Love and Desire [Complete] - 14

Love and Desire (96)

Chapter Ninety-Four:

Ouyang Yiming was in a daze for a while. The successive deaths of his grandmother and Professor Cheng were devastating. His grandmother was his closest relative, but Professor Cheng was his most respected mentor. Professor Cheng's passing was no different from the passing of his own family.

On the day Professor Cheng was dying, Ouyang Yiming, Professor Cheng's family, and several school leaders accompanied him as he passed away peacefully. In the hours before his passing, Professor Cheng was too weak to speak, but when Professor Cheng's eyes met Ouyang Yiming's, he could clearly feel the professor's expectations of him. When Professor Cheng passed away, Ouyang Yiming, like Professor Cheng's family, wept bitterly. That emotion moved Professor Cheng's family and several school leaders.

For many days afterward, Ouyang Yiming rarely spoke. Jiang Yuqi tried to take him for a walk several times, but he refused. His life revolved around the dormitory, classroom, canteen, and library. There was not a trace of a smile on his face. Xu Hui felt heartbroken every time she saw him like this, and repeatedly urged Jiang Yuqi to talk to Ouyang Yiming more. Jiang Yuqi was also in a dilemma; every time she asked Ouyang Yiming to go out, he would shake his head and say no. A few times, Xu Hui intentionally waited for him to say a few words when she returned from meals or to the dormitory. Ouyang Yiming would only respond expressionlessly, unwilling to say more.

After half a month of this, Ouyang Yiming's mood finally improved somewhat. That evening after dinner, Jiang Yuqi pulled Ouyang Yiming aside after leaving the dining hall, saying they should go for a walk. Ouyang Yiming nodded. Xu Hui had been observing Ouyang Yiming these past few days, feeling anxious about his unusual behavior, but she hadn't had a chance to persuade him. Seeing that Jiang Yuqi and Ouyang Yiming weren't heading towards the dormitory, she pulled Li Xuan to walk slowly behind them.

Xu Hui looked at Ouyang Yiming ahead and sighed softly. Li Xuan knew that Xu Hui had been troubled by Ouyang Yiming these past few days, and Xu Hui had talked to her about him more than once.

Li Xuan always comforted her, saying, "Ouyang will be fine in a while." This time, Xu Hui said, "Seeing him like this is really worrying." Li Xuan said, "It's understandable. His grandmother just passed away, and then Professor Cheng passed away. Everyone knows Professor Cheng's feelings for Ouyang. These two things happening at once would overwhelm even the strongest man. The fact that he was willing to come out for a walk today shows that his mood has improved." Xu Hui nodded and said, "He's really had a tough time lately."

After walking for a while, the four met. When Xu Hui and Ouyang Yiming's eyes met, seeing Ouyang Yiming's sunken eyes and much thinner face, Xu Hui felt a pang of sorrow, and her eyes reddened. Ouyang Yiming quickly turned his head away, tears welling in his eyes. Jiang Yuqi and Li Xuan, who had observed this closely, also felt a pang of sadness. After walking a few steps, Li Xuan said,

"Let's find a place to sit for a while." So the four of them walked towards the lawn.

After sitting down, they were silent for a moment. Xu Hui, ignoring Jiang Yuqi and Li Xuan's gazes, stared directly at Ouyang Yiming's face. Xu Hui said, "Look at the state you've been in lately. How can anyone feel good seeing you like this?" Ouyang Yiming lowered his head and remained silent. Li Xuan said, "Xu Hui has been sighing all the time these days. We all know you're not feeling well, but you need to adjust yourself. To be honest, all of us good friends have been concerned about you these past few days. People always have to part ways; you can't keep this sadness inside forever." Tears welled up in Xu Hui's eyes, but she didn't speak. Jiang Yuqi sighed and said, "I don't know how to comfort you. It's really scary that you've been so silent all day." Ouyang Yiming said, "Thank you for your concern, I really haven't been feeling well lately."

Xu Hui looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears, and said sarcastically, "You're not feeling well, but it makes me feel better. Seeing you like this all the time, like you've lost your soul, do you know how I feel? I've told Jiang Yuqi so many times to let you go out and clear your head, but you never come. How can you stay cooped up inside?" She began to sob softly. Ouyang Yiming blushed. He knew that Xu Hui's sarcasm stemmed from her concern for him over the past few days. Only when someone cares for another to the extreme, or loves another deeply, would such emotions erupt. At this moment, his heart was filled with guilt towards Xu Hui. He stammered, "I...I'm fine, aren't I?" Li Xuan and Jiang Yuqi were both moved by Xu Hui's spontaneous confession.

Tears welled up in both of their eyes.

The four of them lowered their heads in silence for a while. After silently reflecting on Xu Hui and Ouyang Yiming's sincere feelings, Li Xuan looked up and smiled, saying, "Look at you two, neither of you can blame the other. Right now, I can only be envious." Ouyang Yiming and Xu Hui both blushed. Xu Hui smiled shyly, glanced at Ouyang Yiming, and remained silent. At that moment, Ouyang Yiming thought of Liu Yan again, and of his unrequited love for Xu Hui, and his heart sank. He lowered his head and remained silent.

Jiang Yuqi smiled and said, "To be honest, you two are the closest. Your feelings for each other are different from ours. But we're such good friends, and seeing you like that really worries us. We just don't know how to help you." Ouyang Yiming looked up and said, "Alright, I know your intentions, and I'm truly grateful." Jiang Yuqi said, "Why are you thanking me? If you can cheer up, everyone will feel better. Let's not talk about this anymore. Ouyang is also overwhelmed by the loss of two loved ones. Ouyang, in the future, you must never keep things bottled up inside. Seeing you like that really makes us anxious." Ouyang Yiming nodded.

