Like a dream

It wasn't until I pulled her into my arms that I believed it was all real.

The internet is like a dream, a fantasy. Wandering in its world all day, exchanging a few words with countless strangers, time slips away. Only after shutting down the computer do I realize that what I need isn't just verbal comfort.

This internet has changed my life. I no longer need to consider the responsibilities I bear before doing anything; perhaps I go online simply to vent.

Unintentionally, we met online. I didn't even pay much attention when we first met, so much so that when she asked me when we met, I couldn't answer. But without many words, without much romance, we grew closer and closer. Then one day, she sent me her photos and told me she was coming to see me. I still couldn't believe it, so I asked her, "Really?"

She didn't answer my question directly and went offline.

It was a weekend, or more precisely, yesterday afternoon. My friends and I were enjoying a leisurely stroll and taking photos at the Slender West Lake. As I was rowing, panting heavily, my phone rang. Her voice came through the line, timid, "Can you come pick me up now?"

I didn't ask many questions. After finding out her exact location, I went to meet her. I don't know what I was feeling as I went; I just knew I wasn't prepared to greet my online lover. Being single for so long had made me indifferent to relationships. Through the car window, I saw her standing at the station exit. A gust of wind blew, and I saw her long hair dancing in the wind, so captivating. Shyness, embarrassment, timidity—I couldn't find the right words to describe my feelings. I just smiled slightly, asked her a simple question, and then took her to a taxi. Sitting in McDonald's, I began to notice her appearance. To be honest, she was a true beauty, though her face didn't quite match her age. Perhaps it was the trials of life, or perhaps she had experienced many hardships. It's just that she worked in a profession that wasn't exactly glamorous.

Her long hair and purple lipstick made her look quite different from the people I usually met. What student would dress like that? She looked at me and asked, "Why are you staring at me? Don't you care about me? Ask if my trip was pleasant?" I was speechless, feeling like it was all a dream. We talked a lot, about her marriage, her friends, my school, my future… Looking at the traffic and colorful neon lights outside the window, I pulled her along the night market and told her that I could be her online lover, and I could be her real-life lover too! She looked at me, suddenly laughed, ran away, and turned back to me, laughing as she said, "You can't do it, and I know it's impossible. From the beginning, I didn't ask for much. I just wanted you to treat me well when we were together. After all, true happiness is hard to come by. Promise me you won't leave me now, okay?" I was

silent. It wasn't that I had nothing to say, but I didn't want to argue too much about that topic. Compared to feelings that develop in real life, online relationships are so fragile.

I held her hand, and neither of us spoke a word as we walked down one street, then another.

In the hotel elevator, I looked up at her face and suddenly saw tears welling in her eyes. She was crying. I didn't know why, but my intuition told me she was disappointed in me. But how could she know that I truly didn't care what she did for a living, how old she was, or whether she was innocent? My love for her was genuine! I didn't look directly at her face and whispered, "I'm sorry!"

Walking into the room, I felt the air conditioning was too hot, so I took off my coat and sat down. Suddenly, she came up to me, hugged me, kissed me, and held me tightly. I was at a loss, looking into her eyes. I don't know when I had the courage to hold her in my arms, to kiss her passionately, her neck, her eyes, and her hair… It was the first time I'd ever done this, the first time I'd kissed a stranger, and I'd even completely forgotten about my girlfriend. I turned off my phone; I needed some quiet time with her.

She took off my clothes one by one, kissing me as she removed her own skirt and underwear, until we were both naked. I kissed her wildly. I was initially scared, but seeing her actions, I understood that what she needed was me, the understanding and emotional comfort I offered. There weren't many words; it all seemed to be going according to plan, just like her, just like her kissing me, kissing my entire body.

So, having cast aside shyness and awkwardness, we played around in the bathroom without any restraint, kissing in the shower. I think I'll never forget that scene. It turns out, that kind of liberation and indulgence is the most natural. I felt guilty; I even doubted my own love for her. I told her, "Li Li, let me tell you, I really love you!" She pointed the showerhead at my head and asked, "What about your girlfriend?" Haha, it's ridiculous. At that moment, I didn't know how to answer, because I knew I loved my girlfriend more.

She hugged me as if nothing had happened, pulling my hands down onto the bed. Before I could understand what was happening, she was on top of me, kissing my chest and stomach, until she took my penis into her mouth… It felt like something I had never experienced before. I didn't understand why she was doing this; was it worth it? Looking at her satisfied eyes, I stopped thinking and quietly enjoyed the pleasure she was giving me.

She looked up and asked, "Is it good?" I looked at her without speaking. I picked her up and laid her on the bed, slowly kissing her. Her hands hooked around my neck, stroking my back. I forgot everything; at that moment, all I wanted was to bring her pleasure. I touched her full breasts, slowly caressing them, watching her expression, hearing her moans. My hands continued to stroke from her shoulders to her buttocks. I never expected her buttocks to be so smooth, her skin so white.

She grabbed my penis and guided me until it entered her wet vagina. She let out a satisfied moan, then pressed my buttocks down, wanting me to thrust repeatedly… Five minutes, ten minutes… I never thought I could last so long. She kept responding to me, and even my breathing became rapid. I kept repeating the same position until I heard her tell me again that she had come. Finally, I couldn't hold back anymore, and I ejaculated.

She glanced at me, lay on top of me, kissed me, then bent down and licked up what I had ejaculated. To my astonishment, she actually ate all of my semen. Perhaps it was just a formality.

I lit a cigarette, sat on the edge of the bed, and asked her, puzzled, “Lili, why did you do this? You know I have a girlfriend.” She looked at me with a strange expression and said, “Can you please not ask such questions again? Does everything need a reason?” Does it? Doesn't it? I don't know.

I looked at her and said, "You're very beautiful." She smiled and said, "Really? That's because I take good care of myself!" Haha, turns out she can be quite pretentious. I laughed and said, "You're also quite voluptuous." She paused for a moment, then yelled, "You're so naughty!" and pounced on me again. She bit my shoulder like crazy. I said it hurt, but she ignored me and kept trying different things, yelling... Perhaps in certain situations, not many words are needed, and perhaps there are many ways to express emotions. Last night, we expressed our feelings in that way.

Holding her, leaning against the 17th-floor window, counting the buildings one by one, saying very sweet nothings, and then it was endless lovemaking. We tried all sorts of positions, experiencing the excitement and pleasure.

Then, without realizing it, I fell asleep. When I woke up, she was already washing her face. I sneaked up behind her and kissed her. She turned around and said to me, "I'm going back to Nanjing." I was surprised and asked her, "Why are you leaving today? Can't you stay one more night?" She just smiled and said, "Is it just about making love?" I fell silent again.

Stepping out of the Jinghua Hotel, I hailed a taxi, but she turned back. She told me she needed to buy a newspaper across the street. I didn't mind, took a cigarette from my pocket, lit it, and watched her cross the street. I turned back and took a deep breath of the fresh morning air. When I turned to look at her again, she was gone. I thought something had happened, so I crossed the street, but I still couldn't see her. She had vanished, just as silently as she had appeared beside me…

[The End]

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