The fantasies, dreams, and true feelings in a young person's heart

I was born on February 7, 1992, and am currently 23 years old. I'm from Hunan and live in Kaiping, Jiangmen, Guangdong. From my first sexual experience, like many men, I watched porn. I gradually developed a liking for novels about pornography and threesomes. Sometimes I would think that if I got married, I would definitely try taking my wife to threesomes. Of course, for a long time, these were just casual thoughts in my mind. I would buy my girlfriend some props and lingerie. Even when we were in the mood for sex, I would ask my girlfriend if I wanted to join another guy. Of course, I only dared to ask that a few times, and always cautiously. When I was fantasizing about going a little further, my girlfriend was in a bad mood and said I was acting strangely. I really didn't have any strange thoughts. Is it strange? But I love my girlfriend very much, even spoiling her. So, I'm just stuck in the stage where my spoiling of her creates what she considers acceptable. Looking back now, I realize that if I had taken things a little further, he probably would have accepted it. Of course, my "taking things a little further" only involved props and lingerie. After all, I was only in my early twenties. While I could understand and accept things like those in adult novels, I kept it to myself and didn't really care. And my use of props and lingerie was always just basic. I could only secretly fantasize about buying this or that lingerie online. That's how we stopped at what I considered the "she could accept" stage until we broke up. Then, because of the breakup two years ago, for a long time I just went to work and came home. I tried to find someone suitable, because at 23, most of my friends and those from my rural hometown were already married with children. So, because of my previous relationship, I also wanted to get married and live a normal life of marriage, children, and working to earn money. Then, a few months ago, I started inviting people on WeChat when I was bored, or greeting them on "People Nearby." But later, I kept greeting mature women, mostly in the 28-40 range. But most people are probably like what 69 said, "Single men, please don't bother me," and they simply won't accept friend requests. Then they dare to indulge in those fantasies. Sometimes my friends go out and pay to find girls, but I never go, and they laugh at me for having too many affairs. I don't explain; actually, besides going out to find girls (which is basically prostitution), I only have two girlfriends. Sometimes I have the urge to go to prostitutes, since I'm used to my girlfriends. But I unintentionally realized that I used to mostly find mature women, a year older than me, when I went out. I went out simply to undress, pay, and then regretted it afterwards. Even with mature women, although it's the same routine, it feels different. I don't get the feeling I truly desire. It's better to be with my girlfriend. A while ago, I would still send WeChat greetings, but not very enthusiastically. Deep down, I do want to, and I even fantasize when I see photos of mature women, haha. Some people accept when I meet them, some are from my hometown, so they accept. Some accept but we don't chat, or we barely exchange a few words for days. I just can't find someone to confide in. Sometimes I think to myself, I don't have those big, long-lasting...things that people talk about. How could something from a novel's fantasy world happen to me? So I didn't think much of it. Then one day after get off work, I was bored in bed and started chatting online. It was 4 kilometers away, and we were from the same hometown, so I said hello. She replied quickly. We chatted briefly that day before she went to sleep. The next day, around the same time, I asked if she was there. She replied quickly, and then we started talking about sex. I naturally revealed my true feelings for the first time, saying I hoped to experience sex fully with mature, older women. She laughed and asked if I didn't have a girlfriend, and why I liked older women. I replied that I hadn't met the right one. I said I'd always wanted to be with older women, but it was the first time I'd said it to anyone. Maybe I have what people call a mother complex. Then we talked about everything, family, and so on. Every time we talked about sex, she was neither decisive nor evasive, but she never went into depth either. She just seemed to enjoy seducing me. Later, at my request, she sent me a photo and told me she was 45 years old. I said it was nothing, haha, it was more interesting. Later in the chat, I said I really wanted to send her something. She said she was too old for that, and then she didn't reply for ages. I was so anxious! Finally, she said something like, "Actually, she also wants to have sex with younger people." Then she stopped replying. For the next few days, we chatted every day. She didn't resist anymore and always went along with me, leading the conversation, though at that time it wasn't obvious she was leading me. Every chat was so exciting. Every day I was so hard I couldn't stand it and had endless fantasies before I could fall asleep. We chatted for