My experience with bisexuality (3)

I've been reminiscing about my past experiences.
Sometimes I wonder why we lost contact. Maybe it's because he's a married gay man and doesn't have any desire for women. Maybe it was just to please me, someone I'd never met, and he didn't have the submissiveness I subconsciously crave.
Yes, my ideal partner is a man who enjoys cuckoldry, reveling in the thrill of possessing his wife. He doesn't have this preference; I know that deep down, he's reluctant when discussing his wife.
I shouldn't be too greedy and want a perfect relationship.
My experience with bisexuality has always been conflicted and confusing. I dislike greasy and vulgar men, yet I yearn for their women. The repressed desires within me are unconventional and extreme, making it impossible to find someone in real life with whom I can connect. However, I still hope to meet a similar man, someone with whom I can appreciate women and also spend time alone.
He's like an older brother, a friend, accepting my occasional selfishness, a safe haven for our emotions and feelings. He probably needs to be exceptionally good to arouse my sexual interest; appearance and inner qualities are prerequisites for mutual resonance. Simple sex no longer reaches the threshold of pleasure. It's frustrating.
There's so much more, but I'm at a loss for words; I don't know what to say.

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My experience with bisexuality (3)

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