[Classic jokes that will make women blush and feel shy—come sneak in and take a look!!!]

one,
Woman: What's your annual salary?
Male: 10 million.
Woman: That's over 800,000 a month!
Man: Yes, this is the basic salary.
Woman: Not bad, what do you do?
Man: In your dream...
two,
1. Happiness is a cat eating fish, a dog eating meat, and Ultraman fighting monsters.
2. The generation gap is when I asked my dad what he thought of Chrysanthemum Terrace tea, and he said he'd never tried it.
3. Narcissism means that in my next life I must be reborn as a woman and marry a man like me.
4. The judge asked: "Why did you print counterfeit money?" The criminal replied: "I don't know how to print real money."
5. Despair is like ordering two dishes at a restaurant and eating the first one: "Is there anything worse than this?"
Huh?! Have a second one! There really is one!
6. A breakdown is like this: an old lady walks into a KFC and says to the server, "I want a KFC, a McDonald's, and a hamburger."
3. What is a white-collar worker?
I got paid today, paid off my loan, paid rent, utilities, and bought oil, rice, and instant noodles. (Touching my mouth...)
Looking at the remaining money in his bag, he sighed, "This month's salary is gone again."
The foreman said it was almost payday, but after calculating my accommodation, food, lost wages, and medical expenses, I realized I still owed...
The boss only pays a little over 100, so he's too lazy to collect it; he calls himself a blue-collar worker.
Four
One day, the geography teacher asked the students, "Which way does the river flow?"
A student suddenly stood up and sang: "The great river flows eastward."
The teacher ignored him and continued, "How many stars are there in the sky?"
The student then sang: "The stars in the sky point to the Big Dipper."
The teacher was furious: Get out of here!
Student: Let's go as soon as we say we'll go.
The teacher said helplessly: Are you sick?
Student: You have it, I have it, everyone has it!
Teacher: Try saying it again...
Student: When you see injustice, you should speak out!
Teacher: Do you believe I'll beat you up?
Student: Strike when the iron is hot…
The teacher was furious: I'll expel you from school!
Student: Braving the vast land with boundless energy!
five
mm got out of the taxi and left the camera on the back seat.
Upon seeing this, the driver quickly stuck his head out of the window.
He shouted at the girl, "Hey sis, your camera!"
The girl blushed, turned her head, and cursed, "You're like a gigolo!"
Then the taxi left... (Recommendation: Peking University beauty queen QQ: 623050575)
Then the girl chased after the car shouting: "Driver, my camera~~~~! My camera~~~~~~~"
six
Xiao Wang worked in the human resources department on the 10th floor. A month ago, he was transferred to the administration department on the 9th floor...
Today, Xiao Wang called the HR department looking for him: "Is Xiao Wang there?"
The colleague who answered the phone said, "Xiao Wang is no longer with HR."
Xiao Wang: "Huh!? When did this happen? How come I didn't know? I haven't even had a chance to see him off yet!"
"It's okay, you can go downstairs to find him."
1. Ghost: God, next time I want to be reincarnated, I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to drink blood. God: Then reincarnate as Always (a brand of sanitary napkins).
2. A friend of mine was selling popsicles in the park for the first time as part of his work-study program, and he was too shy to call out to customers. Just then, someone shouted, "Popsicles for sale! Popsicles for sale!" My friend was overjoyed and shouted back, "Me too! Me too!"
3. Not long after the ant and the elephant got married, the elephant died. The ant buried the elephant, weeping, "My dear, why did you leave so soon? I'll do nothing else in my life but bury you!"
4. A boy had a crush on a girl and mustered up his courage to ask her what kind of boy she liked. "Someone compatible," the girl replied. He asked her several times and got the same answer each time. The boy gave up and said, "How about someone with a flat head?"
5. One day, I was chasing after the last bus, panting heavily, shouting, "Driver! Driver, wait for me!" Suddenly, a passenger leaned out of the window and said slowly, "Wukong (a character from Journey to the West). You don't need to chase anymore."
6. One day, during a biology exam, one question asked students to guess the bird's name by looking at its legs. One student, completely stumped, angrily tore up his paper and prepared to leave the exam room. The proctor, annoyed, asked him, "Which class are you in? What's your name?" The student rolled up his trouser leg and said, "Guess! Guess!"
7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader went on stage to greet her. He took her hand, asked her warmly and attentively, and lingered for a long time before kindly asking, "What's your name?" The actress excitedly replied, "Malegbi. Songshou."
8. A man bought a parrot that could only say two words: "Who is it?" One day, the owner wasn't home, and a gas deliveryman knocked on the door. Parrot: "Who is it?" Answer: "Gas deliveryman." Parrot: "Who is it?" Answer: "Gas deliveryman..." The owner came home to find someone lying at the door. The owner wondered, "Who is this?" Inside the door: "Gas deliveryman."
9. A person saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down, smelled it, and said it might be poop. He touched some, put it in his mouth, licked it, and said, "It really is poop! Good thing I didn't step in it!"
