Gu Wangyan [Complete] - 2

In the second chapter, Qian Guijie suffers blindness at the hands of a quack doctor; Zhu Sikuan meets a madam and finds a match.

The second chapter,

written by Dunweng, recounts:
One day, while I was reviewing this chapter, two or three vulgar guests arrived. One guest asked me, "In this great book, with countless characters, the first one is Qian Guijie. What is the meaning of this?" I replied, "Like a legendary tale, whose deeds are told? The leading male character must appear first, hence Qian Guijie appears first in this book." The guest said, "Although this book tells the story of Qian Guijie, the leading male character should be Zhong Sheng. In a legendary tale, how can the leading female character appear first?" I said, "No, this is not a legendary tale, but merely a metaphor. Qian Guijie is like the leading male character, while Zhong Sheng is the leading female character, hence Qian Guijie appears first." He added, "Qian Guijie is a very important character in the book..." "A person who values money above all else must be portrayed as exceptionally talented. Why does his father live for money? It's quite unseemly." I laughed and said, "What do people who value money know about filial piety, brotherly love, loyalty, trustworthiness, propriety, righteousness, integrity, and a sense of shame? Since Qian Gui was born into a brothel, his father must naturally be a scoundrel. This is just something I casually picked up for amusement." One of the men in the room, from a wealthy family and with a penchant for money, angrily retorted, "Your words are extremely harsh! Are all money-loving people in the world scoundrels?" I smiled and explained, "That's not what I mean. I'm not saying all money-loving people are like that, but rather that among these people, there is none who doesn't love money." He left still seething with anger. A previous guest asked, "Qian Gui is a respectable man, a very important person. Why is he not only portrayed as a prostitute but also blind?" I replied, "There is a deeper meaning to this. The author, filled with resentment, uses this to vent his frustrations. He sees that most men in the world only know about power and profit, judging others solely by wealth and status. Who among them can truly find heroes? Qian Gui, a blind prostitute, is the epitome of depravity. Yet, he rejects countless wealthy men, focusing solely on the impoverished Zhong Sheng, whom he dedicates himself to reforming, ultimately achieving a happy life. However, a man with sight is inferior to a blind prostitute; this is the author's central theme. One must understand this to truly appreciate the book."

This book also features gamblers such as Zhu Sikuan, Tie Hua, Dai Qian, Zeng Jiacai, and Mu Fu, each with their own gambling methods and ways of losing. Spanning thousands of words, not a single sentence is identical, hence its brilliance.

Zhu Sikuan, meaning "wide bamboo strips," naturally refers to bamboo strips. These strips, in turn, come from the green and yellow parts of bamboo, hence the father's name is Zhu Qing (Green Bamboo) and the mother's name is Huang Shi (Yellow). Zhu Qing's meanness and Huang Shi's stinginess, knowing only of their silver-rich brother while remaining ignorant of the value of family and friends, are fitting for such a son. Zhu Sikuan's descent into gambling, then bamboo strip trading,

and finally tortoise shell gambling, serves as a fitting punishment for his meanness and stinginess. This serves as a significant warning to such people. Hao Shi's encounter with Zhu Sikuan was merely a pretext for her later marriage to him, as she believed such a lecherous woman needed such a "donkey-like" instrument to satisfy her desires. Otherwise, if money were to kill her, and she were to marry Zhong Sheng, where would she go? If she were to end up at Zhong Sheng's house, becoming his mother-in-law, alas, would that be acceptable? Therefore, after much calculation, Hao found Zhu Sikuan, a man of exceptionally large male physique, and fell in love with him, eventually marrying him, thus avoiding tarnishing the reputation of Zhong Sheng and Qian Gui.

Throughout history, only the most wicked can be committed by the most intelligent. This is not to say that intelligent people are inherently bad, but rather that they misuse their intelligence. Take Tie Hua, for example, with his sharp tongue and narrow-mindedness—wasn't he just as intelligent? Yet he corrupted many minds, leading to the monstrous and ruthless Huo Shi, who treated her husband like a mouse and indulged in pleasure with dogs, becoming no different from beasts. Though this was retribution for his sharp tongue and narrow-mindedness, the saying "cleverness can backfire" is truly apt.

The butcher and his four uncles made a living by gambling, ruining the character of people's children and causing them to lose their fortunes. Their family behaved like beasts; such people are truly deserving of such treatment. This passage is not only a heartfelt admonition against gambling but also a warning to gamblers of the great harm it causes. Chang Shi's case of adultery was concluded with a swift and clean stroke of the pen.

Chapter Two: Qian Guijie Goes Blind from a Quack Doctor; Zhu Sikuan Meets a Brothel Owner;

Appendix: Tiehua Plays Tricks on People; Huo Shi Plays with Dogs Out of

Boredom. The story goes that during the Wanli era of the Ming Dynasty, in Shangyuan County, Yingtian Prefecture, there lived a musician named Qian Ming. [According to Hongwu's decree, musicians wore green headscarves, red cloth belts, and pigskin boots with hair; one could immediately tell they were bastards.] His wife, Hao, [Hao means good; a man who lives for money, and with a good wife as his last words, he was undoubtedly a bastard, a musician, and a brothel owner.] Her nickname was Cui Niang. She was charming and beautiful, and even in her youth, she was renowned among courtesans. He was over thirty when they had a daughter, whom the couple cherished dearly. When she was about a year old, she had beautiful features and a fair complexion; everyone who saw her loved her and called her "Pink Baby." By the age of six or seven, she was already learning to use powder and rouge, drawing her eyebrows and styling her hair. Seeing his intelligence, his parents sent him to study at a neighboring school. The teacher there was named Bu Tong. [A clueless teacher appeared.] The teacher said to him, "You come from a family that values nothing more than wealth. Besides, your surname is Qian (meaning money), so why not name him Qian Gui (meaning 'Money Noble')? Wouldn't that be a coincidence?" He replied, "Excellent." [His name was chosen by this clueless teacher.] They then kept him at the school, teaching him to read, write, compose poems, and write couplets every day. Who knew this girl was exceptionally intelligent, able to memorize things after just one glance? In less than two years, she even seemed quite proficient in poetry. His parents were overjoyed, and others rejoiced, saying, "The Qian family's money tree has risen from this point!" A year later, though only ten years old, he was already quite grown up, his beauty beyond description. He had:

eyebrows like spring mountains, eyes like autumn waters, lips like red beans, a face like peach blossoms, ten slender jade fingers, and a pair of tiny golden lotuses. Her waist swayed like a lotus stem in the wind, her skin like a crabapple blossom after rain. Her speech was charming, her voice as clear as a flute; her steps were light, her figure as delicate as a willow. Though no one was allowed to peek into her hidden parts, one could imagine the exquisite beauty within.

Her beauty was truly captivating, needless to say. But then, a plague swept through the city that year, and she too contracted the disease, confined to her bed for months. Her parents sought doctors, consulted fortune tellers, and prayed to the gods, sparing no effort. Later, though she recovered, her eyesight dimmed, gradually becoming blind. The city's most renowned doctors tried every treatment imaginable, but to no avail. But doctors at that time had limited skills, and there were two classes among them: the poor and the rich. The poor could only sit at home with their medicine chests, their medicine rotting away after ten or fifteen days. Occasionally, they might sell a dose or two to make a living, and that would likely be their fate. Perhaps they would strike it rich in ten years, or else all hope would be lost. [Upon reading this passage, even a poor doctor would nod and sigh, "Indeed, indeed."] Why is this? Because the truly wealthy, possessing several strings of cash, hire three or four sedan chair carriers daily to carry a small, oil-coated, red-topped sedan chair. [Three or four carriers are quite respectable, but to describe carrying a small, oil-coated, red-topped sedan chair is utterly unseemly; a sedan chair is meant to be carried, not slung over one's head, making it especially unbearable.] Regardless of weather, they carry it haphazardly through the streets and alleys. In the evening, they might buy roast goose, pressed duck, ham, or smoked chicken, which they then have their medicine chest carried, following behind the sedan chair. They deliberately want people to see this, so that people will think, "This man is so extravagant all day long, and with such lavish spending, he must be a renowned doctor." This will help him spread his fame and persuade people to invite him. Little do they know that he has to spend several hundred coins of his own money to carry the sedan chair around the streets, and ultimately, all day long, his medicine chest hasn't even been sold. [Upon reading this passage, even a wealthy doctor would nod and say, "Indeed, indeed."] [A hapless person invites him to treat a patient, but he's merely testing his skills on others' lives. He's full of scheming, but his mouth is full of empty lies. He insists on using ginseng in every decoction, and makes pills for every ailment. He extracts money from patients to support his wife and children. If the patient recovers, he praises his skill and demands endless thanks; if the patient dies, he says it's just fate and disappears without a trace. Truly,

the signboard is filled with wronged souls, and the medicine chest is brimming with resentment.

Moreover, although the Ming Dynasty Code has a clause for quack doctors who kill, has it ever been used? [Regardless of whether the physician is rich or poor, one would smile and say: "Skilled hands and painters can only depict human forms, yet this person has spoken our minds. How cruel!"] Therefore, these people act arbitrarily; where are they to thoroughly study medical books and master pulse diagnosis? Even the most renowned physicians are merely lucky; they only encounter cases where the patient shouldn't die. After curing a few, they become legendary doctors, claiming to be unparalleled, able to bring the dead back to life with a single dagger. But what real skill do they possess? Thus, the rich can still get by, but the poor are truly helpless. Most modern physicians are no better than this. [This passage is not a harsh condemnation of doctors, but rather an admonition to diligently study medicine and not to kill the living. An ancient saying goes: "If not a good prime minister, then a good doctor," meaning one who can save lives. If one only seeks to kill, why not become an executioner? What is the point of studying medicine? Bian Que said: "The Yue people do not kill people, but only those with non-fatal illnesses. I hope those who study medicine will emulate this."] Therefore, Qian Gui soon went blind, his eyes tightly shut, his beautiful eyes now completely unseen by these quack doctors. [As the proverb says, "In today's world, one can only turn a blind eye." In my opinion, it would be better to simply ignore it.] Although his parents loved and cherished him, given his current situation, they could do nothing more. Two or three years later, Qian Gui had grown into a handsome and charming young man. A poem praises his beauty: "His

movements are graceful, his body swaying, his demeanor ethereal, his allure no less than that of a delicate swallow; his plum blossom makeup is light, his cheeks as pale as Pan Fei's, his face like a pear blossom. Envious of the moon goddess, her eyes tightly closed, she resembles Yang Guifei in sleep." (Right tune: "Yellow Oriole")

Now, Hao saw that although her daughter was blind, her beauty was as striking as a fairy. She wanted to find a good man and pay a large sum of money to have her marry him. Although some knew Qian Gui was handsome when he was young, everyone thought he was disabled and useless after hearing he was blind. Who knew that even without his eyes, he was still an exceptionally beautiful woman? Hao saw that although he was thirteen years old, he looked like an adult and was ready to lose his virginity. Moreover, people like him only cared about money and couldn't wait to marry him and make a profit. Seeing that no wealthy man came to take a look, and that poor men naturally wouldn't agree to marry him, she became anxious. She had a close friend named Zhu Sikuan. [As Mr. Wang Dajiang said: "There are no testicles that are not close to the buttocks, nor are there buttocks that are not connected to the testicles." People in the world become close friends after having sex. By this logic, Hao and Zhu Sikuan were close friends.] He asked him to find a good customer for his daughter. If she made a fortune, he would not only reward her handsomely, but also allow her to enjoy a special kind of dried brine from below her navel regularly, without taking any profit. Zhu Sikuan, upon hearing this, not only for the sake of others but also for his own sake, naturally took it to heart and inquired about him.

You ask who this Zhu Sikuan was? He was also a friend in the bamboo weaving business, and he had been a gambler since childhood. He was also known for stealing his parents' belongings to use as gambling capital. Although he had never been a thief outside, his reputation as a family thief was already widespread among his relatives and fellow villagers. People gave him a nickname behind his back, "Bei Zhe Bei Rong." [A four-character nickname, quite new, probably imitating the style of the Jin and Yuan dynasties.] Those who didn't understand the nuances of language simply called him a gambling thief. [Nowadays, almost half the world has this kind of nickname.] His ancestral home was in Jiangxi. His father's surname was Zhu and his given name was Qing, and his mother's surname was Huang. [Bamboo is mostly produced in Jiangxi, so he was from Jiangxi.] They moved to Nanjing. Zhu Qing originally had five or six hundred taels of silver in savings. One of his uncles, also from Jiangxi, named Zhu Kao, was a eunuch guarding the Xiaoling Mausoleum. Relying on this influence, [a very prestigious background, truly a distinguished lineage] he opened a money shop, lending money at exorbitant interest rates. He lent out 1,000 cash each month, requiring daily interest payments of 40 cash per day, totaling 1,200 cash per month. If someone wanted to borrow 1,000 cash, he would add 300 cash in interest each month. If the loan wasn't repaid that month, the 300 cash would be charged an additional 90 cash in interest the following month. With such exorbitant interest, who would dare borrow? Only those who sold scallions and vegetables, so poor they had nothing to eat, had to borrow as capital. They tried to earn a little money each day, and after repaying their debts, only a few cash remained to survive. [This vividly portrays the plight of the poor.] There were also gamblers who borrowed money as capital after losing, borrowing to win back their losses. They would repay the loan when they won, and borrow again when they lost. [These kinds of people are not worth pitying.] Or perhaps a respectable person, temporarily impoverished, is forced to borrow money to cover small debts, even if it's a dangerous situation. Wanting to save face, they have no choice but to borrow, even knowing it's a trap. [These words evoke a deep sigh.] If owed more, they'll use their uncle's name to intimidate. "This is the capital of Mr. Ling Shangzhu, he asked me to lend it to him." [This shows a petty and shameful heart.] If you owe him less, he'll tell the magistrate, get a beating, and return it with both hands—it won't be too late. Hearing this, who would dare shortchange him? They'd sell their children for fear of losing him. Over the years, he'd accumulated two or three thousand taels of silver. He was naturally stingy; when relatives and friends came to his house, he wouldn't even offer them a cup of tea, let alone food and drink. He either needed something from someone or had a respectable friend visiting, and having no other choice, he would reluctantly prepare a simple meal to offer them, something he rarely did.

His wife, Huang, was someone he had married in the capital; she was from a respectable family that made a living through business. But she was eccentric, and what's more, quite ridiculous. He and his wife lived alone, with few other people. Occasionally, they would buy a pound of meat, and why not prepare it openly and honestly? But fearing someone might see them and steal it, he would take a small, wide pot, stir-fry it under the chamber pot behind the bed, pick out the best pieces and hide them, and then take out the rest, close the door, and the two of them would hurriedly eat it like thieves before opening the door. After Zhu Qing left, he would take out the hidden meat and enjoy it alone, doing this every time.

One day, on his birthday, his brother's family sent him four pounds of meat, two fish, two chickens, and two plates of noodles to celebrate. His brother, sister-in-law, nephew, and nephew's wife all came to offer their birthday wishes. Zhu Qing sat with his uncle and nephew in the main room. Huang Shi cut four ounces of meat and stir-fried it. She also stir-fried the chicken head, wings, and feet, and used a small piece of the tail for another dish. She quickly put the rest away. She added some water and salt to a small amount of noodles, [readers should not exaggerate, such people do exist in the world.] Each person had just a little over half a bowl, which she told them to take out to entertain her brother and nephew. Her sister-in-law, however, couldn't stand it and said, "Grandma, there are three adults outside, how can this be enough? Even if there are fewer, four dishes would look better. It's awkward, what kind of place is this with only three?" He retorted, "Who didn't ask him to send four dishes? He only sent three, where am I supposed to find the other one?" [blaming others is clear, blaming oneself is blind, what kind of people are these?] His sister-in-law said, "Whether it's noodles, chives, or cabbage, how much are they worth? Adding another dish would..." "That's it." Huang frowned and said, "Poor thing, we don't even have half a cup of scraping therapy money, how are we going to buy it?" His sister-in-law added, "There's still plenty of meat, cut some more, can't we make a dish?" Hearing this, tears streamed down his face, and he said, "Cutting that piece first hurts more than cutting my own flesh, and you still want me to cut more. You're not here to celebrate my birthday, you're here to send me to my death." [First he frowned and complained about being poor, then he shed tears of reluctance, fully displaying his stinginess and ugliness.] Seeing his state, his sister-in-law didn't say anything more and let him take it away. Zhu Qing put the plate down, [thinking differently.] He only ate the half bowl of noodles with his brother-in-law and nephew, neither asking for more nor offering any more, [truly a harmonious couple.] Everyone had to put down their chopsticks. There were still some bones and fish bones left, which he quickly put away and hid in the drawer. His sister-in-law, being perceptive, figured there was no point in them staying any longer and wouldn't offer them any more food. Feeling a bit hungry, she took her wife and headed home. Huang was secretly pleased and didn't bother to stop them. She saw them to the door, watched them get into the sedan chair, and only when the sedan chair bearers lifted it did she say, "I need to prepare a meal for you, sister-in-law, but you wouldn't sit a little longer. [Waiting until the sedan chair is lifted before saying this is brilliant. If it hadn't been lifted, I feared they would have returned empty-handed, making a fool of me as a stingy person. Yet such people do exist.]" His sister-in-law smiled slightly and left.

