My wife is an adulterer (Part 4)

During a casual conversation, Chen Dong described his feelings about his first time to me. Although he described it in a somewhat disjointed way, this precisely reflected his state of mind: contradictory, complex, and confused. Today's society is open, and living in it inevitably exposes us to various ideologies. Shanghai, as an international metropolis, experiences these international influences, and Western sexual liberalism has had a significant impact on its residents. Chen Dong and his wife were clearly among the first to be exposed to this ideology. Objectively speaking, I am a conservative person, but I always maintain a wait-and-see attitude towards social issues; I don't blindly follow, but I also don't outright reject them.
Regarding the game Chen Dong described, from the perspective of current Chinese law, it's a legal gray area. There's no bigamy, it doesn't constitute prostitution, and there's certainly no rape. Everything was a voluntary act by the parties involved, and it happened in a private setting, beyond the reach of the law. Some might argue that morality still exists, but moral standards change. Like foot binding in feudal society, it was considered acceptable then, but now it's a matter of rectifying outdated customs. In the past, men and women were distinct; premarital cohabitation was out of the question, and even engagements might not involve meeting before marriage. Now, cohabitation before marriage is commonplace, not only socially accepted but also legally recognized as de facto marriage. I've even heard of a new term called "non-marital community."

Having witnessed societal changes and experienced the process from unreasonable to reasonable, I dare not say whether what exists now is reasonable, because it's very possible that just as I say it's unreasonable, society will soon accept it. Therefore, I haven't completely dismissed Chen Dong's statement. Let him say what he wants, and I'll listen to it. He can seek excitement according to his lifestyle, and I will continue to uphold love according to my own.

There's no need for people to criticize others; it's good enough to manage your own affairs well. I remember a friend saying he wasn't very capable, just trying to make ends meet. But honestly, I think a man who can say that is a successful man. A man who can support a family, ensuring his parents, wife, and children are fed and clothed—that, I think, is success. And how much hardship is involved in all that? I believe every man understands. Chen Dong is just that kind of man. He owns a small company, a house and a car in Shanghai, but he still works hard to maintain his daily life. Chen Dong told me, "Actually, I'm very tired. I'm busy with work all day. People often find it hard to let go once they've taken things in stride. Once my standard of living goes up, it's hard to bring it down. But money isn't easy to earn. To maintain my current lifestyle, I have to withstand the pressure. To be honest, don't be fooled by my big house and car. To maintain these things, I've worked much harder than you. They say you reap what you sow, but the greater the reward, the greater the effort. In reality, people are constantly driven by their own greed, constantly pursuing things. But even if you succeed, what then? So now I've come to terms with it. I'll make money when I need to, and enjoy life to the fullest when I need to. As for morality and ethics, as long as it's not illegal, I don't care about anything."
I think there are quite a few people who share Chen Dong's mentality, and their situation is indeed a challenge to marriage. It is said that marriage has a seven-year itch, and they have long passed the seven-year itch era. However, it can be seen that their relationship is very harmonious. I don't want to attribute this harmony to that game, because although I try my best to remain objective, I still subconsciously oppose that kind of lifestyle.
I think I couldn't accept this lifestyle. Actually, Chen Dong was conflicted at first. When they were together, he was always the one in charge, but when his wife was actually with another man, he was in great pain. This pain was constant, starting with hesitation, pain, and fear, then being overshadowed by the excitement, and after the passion faded, jealousy, guilt, and pain took over again, followed by a slight regret. These emotions are impossible to express clearly in words. Chen Dong also had moments of confusion, wondering what he was pursuing. Thrills? Thrills are temporary. Was it pain? Then why bother? Perhaps what he was pursuing was the unique, exciting emotion brought about by this complex psychological struggle? Chen Dong didn't explain this clearly, and I can't truly understand it either.
Chen Dong's first time could be considered a success. Despite the many complex emotions he harbored, the physical stimulation was unforgettable. As the saying goes, "Everything is difficult at the beginning," and Chen Dong had already started, so the rest wouldn't be so hard. Furthermore, Chen Dong quickly confessed to having played threesomes with them behind his wife's back, which lessened her guilt, making her even more open. In Chen Dong's words, "It was after that time that I realized, despite my wife's seemingly ladylike demeanor, she's actually quite promiscuous at heart." However, Chen Dong seems quite content with having such a wife and tells me he deeply loves her, which is truly hard to understand. Perhaps this is the new way of thinking of urban modern people.
After the first time, Chen Dong looked forward to the second, but unexpectedly, the second time took a long time to arrive. What Chen Dong didn't expect was how much Yao Jia had changed after the first experience. In Chen Dong's words, "After that, she practically became a real slut. Although she still appeared ladylike, her deep-seated lustful nature gradually surfaced. She started choosing her sexual partners from among the men she liked. Because of frequent job changes, she would sleep with several men each time she joined a new company—colleagues, superiors, even clients. She had no ulterior motives; it was purely for the thrill of sex.