At that moment, he knew that even if he was worried about his relationship with Xu Hui, he couldn't show it on his face. So he pretended to be relaxed and chatted with them casually. After a while, he returned to his dormitory. Lying in bed, Ouyang Yiming was tormented by Xu Hui's feelings for him again. It was the same question he had thought about countless times: how should he handle his relationship with Xu Hui in the future? How painful would Xu Hui be after she found out he was dating Liu Yan? That night, he went to sleep very late again.

The following morning, Ouyang Yiming received a letter from Liu Yan. In it, she said she might come in mid-November. She also told him that she was busy with work and shouldn't call. She added that they wouldn't be seeing each other for long anyway, and urged him to take care of himself. She said she would send a telegram before she arrived, specifying her arrival date in Nanjing, and asked him to wait for her at Wuchao Gate at 7 PM after receiving the telegram. She concluded by saying she missed him terribly and loved him for life.

Ouyang Yiming was overjoyed upon reading the letter. This was something he had never dreamed of, filling him with elation. He had thought he wouldn't see Liu Yan before graduation, but now he was about to see her again. He calculated that it was already late October, which meant he would see his beloved within the next ten or twenty days.

After that, he planned how he would ask for leave if it wasn't Sunday when Liu Yan came, imagining how he would spend day and night with her after she arrived; what their expressions would be when they met, how excited Liu Yan would be; whether they would speak first or hug first; whether Liu Yan and he would be so excited that they would shed tears; and of course, he also imagined that the two of them would definitely make love passionately.

That afternoon during break, Jiang Yuqi looked at the beaming Ouyang Yiming and said, "You really are something, Xu Hui really has to scold you a few times, you're like a completely different person today after what happened last night." Ouyang Yiming couldn't contain his excitement, blushed and smiled, saying, "Get lost." Jiang Yuqi teased, "It seems that bronchitis is a common ailment now. Even the most difficult illness becomes effective once the wife takes care of it." At this moment, Ouyang Yiming thought of his relationship with Xu Hui again, his heart suddenly sank, his face fell and he lowered his head.

Jiang Yuqi, oblivious, said, "Let's go out for a couple of drinks tonight." Ouyang Yiming said, "Is your craving for alcohol acting up again?" Jiang Yuqi said, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you. I just thought you'd like to go out for a couple of drinks because you seem to be in a better mood." Ouyang Yiming laughed and said, "Come on, it's just that your craving for alcohol is kicking in again!" Jiang Yuqi said, "It really is. Ever since Zhu Haitao..." He stopped abruptly, his tone turning heavy, "Since Zhu Haitao's incident, I haven't had many opportunities to go out for drinks. The other day, seeing you like that, I wanted to take you out for a drink to cheer you up, but I didn't dare tell you." Ouyang Yiming said, "Drinking makes me feel more and more depressed. The idea that alcohol can relieve sorrow is a complete lie." Jiang Yuqi said, "That's not just one person's opinion; it's been said this since ancient times." Ouyang Yiming said, "Maybe getting completely drunk will help." Jiang Yuqi laughed, "Only when you're completely drunk can you write timeless masterpieces. Li Bai and Su Shi are examples of that."

Ouyang Yiming suddenly remembered what Zhu Haitao had said at the hospital and chuckled, saying, "When you're unconscious, all you do is fertilize." Jiang Yuqi didn't remember for a moment and asked him in confusion,

"Where do you fertilize?" Ouyang Yiming smiled happily and said, "The big trees on the road!" Jiang Yuqi instantly understood, blushed, and pushed Ouyang Yiming, laughing, "Get lost. That's all Zhu Haitao made up."

Li Xuan and Wu Yingying walked over at this moment. Seeing how happy they were, they both stared at Ouyang Yiming's face and felt that he seemed like a different person today. They didn't ask him anything. Li Xuan asked Jiang Yuqi, "What's making you so happy?" Jiang Yuqi said, "I'm taking Ouyang out tonight to have some fun." Li Xuan asked, "Is it for drinking?"

Jiang Yuqi said seriously, "Men go out to drink, don't they? You women shouldn't ask so many questions."

Wu Yingying and Li Xuan both understood what Jiang Yuqi meant. Jiang Yuqi's words implied that his wife shouldn't ask so many questions about her husband going out drinking. Wu Yingying covered her mouth and laughed. Li Xuan raised her hand and slapped Jiang Yuqi, saying, "If you talk nonsense again, I'll sew your stinking mouth shut." She laughed twice and said, "Let's go tonight too." Jiang Yuqi said, "I'm scared if you go." Li Xuan rolled her eyes at him and said, "Scared of what?

Aren't you a man? You're scared after a couple of drinks?" Jiang Yuqi chuckled and said, "I really admire you." Li Xuan laughed a few times and asked, "Where tonight?" Jiang Yuqi said, "Let's just go to the same place as before, it's cheaper there." Li Xuan said, "Okay, it's settled then." After saying that, she pulled Wu Yingying away. Ouyang Yiming's heart sank. He thought to himself, Li Xuan and Wu Yingying are definitely going to drag Xu Hui along.