The couple, both forty years old, still had no children. They thought, "People pray for children by worshipping a Guanyin statue. If I were to paint one to worship, it would not only cost money, but we also have a Xuan Tan God of Wealth, which we burn incense for daily. We also have a Bodhisattva statue, which would cost another penny in incense money. This is unacceptable. Even if we calculate every little detail, it would add up to several tens of coins a year. How can we afford that?" [What a meticulous calculator!] The couple discussed, "Guanyin is a Buddha, this is a god. If a Bodhisattva can give a child, why can't a god give one? I'll make a picture of a doll and stick it in the heart of the deity." They happened to look up and saw a picture of a doll pasted on the door, and exclaimed happily, "What a coincidence!" [Truly a delightful surprise.] They took a knife and pried the doll off. Not wanting to spend money on flour to make paste, the couple scraped off pieces of yellow toothpaste, [How clever! They scraped off so much yellow toothpaste, it's hilarious!] and stuck it in the deity's heart. The couple each lit an incense stick and prayed earnestly, kowtowing more than ten times. [Or perhaps they used less incense but more kowtows. A scholar gave a gift to his instructor for the festival, the sealed envelope saying "Five coins for the festival, one hundred and fifty kowtows for the student." The official said, "You can add another hundred coins, fifty kowtows will suffice." The couple, having saved an incense stick, kowtowed more to make up for it.]

Zhu Qing said to Huang Shi, "People pray for wealth and children by making a wish. I dare not make such a wish, because if I were to have a son, how would I repay it? The ancients said, 'Better to promise to a person than to a god.' You can't lie to the gods. But as the saying goes, 'If you don't invest small amounts, you won't get big profits.' Since we are praying to the gods for a child, we should make offerings regularly." Huang Shi said, "Your calculation is not good. If we make offerings regularly, it will cost a lot. You've made a big wish for pigs and sheep. If we have a son, we'll lose all the money we've spent." "The gods wouldn't use silver, and they returned it to us anyway, wouldn't that save us trouble?" Zhu Qing shook his head and said, "Absolutely not! We must think things through carefully. What if the gods suddenly take the silver away?" Huang thought for a moment and said, "How about we betroth me to the gods? I'm sure the gods don't want people." Zhu Qing said, "That's even more unacceptable. What if the gods suddenly have a change of heart and bestow a son upon you, taking you as their concubine? I'd be in big trouble, having lost my wife instead." [The couple's calculations became increasingly complicated.] Huang said, "This isn't good, that isn't good, you need to come up with an idea." Zhu Qing said, "I have a good idea. We need two meals a day. After you finish each meal, whether it's meat or vegetables, send it to the gods as an offering, and that will be considered an offering. As the old saying goes, 'The heart knows the gods.' Isn't that wonderful?" Huang praised repeatedly, "That's a good idea, that's a good idea." From that day on, he truly became devout. He made offerings at every meal, and before each offering, he would kowtow and pray. He didn't care much for offerings of cabbage and tofu, but if he bought meat, he feared the spirits would eat it. So, he would take a small dish, put a few pieces in it, and nervously test it. When he returned to collect it a moment later, it was untouched. He tried this several times, and each time it was the same. Growing bolder, he eventually offered the whole dish before eating it himself. [The whole story is so absurd it's almost laughable.]

One day, he bought a fish and offered it all, only to have it snatched and eaten by a wild cat. When he returned to collect it, he found only an empty plate. He was stunned and rushed to tell Zhuqing, "Oh dear, [as if hearing her voice.] This is terrible, terrible!" Zhuqing, seeing his changed expression, was also startled and quickly asked what was wrong. He said, "So the deity loves to eat fish. I always thought he wouldn't eat it, so I took the whole fish to offer as a sacrifice, but he ate it all. What a waste, it breaks my heart." Zhu Qing stuck out her tongue and said, "The other day you were saying you'd offer silver to the deity as a sacrifice of pigs and sheep, promising yourself to him. I'm so glad I didn't listen to you." Huang said, "It's a blessing from heaven, I'm so glad you saw it. But this fish, we can never offer it again." From then on, their family never bought fish again.

Several months later, the couple woke up in the middle of the night, half-dreaming, and as usual, went to the deity to kowtow and pray for a child. The deity suddenly spoke, saying, "I see you two are quite devout." He pointed to a fierce beast crouching beside the altar and said, "I'll bestow this upon you both as your son." The couple were both surprised and delighted, surprised that the painted image of the deity could speak, and delighted that it would be given a son. They kowtowed many times. When they looked at the beast again, it turned out to be a golden leopard. [The leopard's name sounds like "report," implying that such people deserve to have this beast as a reward.] Zhu Qing said, "I always see a black tiger next to Grandpa's image, why has it been replaced by a golden leopard?" The god laughed, "There are too many bad people in the world now. I oversee worldly wealth, and there are many who are stingy with money, so I sent this leopard to secretly gnaw on people's brains. [Those stingy with money should beware of their bone marrow.] That's why I've replaced it with this leopard. Since you prayed for a child, I have bestowed this leopard upon you as your son." Zhu Qing said, "Grandpa, I have prayed so earnestly, and you have shown me mercy and rewarded me..." "It would be better to have a son. How can you want such a vicious beast as your son?" The god laughed, "Don't underestimate it. It is Wu Sansi, the nephew of Empress Wu Zetian of the Tang Dynasty, who once held a princely title. Because of his greed, lust, and viciousness, he was reborn as an animal. Firstly, it is time for him to be reincarnated, [and he should come to hear the words of the gods]. Secondly, you and your husband begged me, so I brought it to you. You are such a mean-spirited person that it's bad enough to have a beast, but you still want a good son?" Zhu Qing said, "A son is fine, but I'm afraid he'll gnaw on my flesh and bones." [The mean-spirited person is focused on the details.] The god laughed loudly, "You've sucked the marrow out of all the poor people in your life, and you won't even let him gnaw on you?" [The greedy and mean-spirited should listen carefully.] He then pointed at the leopard, which roared and pounced on the two of them. The two of them cried out in fright, realizing it was all a dream, their hearts still pounding. The couple consulted each other, and their dreams matched, yet they remained filled with constant worry and doubt.

Several months later, Huang's menstruation stopped, and she experienced acid reflux and loss of appetite, indicating she was pregnant. She was overjoyed at the prospect of pregnancy, but also terrified of the leopard-like creature. Around the fifth or sixth month, the creature began to writhe and thrash in her womb, causing Huang immense pain as she clutched her stomach and wept. She had several miscarriages a day, even at night. Occasionally, she would fall asleep only to be awakened by the pain. Huang was deeply worried and said to Zhuqing, "I didn't pray for a son; I prayed for a nemesis! I don't know what will become of me!" Zhuqing was also genuinely worried. When the time came for delivery, Huang was over forty years old, and her pelvic bones were hardened, making it extremely difficult. Two midwives stayed by her side for three days and three nights before the baby was born. Huang breathed a sigh of relief. Although she was afraid, she was still somewhat happy to have a son at such a young age. Moreover, the baby was chubby and adorable. But the child's swollen belly was over three inches long, astonishing all who saw it.

On the third day after his death, his brother-in-law invited some relatives, all of whom brought congratulatory gifts to the wedding feast. Huang was bedridden and unable to move, so his sister-in-law cooked for them, and still managed a lavish feast. Usually, when they entertained guests, the dishes were merely lavish, barely covering the blue-and-white decorations on the plates. Today, the feast was unusually abundant, and Zhu Qing felt a pang of heartache, secretly complaining, "This is what my incompetent sister-in-law does, ruining my furniture! If I don't eat, will someone else?" He then began to eat heartily and drink incessantly, already quite drunk. Everyone congratulated him and offered him celebratory wine, which he accepted without hesitation. Seeing how heartily he ate, they offered him two more cups, which he swallowed immediately, drinking several more cups until he was eight or nine parts drunk. As the guests were leaving, he saw them off. Just as he stepped over the threshold, he tripped on a bone, lost his balance, and fell. He sprained his ankle, rolling on the ground in agony, groaning in pain. His relatives were genuinely worried. His brother-in-law and nephew quickly massaged the sprained bone, helped him inside to lie down, and then ran to the bone-setting doctor to buy plasters for him to apply. Since there was no one else at home, his brother-in-law, seeing that he and his wife were both asleep, had to call an old woman from his house to help them. After more than half a month, the couple were able to get up. Because the old woman at his brother-in-law's house required more rice and vegetables each day, they hurriedly sent her back. [This description of such a meticulous person's actions is utterly laughable.] As

the baby's one-month celebration approached, his maternal uncle discussed with his wife, "My sister is so old to have a nephew. The other day, I helped him with the three-day mourning ceremony, and my brother-in-law almost broke his leg. I feel really bad about it. Now that it's the one-month celebration, I'll gather some relatives and friends to contribute some money, both to celebrate and to help him recover. What do you think?" His wife replied, "The other day, when the baby was asleep, I took care of him and made sure he was properly cared for by everyone. Now that he's awake, he's taking care of himself. If we send him the money, he'll hide it and serve people inedible food, making you look bad. Don't you know how stingy he is? My suggestion is that you collect the money, buy a pig, have the butcher slaughter it, and bring him a jar of wine. Use whatever's left to buy firewood and rice. Maybe he'll be more considerate then." [The idea was brilliant, but the result was completely wrong. The word "maybe" is well-chosen, showing consideration for the situation.] His brother-in-law followed his wife's advice and sent the money accordingly.

On the day of the baby's one-month celebration, fourteen or fifteen guests arrived at his house. Around noon, two tables were set up, eight people per table. [This was probably for good luck, a celebration of the Eight Immortals' longevity.] A short while later, the dishes were brought out. What do you think they were? Each table had only four plates: one plate of stir-fried pig liver and intestines, piled high with scallions; one plate of braised pork heart and lungs with radish; one plate of pork head meat with tofu; and one plate of trotters, tripe, and belly skin stir-fried with cabbage. Only the bottom of each plate was covered, leaving the blue flowers showing in the empty spaces. After the eight people started eating, only four empty plates and a few bones remained. Zhu Qing only offered them a small amount of wine. [Perhaps Huang Shi wasn't a good drinker, otherwise she would have hidden the whole jar of wine.] It turned out that Huang Shi had taken the four pig legs and two large ribs. [I have actually seen such people and such things before; this is not an exaggeration.] She took them to the back of the bed in the room to marinate. In his joy, he forgot the rice was cooking in the pot. He added some firewood, which ignited the remaining embers in front of the stove, causing a great cloud of smoke. Huang rushed over to see what was happening and, seeing the flames, screamed in terror. Relatives and friends heard him and ran to help put out the fire. [The well-cured meat brought unexpected disaster. Did Huang not know this?]

When they came out, they saw that his two dogs were emaciated from hunger. Seeing that no one was around, they jumped onto the table and ate the bones, leftover sauce, and wine cups, smashing them to pieces. [Truly a bizarre idea.] The others lost interest in sitting and left. [Mr. and Mrs. Zhuqing should be grateful to the dogs; they saved them a lot of wine.] His brother-in-law told his wife when he got home, and they were both angry and amused. Seeing the repeated misfortunes, Zhuqing said to Huang, "Since the birth of this child, we have almost lost our lives. Today, we narrowly escaped a fire. I don't know what the future holds." He was filled with worry all day.

The child was healthy and easy to raise. Around five or six years old, he began to argue with his parents. If they told him to go east, he would go west; he never went his own way. Zhu Qing and his wife, seeing their son was handsome and had caused them no trouble over the years, couldn't bear to see him go unloved, despite his stubborn nature. Huang, in particular, was incredibly indulgent, spoiling him rotten. The child was so pampered that he feared nothing. They only sent him to school at ten.

The teacher, hearing of his stubbornness, named him Si Kuan, hoping to change his temperament. After only two days at school, he devised a plan to skip class. He told the teacher, "My father is unwell, and there's no one to serve at home. I need to go home and help him." The teacher let him go, and he hid outside. He played chess with the other children, losing money. When he went home, he saw money hidden by his mother and stole it. Later, he gradually started playing dice games with others, and lost big time. He began stealing odds and ends from the house to sell and repay the debts. His mother, Huang, knew all this, but kept it a secret from Zhuqing. Zhuqing sent him tuition money every month, but he never went to school. He would go out early in the morning, return home to eat when he was hungry, and then come back to sleep after school. Huang, being protective of her son (as the saying goes, "The lack of virtue in a son often stems from a mother who protects him"), refused to tell her husband that her son was skipping school, gambling, or stealing from the house. Occasionally, she would try to persuade him privately, but he would become aggressive and foul-mouthed, cursing everyone, including his father and mother.

By the time he was fourteen or fifteen, he had grown into a large man. His penis was nearly a foot long and as thick as a bell. Zhuqing considered finding him a wife, hoping it might restrain his behavior. However, she wondered if a woman could tolerate his large member, and thus abandoned the idea. He spent his days playing outside, rarely returning home, and eventually, he wasn't even afraid of his father anymore. If his mother said another word to him, he would shove and somersault, hurling insults and even threatening to punch her. This happened several times. Afterwards, Huang was terrified of him, as if she had seen a live leopard, and dared not utter a sound.

He knew from a young age that his mother hid some meat and vegetables for herself. When he was hungry, he would come home and fiercely demand food from his mother. Huang, terrified of him, would reluctantly give him some, even though it pained her. One day, Huang kept some good meat for herself. He came again asking for food, but Huang, unwilling to give it up, told him there was none. He searched everywhere and found half a bowl of meat behind the bed. [Hiding it was clever, but finding it was even more clever.] He angrily said, "Isn't this meat? You just said there wasn't any. If you don't give me any, none of us can eat!" He smashed the bowl in the yard, letting the dog eat it. He stormed off in a rage. Huang, though heartbroken, dared not speak out. Seeing him leave, she burst into tears, crying, "My son, how cruel you are! My flesh is gone, my heart aches so much! My flesh, my flesh is gone! My life is so bitter!" She continued crying, tears and snot streaming down her face. [While she cried incessantly, the reader laughed incessantly.]

A neighbor woman happened to come to her house and was startled to see her crying like this. She assumed her son had died and rushed in to ask. He tearfully told her the truth, and the woman couldn't help but cover her mouth and laugh as she left. Just then, Zhuqing came home and saw the broken bowl in the yard. He stamped his feet and exclaimed, "Oh dear, what happened? The bowl is broken, what a pity!" Hearing her husband's voice, Huang stopped crying. Zhuqing went into the room and saw Huang's face covered in tears. He asked her why. Huang refused to tell him that her son had broken a bowl, saying, "I just accidentally broke a bowl, and I couldn't help but feel heartbroken and shed tears." Zhuqing said, "After this experience, be more careful next time, and hold your hands tightly."

Meanwhile, Zhu Sikuan, who had been secretly gambling at home, later went out when his father wasn't home. He took whatever he could, including clothes and utensils, and left. His mother dared not stop him. When Zhuqing returned, Huang still wouldn't tell him, only revealing that her son had taken things when they were gone. Zhuqing checked the house and found many things missing, secretly lamenting his loss. Later, before going out, he locked all valuables in a cabinet, keeping the key with him. One day, Zhu Sikuan lost money and couldn't repay his debts. In desperation, he returned to his pawnbroker, but found nothing. He asked Huang for some. Huang said, "Have pity on me! What do I have to pawn? I can't even take off what I'm wearing." He searched around for a while, finding only Huang's blue cloth trousers. [Finding a pair of trousers, how amusing!] Seeing that it was no use, he saw the quilt on his father's bed, grabbed it, and left. [Grabbing it and leaving, brilliant, he looks desperate.] Huang panicked and chased after him, saying, "I won't wear the trousers, but this quilt is for your father to use at night, how can you take it?" He left without looking back. When Zhu Qing came home and saw that the quilt was gone, he asked what was wrong. Huang then said that her son had even taken his trousers. Zhu Qing was furious. These were for the night, so he went to various pawnshops and redeemed them. Huang quickly rolled up the trousers tightly and hid them under the altar of the God of Wealth. [This hiding was brilliant; her son would never think of it.] After that, Zhu Qing rarely dared to go out.

One day, Zhu Sikuan returned home, and Zhu Qing asked him, "You're not a child anymore, yet you keep going down the wrong path. Why are you gambling away money like crazy?" "You've been playing around with money since you were little, and you've lost so much. Have you ever won back a single penny? If you think about it like that, you should change your ways." He glared at him and said, "You call me vulgar? I'll show you how vulgar I can be. You say I gamble? I started with small bets, and it would have been better if you hadn't said anything. But since you say so, I'll go and gamble big and see." He went off muttering to himself. [There are many such despicable and unfilial sons; I have heard their words and seen them in person.] Sure enough, he went to the butcher's house to gamble.

The butcher's house was a well-known gambling den in the area. Those who ran the gambling dens had informants who knew his family possessed several thousand taels of silver, so they let him gamble, and he lost over a hundred taels in one game. Those who gambled with him were either bachelors or sons of wealthy families, who came to his door demanding payment. Zhu Qing initially couldn't bear to pay, but seeing the constant fighting and insults from the villagers, who kept calling for his mother to come out and take off his pants, Zhu Qing couldn't stand it. Enduring the pain, he had no choice but to pay for him. Seeing how easily his father paid for him, he became even more determined to gamble. [There are many such people in the world, just...] He wouldn't part with a single coin, yet he spared no expense to pay off his son's gambling debts. I don't know what kind of heart he has. This happened many times, and Zhu Qing had paid off over a thousand taels of silver for him. He dared not do anything to his son, only feeling so angry he wanted to die. Some close relatives urged him to go to the yamen to sue, but because his son was an only child, he couldn't bear to. For a moment, he was heartbroken about the money and wanted to sue, but then, feeling sorry for his son, he stopped himself. Therefore, Zhu Sikuan became increasingly unscrupulous. One day, he gambled with several ruffians. He was on a winning streak, winning three or four hundred taels of chips from morning till noon. When he stopped to settle his accounts and ask for his money, the others said, "You've got a lot of money to lose. Get rid of your delusions! Do you think we can just win all the money we have? We'll just have to wait until you lose someday and then we'll settle the debts slowly." He became anxious and said, "I've won against countless others before, and they always demand money back when they lose. I finally won today, and you want to cheat me?" The crowd said, "To tell you the truth, we originally wanted to beat you, you swollen-mouthed fellow, but unfortunately we lost today. It's your fate. Don't even mention three or four hundred taels of silver; you might not even get three or four hundred coins for a beating." Zhu Sikuan was both angry and anxious, so he cursed a few times. The three men attacked him together, punching and beating him until his mouth and nose were filled with blood, his face was red and purple, and he had large and small bumps. They tore his corrugated hat and his robe to shreds.