10. The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient replied: "I felt sand in my shoe, so I held onto a telephone pole and shook my shoe. I shook and shook... Someone thought I was being electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and hit me twice."
11. A professor was lecturing in a field: "Scientific research requires not being afraid of getting dirty..." Then he squatted down, poked a pile of cow dung with his finger, and licked his finger clean. A student quickly said, "I'm not afraid of getting dirty..." and also poked a pile of cow dung with his finger and licked it clean. The professor said, "Furthermore, you must be observant. I just poked the dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger..."
12. In a public restroom, man A was constipated and couldn't defecate for a long time. Just then, another man, man B, rushed in and immediately defecated smoothly. Hearing this, man A said, "Dude, I'm so envious of you, you defecate so easily!" Man B replied, "What's there to envy? My pants aren't even off yet..."
13. A man was practicing riding a bicycle when a pedestrian approached. Startled, the man shouted, "Stop! Stop!" The pedestrian, startled, quickly stopped. However, the man's riding skills were too poor, and he still knocked the pedestrian down. The pedestrian got up angrily, "You told me to stop! Did you want to aim at me then?!"
14. A pretty little girl, 2 years old. One day, I called her mother, and the little one answered the phone. Out of politeness, I also exchanged pleasantries with her. "Sweetie, where's Mommy?" "She went to Flower Fruit Mountain!" "..." "Sweetie, what are you doing then?" "Auntie, you're so funny, I'm not talking to you on the phone!" My colleague's son, 4 years old. A classic line: "When I was little..."
15. A car accident occurred on the highway—a tortoise trampled a snail. The police, investigating the accident, asked the snail: "How did the tortoise hit you?" The snail, still in a cast, recalled in a daze: "I don't remember, he was going too fast!"
16. A polar bear was sitting alone on the ice, bored out of its mind. It started plucking its own fur, one strand… two strands… three strands… until it had pulled out every last one. Suddenly, it yelled, “It’s so cold!!”
17. My colleague's daughter is a little beauty. When she comes home from kindergarten, her mother often asks her, "Sweetie, did anyone call you that today?" The little girl actually sighed and said, "I guess they've seen me so much that they don't think I'm pretty anymore."
18.一对夫妇避孕失败后生了一个小男孩，孩子一生出来就紧握拳头，一直笑个不停。护士把他的拳头一掰开。发现里面有一把避孕药，接着小男孩开口说话了：“你们两个想弄死我，没那么容易，哈哈哈哈……”
19.两个男人去山上玩，一个人不小心失足掉下了山崖，同伴着急的喊：“兄弟，你怎么样，有没有事啊？”，只听到掉下去那个人回答：“我不知道，我还在往下掉呢~~~~~”
20.我也顶，一男子骑自行车，不掌车把，双手抱在胸前，一交警看见后说：手掌好！该男子回答，同志们好！