After class, Li Xuan ran up to Ouyang Yiming and Jiang Yuqi and said, "You guys go first, Xu Hui said she's going back to the dormitory. We'll be there shortly." Jiang Yuqi agreed. Ouyang Yiming's heart sank. But he didn't say anything.

After Ouyang Yiming and Jiang Yuqi arrived, they first asked for a private table. The two chatted and drank water. Fifteen minutes later, Xu Hui, Li Xuan, and Wu Yingying arrived. Upon entering, Li Xuan didn't sit down but asked what everyone had ordered. Jiang Yuqi said, "What would we dare order if the leader didn't come? It would be a big taboo if it didn't suit the leader's taste." Li Xuan raised her hand and slapped him, saying, "Who's the leader?"

Jiang Yuqi winked at Xu Hui and said, "I dare say that to you?" Xu Hui and Ouyang Yiming both saw this. They blushed and remained silent.

The three sat down, and the waiter came over. Jiang Yuqi placed the menu in front of Xu Hui, but she didn't take it, saying, "I'll just order sweet and sour fish. You guys can order the rest." Ouyang Yiming knew that Xu Hui had ordered this dish for him. Jiang Yuqi and the other two also knew this, and they laughed at Ouyang Yiming's blushing face. After a while, everyone ordered their food. Li Xuan looked at Jiang Yuqi and asked, "How are we drinking today?" Jiang Yuqi smiled and said, "I wouldn't dare drink with you. It'll just be the three of us—me, Ouyang, and you. You decide." Xu Hui said, "Ouyang can't drink much. If you want to drink, it's just the two of you." Jiang Yuqi looked at Xu Hui, then turned to Li Xuan and said, "See, the leader has spoken. Tonight, the drinks are just for the two of us." Li Xuan said, "I'll keep you company." Jiang Yuqi said, "I'm a little intimidated by you."

Ouyang Yiming was feeling a mix of joy and worry. He was happy because he had received Liu Yan's letter and would be able to meet her soon. He was worried because Xu Hui no longer cared about their relationship in front of these people. Now, she completely positioned herself as Ouyang Yiming's publicly acknowledged fiancée. Ouyang Yiming didn't feel ashamed of Xu Hui's behavior; instead, he felt extremely uneasy and even fearful. He kept thinking about the question he had considered countless times: how should he face Xu Hui in the future? What would Xu Hui's reaction be when he finally revealed his relationship with Liu Yan to her? The thought alone filled him with unease.

Ouyang Yiming felt his head throbbing again. He glanced at Xu Hui and looked at Jiang Yuqi, saying, "I'll drink with you guys tonight too." Xu Hui turned and glared at him. Ouyang Yiming pretended not to notice. Li Xuan, observing Xu Hui's expression, said to Ouyang Yiming, "Nobody should drink too much tonight. Let's all chat. In a few months, we'll all be going our separate ways, and these kinds of gatherings will be rare. Let's all be happy." Jiang Yuqi and Wu Yingying echoed her sentiments.

Xu Hui turned back, head bowed in thought. Ouyang Yiming felt a pang of guilt, realizing his words might have embarrassed Xu Hui. He forced a smile and said, "Li Xuan is right, just a little bit. I can't drink much anyway." Xu Hui looked up at him, glaring, and said, "Then why are you being so stubborn? If you're so capable, make Li Xuan drink with you. I doubt you can handle that." Ouyang Yiming blushed and lowered his head. Jiang Yuqi said, "Actually, I understand Ouyang's feelings. He just wanted to liven things up, and it's rare for him to be in such a good mood these days."

Xu Hui said, "It's not that I'm worried about him drinking, but look at his health lately. Can he handle drinking that much?"

Everyone lowered their heads upon hearing Xu Hui's words. If they had heard Xu Hui's words earlier, they might have joked with Ouyang Yiming, but now no one was in the mood. Li Xuan and Wu Yingying were secretly moved by the genuine affection between Xu Hui and Ouyang Yiming, feeling a pang of sadness thinking about their own love stories. At this moment, Jiang Yuqi was also moved by Xu Hui's deep love for Ouyang Yiming. Ouyang Yiming, on the other hand, was filled with guilt towards Xu Hui.

Just then, the waiter brought in the cold dishes and wine, set them out, and left. Jiang Yuqi took the wine bottle and said, "This is the only bottle tonight. Li Xuan, drink half. I'll have a little, and the three of you can

drink as you please." He then got up to pour the wine, giving Li Xuan a larger portion and pouring a little for the others. Li Xuan raised her glass and smiled, saying, "Why today? To celebrate our years as classmates, to celebrate our friendship." Everyone raised their glasses.

As they ate, Wu Yingying said sadly, "In a few months, we'll all be going our separate ways. I don't know when we'll see each other again." Jiang Yuqi said, "Even if we're at opposite ends of the earth, we should keep in touch." Li Xuan said, "Yuqi is right. No matter where we're in the future, no matter what we do, no matter how things turn out, we'll be like siblings. We can't forget each other, and we can't abandon each other. If any of us make something of ourselves in the future, we should all remember to help each other out." Jiang Yuqi said, "I agree with Li Xuan. Although we're not blood-related siblings, I feel no different from them." Wu Yingying, with tears in her eyes, said, "I... I feel so sad thinking about being separated from you all so soon." Everyone's mood immediately darkened. Li Xuan spoke first: "Sigh, look at us, it's like we're about to be separated by life and death. We'll have to part sooner or later, but as long as we all have each other in our hearts, even if we're far apart, we'll feel close." Jiang Yuqi said, "That's well said. Let's drink to this bonded heart." Everyone raised their glasses and drank.