Generally, after Yao Jia set her sights on a man, she would tell Chen Dong first. Only after Chen Dong agreed would Yao Jia begin dating that man. Although Yao Jia wasn't exceptionally beautiful, she had a great figure and a mature, sexy charm. In Yao Jia's words, so far, no man could resist her."

Of course, according to Chen Dong, Yao... While Yao Jia sometimes acted first and informed Chen Dong later, one thing is certain: Yao Jia never kept anything from Chen Dong. Whether she told him first or later, she would eventually tell him. Chen Dong always eagerly inquired about the details of the entire process, deriving excitement and pleasure from his imagination. It should be said that Chen Dong's thinking challenged traditional male values. To a normal person, Yao Jia was cheating on Chen Dong, but Chen Dong not only wasn't angry, but encouraged her to do it. I still don't understand this mentality, but I'm certain that Chen Dong also derived pleasure from the process. Given this, his motives are not hard to understand. As I said, different people have different ways of enjoying things; to each their own. Chen Dong simply loved this.
In short, Yao Jia had come to terms with it, and Chen Dong no longer needed to hide anything. The couple each went looking for their own prey. However, although Chen Dong was always eager to find out the details of Yao Jia's dating process, Yao Jia always deliberately avoided asking about Chen Dong's process. She never asked, and even when Chen Dong took the initiative to talk about it, his wife would interrupt him. In Chen Dong's words, Yao Jia was doing the opposite of what he was told. Therefore, Chen Dong sometimes jokingly called Yao Jia "the magistrate."

However, Yao Jia knew that Chen Dong was a playboy before their marriage, so she took this opportunity to get him to confess all his past affairs. When she heard Chen Dong say that he had slept with so many women, Yao Jia was still very jealous, but she still said, "You've slept with so many women, I'm going to surpass you in the future."

Chen Dong then half-jokingly suggested a competition with his wife to see who had more female partners. However, according to Chen Dong, his situation was not optimistic. Although he was the one who pioneered his wife's virginity and had achieved some success before, his wife Yao Jia was now catching up. Moreover, his wife later started having extramarital affairs, claiming that she wanted to eliminate the "Eight-Nation Alliance," which really surprised Chen Dong.
In fact, women are inherently more conservative than men when it comes to sex. Take Yao Jia and Chen Dong, for example. Although she always tells Chen Dong about her experiences in detail, she never asks him about their sex life after marriage, except for things before she met him. Perhaps Chen Dong is right; deep down, Yao Jia is unwilling to see her husband sleep with other women. Women often have sex because of love; in their eyes, sex represents love. Which woman doesn't want to exclusively enjoy her lover's love? So, when she sees her husband with other women, she inevitably feels jealous and even envious. However, rationally, she also knows that her husband is someone who can separate emotions from sex. After living together for many years, Yao Jia knows her husband better than anyone. Moreover, although her husband is addicted to this game, his love for her and their family has not diminished at all. Besides, she is also caught up in it. It's too late now; she should just enjoy life.

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My wife is an adulterer (Part 4)

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