Just then, his uncle happened to pass by and stopped them. When asked what had happened, Zhu Sikuan told them what had happened. His uncle said to the crowd, "This good-for-nothing lackey loses the first two thousand taels every year. He only won this one game today. None of you have won, so you should have been more reasonable and not resorted to violence. If you win, you demand; if you lose, you beat him. You can't live with yourself. This is the gambling method of Emperor Taizu of Han, as described in the folk song: the loser beats, the winner demands." Seeing that he had some semblance of dignity, [a respectable person always gets by, how pitiful!] the crowd dared not reply. Besides, they themselves were in the wrong, and they arrogantly declared, "Let him off this time. If he wants to ask us for anything again, let him test our might." And so they left. [This is the behavior of a rogue.]

His uncle escorted him home and angrily said to Zhu Qing, "If you have the ability to raise a son, how come you don't have the ability to discipline him? Let him gamble and cause trouble outside, what will become of him? Since you dare not discipline him, send him to the authorities and punish him along with the gamblers, that will also serve as a warning to him to do it again." [Indeed, the best course of action.] Zhu Qing hesitated for a moment before finally saying, "How could I not have thought of that? If I send him to the authorities, I'm afraid my relatives will see it and I'll lose face." [What face? Old Niu's temperament is incomprehensible.] His uncle was furious and said, "Fine, fine, fine, your son is so unambitious, yet you have face? With such an extraordinary heart, [truly an extraordinary heart.] no wonder you have such a good son. How did you live to such an old age?" He became even angrier as he spoke, saying, "Pah, [truly a spitting insult.] You wretched child, [truly a wretched child, the insult is quite accurate.] I wonder what will become of him later." Then he left angrily. Zhu Qing looked at Zhu Sikuan and said, "You tried it today. If you lost, you'd just give it to him for nothing. If you won, you wouldn't get it and would even get beaten. Think about how much you've lost. With these two thousand taels of silver you've lost, you could open a shop, start a business, and train people—how respectable would that be? Today, your uncle scolded me like this. Do you feel bad about it?" [What an old ox! He even has the air of a son scolding his brother-in-law.] Zhu Sikuan said, "If you're willing to give me silver to open a shop, would I want to gamble? I only do this because I have nothing else to do." [In this world, what can't one do? To gamble when you have nothing else to do—what a strange thing to say. Only a vulgar person could utter such vulgar words.] Zhu Qing said, "Giving you silver to open a shop, and then you can use it to gamble." He said, "If I open a shop, start a business, and then gamble, I'm not fit to be raised by a human being; I'd be a donkey." [That's fine, but I feel sorry for your mother.] Zhu Qing asked, "What kind of business do you want to start?" He replied, "Small-scale business is too shabby; I won't do it. If the capital is too large, you won't trust me. With five hundred taels of silver, I can open a money and rice shop." Hearing that his son would stop gambling if he could do business, Zhu Qing, a parent's love for their son, was boundless, and he desperately wanted him to become successful. So he took out five hundred taels, rented three shop rooms, hired a clerk to watch the money and write accounts, and made him a new set of clothes, hat, and shoes, and chose an auspicious day to open. Sure enough, he didn't gamble for three or four months, making Zhu Qing and his wife overjoyed. [This was truly remarkable; not only were Zhu Qing and his wife delighted, but the readers also found it extraordinary.]

Zhu Sikuan was a handsome man, amiable in appearance and speech, always approachable and generous. Those who ran silk, cloth, and general stores on the street also befriended him, often inviting him to teahouses or restaurants for meals and drinks, and they would always reciprocate. Seeing his youthful cleverness, they all held him in high regard. [However, this clever young man was prone to such vulgar acts; I don't understand his intentions.] He had abstained for half a year, but suddenly his gambling urge returned, and he couldn't resist. He went to the butcher's house and lost over five hundred taels of silver in one night, giving away all his money and rice. [He was quite decisive.] When the people came to collect the money and rice, the shop assistant found out and tried to stop them, but Zhu Sikuan grabbed a knife and threatened to fight him. The shop assistant had no choice but to rush to inform his father. When Zhu Qing stumbled back, the money and rice were gone, leaving only an empty shop; even Zhu Sikuan was nowhere to be seen. He beat his chest and stamped his feet, lamenting and blaming heaven and earth as he returned home. [It can be said: The son is gone and will never return; the money and rice are now gone forever.] "

Where did Zhu Sikuan go? He lost his shop and wanted to recoup his losses, but he had no money. So he went to the shops he knew regularly and lied, saying, 'Several boats of rice arrived on the river outside Shuixi Gate. The customers have urgent family matters and need it back urgently. They're selling it at cost price, which would yield a profit of four or five percent even at the current market price. My father asked me to come to your shop to beg for some money temporarily. [The title is excellent, but unfortunately the writing is wrong.] I'll lend you fifty taels or thirty or forty taels. Once the rice is distributed, I'll return it to you in full within three to five days.' The people saw that he was running a shop, some knew his father, and knew his family was well-off. Moreover, his words were very tactful. Who wouldn't believe him? He borrowed thirty or fifty taels from each shop, totaling more than four hundred taels. He took it to the butcher's shop and gave it all to someone else, only to have worked hard all night.

When the shopkeepers passed by his shop and saw it was locked, they assumed his employees had gone to take care of distributing the rice. Four or five days passed, and it remained locked as before." Visiting the shops on either side, they learned the ingenuity of his schemes. Everyone knew, and they all arranged to come to his house to ask Zhu Qing for the money back. Zhu Qing, seeing that it was his son's doing, and knowing they were all old acquaintances, couldn't reason with them, so he gritted his teeth and paid back the full amount. This time, he emptied his purse of everything he had earned through a life of stinginess. The remaining houses and land amounted to only five or six hundred taels of gold, the same as what he had acquired over thirty years ago. [As the proverb says: Man may have a thousand plans, but Heaven only has one; a life of stinginess ultimately amounts to nothing. What good is stinginess? One must be discerning in such matters.]

Zhu Sikuan had given away over a thousand taels in these two games. Although he wasn't afraid of his parents, he felt ashamed and stayed at the butcher's house, not returning home, losing another one or two hundred taels here and there. The people, accustomed to receiving help, came to find Zhu Qing again. By this time, Zhu Qing was penniless, so he had to adopt the cunning method of the escaping patriarch, plugging his ears to deafness and his voice to muteness, refusing to listen and remaining silent. After being thoroughly insulted, he, now nearly seventy years old, came out and said, "My family's valuables, worth several thousand taels, have been completely squandered by you all, seducing my worthless son. Now I'm left with only my old life; come and kill me!" He went into the street, loudly proclaiming his grievances, and dragged the crowd into banging his head against the wall, threatening to die. At first, the crowd thought he was still easily fooled, but now that the old man had lost everything, they were desperate and ready to fight. [Truly, desperation breeds resourcefulness.] Those who weren't afraid of trouble were easily driven away, but when they returned, they demanded money from Zhu Sikuan. Zhu Sikuan, having no other choice, came up with a clever plan: "Although my family's silver is gone, our property is still worth a thousand taels, but the documents are in my father's hands and won't come out. I'll write an IOU, and after my father dies, the money will be repaid when the chime rings. Let me roll it today and see what's in it." Knowing his family's property was still worth several hundred taels, the crowd agreed. Two or three experienced gamblers joined him, winning seven or eight hundred taels of silver in one night. They immediately forced him to sign sales contracts for his properties and land, with many accomplices acting as guarantors. These winners took out a few taels of silver to prepare several tables of wine to thank everyone. Zhu Sikuan, however, also ate his fill, feeling quite pleased with himself. [What a bargain! Seven or eight hundred taels on credit, and he ate his fill. I have a relative, Zeng Xihou, who possesses immense wealth. He doesn't waste a single coin on food or clothing, and even when his hair is only an inch long, he refuses to spend money on a shave. Only when he encounters a barber at a relative's house will he bother to get a shave. Such is his stinginess, yet he gambles without hesitation. He owns a teahouse called Shuangyueju, which, including the building and furnishings, cost two thousand five hundred taels of silver. One night, he lost three thousand taels of silver, and the teahouse was given to him in return. He happily told people, "My two thousand five hundred taels of silver property was sold for three thousand taels! Isn't that a bargain?" Zhu Sikuan's mindset is similar.] Afterwards, when people learned he was a eunuch and had been castrated, they stopped gambling with him and only gambled for cash.

He had no gambling capital left and was in a panic. He remembered his cousin-in-law, Su Cai, who was Huang's niece's husband. Su Cai had over a thousand taels of silver in capital and sold miscellaneous goods on the road. Zhu Sikuan went to see him, and Su Cai was delighted to see him, saying, "Your sister told me that you've actually reformed and stopped gambling, and opened a shop. Isn't it good to be a decent person like this? This is your uncle's savings." He then said, "I opened a shop, but I don't have enough capital, and I can't make ends meet. My father's debts are hard to collect. Today I bought a batch of rice, and I'm short twenty or thirty taels of silver. I heard that my brother-in-law had come home, so I came to see him and also wanted to ask him for twenty or thirty taels of silver temporarily. I'll send it over in a couple of days." Su Cai said, "My goods haven't been shipped yet, and I have no money. Since I need it, I'll pawn your sister's jewelry for a few taels." He then asked his wife to bring out some jewelry, saying, "This is worth twenty taels of silver; take it." Zhu Sikuan said, "I shouldn't trouble two customers. Since you and my sister are so kind, I might as well make it all happen. Ten more taels will be enough, saving me the trouble of asking another." Su Cai thought for a moment and then said to his wife, "Lend him some of the clothes we don't need anymore." His sister then gave him a large bundle of new clothes. He thanked her and happily took them away. [How delightful!] He went to the entertainment venue and pawned his goods for thirty-five taels, then quietly delivered them to the gambling den.

More than half a month passed, and Su Cai still hadn't received the item back. Zhu Qing was extremely indifferent to his relatives, and few people visited him. Su Cai wanted to ask him for something back, so he used this opportunity to visit his aunt and uncle. After sitting down and exchanging a few casual words, the topic of the pawn ticket Zhu Sikuan had borrowed came up. Zhu Qing was so angry upon hearing this that tears streamed down his face, and he recounted in detail all of Zhu Sikuan's past misdeeds. Hearing this, Su Cai knew that the item could not possibly be returned, and that getting the pawn ticket was the most important thing. He took his leave and was walking down the street when he saw two or three thugs grabbing Zhu Sikuan and making a scene. When Su Cai looked over, he saw that Zhu Sikuan was completely naked, wearing only a small shirt and trousers, and his bare feet were exposed. Su Cai stepped forward to inquire about the matter. The crowd replied, "He lost more than ten taels of silver to us, only giving us a set of clothes. It's not even worth the first two taels. How can we let him go?" Su Cai said, "Gentlemen, look at him like this. Do you still want his life? I advise you all to let him go." The crowd refused, one punching, another kicking. Su Cai, feeling sorry for him, said, "Gentlemen, there's no need to fight. Killing someone doesn't go unpunished, does it?" He took out a few taels of silver from his pocket and handed it to the crowd, saying, "Take this and buy yourself a drink. Let him go. If you don't comply, I won't interfere." The crowd, seeing Zhu Sikuan's appearance, knew he couldn't be forced into this situation and only wanted to vent their anger. Seeing Su Cai take out silver to resolve the dispute, they were overjoyed. They reluctantly let him go, said a few polite words to Su Cai, and went to the tavern with smiles. Su Cai sighed and said to him, "How can you be so incompetent? You know I can't return my things, so give me the pawn ticket." Fortunately, he still had the pawn ticket with him, so he took it out and gave it to Su Cai. [What can a generous brother-in-law do when faced with such an unworthy brother-in-law? Reading this, I recalled a story: Zhu Zhishan, when he was in the capital, had no money to spend during the New Year, so he borrowed money from relatives and friends, pretending to be going to mourn someone. He borrowed more than ten items and pawned them all. People didn't come to collect them during the New Year, but after the Lantern Festival, they all came to ask for them back, saying, "It would have been better if you had come earlier, but now that you're late, we don't even know where the pawn ticket is." Zhu Sikuan's pawn ticket was still there, which was much better than this.] Su Cai said, "How can you walk on the street like this? I'll take you home." He still refused. Su Cai held on tightly and took him home. He told Zhu Qing about the whole thing and then went back. Seeing her beloved son in such a state, Zhu Qing had nothing to say, only sighed a few times and shed a few tears. The old ox licked its calf, having no other choice, and gave him another old long coat to wear.

Suddenly one day, Huang's nephew rode up on a donkey at breakneck speed, saying, "Mother has suddenly fallen ill and asked me to fetch my aunt. Hurry home to see her." Huang said, "Go quickly to the dock and call for a sedan chair." He hurried off. When the sedan chair arrived, the donkey was nowhere to be found, and Zhu Sikuan was nowhere to be seen either. He jumped up in panic, saying, "I was afraid we'd be too slow, so I borrowed a donkey from the mill next door. And now, my brother has used it as gambling chips again." [How amusing!] Zhu Qing, in his room, was so ashamed he dared not utter a sound. He was anxious for a while, but had no choice but to walk with Huang.

Zhu Sikuan stole the donkey, made two taels and five mace of silver into gambling chips, and quickly gave them all away. He learned that his aunt was gone, and on the sixth day, he went to Huang's house. While they were reciting the First Seven Classics, he felt no shame and went to help. His maternal uncle and cousin, though furious with him, couldn't vent their anger in front of many relatives, nor could they shoo him away out of respect for their sister and daughter. That evening, the monks offered food until the third watch, and everyone, exhausted, fell asleep. The next morning, the offerings before the coffin were gone, and many mourning clothes were missing, even the white tablecloths had been taken. Going outside, they found the door wide open. Checking everyone, they couldn't find their nephew, surnamed Zhu. [This theft was even more ingenious.] His maternal uncle cried out in alarm, "You could have stolen something else! Taking the mourning clothes is taboo; how can we remake them? What will we say?" He hurriedly sent his son with money to the butcher's market, where they found him, got a ransom, and redeemed him. Huang was so ashamed she wanted to disappear into the ground.

A few days later, Huang returned home and told her husband about her husband's clever scheme. Zhu Qing was getting old, and shame and anger filled his heart. Gradually, he lost his appetite and fell ill. Zhu Sikuan no longer wanted to go home and became a hanger-on at the Tu family's house. Every ten days or so, he would save up a few coins and gamble with others. Although he lost all his family's fortune, he honed his martial arts skills and became invincible. The Tu family saw that he was clever and helped him watch the gambling debts and collect the winnings; they couldn't do without him. [It can be said that he learned gambling skills and sold them to the gambling house.] Meanwhile

, Zhu Qing hadn't seen his son return for a long time, and there were no more people coming to collect gambling debts at the door. He still had enough to eat and wear. With his eyes and ears at peace, he felt better. Having not gone out for a long time, one day, leaning on a cane, he went to a teahouse on the street to sit and relax. A waiter brought over a pot of tea, but he quickly said, "No need for tea, I'll just sit for a bit and then leave." The shopkeeper, who recognized him, knew he was stingy and didn't want to waste money on tea, so he smiled and said, "It's on me, sir, no need for tea." He then stayed. He poured himself a cup and drank it. He noticed two people at the next table also drinking tea and chatting. He listened and realized they were talking about his family affairs. One said, “Who doesn’t love money in this world? But if you’re extremely stingy, you offend the gods and spirits, and the consequences will befall your children and grandchildren, and even yourself. There’s no escaping it. Take that wretched old man, Zhu Sikuan’s father, for example. Although I’ve never met him, I’ve heard people say that his stinginess and miserliness are rare in the world. How many poor people have suffered because of him! He’s worked hard all his life, amassed such a fortune, but never enjoyed it for a single day. He raised such a good son, only to have it all slip away so easily, leaving behind so much ridicule.” Another laughed, “The other day at Old Tu’s house, I saw Zhu Sikuan gamble away all his property and land, writing down all the documents. As soon as the old man passes away, it will all belong to someone else. That wretched old man doesn’t know about his son’s situation; he’s still in the dark. He’s probably going to die of anger over this.” Zhu Qing, upon hearing this, almost couldn’t catch her breath, her legs going weak with anger. After a long while, she managed to go home and tell Huang Shi what had happened. The couple grieved deeply. His old illness, which had not yet fully healed, was exacerbated by this sudden illness, turning him into a "qi poison" (a type of poisonous insect). They couldn't afford treatment. On his deathbed, he thought, "This wretched child! What kind of mortal enemies were we in a past life? How can we be father and son in this life? He's been at odds with me my whole life. If I were to ask him to bury me after I die, he would absolutely refuse. He'd either burn me or throw me into the water. If I just tell him to cremate me and then bury me in the water, he'll surely bury me." He asked a neighbor to find him at the butcher's house and brought him to him, saying, "I gave birth to you and raised you for over thirty years, yet I never received a single day of your filial piety. Because of gambling, I've tried to persuade you a thousand times, but the more I tried, the more stubborn you became. Now that I'm dying, I can't control you anymore. Let it be. But after I die, I doubt anyone will come to my grave to burn paper money or offerings. You don't need to bury me; just burn me and throw me in the water. That would be clean enough." Having said this, he closed his eyes and passed away.