Jiang Yuqi said, "Right now, I envy Ouyang and Xu Hui the most. No matter what, they'll be together forever." Ouyang Yiming's heart skipped a beat upon hearing this, and he suddenly felt a tremor run through his body. Xu Hui felt sweet inside. She glanced at the bowed Ouyang Yiming, then looked around at everyone and said, "I hope that everyone here can live happily, fulfillingly, and joyfully."

As she spoke, she raised her glass.

At that moment, Ouyang Yiming thought sadly, "Xu Hui, how could you have imagined that in the near future, I would bring you merciless, unbearable pain? How can you still be happy then!" These are the gifts I, the man who cares for you, loves you, and considers you my dearest, are about to give you; they are also the gifts you, the man you believe is most worthy of love, yet the man you should never love and who deserves it the least, are about to give you. I am so unwilling, yet I have no choice but to give them to you. Thinking of this, I felt immense guilt and sorrow. Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.

Xu Hui, seeing Ouyang Yiming lost in thought, not raising his glass, tugged at him. Ouyang Yiming looked up, and everyone saw tears in his eyes. Xu Hui felt a pang of sadness, her own eyes reddening, and said, "What are you doing? We're all having a good time together. How can we eat like this?" Ouyang Yiming thought it made sense. He raised his glass, forcing a smile, and said,

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry everyone. Cheers!" He then downed his drink.

Everyone drank their wine and ate their food. Jiang Yuqi looked at Ouyang Yiming and said quipped, "I thought you were quite happy today, so I wanted to bring you out to cheer you up. I didn't expect you, Ouyang, to still be thinking like this." Xu Hui chimed in, "That's right, everyone's doing this for your own good. If you keep dwelling on the past, always thinking about the dead, when will you ever recover?

Do you think you can bring them back?" Ouyang Yiming knew that everyone thought he was still struggling to move on from his grandmother and the professor, which was why he was acting this way. He thought to himself, "I can't act like this in front of everyone. Otherwise, it won't put anyone in a good mood." So he smiled and said, "I'm not thinking about it anymore. Let's all have fun." Jiang Yuqi chimed in, "That's more like it.

Xu Hui is right, do you think you can bring them back by constantly thinking about them?!" Ouyang Yiming nodded. Jiang Yuqi turned to Li Xuan and said, "Come on, let's have some fun, you two brothers." So Li Xuan and Jiang Yuqi started playing rock-paper-scissors.

Feeling guilty towards Xu Hui, Ouyang Yiming turned to her and said, "Xu Hui, let's have a drink." Xu Hui blushed and looked at him, saying, "What else can we drink?" Ouyang Yiming picked up his glass and said,

"Just one." Xu Hui thought to herself, "Look at you, so silly. Aren't you afraid of being laughed at now?" and raised her glass. Wu Yingying watched them with an envious smile.

The two clinked glasses and drank. Ouyang Yiming silently wished in his heart, "Xu Hui, I sincerely wish you will find a husband a thousand times better than me in the future, and I sincerely wish you a lifetime of happiness. I am destined to be sorry to you in this life. Hate me, curse me! But I care about you. I will never forget your love for me. But I cannot be with you in this life; I cannot live without Liu Yan. In the next life, if we are destined to be together, I will definitely marry you and love you wholeheartedly. In this life, I can only regard you as my family, my dearest person..."

That night, after returning to his dormitory, Ouyang Yiming wrote a reply, telling Liu Yan that when he sent the telegram, he should say that a classmate from his unit was coming to see a doctor, and not write his name. He would naturally know it was Ouyang Yiming calling when he received the telegram. He also explained that he wanted to ask for two more days off so he could spend more time with her.

Love and Desire (97)

Chapter Ninety-Five

In early November, a rare rainstorm suddenly struck. At first, a fierce wind, accompanied by lightning and thunder, swept in rapidly from the northeast, instantly devouring everything on the ground. It seemed that the world was no longer the world of humans and all things on the ground, but only this roar and savage chaos. The weak saplings on campus were bent over by the wind, their branches twisted, and their leaves danced in the air. Several large trees were snapped by the wind, exposing pale wounds. Then, large, thick, dark clouds moved in quickly, and the sky instantly turned as black as the bottom of a pot, like night, shrouded in an ominous shadow. A bolt of lightning in the east tore open half the sky, revealing a wide, pale red ravine. In an instant, the light turned pale white, dazzling and blinding.

A terrifying thunderclap exploded in the air. Then came scattered, large raindrops, followed by a torrential downpour. It wasn't just rain, but a deluge.

The ground and roads were instantly flooded; the sewers couldn't handle the sudden surge. Deep whirlpools appeared at the drain openings, where broken branches, fallen leaves, and debris swirled rapidly. After a while, larger broken branches lingered, while the leaves and debris vanished.

The rain continued for three days and three nights, sometimes heavy, sometimes light, without stopping.

After the downpour, the temperature dropped slightly. Ouyang Yiming put on the bright red sweater Liu Yan had bought him again. The day Liu Yan had mentioned was drawing closer. Ouyang Yiming's excitement grew. He eagerly awaited Liu Yan's arrival, yearning for that moment of reunion.

During this time, Ouyang Yiming couldn't help but call again. Liu Yan seemed very calm, only telling him that she would definitely go, but the specific date wasn't set yet, and she would telegraph him as soon as the date was confirmed. Ouyang Yiming said he really wanted to see her right away. Liu Yan suppressed her heartache and told him that they would meet soon.

