dating his girlfriend for almost two years. My buddy is handsome and comes from a good family, but this girl wants to get married as soon as possible.
My buddy wanted to break up with his girlfriend, and he insisted that I go with him, saying it would give him courage.
When we met, my buddy actually said he was gay and had always liked me!
I was so embarrassed I wanted to cry. The woman was funny too, saying she'd known he was gay for a long time!
Today's breakup is not unexpected.
It was raining outside, and the two of us, grown men, walked home silently under one umbrella.
Just before getting on the bus, this guy said, "You think it's all fake?"

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