Whenever his father advised him against gambling, Zhu Sikuan gambled even more heavily; when advised against his depravity, he swam even further into it. He was well aware of his own wrongdoing. He often encountered others like himself and advised them, "Why are you doing this? Don't be like me, so unambitious." But he was born a rebel, knowingly committing wrongdoings. Now, hearing his father's dying words, he felt a pang of sorrow. He thought to himself, “In truth, I’ve been at odds with him my whole life. As father and son, it would be too much to disobey his dying words. When he was alive, I hated him because he constantly nagged in my ear with hurtful words, which is why I disobeyed him. Now, thinking back, he struggled his whole life, and I squandered every penny of his wealth, yet he never dared to do anything to me. Honestly, if I had that wealth, and he had taken it all, I would have had much to give in to. [Most disobedient and wicked children in the world are like this.] I should only think of his good points, not his bad ones. If I have a son later, I should also expect him to be filial. People often say that death resolves even enmity with strangers, let alone family. So be it, let’s settle the score. I will follow his last words.” So he bought a coffin, prepared the body, carried it out, and burned it. He collected the bones, put them in an old bottle at home, and threw them into the middle of the river at Saihong Bridge outside the city. [

He was a truly filial son, not disobeying his father's orders.] These creditors, seeing his father dead, came to demand payment, and he gave them all his property, land, and what little he had left. His wife, Huang, was subdued by her son; how could she dare utter a word? Harboring resentment and grief, she died within a few days. Zhu Sikuan thought, "Although he didn't say he wanted to be buried or cremated, he and his wife should naturally be together." So he burned the remains and threw them under Saihong Bridge. He had no house left, utterly alone, and lived in the Tu family's gambling den. Although he had given away all his possessions in gambling, he had managed to make a living through it. The wealthy men and sons of officials who gambled at the Tu family's gambling den all flattered him, and he learned the ways of the trade. Although he had no worries about food and clothing, he had been used to spending money since childhood, so by the time he was over thirty, he had no family business and did not want a wife.

He had a nickname, Sai Ao Cao, and his penis was truly enormous, measuring two inches wide and a foot long. Not only were respectable women terrified, but even prostitutes would be scared half to death by his donkey-sized member. Some bold and wanton prostitutes, greedy for his double the money and eager to experience its sheer size, would try it briefly, only to be torn apart, crying and fleeing. Later, prostitutes used him as a vow, saying to any of his kind who swore, "If he has no conscience, may he meet Zhu Si Kuan's bastard." With this infamous reputation, prostitutes dared not provoke him again. Because of this, he completely forgot about marriage. Although he met several women, they were merely paying homage, never becoming his intimate companions. While he was familiar with the shape of their vaginas, he had never tasted their pleasure. Unexpectedly, fate brought him together with Hao's possession, which turned out to be a life-saving tool for him.

Hao, though a middle-aged beauty, possessed a charm surpassing even that of a young man. She had long heard of Zhu Sikuan's reputation but dared not act rashly. Later, she thought, "She is a woman, and I am a woman too, why should I be afraid?" and decided to try it out with him. To her surprise, she entered easily, finding no difficulty whatsoever. Zhu Sikuan, having met this owner of a grand restaurant, finally enjoyed a delicious meal and discovered the true pleasures of women. Initially, Zhu Sikuan thought his possession was useless, but today he realized that every object has its match. Therefore, he diligently sought ways to obtain money to please Hao, hoping to win her favor and frequently experience her wonderful possession. But how could a gambler like him have any spare money? There was a reason: although he gambled, he wasn't as reckless as these impulsive young men, who wore little yellow flags around their necks and acted as money carriers. He had spent thousands of taels of silver and practiced for over twenty years in this field, and was quite skilled. Having spent so much time in casinos, he knew everyone – the rich, the poor, the experienced, the novice – and he had a mental book of their abilities. When he encountered wealthy and experienced gamblers, he wouldn't gamble himself, but would instead flatter and fawn over them, helping them calculate chips or keep accounts. Whoever won, he'd give them a small bonus. Nine out of ten of these gambling tycoons were willing to bet generously. Seeing his helpfulness, flattery, and long-standing acquaintance, they were especially willing to give him extra. Or, by chance, he might encounter two wealthy but inexperienced gamblers, and he'd hook one of them. Having honed his skills in this field for so long, he was adept at catching both the rich and the poor, and his methods were highly refined, so he swept nine out of ten games. He didn't spend a single penny of his winnings elsewhere, only enough to buy himself a new outfit. His daily meals were obtained through gambling, so he never needed to buy firewood or rice. He accumulated a lot, keeping only a small amount for gambling, and giving the rest to Hao as money for his "yin-husband's" expenses. [Zhu Qing gave birth to him, yet never provided a single day of filial piety. He provided endless money for Hao's "yin-husband's" expenses. Zhu Qing's words were not as good as Hao's "yin-husband's"; a mean person should have such a son.] Over the years, he had repaid him countless amounts.

Hao's "yin-husband's" expenses were like a monk's alms chest. Two clay dolls, each with a small, bell-shaped pouch, stood on the chest. No matter how much money you threw in, it would all fall in. This little fleshy hole of his, Zhu Sikuan filled with a lot of money, yet it never seemed to have any effect. [A sheep merchant, who owned hundreds of sheep, occasionally visited a prostitute. They became very close, and he gradually gave all his sheep to her. One day, before leaving, he said to her, "We've been close for a long time; let me take a closer look at your thing." The prostitute showed it to him, and the man exclaimed, "How could such a toothless mouth have eaten hundreds of my sheep?" He didn't even notice the hundreds of sheep inside, let alone the small amount of money he had.] Since Hao had had the pleasure of seeing his magnificent penis, it naturally became known as an "out-of-the-box" vulva. [A vulva described as "out-of-the-box" is just as newsworthy as an iron vulva.] Occasionally, when customers came to have sex with him, one was surprised by its small size, another by its large size, and they all left in shock.

Hao had a very close old man who was extremely witty and humorous. Hao had also praised his penis, considering it to be among the best. He happened to visit him, reminiscing about old times. He brought a bag as a gift, and Hao prepared wine and food to entertain him. He ate with him and stayed the night. The two undressed and went to bed. The man touched his vulva and found it like two broken tiles. He exclaimed in surprise, "A woman with such a large thing? Truly, after three days, I should look at you with new eyes! I saw in a novel about Wu Zetian that her vulva was like a tile; I thought it was a later insult, and based on this, it's probably not wrong." He had no choice but to try it on her. It was wide and unsupported; his penis inside felt like a wooden tongue in a bowl, swaying back and forth endlessly. [A wonderful analogy.] It was also like a giant walking, swaying from side to side. [This analogy is even more wonderful.] Seeing him moving on her stomach without her noticing, Hao asked, "You're just doing it, but you're not putting it in. Why are you moving around like that?" The man chuckled to himself, "What a big thing." He pulled it out and said, "I'm going to pee." He went to the window and saw a garlic pestle, as thick as a wrist and six or seven inches long. He quietly took it in, pretended to climb on top of her, and used his hand to push the pestle into his vagina, inserting it all at once. Hao said, "How come your penis is so cold?" The man stuck out his tongue and said, "How powerful! I must test how deep and big it is." He added, "I also need to relieve myself." He got off the bed again and, in the lamplight, saw a large clothes mallet on the side of the bed. He laughed, took it, climbed back onto the bed, and positioned the mallet against his vagina, inserting it most of the way in after a few thrusts. Hao felt something was amiss. He thought to himself, "Only Zhu Sikuan could do this; how come he also has something unusual?" He quickly reached out to touch it and found it was a large club. He laughed and scolded, "You rascal! This is my livelihood, not a mortar and pestle! Why are you using a big club to pound it?" The man also laughed, "Haven't you heard the ancient poem that says, 'Chang'an is pitch black, ten thousand households are pounding their cunts'?" Hao laughed loudly, "I heard a moon, the sound of pounding clothes." The man said, "Under the moon, naturally it's pounding clothes; your cunt can only be pounded in the dark. Although the two things are different, both require this club." The two laughed together. [Once upon a time, there was a son surnamed Zhang who was betrothed to a woman surnamed Yin. Before the wedding, the wife of the Zhang family instructed the matchmaker to tell her mother: "My family is the Zhang family; the dowry must enter my Zhang family before leaving her Yin family." The mother told the matchmaker, "You should pay respects to your future mother-in-law; although she is the Zhang family, my cunt is not small either."] "That's what Hao Shi meant." The man knew he couldn't do anything more, and seeing her strange vulva, he kept digging and probing with his hands. Hao Shi was aroused by him to the point of feeling neither pain nor itching, but rather great discomfort, with her vaginal fluids flowing freely. The man's hands were all wet with semen. He pinched his five fingers together and playfully pushed them inside, unexpectedly slipping his hand in all the way to her wrist. Hao Shi was still unaware, but the man was terrified and sat up, kicking one foot into her vagina, inserting halfway in. Hao Shi touched it, laughing and cursing, "Am I here for you to wear as a worn-out boot?" [This is nothing unusual. There's a joke about a prostitute with an exceptionally large vulva. A regular customer came to her house, and the prostitute was lying naked in the middle of the day. The customer playfully took off her shoe and inserted it into her vagina. The prostitute woke up, couldn't find her shoe, and asked her madam. The madam said, "You were wearing it on your foot, how could you not see it?"] "This prostitute went to urinate in the chamber pot, and her shoe fell out of her vagina. She laughed and called to the madam, 'I don't know which busybody stuffed my shoe in here, that's why it fell out.' The madam said, 'The other day you went missing two large wine jugs; I suppose someone was playing with you and stuffed them in there. Look for them.' Two wine jugs could be stuffed in, let alone half a foot! Compared to this prostitute, Hao was far more beautiful. [A smile.] The man laughed so hard he rolled around on the bed for a while before finally falling asleep. The next day, he told people the joke, and someone even made up a Wu song to sing:

'Old Hao the madam is so slutty, her vagina is like a broken gourd. Someone pawned her boot cover. She can only be a lonely old man.' [The sound is 'gu'.]

People heard she had this strange thing." No one came to teach him anymore, so this Hao woman loved Zhu Sikuan's penis as much as her life. Now that her daughter was grown up, with this tender, soft-looking man to entertain her, she wasn't worried about the wealth flowing in and becoming a rich woman. [Rich men exist, but rich women are rare here.] Besides, she was already over forty, an old beauty, past her prime. She feared Zhu Sikuan would despise her, this dried-up shrimp, [a strange saying, "shrimp" refers to its shape, "dried" is a metaphor for its stench]. "Once abandoned, where can one find such a perfect match?" Therefore, he entrusted him with the task of finding a good, widowed old man for his daughter. Not only would he share the benefits with the man, but from then on, with his daughter as his means of livelihood, he would gladly offer his old, withered possession for free, asking for nothing more. Zhu Sikuan, upon hearing this, considered the money a secondary concern. If he failed in his mission, the man might become enraged and banish him from the house. Where could he find such a wonderful, spacious woman again? [Such a wonderful woman might still exist.] Wouldn't he then be living a life of widowhood? Therefore, he took it very seriously.

One day, at the gambling den, he met an old acquaintance named Tie Hua, a Hui Muslim. [The Hui Muslim] was over thirty years old. From a young age, he was cunning and eccentric, quick-witted and sharp-tongued, his actions always surprising. When he was eight or nine, his father sent him to an old scholar's school to be taught. He was capable of everything except reading books. [There were many such students.]

This gentleman, whose given name was Zhen Jiaxun, was a stubborn and rigid old scholar. He was relentless in his criticism, constantly giving him a beating, and the gentleman harbored resentment. Although only in his fifties, he had a full head of white beard. One day, he was about to take the imperial examination and heard that the new school of scholars favored young scholars and looked down on the old. Even if the young scholars' writing was not perfect, he believed they could be cultivated and therefore ranked them highly. The old scholars, even if they were venerable, were all placed at the bottom. This gentleman, with his silver beard, felt ashamed of his appearance. He feared that a low score would not only ruin his reputation but also prevent him from taking the examination. He wanted to find some medicine to blacken his beard so he could take the exam. Not knowing where to find a good remedy, he asked any friend he knew. [An old man had a concubine with a full head of white beard, which he blackened with a blackening medicine. One day, the concubine saw him and wept bitterly.] The man was startled and asked, "When I saw you, you were black! How could I not be sad?" It's common for a man who takes a concubine to have black hair, but I never expected that someone taking the exam would also have black hair. Tiehua, guessing his meaning, said to the teacher, "My father has excellent blackening medicine." The teacher asked, "How do you know?" He replied, "Do you think my father's beard is black? It's snow-white. I often see him apply some medicine before going to bed at night, and the next morning it's jet black." The teacher was delighted to hear this and said to him, "When you go home tonight, please invite your father over; I have something to say." He said, "My father went out to do business and hasn't come home yet. If you need medicine, we have some at home; I'll ask my mother for some to bring to you." The teacher said, "Very well." "You mustn't forget." When school was over, as they were about to leave, the teacher reminded him again, "I'm waiting for you to bring it before I go home." He readily agreed and ran home as fast as he could. He hurriedly picked some red balsam flowers, mashed them with some alum into a paste, wrapped it in paper, and brought it to the school. He said to the teacher in a charade, "My mother said that this medicine must not be exposed to wind, so don't open it to look at it. [How wonderful, opening it might reveal that it's fake.] Just before going to sleep, wrap it on your beard with a small silk handkerchief, and it will be jet black by tomorrow. Put some on your temples as well, and then tie it up with a headband, and it will also be black." The teacher was a sincere man and believed him. When he got home, he indeed only opened it before going to sleep, wrapped it up, and went to sleep. The next morning, when he got up and looked in the mirror, he was shocked. Not only was his beard completely red, but his temples and even the spots on his face were also red. If he had a red face, he would look like a fire god. His daughter saw this and said, "Who tricked Father with this balsam flower used for nail dye?" [This daughter was mentioned casually; later, when she married Gan Bujiao, it wasn't a fabrication.] Zhen Jiaxun, reminded by him, realized he had been tricked by Tiehua. He was in a panic, with the exam in a day or two. He frantically washed himself with soap, but the more he washed, the redder he became, and the shinier the soap made him. Helpless, he feigned illness, only admitting it later when he was finally sent away. He dared not leave the house, hiding at home for a full month until the redness subsided. He had initially had a full white beard, but now it had turned a pale yellow. [If Mr. Zhen had a fair complexion, it would have matched the physiognomy book. The physiognomy book says, "A silver beard and a golden face indicate great nobility."] After missing more than a month of classes, he stormed into the school, full of resentment, and summoned all the students. Tiehua also came, and the teacher wanted to beat him. He said, "I haven't broken any school rules, why did you hit me, teacher?" The teacher said, "You're so young and already have such wicked intentions. What kind of medicine did you use to trick me the other day?" He said, "How could I dare to trick you, teacher? My mother packed the medicine and told me to put it on the table. I went outside to relieve myself, and afraid that you would be waiting too long, I hurriedly went back in to get it and bring it to you. But in my haste, I took the wrong one—I took my sister's henna flowers. When I went back, my sister asked me for the flowers. When I looked again, the henna packet was still on the table, and I realized I had taken the wrong one." When I went to deliver the medicine to the teacher's house, I was still young, and it was getting dark. Unexpectedly, my sister snatched the packet of medicine away, smashed it on the ground, and trampled it to pieces. I asked my mother for some more medicine so that I could give it to the teacher when he came to the school the next day, but there was none left. [How clever! This idea is even better. Otherwise, I would say: "I'm afraid the teacher will ask again." How could I answer that?] The next day, I heard that the teacher was ill. How could I dare to tease him? I was scolded by my sister for two days at home for knocking over his flowers.” [This statement not only shows he didn't accept the blame but also implied he was taking credit, subtly suggesting that he was scolded by his sister because of the teacher for mistakenly delivering the medicine. How mischievous!] If he insisted it was black medicine, it would undoubtedly be his doing, and he would certainly be punished. Since he genuinely admitted to taking the wrong medicine, it wasn't easy to punish him. The teacher, hearing his detailed and coherent explanation, was half-convinced. Besides, he had also made a mistake asking the child for medicine the day before, so he let him off the hook.

There was a student named Bei Yu in the school. One day, he hadn't memorized his lesson and was punished with ten strokes of the cane by his teacher. Tie Hua also received a few strokes that day. The teacher went home for dinner. All the other students went home, but the two of them were not allowed to go. Bei Yu muttered curses incessantly, "Our skin is sore from his beatings." Tie Hua said, "You can't get revenge on him even if you curse him, he can't hear you. I have a way to get revenge. My house is far away, but yours is right next door. Go and get two big needles, stick them in the cushion he sits on. When he sits down, poke his buttocks a couple of times. Consider it revenge for our buttocks." Bei Yu said, "That's a good idea, but if we're the only two here, and they investigate, it'll be either you or me, and we'll get another good beating." [Bei Yu's idea wasn't entirely foolish, but Tie Hua was too cunning. Therefore, Bei Yu was fooled by him.] Tiehua said, "I hate him so much. Just do as I say. Write another note saying that Tiehua poked the teacher with a needle. If he saw it, I'll give him ten more lashes to vent my anger. It won't hurt you at all." Bei Yu happily ran home, got two needles, stuck them in the cushion, and wrote another note underneath.