Ouyang Yiming received Liu Yan's telegram on Thursday. Liu Yan said in the telegram that she would arrive in Jinling on Friday. After receiving the telegram, he asked his homeroom teacher for leave, saying that one of his high school classmates was coming to see a doctor, and he would be accompanying him for a few days.

On Friday afternoon, Ouyang Yiming was restless. He was excited but dared not show his joy. He told Jiang Yuqi that it was a classmate coming to see a doctor; how could he show his happiness?

After class in the afternoon, he left the school gate, took a bus to Wuchaomen, and got off. He first went to a small restaurant on a nearby street and ate a bowl of noodles. After leaving the restaurant, he saw that it was just getting dark, and there was still plenty of time before he met Liu Yan, but he still couldn't resist his eagerness and went into the park. After strolling around the park for a while, he remembered that tree and thought to himself that he hadn't seen it in a long time and wanted to go see it.

From afar, he saw a person standing under the tree. The figure made Ouyang Yiming hold his breath. He knew Liu Yan too well. Even though they had been separated for several months, he recognized her at a glance in the hazy night. He stopped in his tracks for a moment, his eyes suddenly reddening for no reason, and his heart aching. After a moment, he picked up his feet and ran to Liu Yan's side. Liu Yan only noticed him when Ouyang Yiming stopped. They both called out each other's names almost simultaneously, their four eyes gazing at each other, all four eyes filled with tears. After a moment, Ouyang Yiming took Liu Yan's hand. Neither of them spoke, they took a few quick steps hand in hand, crouched down, and slipped under the tree. As soon as they stood still, they hugged each other tightly, their hot lips pressed together. Their four arms tightly embraced each other's bodies. After days of longing, the lovers finally met, their unspoken connection culminating in a tight embrace and a passionate kiss.

For a long time, the bitter taste of tears filled their mouths, but neither paid it any heed. Finally, they parted, their lips locked in a silent, tearful gaze. Finally, Liu Yan uttered a few heart-wrenching words: "Yiming, I missed you so much!" Tears streamed down her face like rain, a mournful sob. She buried her face in Ouyang Yiming's broad chest and wept uncontrollably.

At that moment, who could know the pain in Liu Yan's heart? Who could understand the meaning behind her heart-wrenching cries? Only she herself knew the helplessness and despair that erupted from the depths of her soul. This reunion with Ouyang Yiming was more painful than having a piece of her heart torn out.

How could Ouyang Yiming possibly know any of this? It wasn't until they met again years later that Ouyang Yiming finally understood Liu Yan's feelings that day… Ouyang Yiming sobbed, gently patting Liu Yan's back, saying, "Liu Yan, don't… don't cry, okay? We… we've met, haven't we?" Liu Yan stroked Ouyang Yiming's hair repeatedly, gazing at him and crying, "Yiming, I missed you, I missed you so much!" Ouyang Yiming said, "I know, I know." Liu Yan shook her head painfully, saying, "Yiming, I really regret it, I really regret transferring back. Now… now it's too late to say anything." Ouyang Yiming said, "I only have one more semester before graduation, then we can… we can be together every day."

Hearing Ouyang Yiming's words, Liu Yan began to tremble all over, a tremor that started from her heart and was uncontrollable. Liu Yan seemed unable to stand; she felt weak all over, as if her body was floating. A profound fear gripped her as she trembled. Her face paled, and she stared blankly at Ouyang Yiming, tears streaming down her beautiful, sorrowful eyes. She couldn't utter a single word; her lips trembled… Ouyang Yiming, too, felt fear at that moment. After a moment of stunned silence, he shook Liu Yan, asking, “Liu Yan, what's wrong? What's wrong?” Liu Yan remained silent. Ouyang Yiming raised his hand and patted her face, anxiously asking, “Liu Yan, what's wrong with you?” Liu Yan snapped back to reality. Just moments before, her soul seemed to have left her body. At that moment, her mind was racing: Was this man she loved so deeply really going to leave her? Was he really no longer hers? This stark reality tore at her heart.

Liu Yan nestled against Ouyang Yiming's chest again. After a while, Liu Yan regained her composure, looked up at Ouyang Yiming, and said, "Come on, I'll take you somewhere." Ouyang Yiming asked, "Where?" Liu Yan said, "I'm staying at a hotel." Ouyang Yiming understood, and his heart pounded with excitement. He asked, "Can we stay together?" Liu Yan said, "Don't worry about it, I have a letter of introduction."

The two walked out hand in hand, and after a few steps, Ouyang Yiming remembered to ask, "Why did you come so early? I thought you hadn't arrived yet." Liu Yan said, "Actually, I arrived this morning. I went to my aunt's house first, had lunch there, and then..." "I'm at the hospital, talking to my comrades." Ouyang Yiming asked, "You didn't say why you came in your letter or on the phone, were you on a business trip?" Liu Yan said, "I came specifically to see you." Ouyang Yiming said excitedly, "Really? I thought you were on a business trip. Hehe, after I knew you were coming, I couldn't sleep for several days, just wanted to see you right away. You said in your letter that I shouldn't reply, but I couldn't help calling you anyway." Liu Yan said, "I've been a bit busy lately, so we didn't talk much on the phone."

