The young couple's family life crisis

Husband's confession
We got married six years ago. I'm 30 this year and work as a software engineer. My wife, Xiaohan, is 26 and works at a bank. We have a two-year-old daughter. My wife comes home on time every day, cooks, takes care of the family, and manages everything at home. Our friends all say that our warm and harmonious family is the envy of everyone.
However, amidst this happiness, I also felt a subtle sense of dissatisfaction. My wife's performance in our sex life was similarly conventional—gentle and compliant, but lacking initiative and passion. During sex, I whispered to her, "How does it feel?" and she replied, "It's good."
When I asked her if she had reached orgasm, she said yes. But I was a little doubtful whether she really had. Quite a few times, when I hinted at wanting to have sex, she would say "no," but she had never refused me. I really don't understand how strong her sexual desire is. I'm a bit puzzled. If she's shy and reserved, that's understandable when we first got married, but it's been two years since she had a child, and the situation remains the same.
How should I deal with my wife's behavior, and how can I determine her needs?
My wife's account
My husband and I have always had a good relationship since we got married, and our child is lively and healthy. I'm very content with this family life. But lately, he keeps asking me embarrassing questions in bed, like "How are you feeling?", "Did you orgasm?", "What do you want me to do?", etc. I really don't know how to answer them. I thought these things should be "understood but not explained," so what's the point of saying it out loud?
Once, when he came home from a business trip, I tidied the room, went to bed early to read, and waited for him, longing for intimacy. Wasn't that a form of expression? What more did he want from me? He always seemed to think my reactions weren't passionate enough. Did he want me to be as wanton as a woman in an adult film for him to like me?
I don't like my husband's attitude towards sex, but how can I let him know?
An expert said to her husband…
Regarding your wife's "orgasm," current data shows that some women only achieve orgasm after marriage, or even years after having children. Surveys also indicate that about one-third of women can experience orgasm; another third experience it intermittently; and the final third almost never experience orgasm, with 5% of them never even knowing what an orgasm is.
The probability of achieving orgasm is related to age and experience. However, there are some situations that should be pointed out. Some people are afraid of being labeled "promiscuous" and deliberately hide their emotions, becoming unable to relax during sex and thus suppressing sexual release. This will indeed prevent them from achieving orgasm, and over time it will become a fixed pattern.
Your wife's situation is partly due to you. You are passionate and outgoing, but you rarely communicate with your wife, only asking how she feels and whether she reached orgasm, lacking detailed communication.
The methods of observation and communication are rather uninteresting and indirect, which may cause her to feel disgusted.
Foreplay before sex is very important. You should allow enough time for this to fully arouse her passion. Only after she is truly excited and her genitals are sufficiently lubricated should you engage in sexual intercourse. Only at this point can a woman completely disarm herself sexually and fully immerse herself in the experience. You should carefully observe what she likes and dislikes, and let her guide you in your actions.
Actually, whether a woman has reached orgasm doesn't necessarily require hearing sounds of pleasure. With careful observation, it's not difficult to tell. For example, is there any difference in her behavior before orgasm? Does she hold you tighter? Are her muscles trembling or shaking? Is her breathing more rapid? How does she behave afterward? Does she lie there motionless? Does she ask for further caresses and whispers? At this point, do you simply abandon your wife and fall asleep?
Your wife often says "no" when you want to have sex, but never refuses you. This might mean she actually wants it, but is too embarrassed to say it. Another possibility is that she says "no" but doesn't actually want it. This could be related to her long-term strict upbringing, where she wasn't allowed to associate with male classmates. This might have gradually fostered a withdrawn and repressed personality in her, creating a psychological wall that hinders her from enjoying sexual pleasure. Sex might seem shameful, even dirty. Because this negative association is so deep, it affects her ability to achieve orgasm. Therefore, you need to communicate with her more.
2. An expert said to his wife…
Sexual intercourse is a matter of mutual pleasure; you must be open and fully engaged. Don't suppress your emotions for fear of being labeled "promiscuous." Understand that as long as both partners achieve maximum satisfaction, there's no such thing as "promiscuity." On the contrary, the more "promiscuous" you are, the more sexual satisfaction you'll achieve.
Between husband and wife, there should be no fear of each other knowing each other's thoughts and desires, nor should there be any fear of the other person hearing or seeing your "ugly" behavior. There is no "licentiousness" to speak of during sex, of course, this refers to the private world between the two of you, which outsiders cannot know.
The so-called fearlessness of being "unrestrained" means not being afraid of what sounds you make during orgasm, such as moans, sighs, or even screams; not being afraid of what expressions you make—some people might even bite or scratch their partner during orgasm—and bravely facing your body's natural reactions. It also means not being afraid of when, where, or how you make love.

URL 1:http://localhost:909/htmlBlog/62241.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=62241&aspx=1

Previous Page : My girlfriend when I was young

Next Page : Diagnostic and therapeutic approach for Yang deficiency constitution [Original first publication]

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

The young couple's family life crisis

comment Open a new window to view comments