After a while, all the students arrived, and the teacher also came. He sat down in the chair, wearing only a thin shirt. The two needles were halfway in, and he jumped up in pain, quickly pulling them out. He picked up the cushion and saw a note underneath that said Tiehua poked the teacher with a needle. The teacher summoned Tiehua and angrily said, "You beast! You can't even read, all you do is commit these evil deeds!" Tiehua replied, "There are many students, how did you know it was me?" The teacher showed him the note and said, "It's written here clearly." Tiehua cried, "I'm a bit slow and can't read. People see that you often beat me, so they tease and harm me. If I were to offend you, would I dare to write my name here?" The teacher thought his words made sense, so he called all the students to compare the handwriting, and it was indeed Beiyu. The teacher wanted to beat him, but he said that Tiehua had taught him to do it. Tiehua said, "I'm just that simple-minded. If I asked you to do it, I would teach you to write my name. You should first search the teacher's seat and I'll assume you're looking for something. You're blaming me for what you did." The teacher said, "This has nothing to do with Tiehua. It's clearly that beast Beiyu. Because I hit him this morning, he deliberately stabbed me and wrote this note to frame Tiehua. Such treachery is despicable." Beiyu cried bitterly, insisting that he was wronged and that it was Tiehua. The teacher was still somewhat undecided. A college student named Gan Yi said, "Teacher, just investigate where these two needles came from, and you'll know who it is." [Gan Yi was mentioned casually, saving strokes.] The teacher asked Tiehua, who replied, "I don't know. Beiyu said he needed to relieve himself and came back quite a while later, rummaging around on your desk." The teacher then sent Gan Yi to his house to inquire, and Gan Yi returned, saying, "His mother said Beiyu said the teacher needed a needle, so he brought it." The teacher laughed, "You beast, what else do you have to say?" Beiyu said, "Tiehua told me to take it." The teacher angrily said, "You dare to deny it? If Tiehua told you to eat shit, would you eat it?" He pressed Beiyu down on the stool and gave him ten solid lashes. [Alas, there are many injustices in the world. It was clearly Tiehua who was implicated, yet Beiyu was dragged into it. Tiehua's cunning allowed him to escape punishment, while Beiyu's foolishness led to his injustice. To generalize from a small matter, how difficult it is to resolve a case with a few words!] Beiyu was tricked by Tiehua and had no way to defend himself. He was also secretly cursed by Tiehua for over ten days. [Even the teacher was fooled by him; how much more so by this idiot?] Some

time later, the gentleman went out on errands and returned just as he was passing by Tiehua's house. He saw a boy, about ten years old, hunched over, crying and cursing. Upon closer inspection, he saw it was an egg seller, perched on a stone slab, his arms wrapped around a high pile of eggs, hunched over, too afraid to move. A basket lay beside him. When asked what was wrong, the boy cried, "A boy of about ten years old wants to buy my eggs and asked me to count them. I had nowhere to put them, so he told me to wrap my arms around them. He counted them and said he'd go inside to get the money and then come back for the eggs. He hasn't come out all day. I'm afraid to move, afraid the eggs will roll down and break. This time, no one else is around, my back is aching, and my arms are numb. If I'm any later, they'll all be broken. Thank goodness I met you, sir, please save me!" The gentleman, knowing it was Tiehua's doing, was filled with resentment. He took the basket from the man, put the eggs inside, and after he finished packing them, the boy could barely straighten his back. He thanked the man profusely before taking the basket and leaving.

When the teacher arrived at the school, Tiehua had already arrived through the back door. The teacher called him over and asked, "Is that the egg seller at your gate the one you were dealing with?" He replied, "I came to the school after eating, and I don't know anything about egg sellers." The teacher said, "He clearly said it was a child of about ten years old, so who else could it be but you?" He angrily prepared to hit him. [The text describes both teasing the boy and teasing the child, highlighting the child's lack of Tiehua's sharp tongue and cunning.] The boy said, "My family has several children of about ten years old, could it be me? You shouldn't have let him go earlier; you should have called him to identify me. Isn't it unfair to hit me now?" [He's really mischievous. He's just arguing, and the teacher can't do anything about it.] The teacher was speechless and forgave him.

There was a student in the school named Bai Hua. His father had been a clerk in Huazhou, Shaanxi. Because he had no son, he prayed at Mount Hua, and the child was born, hence the name. Bai Hua was quick-witted and mischievous. His students nicknamed him "White Mouth," but since the two "Bai" characters were too similar, they also called him "White-Shrunk Mouth" because his mouth was slightly sunken.

One day, when their teacher went out, Tie Hua said, "I'll tell you a joke, everyone listen." Bai Hua and the students gathered around to listen to Tie Hua's story: "A woman was drawing water from a well. It was a very cold day, and the ground was covered in ice. Suddenly, she needed to urinate. Seeing no one around, she squatted down to do so. After she finished, she tried to stand up, but she slipped and lost her balance, falling and freezing her vulva to the ice. She couldn't get up and had to sit there. Her husband, seeing his wife hadn't returned, rushed over. He saw her sitting on the ice and asked her what had happened. She told him it was because her urine had frozen. The man was at a loss. After thinking for a while, he said, 'Unless you blow on the ice to melt it, you won't be able to get up.'" "She had no choice but to crawl down and try to speak with her mouth. Unexpectedly, her mouth and vulva froze together, and she couldn't move. Suddenly, a few porters passed by and, seeing the two of them like this, asked what had happened. The man's mouth was frozen, so he couldn't speak, and the woman had no choice but to tell the truth, swallowing her shame. The men went up and looked at her, and one of them said, 'This is easy. If you want to open it, we'll bring over a carrying pole, and everyone can close their mouths and vulvas.' Everyone laughed. Bai Hua, seeing that they were being insulted, said, 'I also have a joke to tell you.' Everyone listened intently as he said, 'A man recited a poem: "Ten miles of apricot blossoms, red as snow, the top scholar returns on horseback like the wind." A man next to him said, "You've misread it; the poem says 'return.' The man laughed and said, 'You're so ignorant! 'Return' is the same as 'go back,' and 'go back' is the same as 'return.'" "Everyone laughed so hard they almost fell over. Tie Hua said, 'Don't laugh, let me tell you another one. A man bought several paintings on credit from an art shop and went home to hang them up. The painter asked for the money back dozens of times, but he never paid. The painter got angry and cursed, 'I'll fuck your mother who hangs up these paintings!'" The students clapped and laughed, "That Bai Hua got what he deserved." Bai Hua didn't agree and said, "Don't laugh, let me tell you another story. A man had just fallen asleep when he heard knocking at the door. He got up and opened it, but no one was there. He went back to sleep, but heard knocking again. He got up again and opened the door, but still no one was there. This happened four or five times. The man got impatient and cursed, 'I opened the door and there was no one there, I closed the door and you knock again, I'll fuck your great-grandmother who knocks at the door!'" "When Tiehua saw that his ancestor had been offended, he became red-faced and started arguing, almost coming to blows. The college student, Gan Yi, though also a young man, was dignified and never joked with anyone, so everyone was somewhat afraid of him. [Gan Yi is repeatedly described as mature beyond his years, which later shows his true worth.] It was only after a shout from Tiehua that he was subdued.

Tiehua studied for another year or two, but his father, seeing that he still knew nothing, told him to resign from his teacher and learn to do business. Even under the teacher's supervision, he often skipped school; how could he possibly sit still in a shop? He spent his days wandering around aimlessly.

One day, he met a man dressed very neatly, refined and scholarly, who looked like a scholar. As he approached, he saw a man with a large, unpleasant nose. Tiehua was touched, smiled secretly, and bowed deeply. The man, seeing his fine clothes, knew he was from a respectable family and returned the bow, saying, 'Young sir, we are strangers, why bother with such a bow?'" He said, “Sir, with such an appearance, it’s a pity you’ve ruined Saturn. Why don’t you fix it?” The man frowned and said, “Indeed, I’ve sought remedies everywhere, but nothing has worked.” He said, “My father has a wonderful remedy that cures him instantly, with extremely effective results.” The man was overjoyed and grabbed him, saying, “Young sir, since that’s the case, please lead me to your residence to ask your father for help. If he is cured, I will thank you profusely.” Tie Huagui replied, “I should accompany you, but I have some important business to attend to at a relative’s house and cannot accompany you. Just go to Sanshan Street and ask for Uncle Tie, who runs a felt shop. Everyone knows him; that’s my father.” The man said, “So you are Uncle Tie’s son. Although I have never met your father, I have long heard of him. Your residence is next to the mosque; I recognize it. I will go and ask for help now.” He then bowed to him and took his leave, continuing all the way to the Tie family's house. He asked the gatekeeper to let him in. Old Tie, a Hui man, came out to greet him and invited him to sit in the hall, asking his purpose. The man, seeing that the old Hui man also had a large, swollen nose, red as a fist, was very suspicious and could only reply, "I just met your son on the road. He saw my swollen nose and said that my father had a very good prescription, so I came to ask for it." The old Hui man laughed loudly, "Sir, you've been fooled by that beast!" He pointed to his own nose and said, "If I had a good prescription, how could my nose be in this state? He tricked you into coming here to see my swollen nose." The man suddenly understood, laughed loudly, and took his leave.

One day, he walked into a quiet alley and saw a young woman talking to an old woman on the street inside a house. He saw that the young woman was quite beautiful and stopped, staring intently. The old woman, seeing that he was young but looking too intently, said, "Just walk your own way. What are you standing there staring at?" He said, “On the official street of the court, you can stand there but I can’t? You’re looking at me, but I’m not looking at him.” The old woman angrily said, “You’re clearly looking, yet you still argue. I’ll gouge your eyes out.” Tie Hua laughed, “If you gouge out my eyes, be sure to put them in that old lady’s crotch.” The old woman was both amused and angry, and chased after him to beat him, so he ran away.

When he was fourteen years old, the Muslims celebrated the New Year on the first day of the seventh month. The old Hui man fasted for a whole month, and the weather was so hot that he was hungry all day long, and he had to pray several times a day until the stars and moon appeared before he could eat his fill. At dawn, he would stuff himself with beef, mutton, fried dough, and haliwa to get through the day. Some older people’s irregular eating habits damaged their spleen and stomach, and they developed dysentery and died after ten days or so. The old master and Manci recited the Hui scriptures, and the burial took place that day. There’s no need to go into details.

Several months later, one day he was idly standing at the door when he saw a man in a straw hat and straw sandals asking someone inside a butcher shop next door, "Where does that Tie Huizi live?" The man in the shop pointed to Tie Hua and said, "That man in mourning is Master Tie." The man walked up to him and said, "I was sent by Master Wu from Beimen Bridge. I have a letter for you." Tie Hua was already angry when he heard him called Tie Huizi. He took the letter and looked at it, then pretended to say, "So your master is waiting to borrow this. If you don't want it, then go ahead and take it." He hurriedly went inside, took a large round box, put a millstone inside, sealed it on all four sides, and wrote the character "回" (hui, meaning "return") on it. He told his family to bring the box out and said to the man, "Your master urgently needs it. You must not rest on the way." He told his family to help him lift it onto his shoulders. The man said, "It's very heavy. What is it?" Tiehua said, "It's all precious porcelain. Don't move it, or it will break." He then tucked the "回" character into his pocket for him. The man had no choice but to carry it. It turned out that the man had just come to the city from the village. [Following the previous line about straw hats and straw sandals] Country folk are honest and believed him. [His story was so convincing that even city people couldn't help but believe it.] He carried it for seven or eight li in one go, his shoulders swollen from the weight. He supported himself with both hands, not daring to switch shoulders for fear of breaking it. He was exhausted, covered in sweat, and his face was flushed. When he arrived home, he went inside and called out, "Come quickly and take it! It's crushing!" His master rushed out to see what was wrong, and when he tried to take it, he found it extremely heavy. The man said, "Take this carefully, lest it fall." His master asked, "What is it?" The man replied, "How would I know what it is? Master Tie said it was borrowed by my master, who urgently needs it and told me to carry it back in one go, without delay." His master was very suspicious and said, "I didn't ask him to borrow anything." He quickly opened it and saw a stone mill. Not knowing its meaning, he asked if there was a reply. The man, panting, said, "Yes, it's in my arms." He took it out; it was soaked with sweat. Upon opening it, there was little written on it, only nine large characters: "The visitor was rude; punishment: carrying millstone." Below was a line of smaller characters: "Return it to him to atone for your sins." His master laughed and asked, "How did you offend him? He tricked you like this." The man replied, "How did I offend him? When I got there, I asked the butcher shop, 'Where does Tie Huizi live?' He was at the shop next door, and the shopkeeper pointed him out to me. I handed him my husband's name, and he went in, took this, and made me carry it here." His master laughed loudly, "He's angry that you called him Tie Huizi, so he's punishing you with this hard task." The man then understood the reason, feeling both annoyed and amused. His master said, "No, you mustn't. Rest a bit, and then return it to him. Don't call him Tie Huizi again." The man pouted, rested for a while, and then had no choice but to return it to him.

One day, on the Dragon Boat Festival, the Qinhuai River was teeming with boats. His servant came to Tie Hua and said, "Just now, my mistress sent me to deliver zongzi to Master Huo's house. I passed by the entrance to the examination hall and saw Master Ha, Master Suo, Master Ma, and Master Wu, four or five men, carrying food boxes, all going on a boat trip." Tie Hua thought, "These men are all my family's close friends and relatives. They deliberately let me go to have fun, which is annoying. I'll give them a good laugh." So he told the servant to quickly catch some large green grasshoppers, find a fish pickling jar at home, fill it with some diluted manure, mix the grasshoppers in, and seal it with red paper. He instructed the servant to do this and that: "You must not laugh when you get there." The servant was very clever, nodded in understanding, took the jar, and went all the way to the riverbank. When he saw the boat of these men approaching from afar, he shouted loudly, "Master Ha, is my master on the boat?" The man recognized the servant as Tie Hua's servant. Seeing the jar in his hand, they discussed with the others, "That little rascal, Xiao Tie'er, always tries to take advantage of people. What this servant is carrying must be a gift. Let's trick him into eating it first." So they ordered the boat to dock and lied to the servant, "Your master just went ashore to talk to someone, and now we're back. What are you carrying?" The servant, seeing that they were lying, suppressed a laugh and glanced at their boat. In the center was a table covered with a scarlet velvet rug, with a large Xuande porcelain vase filled with lotus flowers, incense burner, chess pieces, and other items arranged very lavishly. In front of them was a gilded square table, around which five people sat, with fresh fruits and delicacies piled high. He replied, "Our servant just came from Anqing, bringing several jars of fish sauce for my grandmother. She said her husband isn't home, so he must be on a boat trip, and asked me to bring one jar." The others were delighted, saying, "Good timing! Bring it up, your husband will be here soon." The servant, seizing the opportunity, handed it to someone on the boat, saying, "Please make sure to tell my husband, I'll go tell my grandmother." With that, he laughed and ran off. The others, pleased with themselves, took it and peeled back the paper, about to pour some out to taste, when suddenly the grasshoppers, having been cooped up for so long, started jumping wildly in the light. Everyone was covered in stench, from head to toe. As the first grasshopper jumped, they all cried out, "Oh no!" This cry came from their open mouths, splattering excrement all over them, almost making them vomit their intestines out. [The expressions are vividly described.] The dishes and fruits laid out on the table were all mixed with excrement, and the whole boat reeked. Only then did they realize they had suffered a great loss at his hands. [They got a good deal.] Even the family members who served them from afar at the bow and stern still benefited from the stench, unable to sit still. The food was inedible, so they dumped it in the river. Disappointed, everyone dispersed and went home to bathe. The boatman was exhausted and had to wash the boat again, but the stench still lingered.

Meanwhile, the sisters, cousins, and sisters-in-law of Tie Gongfang were invited by their mother to celebrate the festival. They all said, "People say the Qinhuai River is very lively this year, with a dozen or so lantern boats, and many guests are going on boat trips. Once a year, Grandma, take us all out for a bit of fun, and we can also benefit from your good fortune." His plump daughter [the plump daughter is Tong Zida's wife, mentioned incidentally; such is the brilliance of the writing. Truly wonderful.] She pleaded sweetly, "Mother, take me to play with my sisters and sisters-in-law!" One chimed in, another chimed in, and the old woman was somewhat intrigued. She called Tiehua over and said, "I heard that the river is very lively this year. I'm an old woman, I should go and relax. You can hire a boat, and I'll go with your sisters, sisters, and sisters-in-law to have some fun." He said, "There are so many people, what's the fun there? It's better to stay home, that's more enjoyable." [Women going on boat trips to see lanterns is a vulgar custom in Jiangning. His words are indeed true.] His mother angrily said, "You're allowed to have fun outside all day, but I can't have a little fun? Are you afraid of wasting your furniture?" Tiehua dared not disobey and went out to think, "My mother has never been this happy before, they must have encouraged her. I'll make them suffer a little so they'll know this boat isn't a good place to go." Having made up his mind, he hired a boat the next day and hung curtains on it. He had come beforehand to instruct, "Since we're going on a boat trip, don't drink too much tea. There's nowhere to urinate on the boat, so be careful." The women were overjoyed and indeed dared not drink any tea. They ate some breakfast early in the morning and then took sedan chairs to the boat. The boat trip was truly lively. On other boats, there were singers, musicians, prostitutes, actors from the opera troupe, and musicians playing various instruments. The houses along the riverbanks were filled with men and women enjoying the scenery. Although it was interesting to watch and listen to, it was early May, and the weather was still long. A blazing sun hung in the sky, its rays piercing through from all sides. The heat was unbearable, and they were all thirsty. By afternoon, everyone had eaten very early and was quite hungry. His mother urged him three or four times, and he only replied, "It'll be ready soon," but nothing came. After a while, it was finally brought out. What, you ask? The food consisted of braised goose, preserved duck, pickled fish, baked cakes, crispy fried dough sticks, Meigong pastries, jade dew frost, Fujian ginger, candied orange peel, candied plums, and round slices. Everyone was starving, and upon seeing these things, they ate their fill. After a while, it was afternoon, and the heat intensified. Having already been thirsty for half a day, the salty, sweet, and dry food made their throats feel like they were on fire. How could they bear it? Everyone was dizzy with thirst and hurriedly asked for tea. Two large pots of warm tea were brought, but no one cared; they just sipped from bowl to bowl. Those who were thirsty could bear it, but drinking some cold tea only made them thirstier, and they just wanted more. Two pots weren't enough, so they asked for two more, and drank them all, filling their bellies. Although their thirst was somewhat relieved, not long after, everyone felt the urge to urinate. They had nowhere to urinate and couldn't say anything. Just when they were about to reach their limit, Tiehua produced some pre-made benzoin incense. He ground soapberry into an extremely fine powder, wrapped it around the incense, made dozens of sticks, and lit them all at once. He told the boatman to turn the bow upwind, and he sat leaning against the curtain. The smoke and soapberry powder blew into the cabin in gusts of wind. The smell of the soapberry powder caused them to sneeze uncontrollably. These women, who were already struggling to hold back their urination, could no longer hold it in as their sneezing caused their urine to flow freely. They were all dressed in thin silk or gauze, and their skirts, trousers, and clothes were completely soaked, even their knees and shoes were wet. The entire boat was covered in urine. They hurriedly called for the boat to be moored and for sedan chairs to take them home. When he got home, he complained to everyone, "I told you not to go, but you insisted. I told you to drink less tea, but you all slurped it down like crazy. The whole boat is covered in urine. What will people think? If the boatman tells everyone tomorrow, what will become of our reputation?" The women all blushed and remained silent. Even his mother, whose pants were covered in urine, couldn't say anything. They only blamed themselves for drinking too much tea and not listening to his good advice; little did they know that he was the one who caused the trouble.