Ouyang Yiming suddenly remembered that Liu Yan might not have eaten since she came so early, so he asked. Liu Yan shook her head and said, "I'm not hungry at all." Ouyang Yiming said, "That won't do, you have to eat." Liu Yan frowned and said, "I really can't eat." Ouyang Yiming said, "No, you have to eat something." Liu Yan looked at Ouyang Yiming and nodded, saying, "Then let's have a bowl of wontons."

The two went into a wonton shop, and Ouyang Yiming bought her a bowl of wontons. After sitting down, he asked, "Will this bowl be enough?" Liu Yan said, "I can't even finish this." As Liu Yan ate, Ouyang Yiming stared at her. He noticed that she had lost a lot of weight.

After her mother talked to her about marrying Zhang Lei, Liu Yan got her marriage certificate with Zhang Lei half a month later. Not long after that, Liu Yan and Zhang Lei had a relationship. Liu Yan had considered why she had a relationship with Zhang Lei so early. But no one could understand Liu Yan's thoughts. Of course, since she had obtained the marriage certificate, he was her legal wife, and Liu Yan had no right to refuse. But if it weren't for her own plan, Liu Yan would never have given herself to Zhang Lei before their wedding, at his request. The first time they had sex, she made him wear a condom. The next day, she went to the street and bought a bottle of birth control pills. Before their second encounter, she took the pills in front of Zhang Lei. After that, she always took the pills beforehand.

A few days before meeting Ouyang Yiming, after having sex with Zhang Lei, Liu Yan deliberately said she forgot to take her pills that day. Zhang Lei panicked and said, "What if you get pregnant?" Liu Yan said, "We've already got the marriage certificate, if I get pregnant, I'll just have the baby." Zhang Lei thought for a moment and said, "If you're willing, you don't need to take them anymore." Liu Yan thought to herself, "I was going to tell you anyway." So she said, "I won't take them then. I heard that taking these pills isn't good; they make you fat." Zhang Lei said, "I'm just afraid you won't agree. Actually, I've wanted a child for a long time."

After that, Liu Yan continued to take the birth control pills, and Zhang Lei assumed she hadn't taken them. Every time they made love, Liu Yan closed her eyes, imagining Zhang Lei as Ouyang Yiming.

She couldn't love Zhang Lei, even hated him, but she could only accept it with a heavy heart. Her marriage to Zhang Lei was entirely out of fear and helplessness, based on her mother's analysis. When she heard Zhang Lei say to her face that he would do certain things if she married another man, Liu Yan was utterly devastated. She didn't want Ouyang Yiming to suffer for this for the rest of his life. She thought this green hat shouldn't be worn by Ouyang Yiming, but by Zhang Lei for the rest of his life.

As Liu Yan ate the bowl of wontons, her mind was filled with thoughts of herself and Ouyang Yiming. She felt so sad that she couldn't swallow. She forced a few bites, looked up at Ouyang Yiming, and said, "I really can't eat anymore." Ouyang Yiming said, "Eat a few more." Liu Yan looked at him, then lowered her head and ate two more, feeling a constant sour, heavy, and suffocating feeling in her heart, as if she couldn't eat anymore. Putting down her spoon, she said, "I really can't eat anymore." Ouyang Yiming frowned at her but didn't say anything more. Liu Yan said, "Let's go." So the two stood up and left the store.

Ouyang Yiming turned to look at her and asked, "It's still early tonight. How can you eat so little?" Liu Yan said, "I'm really not hungry at all." Passing a snack shop, Ouyang Yiming said, "I'll go buy you something to eat." Liu Yan stopped him and said, "No need." Ouyang Yiming said, "Listen to me." Seeing his serious expression, Liu Yan didn't insist anymore. The two went into the store, bought two boxes of cookies, and left. They

hailed a taxi and went to the hotel where Liu Yan had already registered. She had registered for a couple's room with a letter of introduction. After entering the room, the two sat on the bed and embraced and kissed.

After a while, the two lay on the bed, tightly embracing and rolling around. Liu Yan lay on top of Ouyang Yiming, releasing her kiss and saying, "I missed you so much." Ouyang Yiming replied, "Me too!" They sat up and looked at each other for a moment. Liu Yan reached out to help Ouyang Yiming undress. Ouyang Yiming reached out as well. In a flurry of groping, they removed all their clothing, revealing their naked bodies.

Liu Yan gripped Ouyang Yiming's erection tightly, slid it around a bit, and then lay flat on the bed. Ouyang Yiming's finger was inserted into Liu Yan's body, his eyes glazed with intoxication. Liu Yan said, "Come on."

Ouyang Yiming climbed on top of her. Just as he was about to penetrate, he suddenly remembered that Liu Yan hadn't used the contraceptive diaphragm and said, "You forgot to use the contraceptive diaphragm." Liu Yan said, "It's okay." Ouyang Yiming slid off Liu Yan's body and said, "No, I'm afraid you'll suffer if you get pregnant."

Liu Yan felt a surge of heat again. She had also thought about the contraceptive diaphragm; she worried that not using it would arouse Ouyang Yiming's suspicion or that he might expel it, so she had brought it. She sat up, got out of bed, reached into her pocket, took out the box of contraceptive films, tore off a sheet, crumpled it into a ball, knelt down in front of the bed, reached under her crotch, and quietly dropped it on the floor. She stood up, got back into bed, and lay down beside Ouyang Yiming, holding him tightly without a word. In her heart, she thought, "Ouyang, I want to have your child, I want to have a child that belongs to both of us." Thinking this, her heart raced, and her warm, slender hands grasped Ouyang Yiming's hot, hard penis again. After a few strokes, Ouyang Yiming couldn't control himself any longer and rolled onto Liu Yan's body. At that moment, Liu Yan reached out and grasped Ouyang Yiming 's penis, inserting it into her lubricated body.