21. 猴子问狐狸，该怎样用一首歌形容大象放的那个屁？狐狸说：古巨基的<好想好想>蚂蚁听见说：“操，我还以为是动力火车的<当>了。”
22.两兄弟被老虎追，弟弟实在跑不动了，就说：“哥，咱别跑了，和这畜生死嗑吧”哥哥说：“别扯蛋了，我跑不过它，能跑过你就行了。”
23.面条被馒头海扁，找表哥方便面去报仇，方便面看见豆包就一顿暴打，回来后对面条说：放心，我把它屎都打出来了。
24.一时髦女子走上公交车，见一空坐便掏出纸巾猛擦一阵，刚要坐不巧放一屁，旁边一男子笑道：“我kao，真他妈干净，擦完还要吹吹”
25.企鹅很无聊，于是想到北极去找北极熊玩走啊走，走了很多年，快到了，突然想起来家里煤气没关好于是返回，走啊走，又走了很多年，关好煤气，又出发，又走啊走，又走了好多年好不容易来到了北极熊的门口，敲门： ——北极熊！出来玩！北极熊： ——不玩。
26.初中，某数学老师讲方程式变换，在讲台上袖子一挽大声喝道：同学们注意！我要变形了！……
27.某法官斜视，一日审判甲乙丙三个犯罪嫌疑人，法官对甲说：“东西是你偷的吗？？” 乙答：“不是” 法官大怒：“我没问你。” 丙道：“我也没说什么呀。”
28.飞机上，乌鸦对空姐说：“给爷来杯水” ,猪听后对空姐说：“给爷也来杯水！” 空姐听后，把乌鸦和猪一起从飞机上扔下来。乌鸦笑着对猪说：“傻了吧，爷会飞~~~~
29.有只兔子走进一家店里问老板：你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖？老伴说：没有。过了一会儿兔子又来问：你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖？老板不耐烦的说没有！（推荐北大校花qq:623050575）过了一会儿兔子又来问了，老板终于忍无可忍：你要是再来捣乱我就拿把剪刀把你的耳朵剪了！过了一会儿兔子又来了：你们这儿有没有剪刀卖？老板说：没有。兔子又问：你们这儿有没有胡萝卜卖……
30.魔王抓住了公主魔王说：你尽管叫破喉咙吧，没有人会来救你的！公主：破喉咙，破喉咙！没有人：公主，我来救你了！魔王：说曹操曹操就到！曹操：魔王，你叫我干嘛？魔王：哇呀，看到鬼了！鬼：靠！被发现了。靠：胡说，谁发现我了？谁：关我屁事！魔王：oh,my god! 上帝：谁叫我？！谁：没有人叫你啊！没有人：我哪有！！！据说魔王从此得了精神分裂症
31.一个国王要替公主征婚，把一个苹果放在公主头上，谁要把它射中就有机会迎娶公主。第一个男士把苹果射中，他说：”im 罗宾。“ 第二个男士也把苹果射中，他说：”im 后羿。“ 第三个男士不小心把公主射死了，他说：” im sorry…“
32.某人在精神病院实习，忽一神经病患者手持一把菜刀向他追来，这人转头就跑，直到跑到一条死胡同，心想这下完了，那个病人说：给你刀，该你追我了。
33.空姐劝乘客系安全带 ”上次飞机迫降没系安全带的都摔的血肉模糊。“ 问：”那系了安全带的那？？“ 答：”没事，都坐的好好的，跟活人一样。“
34.某学校新建一雕塑---少女左手捧书右手举一白鸽。校领导向校内学生公开召集名字。一时间回复络绎不绝，其中一名呼声最高：读书顶个鸟用！
35.太阳给草打电话太阳：喂，草你吗？我日。草：我草，你谁啊？太阳：我日啊草：我草，你到底谁啊太阳：我日啊，你草吧草：tmd，你到底是谁啊，我草太阳：我日，我日啊草：我草。太阳的妈妈抢过电话：草，我日他妈，草你妈好吗？
36.男女朋友一起去逛街，女朋友：哎哟，脚好酸哦。男朋友很紧张：怎么了？是不是踩到柠檬了？
37.小熊问小白兔：”你掉毛吗？“小白兔说：”不掉“,小熊又问：”你真的掉毛吗？“小白兔说：”真的不掉“,于是小熊拿小白兔擦屁股。
38.小白兔到面包店里：老板，有一百个小面包吗？老板：没有。第二天小白兔又来了：老板，有一百个小面包吗？老板：不好意思，没有。第三天小白兔一进门：老板，有一百个小面包吗？老板：真是太不好意思了，还是没有。第四天小白兔蹦蹦跳跳就来了：老板，有一百个小面包吗？老板：太好了！今天有一百个小面包~！小白兔：太好了！给我来两个！更多精彩请添加扣扣一四四四五四
39.父子二人坐公交车。儿子：爸爸，什么时候到啊？父亲：停了就到了。儿子：什么时候停啊？父亲：到了就停了。
40.有一个人和一只老虎被分别绑在两颗大树上，绑老虎的绳子下面有一棵蜡烛，就快把绳子烧断了，如果绳子被烧断，老虎就会把人吃掉，结果人说了一句话，就没被老虎吃掉他说”happy birthday！！“老虎就把蜡烛吹灭了…
41. 狼刚失恋，觅食时路过一间小屋，听到一男人教训自己的孩子：”再哭，就把你扔出去喂狼小孩在屋里哭了一夜，狼在外面守了一夜，早上起来，狼哽咽得说：男人，男人都是骗子！！！
42.女孩问男友“你到底喜欢我哪一点啊” 男友被缠得没办法“我我我我喜欢你离我远一点”
43. 第一天，小白兔去河边钓鱼，什么也没钓到，回家了。第二天，小白兔又去河边钓鱼，还是什么也没钓到，回家了。第三天，小白兔刚到河边，一条大鱼从河里跳出来，冲着小白兔大叫：你他妈的要是再敢用胡箩卜当鱼饵，我就扁死你！
44.某君第一次坐飞机，恐惧，不敢睁眼，15分钟后睁眼，往窗外看，大叫：“哎呀，飞的真高，人都象蚂蚁一样。！” 邻坐道：“那就是蚂蚁，飞机还没起飞。”
45.女友发短信给我：“我们还是分手吧！” 过一会，我又收到：“对不起，发错了！！！”
46.三毛去发型屋做发型，对发型师说：给我编个麻花辫。发型师不小心弄掉了三毛的一根头发。三毛叹口气说：那来个中分好拉。可是发型师不小心又弄掉了根。三毛一看火了：你丫的想让我披头散发？
47.从前有一颗软糖，在街上走了很久，突然说：我的脚好软哦
48.男：你喜欢我吗？女：你猜。男：喜欢！女：你再猜。
49.某精神病人在写东西，医生问：“写什么呢？”“写信。”“写给谁？”“我啊。”“写的什么呀？”“白痴，我还没收到怎么知道！?”
50：据说看了此笑话转载的人这辈子都会一帆风顺、二龙腾飞、三羊开泰、四季平安、五福临门、六六大顺、七星高照、八方来财、九九同心、十全十美、百事亨通、千事吉祥、万事如意！你是下一个吗？

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[Classic jokes that will make women blush and feel shy—come sneak in and take a look!!!]

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