Two years later, at the age of eighteen, he married a woman named Huo. His mother died that same year. Some time later, it was his brother-in-law Huo Da's birthday, and he went to offer his congratulations. Many relatives and friends were there, eating noodles. He casually strolled into the back garden and saw a washing bucket under his brother-in-law's back window, recognizing it as his aunt's. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, he quickly scraped some soot from under the pot, wiped the rim of the bucket, and put the lid back on. After a short while, he went back in to check, but the bucket was gone; he knew his aunt had taken it. He came out and laughed incessantly at the table. When people asked him what was wrong, he just laughed. After repeated questioning, he said, "If I tell you, I'm afraid my elder brother will be angry." His brother-in-law, not knowing what was going on, said, "Just say what you want to say. What am I angry about?" He laughed and said, "I went to the back just now and accidentally saw my sister-in-law urinating there. There was a big black circle on her snow-white buttocks, so I couldn't help but laugh." The Hui man among them, who was very familiar with him, laughed and scolded, "You damned bastard, always talking nonsense." He said, "I'm not talking nonsense at all. You tell my elder brother to go in and see. If there's no black circle, you can punish me however you want." His brother-in-law thought that he had really seen it, so he didn't want to accuse him of being the culprit. Everyone changed the subject and the matter was dropped. After everyone had left, Huo Da went into the room and complained to his wife, "Do you know that rascal Tie's brother-in-law? How could you not be careful when you urinated? He saw your butt and said it in front of everyone, it made me so embarrassed." His wife said, "Oh dear, what are you talking about? I urinated inside with the door closed, I wasn't outside, how could he see?" Huo Da said, "He also said he saw a big black circle on your butt." The woman said, "Pah, is he seeing a ghost? Don't listen to that damned nonsense. My butt is perfectly fine, how could there be a black circle?" Huo Da said, "You don't need to curse or say anything more, just look and you'll know." He made her bend over on the chair with her buttocks sticking out. He lifted her skirt, pulled down her pants, and sure enough, there was a black circle, but it was blurred by the trousers. Huo Dadao: "There's evidence now, what are you still arguing about?" He twisted her vulva with his hand, saying, "He probably even saw this red circle." The woman blushed, angrily thinking for a long time, then hurriedly opened the chamber pot, lit a lamp, and wiped her hands around it. Her hands were covered in black soot, and she realized it was him who had played a trick. The couple cursed the short-lived ghost a few times and then laughed heartily.

Some time later, Tiehua came to his father-in-law's house again. His brother-in-law wasn't home, so he sat in his father-in-law's room for a while before coming out. He happened to glimpse his aunt carrying two sheets of toilet paper, going to the outhouse in the back, closing the door, and washing her hands. In Nanjing, every household, big or small, had an outhouse. In large houses with deep courtyards, they used chamber pots at night, which were emptied by servants. In smaller houses, the outhouse was right outside the back window, and people used it for urination and defecation during the day. The chamber pot was only for nighttime use. Seeing him go inside, Tiehua hurriedly went into the kitchen, gathered some rice, and quietly scattered it from the kitchen entrance to the outside of the outhouse. He came in and said to his father-in-law, "Father, I don't know who stole the rice. They scattered it all over the floor and hid in the outhouse." The old man, being the head of the household, heard someone stealing rice and came out to see. Sure enough, there was rice scattered all over the floor. He shouted, "Who stole the rice?" He then went to the outhouse door. Seeing the door closed, assuming the rice thief was hiding inside, he tried to push it open. The daughter-in-law, hearing her father-in-law shouting and trying to push the door open, didn't dare to make a sound and hurriedly leaned against it, not even bothering to pull up her pants. One of them cursed as they pushed in, saying, "Which servant dares to steal in broad daylight, so bold?" The other forcefully pushed it outwards. While they were arguing, Tiehua ran to his mother-in-law and said, "Grandma, look at Dad, he's so old, and when my sister-in-law went to the outhouse, he followed her and tried to open the door." The old woman jumped up and rushed over. Sure enough, the old man was still pushing the door, yelling. Enraged, she slapped him twice, leaving him dazed and struggling. She cursed, "You shameless old man! Your wife is in the outhouse, what are you doing pushing the door?" The old man, filled with shame, said, "My son-in-law said it was someone stealing rice, and I believed him, so I chased after them to get it. How was I supposed to know it was my wife?" By the time he came out to talk to his son-in-law, Tiehua had already gone home. Afterwards, not only did the old man find it amusing, but even the old woman and daughter-in-law chuckled secretly when they thought about his cleverness.

One day, Tiehua was wandering the streets when a countryman came to town to sell jujube thorns. The thorns weren't tied tightly; two large, lumpy bundles were held high on a carrying pole, poked between them. One of the men, seemingly wanting to avoid trouble, scratched Tie Hua, tearing his clothes slightly. Just as Tie Hua was about to get angry, the man saw this, quickly put down his load, and stepped forward to apologize, saying, "I made a mistake. Sir, please forgive me, a poor countryman." He smiled and tried his best to be apologetic. Seeing this, Tie Hua, remembering the saying, "One doesn't strike a smiling face," couldn't bring himself to be angry. He said, "You didn't mean it, you made a mistake, what's the harm? I just needed to buy some thorns for dates. How much do you want? Sell them to me." Seeing that Tie Hua wasn't angry but wanted to buy from him, the man quickly said, "Sir, you've forgiven me, I should give you a gift. Where is your house? I'll take it there." Tie Hua said, "How could I take yours for free? Of course, you won't lose out. Carry them and come with me." The man hoisted the load onto his shoulder and followed him. He was a countryman, unfamiliar with the city streets. He followed him to the entrance of a small alley, where Tiehua pointed and said, "Going through the main street is a much longer route. Just go through this alley, and you'll find my house." The man took it seriously and went in, only to be squeezed and unable to move. Tiehua called out from the front, "Push harder! Once you get past this section, it'll be wider and easier to walk." The man indeed pushed forward with all his might, but the alley became narrower and narrower until he couldn't move anymore. He called out "Sir" a few more times, but there was no answer. The thorns were wedging him in from both ends, leaving him in the middle. Trying to back away, the thorns, which had initially pushed in with great force, were now stuck upside down in the cracks between the bricks of the wall, preventing him from moving an inch. People on both sides blocked his way, cursing, "Are you blind? How can you walk through this narrow alley?" The man in the middle cried out in protest, "A gentleman wanted to buy me and led me here, but he disappeared. How could I have come here on my own?" The crowd knew he had been tricked and, unable to wait any longer, all went around to another direction. The thorn seller stood there for a while, then, in desperation, had a sudden inspiration. He lay down and crawled out from under the thorns. He was out, but the load of thorns wouldn't budge. After thinking for a while, realizing he had no money, he took off his large cloth shirt, pawned it for a few dozen coins, bought a thick hemp rope, and tossed it over the thorns. He crawled back in, pulled himself out by the rope, and tried to pull it up. But he couldn't move it! Imagine this countryman, carrying a heavy load from the dead of night, walking dozens of miles to the city, hoping to earn a few dozen coins to buy a meal, and return home with whatever he had left. Who would have thought he would encounter such a virtuous gentleman? After all that, it was already afternoon. He was exhausted and his back ached with hunger. He couldn't bear to abandon the load of thorns, even with its iron-wrapped carrying pole. So he went to the street corner and begged several passersby for help before he finally managed to pull it out. By then, all the thorns had been snagged. Knowing the sun was setting and he had to hurry home, he figured he wouldn't be able to sell them in time, so he angrily left it in an empty spot. He used the few coins he had left from buying the rope to buy a bowl of rice, then carried the carrying pole home. He hadn't sold a load of thorns, but instead pawned a piece of cloth and got a rope. Can you imagine how miserable this poor man was?

Meanwhile, there was a courtesan in the brothel, nicknamed Yu Xian. Although she wasn't considered a beauty, she was quite outstanding among her fellow courtesans, and thus she was quite famous and popular. Tie Hua heard of her and tried to hire her several times, but she was always busy. It wasn't that she was deliberately being disrespectful; it's just that things don't always go as planned. When she was available, Tie Hua wouldn't come. When it was time to go and fetch him, he was busy. Tie Hua, never expecting this, saw that he hadn't come after several attempts and thought angrily, "That filthy whore, relying on his reputation, is so despicable. I'll smash his rice bowl so he'll know my power." This cunning old man then devised a vicious plan.

That day, he prepared a generous gift and several taels of silver for prostitution, and personally went to Yu Xian's house. She wasn't home, as expected. The madam greeted him and invited him in to sit. Tie Hua said, "I've admired your daughter for a long time and have come to fetch her several times, but all have been unsuccessful. I've prepared this small gift for you, madam. If your daughter is free, please have someone tell her. I can't set a date." The madam knew the Tie family was wealthy, and seeing him so generous before even meeting him, she assumed he was a good customer. She didn't understand his true intentions. She smiled and thanked him profusely, agreeing repeatedly.

Two days later, the madam of Yu Xian's house said that her daughter was free at home that day and asked him to come and invite her. She asked if the young master was coming to her house or if he should be brought over. Tie Gong was secretly delighted and said, "I'll send someone to fetch her right away." He hurriedly sent someone to reserve a room by the river and instructed his family to reserve a table at his monastery. He also sent someone to invite four or five friends, who were none other than Ha Huizi, Ma Huizi, Suo Huizi, and Wu Huizi, his fellow disciples. Then he called a clever young servant and whispered instructions in his ear, telling him how to do things. He then went to the room by the river, and Yu Xian also came. When he saw her, she was indeed quite handsome. He was good at witty banter and had a great capacity for drinking, so everyone liked him. After a while, his friends also arrived, and everyone sat down. When everyone saw him, they all flattered him. Some praised his good looks, while others said they admired his great reputation. Naha Huizi said, "Brother Tie and Yuxian are truly a perfect match today." Yuxian smiled and said, "There was a line in the 'Pipa Ji' that said, 'What a charming son-in-law!'" Everyone laughed. Tiehua, though angry at being teased by a Hui, couldn't vent his anger and smiled as well. He ordered wine and food to be brought, and they sat down to drink together. Tiehua said, "I know Yuxian is very generous. Let's have a contest today. Each of us will have a self-pouring pot in front of us. We'll pour and drink by ourselves, playing drinking games. No one is allowed to drink on behalf of others or pour the wrong wine. Anyone who violates this rule will be punished with three pots." Everyone said, "Okay." Yuxian, confident in her capacity for alcohol, didn't refuse. Everyone drank until the second watch of the night, and everyone was quite tipsy. The crowd said, "That's enough wine. Don't delay your good time." Tiehua stopped and ordered tea to be brewed. The servants brought tea, and everyone, thirsty from the wine, drank several cups. Tie Hua said, "It's late, brothers, why don't you stay here? Beds are prepared, please stay here." Tie Hua wanted them to stay so he could make a scene for everyone the next morning. Although the others didn't know the real reason, seeing it was late, they all went to sleep.

Tie Hua and Yu Xian shared a room, and naturally, they stripped naked and made love. Seeing that Yu Xian was already too drunk to move, Tie Hua, with a scheme in mind, wouldn't let him sleep. He gave him an aphrodisiac and then proceeded to torment him. He tossed and turned, making love to him without stopping. Even when the old man brought the prostitute, could he stop him? He could only let him do as he pleased until the fourth watch. Since Yu Xian was said to have a high tolerance, why was he so drunk while everyone else was fine? This was Tie Hua's wicked plan. As the host, he had set the rules: the drinking game would begin, and everyone would drink alone. He had prepared two kinds of wine beforehand: the others drank the usual wine, while Yu Xian drank a special vintage he had sourced from a cellar over ten years old. It was pleasant to drink, so Yu Xian didn't notice anything amiss. Later, a cup of hot tea brought on the effects of the wine, and she couldn't hold on any longer. After being fussed over in bed, she became dizzy and couldn't take it anymore. Although she managed not to vomit, she was so drunk she was unconscious. Tie Hua, concerned, stayed up all night. At dawn, he checked on her and found her still unconscious. The servant he had instructed the day before brought over the fake excrement he had made. What was it? It was yellow wine lees, kneaded until it was mushy, rolled into long strips, and wedged out of a bamboo tube—it looked exactly like dried excrement. He took it, gently lifted the blanket, placed it under her buttocks, and smeared some on her anus. Then he shouted, "Oh no! Servants, come quick! This girl has soiled herself in bed!" Several servants rushed in, and Yu Xian had already woken up. Tiehua cursed, "You shameless filthy whore, how could you splatter excrement all over the bedding?" Yuxian was startled. Completely naked, she quickly got up and saw, sure enough, two or three splatters of excrement on the bedding. She felt a sticky residue inside her anus, and wondered if she had soiled it herself while drunk. But it turned out Tiehua had done it, and she could only cry in distress. At that moment, her friends heard this and all ran out to see, clapping and laughing. Tiehua, fearing people would see through the deception, hurriedly shouted at the servant, "It's filthy! Take it out!" The servant took two pieces of reed and used them to clamp the excrement, deliberately pinching his nose tightly as he pulled it out. Tiehua instructed his family, "Quickly tell the sedan chair bearers to take him to his house. Tell his madam that he splattered excrement, soiling my bedding. Forgive him and don't make him pay, but take back everything I gave him the other day." He only allowed Yuxian to put on her clothes, not even allowing her to wash, and had her family pull her into the sedan chair. She left, weeping and wailing. Three or four family members arrived at his house and told him what had happened. The madam, seeing her daughter humiliated, had no reply and feared a bad reputation, so she had no choice but to return the item. She then beat her daughter half to death.

The men Tiehua hired were a bunch of scoundrels. Yesterday, Yuxian had jokingly said something, and they, all Hui people, had beaten several of them with a stick. Although she laughed then, she harbored resentment. Now, with this incident, the news spread like wildfire. The fact that Yuxian defecated in her sleep—this reputation had spread far and wide, and even ghosts dared not visit her door. He had done many such despicable things, too numerous to recount, but a few examples are enough to illustrate his meanness.

He was wealthy, possessing tens of thousands of taels of silver. His ailment was the same as Zhu Sikuan's: he was fond of the six red, black, and gold bones in the gambling den, and he loved the pointed, round, and flat flesh of women's crotches. Since he shared Zhu Sikuan's wicked tastes, they naturally became kindred spirits. That day, after a break at the Tu family's gambling den, everyone drank and chatted. [Now, let's talk about the gambling den owner, surnamed Tu. Although he's been mentioned several times, his background hasn't been revealed yet. I can't write twice, so I'll fill in the details now.]

This Tu Si was originally from Qiantang County, Hangzhou Prefecture, Zhejiang Province. He lived near the mouth of West Lake, next to a woman named Chang, who made a living by selling turtles caught in the lake. Chang often had no one to buy things for her, so she often asked Tu Si to do it for her. Unable to repay him, and seeing that he was a strong and handsome man, she asked him one day to buy wine and food so they could drink together as a wedding toast. In return, she presented him with her iron vulva, a weapon both feared and loved. Unexpectedly, Tu Si possessed a fine penis; not only was he skilled at catching turtles, but he was also adept at catching shrimp. Although Chang couldn't fully satisfy her desires, compared to others, one was worth two or three, making him truly lovable. She invited him to visit her home often.

After Chang met that Taoist priest, he extracted his yin essence for two nights, causing him to become severely ill and nearly die. He took many tonics and recuperated for two months before recovering. Although his lust subsided somewhat afterward, he was no longer as vigorous as before, able to seduce two or three men without tiring. However, he no longer cared much for his mother, who was of advanced age and whose essence and blood were depleted, and was injured by the Taoist priest's actions. At first, he didn't realize it, but later, due to caring for his daughter's illness, he worked tirelessly from dawn till dusk. When his daughter recovered, he fell ill himself, languishing listlessly. Therefore, he felt increasingly inseparable from Tu Si at home, so he said to him, "I live alone, with limited food and clothing. Besides, this turtle-catching business isn't a proper trade. [Indeed, turtle-catching is not as good as being a turtle, and selling turtles is not as good as selling shrimp.] Why don't you move in with me? You'll have ready-made food and clothing, and we'll just help each other out. There's no hard work involved. What do you think?" Tu Si couldn't resist. Not only would he have food during the day, but he would also have sex with her at night. He happily agreed. He returned the half-room he had been renting, and moved in with only a few old things and some tattered clothes. Chang used some of her own money to make him a few clothes, hats, shoes, and socks. Dressed up, he looked quite handsome. The two of them didn't wait for their parents' orders or the words of a matchmaker, and became a couple in name only. [A couple in name only is a strange story.] They ate together by day and slept together by night. When customers came, Tu Si would buy them wine and food during the day and listen to the sounds of the brothel at night. If no one came, he would fill the vacancy. Such a person was called "Tang Bao" in Nanjing and "Lao Mao De" in Beijing. Tu Si took on this role. After some time, the old folks knew he was Chang's fake husband. [The previous mention of a couple in name only was strange; this "fake husband" was even stranger.] So they called him Tu Si, not daring to call him by his name directly, and instead called him Tu Banba (Half-Eight Tu). [Half-Eight is reasonable. Because he was a fake husband, he was only considered half a "forgetful eight."] He happily accepted this without suspicion.