Ouyang Yiming's body moved, his mouth filled with Liu Yan's sweet scent; his frenzied primal desire made him forget everything. Their eyes remained locked. As Ouyang Yiming thrust rapidly, Liu Yan emitted alluring moans from her nostrils. After a while, Ouyang Yiming could no longer control himself, and a stream of pent-up semen shot into Liu Yan's body. Tears welled in Liu Yan's eyes. She thought to herself, "Ouyang Yiming, this one time is enough to conceive your child."

Liu Yan had carefully chosen her dates; these past few days were her ovulation period.

To bear a child for Ouyang Yiming! To bear a child that belonged to both of them!! This was the decision Liu Yan had pondered and made up her mind over the past few days. She thought that she would love Ouyang Yiming in her heart for the rest of her life, that she would only love Ouyang Yiming. She wanted to have a child with Ouyang Yiming to keep by his side; she wanted to transfer her love for Ouyang Yiming to the fruit of their love. This idea remained exceptionally firm in her mind. Only a woman who loves a man so deeply would have such an idea, such a resolute decision! How much courage does a woman need to make such a decision? If her feelings for Ouyang Yiming were even slightly false, she could not have made such a bold decision!

Ouyang Yiming, panting heavily, lay on top of Liu Yan. After a moment, he looked up at her apologetically and said, "I was too excited and didn't make you climax." Liu Yan smiled through her tears and said,

"It's okay, I felt good too." Ouyang Yiming wanted to move again, but Liu Yan hugged him tightly and said, "You'll feel uncomfortable like this, get off."

Actually, Liu Yan was afraid that what Ouyang Yiming had ejaculated inside her would be spilled out. Ouyang Yiming looked at the tears in Liu Yan's eyes with some surprise and asked, "Why are you always crying?"

Liu Yan said, "I'm excited." Ouyang Yiming raised his hand and wiped the tears from the corners of Liu Yan's eyes, slid off her body, lay down on his side next to her, chuckled twice, and said, "I've been wanting this for a long time, I've been waiting for you to come."

Liu Yan smiled, her heart aching, and buried her head in Ouyang Yiming's chest. She thought, "Ouyang, perhaps this is the last time we'll ever see each other." A tremendous pain welled up inside her. She hugged Ouyang Yiming tightly, as if he were about to leave. She suppressed the unbearable sorrow in her heart, tears silently streaming down her face.

Ouyang Yiming sensed it, turned her head, and seeing her tear-filled eyes, said, "Don't be like this, okay? We've met, haven't we?" At that moment, Ouyang Yiming thought, a woman is still a woman; the emotions that erupt upon seeing her after a long separation are always stronger than a man's. Liu Yan said, "I...I just missed you." Ouyang Yiming smiled and said, "Aren't we together now?"

Liu Yan thought to herself, "But this is the last time!" In an instant, she thought again, she had thought it through before she came; she couldn't let Ouyang Yiming be unhappy on their last meeting. She had thought about spending every second happily with Ouyang Yiming.

But she couldn't do it. She wasn't sure what Ouyang Yiming's emotions would be when she finally explained everything to him, nor did she know how she herself would react afterward. But at that moment, Liu Yan thought, no matter what, she had to make Ouyang Yiming happy! She forced a smile.

Liu Yan wiped away her tears, a smile on her face, and asked, "Tell me about what happened after I left?" Ouyang Yiming said, "I'm still at school here." Liu Yan said, "You said your grandmother passed away during your vacation. You must have been very sad then. If you had told me, I might have gone." At that moment, Ouyang Yiming thought of Xu Hui going to his grandmother's house for the funeral, and his heart sank. He felt incredibly guilty towards Liu Yan. His face flushed red, and his heart pounded.

Liu Yan suddenly remembered that Ouyang Yiming's grandmother passed away around the time she had her relationship with Zhang Lei. A wave of nervousness washed over her. She looked up at him and asked, "When did your grandmother pass away?" Ouyang Yiming replied, "I didn't tell you the details on the phone. My grandmother was always in good health. She fell down a mountain while tying a red ribbon to my sister before her exams, rupturing her liver and spleen, and that's when she passed away." Liu Yan sighed inwardly and whispered, "I really didn't expect this." Still thinking about the date of Ouyang Yiming's grandmother's death, she asked, "When was that?" Ouyang Yiming said, "Grandma fell down the mountain on July 6th, and passed away on July 11th."

Liu Yan's heart trembled. She thought about how she had that kind of relationship with Zhang Lei on July 9th—a date that tore her heart apart. That day had cost her the person she loved most. Liu Yan would never forget that day. If Ouyang Yiming had informed me when his grandmother fell down the mountain, I might have gone to Ouyang Yiming's house, and then what happened between me and Zhang Lei that night would never have happened. However, Ouyang Yiming didn't inform me then; he only found out after he had seen his grandmother off and after what happened between me and Zhang Lei. Thinking of this, she blamed Ouyang Yiming in her heart. Her heart ached, tears streamed down her face, and she pounded Ouyang Yiming's chest, saying, "Why didn't you tell me then? Why didn't you tell me when Grandma fell down the mountain!"