about eight days. Then it became less and less frequent, until she would reply after many days saying she was busy and didn't have time. I gradually calmed down. But every time I sent a message and she didn't reply, no matter how much I tried to be indifferent, I felt so disappointed. Slowly, I woke up from this disappointment. Who has time to chat like that every day? Now, looking back on our chats, I know for sure she must have chatted like that with other people often. But I still crave that feeling of being able to talk to someone like that for the first time. Even though nothing actually happened in real life, I'm really content. Because the reality I fantasize about is so far removed from my own life, I'm not resigned to this fate. I'll still add people and agree to the same situation. While I really want to, I don't blindly pursue how to realize my fantasies. In short, it's fate. But the feelings in my heart have become stronger. Last month, I unintentionally browsed a 69 website. Before, because of watching porn and reading novels, I searched for these kinds of websites because of my fantasies, but I only skimmed through them. Until last month, after browsing more, my feelings started to intensify. Looking at the text, the pictures in the user profiles, and even my long-held beliefs, it all seemed so unrealistic, so far removed from my own reality. These things require a certain level of financial stability; otherwise, how can one afford to do these things? I'm not married, I don't have a wife, so it's impossible. Only single women, threesomes, etc., are possible, but looking at the requirements like stamina, a large penis, good technique, and maturity, I feel I don't meet any of them. But I still hope to have some contact in this area. In the 69 section, you can see users uploading photos, one tempting picture after another. Looking at the comments below, there are things like "I'll have sex with your girlfriend here!" This is why some people say they're looking for "high-quality" women. We see other people's photos and comment with desire and fantasy. It's sad and speechless; there are too many of those people. Looking at those tempting photos, I think... I used to know, but not really, and I still fantasized about these things. But it was all in my heart because the instinct of reality made those things seem very distant. Now, that fantasy makes me want to understand and try to reach out, to make the fantasy come true, to realize the impulse? Sigh, I don't have a wife, so I can only look at those who are looking for single men. Not to mention I don't meet the requirements, I just want to see if I can find a "high-quality" single man. But I find the locations so far away. Finding single women is too difficult; it seems like they don't even exist. I want to find a threesome. But that involves so many things... I really want someone. I used to say I wanted to find a mature woman. Instinctively, I knew I wasn't married, so a threesome was impossible, and that's why I instinctively went for that. Those photos uploaded by users—do they genuinely want sex? Maybe they just want a different kind of stimulation. Some people engage in sex, threesomes, group sex, or exhibitionism for a different kind of sex. Some people might go to extremes for sex. But it's always their own reasoning, depending on their understanding. From a teenager to a young adult, I've had contact with sex, including knowing about it. I've fantasized about it, dreaming of being with the mature woman I've always imagined, a couple, experiencing sex I've never felt before. I want to experience the thrilling sex I've always longed for. To enjoy a crazy and wonderful sexual experience together. Before, although I fantasized about those things, my instinctive understanding made them seem distant and impossible. So I only thought about them in my heart and never actually tried to do them. I only talked about it with people once. Now, when my fantasies intensify and I try to engage with them, I find I don't even have the chance to go any deeper.Yesterday, I stumbled upon a user's post saying that life should be enjoyed to the fullest. Love should be spoken aloud. Sex should bring physical and mental pleasure. It suddenly made me realize something. I knew, understood, and accepted these things before, but... how can you achieve them if you don't speak up and act on them? Even though you might still get lost and blindly pursue your fantasies, I also want to express my thoughts. I have my own unique advantages. Although I'm young, I can do it multiple times. My penis isn't very big, but it's not very small either. My technique isn't great, but I'm willing to learn. You can ask me anything, and I'm open to whatever you want. But most importantly, I come with utmost sincerity. I sincerely hope to meet a mature woman (or partner) with whom I can experience exciting and wonderful sex. To fulfill the sex I've always fantasized about. To experience a perfect sexual experience together, indulging in unrestrained pleasure.

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The fantasies, dreams, and true feelings in a young person's heart

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