Chang's mother died after a year of illness and was cremated and buried in the lake. Initially, Chang and her daughter ran this business of selling mallets and collecting mercury, and no one gossiped. Now that her mother was dead, and Tu Si openly enjoyed himself at her house, some unruly young men became jealous. One day, she said to Tu Si, "The ancients said, 'A sudden storm does not enter the door of orphans and widows.' [Look at these scoundrels, first condemn them with righteous indignation.] You are their neighbor, not a relative of the Chang family, and they have never married you off fairly and justly. How dare you openly live with them and seize a widow? [Next, add charges against them.] Such a beautiful, ownerless object, you can enjoy it, and so can we. [This is when they reveal their true feelings. Brilliant.] If you want to share it with us, fine. Otherwise, we will publicly sue you in the county and make you go to court. If all else fails, you might as well leave now. Go back and discuss it with your daughter Jingde. If you don't receive a reply within three days, you can try our methods, which is called 'beating first and then negotiating.'" Seeing that she had many people and was powerful, Tu Si returned and told Chang Shi what she had said, intending to leave.

Changshi said bitterly, "My fate is to encounter such petty and wicked people. It was like this in the city, which is why I moved here, and now it's the same." [Once upon a time, there was a woman who, after marrying, had an affair. She was repeatedly divorced. One day, she chatted with a neighbor woman. Knowing that this woman had been divorced many times, the neighbor advised, "A woman shouldn't suffer like this. From now on, be more careful." The woman replied, "How can you blame me? I married a scoundrel; what can I do?" Changshi, instead of blaming herself, blamed others, just like this woman.] She was reluctant to part with him and said, "We're doing just fine together, why do you want to leave? There's so much gossip, people are even calling us husband and wife. [The phrase 'calling us husband and wife' is increasingly unusual. Since the beginning of the term 'husband and wife,' there's probably never been such a strange way of addressing each other.] She secretly moved away, and there was no more trouble." Tu Si said, "Since you've shown me such affection, I have nowhere to stay here. I have an uncle in Nanjing who runs a gambling den. He has no children and has repeatedly sent messages to me. I have no clothes or travel expenses, so I can't go. Now, unless I go to him, I wonder if you'd be willing to leave your hometown?" Chang Shi said, "My mother is gone, and I have no other close relatives. You are my family. What is there for me to be attached to here?" [Even if I had relatives, they couldn't compare to this close, intimate person.] Tu Si said, "Even so, there's no travel money. What can I do?" Chang Shi said, "I've saved some money over the years." She then took out what she had earned from her previous marriage and showed it to him; it was about a hundred taels of silver. Tu Si was overjoyed and said, "We have three or four taels of silver, which is enough for our travel expenses. We can keep the rest as capital to find a business." He added, "The house is rented, so we can leave as soon as we drop it off. But if we want to sell these utensils and tools, I'm afraid those wicked people will find out and stop us, and we won't be able to leave." Chang said, "How much are these old things worth? We still owe the landlord two months' rent. Let's leave them here, lock the door, and let him have them." [Tu Si, being penniless, had little capital, hence his limited vision. Chang, on the other hand, had valuables on her person, hence her greater vision. Therefore, their perspectives differed.]

The two calculated clearly, packed all their valuables, and in the evening, they hired a boat, loaded their luggage, and arrived at Beixin Pass. The next day, after crossing the dam, they hired a large red-naped boat and sailed from Suzhou to Danyang, then past Jinshan in Zhenjiang, and finally docked at Shicheng Bridge in Nanjing. Tu Si went ashore and found his uncle's house, where he brought Chang Shi ashore and they stayed together. Chang Shi, unable to speak of her supposed husband, could only earnestly pay her respects to her uncle and aunt. Tu Si's uncle had been running a gambling den for a long time, earning him the nickname "The Butcher." His house was always bustling with gamblers, day and night. This Butcher had been a womanizer since childhood, and later, with the easy money from his gambling den, he indulged even more. His ex-wife, Tao Shi, was not close to him because of his womanizing, so he also became a womanizer. Whenever gamblers came to his house, he would choose the one with the big nose and strong body, and he would seduce them all. One day, he found a man named Qiang who was affectionate and loving. Thinking that one could only fulfill one of the five cardinal relationships, he abandoned his husband and died with this man. The Butcher had reported this to the authorities, but to no avail for many years. Because he had no one to care for him, he had frequented a prostitute, whose surname was Tong, though it was unclear whether this was true or not. [Of course she was Tong; how could a prostitute not have affairs? Even if her surname was Tong, it was still acceptable.] He spent a lot of money to buy her as his wife. Unexpectedly, a year later, the butcher contracted chancre, which caused his penis to be eroded. He was still a man with a beard, but he had no manhood down there. It was truly a case of:

Who would have thought that the little monk in his waist would turn into a Mr. Wuyi?

This Tong woman was only in her thirties, and she was obsessed with having sex with the little monk in the butcher's crotch. Now that the butcher had no penis, when people came to gamble at night, the butcher would keep his cut, and if there were onlookers nearby, Tong woman would secretly invite the little monk to her room for a drink. She would force him in, making sure he was drunk and disorderly, banging his head and vomiting until he was limp and weak, before she would let him go. [This young monk and the Tong family are truly close friends.] This happened several times, and the butcher became somewhat aware of it, but he was quite magnanimous and didn't mind at all. The Tong family, with a heart full of compassion, wanted to emulate the wealthy man Kou in *Journey to the West* and offer alms to ten thousand monks, but after several years, they hadn't even reached a hundred. Suddenly, the Tu Si couple arrived, living in the east and west rooms, which was quite an eyesore. They endured this for several days, unable to bear it any longer.

One night, they secretly invited an old friend in, and they chatted amiably in bed. Unexpectedly, the friend had already been spotted by Chang Shi when he entered. Chang Shi couldn't bear to leave this place even for a night. For the previous ten days or so by waterway, Tu Si had accompanied them, and out of gratitude, he had made do. Now, Tu Si was helping his uncle at night, which made the local people of Sichuan look at him with disdain. Having not been used to this for many years, he was quite uncomfortable. Although he wanted to emulate the four rulers of the Warring States period and attract three thousand patrons, firstly, he was new and didn't know who would be his customers; secondly, his aunt was nearby, making him feel awkward. Upon seeing this, he secretly rejoiced, thinking, "So my aunt is just like me, a heroine who recruits talented people. We must break through this barrier so everyone can get things done." He then quietly went to the window to listen, and heard a commotion. [Back then, Zhang's mother saw her form; today, she only heard her aunt's voice, a pair from afar.] He went back to his room, lit a candle, and quietly went inside. He pushed open the door, opened it casually, and hurriedly lifted the curtain, finding the two of them making love. Tong and the man were startled. The man quickly pulled away, trying to run away. Chang, laughing, grabbed him, saying, "You little coward, daring to steal food. Let me see how you two are doing it. What are you afraid of? Is there a woman coming to catch you in the act?" Tong and the man, seeing his words, were relieved. The man, knowing he was seeking instruction, stepped forward, embraced him, and kissed him. He reached down to touch his lower body; she was only wearing a single skirt, no trousers. He took the lamp, [not missing even the smallest detail, truly meticulous.] and placed it on the table. He lifted Changshi onto a chair, made her lie back, lifted her skirt, and began to work. With a gentle thrust, he was all the way in. After only a few strokes, Changshi pushed him away, saying, "It's useless. You can go back to your grandmother. I don't want this thing; it won't make the water muddy." The man, initially pleased, was now unable to pull out or withdraw. Changshi pushed him away with both hands, stood up, and laughed, "Since you're doing this, find something more decent to play with. What's the use of this empty thing?" She then took the lamp and left. The man was thoroughly disappointed, and reluctantly went to work with Tongshi for a while before leaving. [This is not about the man's incompetence or Tong's indiscriminate use of beauty, but rather about Chang's lustful heart surpassing Tong's patronage of prostitutes.]

The next morning, Tong smiled at Chang and said, "That man last night was passable enough, why did you belittle him like that? You made him quite bored. You didn't even test his skills; he's quite capable of working for half the night." Chang smiled and said, "To be honest, I've seen quite a few of these kinds of women. Someone like him is only good as a backup; he's useless in crucial situations. Don't even mention others; even your nephew is much better than him. He's only capable for a couple of nights, and he's not even on my mind." Tong laughed again, "It seems you're quite knowledgeable. To be honest, I've also seen quite a few of these kinds of women." "I think they're all pretty much the same, I've never seen anything unusual. Only one person's method is a bit too strange, I've even asked him to try it." He gestured with both hands and said, "It's this thick." Then he gestured and said, "It's this long. I spent half the night with him, used up two bowls of saliva, and exerted so much effort, and only managed to get the head in. It almost tore my vagina open, I slept for two days before I could get up, and it was swollen and painful for several days afterward, I never dared to mess with him again. If you're magnanimous, I'll ask him to try it with you, don't be afraid when you see it." Upon hearing this, Chang Shi's whole body was burning with lust, and she laughed and said, "We gave birth to this..." "This thing is like a sharp blade I carry with me. Countless heroes have died here. Why should I be afraid of him? Where is this man? Grandma, you've invited him here. Let's see if I'm afraid." Tongshi said, "It's Old Zhu, who often stays at my house. He's a famous 'Surpassing Cao.' They say he's never met a match, except for a madam. When I first heard this, I didn't believe it. Human bodies are all inherited from our parents. A man's penis is only slightly larger, and besides, our things are all the same, only slightly different in tightness. If one can handle it, everyone can." Who knew... "I invited him over, but it turned out to be a huge club, which terrified me. Although I was scared, I was also very fond of this strange thing; secondly, I didn't want to dampen the spirit of us women. Besides, since he's here, how could I leave empty-handed? I had no choice but to muster my courage and try it out. Who knew this thing was only good for looking at and couldn't be used, so I suffered a loss for nothing. Since you say you're not afraid, you can only arrange to invite him over at night. It's broad daylight now, aren't you afraid your nephew will see us?" Changshi said, "He can't control me, Grandma, you just go and invite him over." Tongshi was also really happy and wanted to see if the two of them could really do

it, so she went over. Zhu Sikuan, who was at their house day and night, came in shortly after. Tongshi had already quietly told him what Changshi had said, and Zhu Sikuan was overjoyed. He hurriedly went with Tongshi to Changshi's room and bowed deeply. Tongshi laughed and said, "It's him. You two, please try it. I want to watch the battle." Zhu Sikuan carried Changshi to the bed and started to take off his pants. Chang Shi did not refuse and let him take them off. Zhu Sikuan also took off his pants, and Chang Shi immediately saw his unusual member, secretly delighted, thinking, "This is truly something I have never seen before in my life." A poem, "Xi Jiang Yue," praises it:

It was a full foot long, thick and round, almost reaching the waist. The head was like a peeled rabbit, purple and imposing, the shaft adorned with worm-like veins. At first glance, it resembled a table leg; upon closer inspection, it was like a pestle. The

loud groan of "Ao Cao" was no exaggeration, and he was overjoyed, his lust intoxicated. Zhu Sikuan spread her legs apart, seeing her vulva wide open, like the mouth of a bell, [truly terrifying.] quite different from other women. There was also a poem, "Xi Jiang Yue," praising it: "

Two wide, open skins, a red gate in the middle. As deep as a mouse hole, surely a place of great cunning. The vulva is full and abundant, the downy hair dark and dense. Look at her, a graceful beauty, so moving." [These two words are extremely derogatory.]

Zhu Sikuan saw that although Chang's vulva was wide, because his own penis was too large, he dared not be rash, and even used some saliva, gently inserting the glans. Knowing he was a fierce warrior, even more powerful than Hao, he thrust in several times, reaching the very root of the target. Tong gritted her teeth a few times, shivering for him. [As the saying goes, "to shed tears while listening to ballads, to worry for the ancients," this perfectly describes Tong.] She secretly stuck out her tongue. Chang felt that although Zhu Sikuan's member was only slightly thicker than the Taoist's, it was more than an inch longer, reaching the deepest point, creating a wonderful sensation. Zhu Sikuan, seeing that he was a worthy opponent, could not relax and began to thrust with all his might. Chang moaned and groaned, her legs swaying and her buttocks responding, displaying a variety of wanton behaviors, which were difficult to describe. After watching Tong admire the scene for a while, her face burned like fire and her genitals were soaked like water, so she hurriedly left. Just then, Tu Si came in, not knowing what he was looking for. While Tong was feeling distressed, she remembered that Chang had praised her skills earlier, calling her into the room, embracing her, kissing her several times, and saying, "I heard your wife say you have a good endowment, let's try it out." Tu Si said, "How can this be? What if my uncle sees?" Tong became anxious: "Just do it with me quickly, otherwise I'll scream." Tu Si, a beastly man, knew nothing of ethics. Seeing that Tong was only in her thirties and quite alluring, they went to bed together and took off their pants. Tu Si noticed that although her vulva was similar in shape to Chang's, the opening was much tighter. Tong saw that his penis was erect and indeed impressive, half a size larger than the man from the previous night, and far superior to anything she had ever encountered. One was experiencing a small vulva for the first time, and the other was experiencing a large penis for the first time; naturally, they were overjoyed. Tong was brought to orgasm twice by Tu Si, and, unable to bear it any longer, held him tightly. Tu Si said, "I have business to attend to. They're waiting for me outside. Let me go. Another day when I have time, I'll have a good time with you." Tong had no choice but to let him go. Tu Si dressed and came out. Hearing Chang's unusual breathing and loud noises, he quickly looked through the window and saw the two of them engaging in sexual activity. He quickly moved away.

Tong wiped her genitals, put on her trousers, and came over. She saw the two of them still doing it. Zhu Sikuan had already been brought to orgasm twice by Chang, but he held her tightly and wouldn't let go. Zhu Sikuan could only struggle and tug, but his penis gradually softened. Chang felt that things were no longer interesting and finally let him go. He said, “Such a fine thing as you is a pity it won’t last. If you could also stay up all night, you would be unparalleled in the world. For example, a burly man with no strength; [there are many like this.] or a handsome young man with no literary talent; [there are even more like this, but Changshi doesn’t know that they are the ones who enjoy happiness] are just for show, what good are they?” They dressed and got out of bed. Changshi took out a small bottle from a box, poured out two pills, and handed them to Zhu Sikuan, saying, “Someone gave them to me that day, and they have proven effective time and again; [I don’t know if it was given to me by that Taoist priest.] There are only two pills left. Tonight, take one pill with liquor, and grind the other pill in liquor and rub it on your penis. I will do a full night with you; [I don’t know how much the price will be for this full night]. Let’s test my skills.” Zhu Sikuan smiled and went out. Tongshi laughed and said, “You really have good skills. I think not only are you not afraid of him, but he is somewhat afraid of you.” The two laughed for a while, and Tongshi went out.

Since the time with that Taoist priest, this was only the second time Chang had experienced such pleasure. She went to bed to rest and prepare for their nighttime encounter. That evening, while everyone else gambled outside, Zhu Sikuan took his medicine and applied some ointment. Soon, he felt his penis swell and slipped inside. Chang was already on the bed, naked and waiting. Zhu Sikuan quickly undressed and got into bed, starting to work on her. Tong heard the commotion and came over, sitting on the edge of the bed. She watched closely under the lamplight for a while, then, unable to resist, she called Tu Si in. They had a real go at it before finally going to sleep. Taking advantage of the drug's effects, Zhu Sikuan continued his work, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes deep, sometimes shallow. When he got tired, he would stop and start again, then rest, until dawn. Chang had lost count of how many times she had ejaculated. Although she felt exhausted and her limbs were sore, her penis was hot and hard inside, and besides, she only had two pills left. She knew she wouldn't be able to experience this pleasure again, so she wasn't willing to give it up. Seeing that dawn was approaching, Zhu Sikuan, eager to gauge the effects of the medicine, pressed on with even greater vigor, thrusting wildly. Just then, Changshi suddenly became weak and listless, her eyes closed, as if unconscious. He quickly touched her mouth and nose, finding only a faint warmth. Startled, he pulled away and kissed her mouth-to-mouth for a while until she gradually awoke. He asked, "What happened?" Changshi replied, "I don't know, I just felt a surge of pleasure in my chest, then my whole body went numb, and I don't know anything else." Zhu Sikuan said, "That's because you used up too much essence last night. Rest and recuperate. What should I do if the medicine wears off?" Changshi felt he couldn't continue and said, "Drink some cool tea, wash your lower body with warm water, and you'll be fine after you've ejaculated." Seeing Changshi's condition, Zhu Sikuan dared not continue and quickly left, going to Haoshi's house. Haoshi was still asleep. He quickly drank some cool water, washed his lower body, and then had a passionate encounter with Haoshi before finally ejaculating. Hao felt that his penis was unusually thick and hard, hot and throbbing, and asked him why. He refused to tell Chang what she had said, only saying that he had accidentally obtained a golden pill and had come to flatter her. Hao believed him and felt even more fond of him.

Chang, however, only sought pleasure and did not realize that his essence had been depleted that night. He slept for a while, then felt a sticky discomfort under his body and had to get up. He saw that the mattress was half wet, and even his waist was soaked with his semen. He wiped it clean, changed the mattress, and then lay down again. Tong, having washed up, came to check on him. Seeing that he was still asleep, she said, "It's breakfast time outside, and you're still sleeping." Chang said, "I'm too lazy to move." Tong laughed and said, "You two must have done something to each other all night; you've probably exhausted yourself. A delicious thing is fine once you've had your fill; why insist on hurting yourself?" Chang smiled slightly as well. Tong only said he was temporarily fatigued, and Chang also thought he would be fine in a couple of days. Little did they know that he had been injured by the Taoist priest, and had escaped with his life because he was strong at the time. Now that his old illness had returned, he was naturally struggling to recover. Gradually, he lost his appetite, felt a burning sensation in his bones, and experienced restlessness in his palms, soles, and chest, becoming increasingly emaciated. Every night, he would ask Tong to arrange for Zhu Sikuan to come and "play" with him, but he was too weak to move and could only lie on his back like a dead man, allowing Tong to twitch him. Zhu Sikuan and Tong advised him to rest for a few days and to take care of his health. He said, “From childhood until now, I have never had a worthy opponent. Now that I have met him, what is there to regret in dying? I once said that to die beneath the peony blossoms would be to be a romantic ghost, and now my words have come true. My only regret is that we haven’t been together long enough. If I had spent a year with him, I would have no regrets even in death. I am now terminally ill. As the old saying goes, ‘It is too late to rein in the horse at the edge of the cliff, and too late to mend the leak in the middle of the river.’ I am busy indulging in pleasure day and night, and I am afraid I have not had enough. How can you still talk about stopping?” The two men could not persuade him to wake up and could only sigh. Tu Si sought medical treatment, but the medicine was ineffective. After more than a month, he was reduced to skin and bones. On his deathbed, he asked Zhu Sikuan to come, stroked his penis for a while, sighed twice, and shed a few tears. Zhu Sikuan was also very sad and covered his face as he left. At midnight, he breathed his last and died, [never expecting that pleasure would lead to this]. He was only twenty-four years old. This was also the retribution for his greed and lack of restraint. It is said:

Where does the wandering soul go? Where will the lustful spirit fall tonight?

Tu Si was grateful for Chang's kindness, not only sleeping with him for a long time without paying, but also leaving behind some belongings and weeping twice. The funeral arrangements, including buying a coffin and hiring monks for a proper rite of passage, were quite lively. After Chang's death, Tong made her nephew a concubine. Tu Si had wanted to repay Chang in the past, but his poor master had invited a portly man, and he could no longer satisfy Chang's cravings. Despite his best efforts, Chang showed no gratitude. Now, meeting Tong, he found her easy to please, and relying on his skills, he tried his best to satisfy Chang's needs. The two were deeply in love, keeping it a secret from the butcher alone. Although Tong was lustful, she was content. Since Tu Si came into her life, she refused all her former patrons and stopped seeking them out. [This is not to show Tong's contentment, but rather to highlight Chang's insatiable lust.] The butcher was secretly amazed to see his wife suddenly become chaste. [The word "suddenly" before "chaste" is truly strange.] Little did he know that she would then favor her beloved nephew, whom he considered charming and delicious. [The word "charming" likely refers to the lower part of the mouth, which is unrelated to the upper part of the mouth in this story.] A year later, Tong suddenly gave birth to a son. The butcher was greatly surprised and inquired about the child's origin. Tong replied, "I conceived when you were healthy." The butcher said, "I've been ill for several years; how could I have carried a child for seventy or eighty months?" Tong just laughed and said, "You have a son, so why bother with these other people's business?" [A strange tale. She only concerned herself with the existence of the son, not his origin—a strange statement never heard before. The husband questioned the origin of his adulterous child, and Tong called it meddling; this is even stranger.] The butcher also suspected it was his nephew's child, still of his butcher family blood, and readily accepted it. The butcher, believing his nephew to be of his own bloodline, considered him his own son—a truly bizarre couple.

Who knew this child would harm his stepfather instead of his real father, and his great-uncle instead of his biological father? Just a week later, the butcher's carbuncle succumbed to a severe case of malnutrition and died. Tong and Tu Si, though wailing inwardly, were secretly delighted and hastily arranged the funeral. In public, they pretended to be aunt and nephew, but in private, they acted like husband and wife. One vowed to be a virtuous widow, the other a devoted husband. But at night, in bed, the virtuous widow and devoted husband became one. Although it was Tong's shamelessness and Tu Si's immoral conduct, it was also due to the butcher's gambling, who had ruined countless good young men throughout his life. One wife ran away with a friend, the other was taken by her nephew, dying without an heir—this was retribution. Those who lure others with gambling should quickly change course and never follow this path. [When reading this book, pay close attention to these somber passages.] Tu Si inherited his uncle's mantle, and with the possessions left by the Chang family, he found good clients to take over the gambling, making his business even more prosperous than his uncle's in the past, attracting more and more players. Learning from the Tong family's past misdeeds, Tu Si, fearing he might neglect them, began to make offerings to monks and give alms. Every night, he would sneak into his room to have sex before coming out to tend to the gambling den.

That day, Zhu Sikuan and the others, including Tie Hua, were resting at the gambling den, drinking and chatting idly. Tie Hua casually remarked, "In such a vast capital city, there isn't a single exceptionally beautiful courtesan. It's truly laughable." Zhu Sikuan, preoccupied with the matter entrusted to him by the Hao family, replied, "How could there not be? A truly talented and beautiful woman would want to elevate her own status; why would she offer herself up? That's why few people know about her." Seeing the plausibility in his words, Tie Hua asked, "Brother, you're an expert in this field; you must know which families have beautiful daughters." Zhu Sikuan said, "The Qian family's daughter right before my eyes is an exceptionally beautiful and talented woman. How could you forget her, sir?" Tie Hua said, "I often saw her when she was young, and she was indeed beautiful. Later, I heard she went blind, and I haven't thought of her for three years. Although she is handsome..." "She's beautiful, but without her eyes, she can't be considered a perfect beauty." Zhu Sikuan tried his best to smooth things over, saying, "Sir, you're an old hand in this field, and this statement is quite uninformed. Look at the painting 'Yang Guifei Sleeping in Spring,' isn't she with her eyes closed? It's said to be a wonderful thing. Indeed, she's a stunning beauty; what does it matter whether she has eyes or not? There's also a joke that when someone is happy, even those with eyes close them. If you were to actually be with her, sir, how many people would praise you?" Tie Hua asked, "What's the reason for this?" Zhu Sikuan said, "If you were to spend a lot of money to win her over now, people would surely praise you as a romantic and discerning person. Even if the money is expensive, it's still a small amount." His eyes, focused solely on his looks and talent, had initially intended to intimidate Huo Shi, hoping to force him to apologize. However, Huo Shi, knowing his sins were grave and he was destined for destruction, refused to apologize and allowed himself to be punished without any attempt to mend his appearance. Seeing this, Huo Shi was furious. Her anger flared, and she treated Tie Hua as if they were mortal enemies. [This is a ridiculous situation.] Upon seeing him, she would curse him, and in her anger, she would bite and scratch Tie Hua's face. Tie Hua, upon seeing her, combined the surnames of both Huo Shi and his wife with his own. Iron, naturally melting in the presence of fire, feared her like a she-devil and hid outside day and night, rarely daring to face her. 【Their surnames are different, a clever metaphor.】 But Huo Shi is a lewd woman, well-fed and clothed, with nothing to do, so naturally she craves human flesh. 【The word "human flesh" appears suddenly.】 The upper, horizontal mouth has all the delicacies she could want. The lower, vertical mouth can't even get a little coarse food to satisfy her hunger; she's been drinking water day and night, and she's been thinking of hunting a pheasant to satisfy her craving. 【Isn't that hilarious?】 Although her family isn't of official rank, they are still wealthy, with deep, grand houses—who can go inside? Not only can she not eat pheasant meat, she can't even see a pheasant feather. 【It's distressing; if she sees a pheasant in anger, she only sees its feathers, making her even more miserable.】

One day, he was restless and drowsy, and decided to go to sleep. But before he could fall asleep, he was worried about not being able to sleep. He went to the eaves and leaned against the railing, feeling resentful, when he saw two little pugs happily licking the female's vulva. The male dog was licking the female's vulva with its long tongue lolling out. The female dog held her tail up and let him lick her, not moving an inch. After a while, the male climbed on top and twitched a few times, then jumped down. The two were now stuck together, becoming one body, eight legs, and two heads. Seeing this, he felt a burning desire rising within him, his face turning red, sparks flying from his eyes; and a stream of fluid flowed from below, soaking his legs, his vulva itching unbearably hot. A surge of resentment welled up within him, and he gritted his teeth, thinking, "Why are humans inferior to female dogs?" [Once, a teacher who misread characters died, and the underworld officials said, "You've misled the students; let him be transformed into a female dog." He pleaded, "I dare not refuse to be a dog; I wish to be a female dog." When asked why, he replied, "A female dog brings wealth, and a female dog saves from danger; therefore, I wish to be a female dog's pup." This shows how much humans are inferior to female dogs.] Suddenly, he remembered seeing the male dog licking the female dog's vulva, and the sight seemed to bring him pleasure. Why not try it himself? After thinking for a while, he had an idea. He waited a while longer, and the two dogs separated, calling out to the male dog. The dog, which he was used to sharing his meals with his mistress every day, would come at a moment's call. He called to it, walked to the stairs, and instructed the maid, "I'm going to take a nap. To avoid noise, keep the door closed and don't open it without permission. Don't come up unless called." The maid dared not disobey. He went up the stairs, calling softly, and the dog followed him, leaping up the stairs. The maids closed the door, and he went upstairs. The upper floor had five rooms in a row. The two rooms on the east side were his bedroom, the two rooms on the west side were his sister-in-law's bedroom, and the central room was the main hall. The upper floor was divided into three bright rooms and two dark rooms. The two rooms on the far east side had windows on three sides, which he had prepared for his nap. Bed, curtains, tables, chairs, incense burner, antiques, flower arranging, reading lamp, itching mat, pen holder, inkstone—all were provided. [The detailed description of the furnishings reveals that only the bed, chair, book lamp, itch mallet, and pen were actually used later; the rest were merely embellishments. A cursory glance at this point would only suggest a narrative, unaware that these items were actually needed—truly unpredictable.] He called the dog into the room and closed the door. [The maidservant downstairs had already closed the door; the reason for saying the door was closed wasn't to prevent people from coming, but to prevent the dog from escaping. One must notice such subtleties to be considered a true reader.] He loosened his outer garment, stripped off his skirt and trousers, and scooped the dog into his arms. [How fortunate this dog is to have such a place.] He climbed onto the bed, lay on his back, spread his legs, placed the dog between his legs, and positioned its mouth towards his vulva. Although the dog had often seen female dogs' vulvas, they were quite different from human ones, and it didn't recognize what this was. Once upon a time, there was a man who made his living by selling antiques. He had to travel far away, and his mother fell ill. He instructed his wife, "If I return late, my mother may die. Please leave her something respectable so that when I return, I can see her face and hear her voice." After the man left, his mother passed away. His wife thought, "He repeatedly asked me to leave something for him. I wonder what something respectable is?" She then thought of her mother-in-law's vulva, which was the source of her son's vulva, and decided that it was respectable. She cut it out with a knife and kept it safe. When her husband returned, she gave it to him. The husband saw a bunch of things and didn't know what they were. He asked his wife, who laughed and said, "You don't even recognize your mother's vulva, yet you're looking at antiques outside?" Even a son doesn't recognize his mother's vulva, so how could this dog recognize the vulva of a woman? Seeing his mistress's actions, he suspected she was feeding him and sniffed around. There was no meat or anything else to eat, only a slit, dripping wet, for some unknown reason. She thought she was just teasing it, and it jumped off the bed with a thud. She picked it up again, and it jumped off again. This happened several times, driving her to the brink of madness, which burned within her every pore. Just as she was at her wit's end, she suddenly saw the lamp, [lamp stand]. She thought, "Dogs love to lick oil; why not put some on it? Perhaps the scent will make it lick." She got up, dipped some oil from the lamp, [oil, how clever!] and smeared it on both sides of her vulva, [people say "oily-mouthed scoundrel," and she could be called an "oily-vulva harlot"]. She then picked the dog up and put it back on the bed, repeating the process. Sure enough, this time the dog wasn't as stiff as before. Smelling the fragrant oil, it stuck out its tongue and began to lick. It licked every spot with oil. The dog's tongue was hot and rough, and the licking felt itchy and tingling, incredibly pleasurable. Although it was interesting on the outside, it didn't experience the sensation inside. After thinking for a while, she decided to stick to the same topic, but with a deeper exploration of the subject. She got up again, dipped a new pen in oil, and placed it in the vulva, stirring it several times. [Since the invention of the pen, the most prized has been Confucius's Spring and Autumn Annals pen, followed by Dong Hu's historical pen. There's also the pen used by Zhu Yi to mark the forehead, Jiang Yan's flowery pen, Kong Xun's book-presenting pen, Sima Xiangru's bridge-inscription pen, Ban Chao's thrown pen, Xiao He and Cao Shen's knife-and-pen, and even the pen as heavy as a rafter, the selfless iron pen—all sorts of things. In the private quarters, there's Zhang Chang's eyebrow-painting pen, a timeless tale of elegance. Unexpectedly, Huo Shi possesses this oil-dipped pen, the same kind of pen. How unfortunate! Such is the fate of the pen.] She then went back to bed and lay down. The dog first licked the outside clean, then, smelling the fragrance inside, stuck its tongue in to lick. The more it licked, the more there was inside, so it stretched its tongue out further. The dog's tongue was the longest, though the dog was small, its tongue was over five inches long. It stretched inside, twisting and licking wildly. This long, hot, rough, and lively thing—[Anciently, there were four imperial censors, this has four dog tongues, a fitting description.]—moved inside. Can you imagine how happy it was? It licked the woman until her bones were soft and her muscles weak, and her vaginal fluid flowed out in waves. Even after the dog had licked all the oil, some sticky, drooly stuff kept dripping out, with a slightly fishy smell. It mistook it for the thin paste made from dried fish soup that its mistress had fed it, [a strange and wonderful analogy.] and licked even more happily. The more it licked, the more it had, and the more it had, the more it licked. This was truly a pleasure the woman had never experienced before. It licked until she climaxed several times, her whole body numb, her fire completely released, and she stopped when she was satisfied. There is a four-line ditty describing the woman: "

Humans and animals get along so well, their pleasure is genuine, neither sticky nor lacquered, yet naturally intimate."
A springtime scene unfolds in her embrace, a charming tongue easily escaping the lazy man.

Then she gets up, but the dog is still unsatisfied, thinking its mistress is reluctant to feed it, and wags its tail and jumps around, showing affection. [Huo Shi says: I'm tired. She smiles.] Huo Shi puts on her clothes, goes back to sleep, and thinks to herself, "If I had known this wonderful thing earlier, why would I have bothered with that bastard? [From now on, I'll take the dog and leave the bastard.] When I'm with him, I'm in high spirits, but he's already tired, and four or five out of ten times it's not satisfactory. Today, my interest has waned, but he's still not satisfied. Besides, his penis goes in and out straight, leaving gaps on all sides, and this tongue twists and licks, reaching every detail, far surpassing his." She deeply regrets not realizing this sooner, foolishly guarding this lazy bastard. [Iron and dog, not even a hundred can compare, how pitiful.] She falls into a sweet sleep without realizing it. When she woke up, she opened her eyes and saw the dog squatting beside her, seemingly waiting to lick her. [This dog's position could be called "the licker of the underworld."] Huo smiled, got out of bed, opened the door, and called the dog to follow her downstairs.

From then on, whenever the dog felt like it, it would go upstairs to pretend to sleep. Having tasted this pleasure, the dog no longer needed to be called; whenever it saw its mistress go upstairs, it would run after her. The maids, seeing this, assumed it was because the mistress had pampered it and spoiled it, so it followed to keep it company, unaware of the hidden meaning. Later, it became so familiar with licking that it didn't even need oil; the smell of dried fish made it lick with great enthusiasm. At night, the maids would stay in the room with her, and although they couldn't call it to bed, it came whenever it felt like it during the day, stopping only when it was done. Just like a meal, if it was full during the day, it wouldn't feel hungry at night.

Furthermore, although Tiehua was afraid of her and dared not easily approach her, there was no reason for them to never see each other again. He happened to come in, and the man treated him like an enemy, constantly cursing and yelling. Before, he had at least shown some kindness by hoping the man would come to apologize at night, but now, with this silver tongue that was several times more potent than anything else's, he was even less kind. Tiehua, unaware of the true situation, said that the man's prolonged hiding had left him feeling like a widow, hence his resentment. Feeling guilty, he would occasionally come to sleep with the man at night, trying to be tender. Even when apologizing, it was always by force. Despite his best efforts, the man was never satisfied and could no longer gain any favor. There were even times when the man would make a scene in the middle of the night and be chased out, making Tiehua afraid to even enter the room for half a year afterward.

Meanwhile, his sister had been betrothed to Tong Wanbaibai since childhood. He was naturally lazy, and after witnessing his sister-in-law's methods of subduing her brother, he believed that all husbands should be disciplined in this way. He had learned a great deal and couldn't wait to try his methods after marrying a husband. His brother saw that he had grown up, and just as the Tong family was coming to marry him, they prepared a dowry of several thousand taels of gold and bought six maids [remember, six maids]. Several men and women served as concubines, and he went to marry into the Tong family.

Furthermore, Tiehua, seeing his wife's temperament, wouldn't allow him near her, assuming she was just being stubborn and acting like a virtuous wife with a husband. How could he, a dutiful husband with a wife, possibly be a dutiful husband? [A virtuous wife with a husband, a dutiful husband with a wife—a truly bizarre tale.] Every day he went out, either to brothels or gambling. With no one around to bother him, he felt quite content. But a man like him has a fickle heart. He'd patronize one prostitute for two or three nights, then, tired of that one, he'd move on to another for a few nights, and then, tired of that one, he'd want to move on again. Although it's said he'd abandon the old for the new, consider this: his wife is so alluring and beautiful, and her virginity has been opened by him. Even when he's tired of her, he still wants to seek other pleasures. What about these ordinary-looking prostitutes, with their wide-open vaginas? Today, I heard Zhu Sikuan mention Qian Gui. When he was ten or so, he fell in love with her at first sight. He was too young then to care. Later, he heard she had bad eyesight, so he didn't pay attention. Now, hearing of her beauty, how could he not be tempted? Returning home that day, she bought several bolts of silk and exchanged them for a few pieces of jewelry, intending to visit the Qian family the next day. I wonder if the hairdressing was finished yet? Read on to find out the details. Indeed:

To know whether a good thing will come to fruition, just carefully examine the cause.

(End of Volume Two)

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