Hearing Liu Yan's words, Ouyang Yiming assumed she was also grieving for his grandmother's loss, and a wave of sorrow washed over him. He hugged Liu Yan tightly, tears streaming down his face, and said, "Back then, after Grandma fell down the mountain, my sister had an exam the next day, and I didn't want her to know, so I didn't tell anyone." Liu Yan cried, "You never...never thought of me. You never considered me your wife." When she said the word "wife," Liu Yan trembled, thinking, "Now I'm someone else's wife, and I'll never be Ouyang Yiming's wife again." Her heart ached even more, and her cries became even more heart-wrenching.

Ouyang Yiming thought, "Yes, that's right. Why didn't I tell Liu Yan then? If I had told her then, judging from her current state, she would definitely have gone after finding out, and then Xu Hui wouldn't have gone." Regardless of what Grandma thought at the time, she would probably have accepted the reality by then. She wouldn't be in this awkward situation now, unable to face Xu Hui or explain things to her. She wondered if Liu Yan had gone to her family then, would they have accepted her immediately? In their hearts, Xu Hui was their fiancée.

She thought that no matter what, her family would probably accept her after her explanation. They would definitely accept her after meeting Liu Yan, it would just take some explaining from her. Now, thinking about it, she felt incredibly regretful.

Liu Yan thought sadly to herself, "This is all fate. Isn't it just as my mother said, destined to meet but not to be together? Otherwise, how could it be such a coincidence? Otherwise, how could Ouyang Yiming not have thought to tell me?" She suddenly wondered, "If Ouyang Yiming really told me, would I have gone?" She immediately became certain that if Ouyang Yiming had told her the news of the old woman's impending death, she would have done everything she could to go. Then there would have been no incident with Zhang Lei that night. Who arranged all of this?! Why did you have to separate me and Ouyang Yiming, who love each other so deeply?

Sigh! It's already like this, and I've already gotten a marriage certificate with another man. Can I not accept this reality? I have to make Ouyang Yiming happy. I have to bring happiness to the man I love in what may be the last time we meet in this lifetime.

Love and Desire (98)

Chapter 96
Liu Yan said, "I was so happy when I received your letter saying you joined the Party." Ouyang Yiming said, "The first thing I thought of was telling you." Liu Yan said, "You also said you were going to do an experiment. I really felt that you were the best in the world." Ouyang Yiming's heart sank, and he said, "Now, now this experiment can't be done." Liu Yan was shocked and hurriedly asked, "Why?" Ouyang Yiming said sadly, "My most respected professor has passed away."

Liu Yan exclaimed "Ah!" in surprise, and saw two lines of tears flowing from Ouyang Yiming's eyes. She blamed herself inwardly, wanting to make him happy, but instead making him sad. She pressed her face against Ouyang Yiming's and rubbed it, saying, "I'm sorry, I've hurt you again." Ouyang Yiming hugged her tightly and said, "It's okay." Her mind drifted back to what the professor had told her before his death about staying at the university: "Liu Yan, some things are truly unexpected. Perhaps we should have stayed with your parents for the rest of our lives." Liu Yan's heart skipped a beat, and she still asked, "What do you mean...?"

Ouyang Yiming said, "If Professor Cheng had told me about this before you left, you probably wouldn't have been transferred." Liu Yan asked anxiously, "What was it?" Ouyang Yiming said, "Actually, Professor Cheng had planned to keep me at the university, but I didn't know. If you hadn't left, I would have stayed to teach at the university, and neither of us would have needed to beg." He then recounted Professor Cheng's words about staying at the university to Liu Yan.

Liu Yan's heart trembled. She thought to herself, how could she only find out about all of this when there was no other way? If she had known Ouyang Yiming would stay, she would never have transferred back. Originally, her biggest concern was Ouyang Yiming's job. She hoped her parents, with their high positions, could arrange a good job for him, so that she and Ouyang Yiming could receive their care in the future. If she had known about this back then, Ouyang Yiming probably wouldn't have agreed to her transfer back. Her parents were getting old and could have retired; they could have come to live with her.

Her comment about the hospital possibly being transferred to local management and her possibly leaving the military was just to give Ouyang Yiming more leverage. Even if the hospital was transferred, her aunt could easily transfer her to an administrative position. If she asked, why couldn't her aunt transfer her to another unit?

Now she's back, and she has things she didn't get here. But all of this is meaningless; losing the man she loved most in her life is a permanent pain! Regret?!

Regret is useless now; there's no medicine for regret in this world! It all seems like it was arranged by fate. Who arranged this? Why is it so cruel to me and Ouyang Yiming? Liu

Yan's heart trembled. She thought to herself, "It's all fate; no one can change it!"

Liu Yan said, "Who could have imagined this would happen? Are you very concerned about staying at the university?" Ouyang Yiming sighed and said, "Even if I care, I can't stay here. I can't bear not being with you. You've been crying all this time. We've only been apart for a few months; if we were living in different places in the future, I can't imagine how you would feel. How could I be at ease here?"

Liu Yan's heart ached as if it were being cut by a knife. She understood Ouyang Yiming's feelings for her; he would definitely give up this hard-won job he loved to be with her.

But how could all of this be possible? In her heart, she cried out, "Yiming, thank you for your feelings, but it's all too late. I'm already someone else's wife." Suddenly, she thought, "Yiming, if you knew what happened between me and Zhang Lei, and that I half-heartedly went along with it, could you forgive me? Would you still love me like this?" A moment later, she quickly rejected the idea. "You could never forgive me, never!" The

thought pierced her heart. She told herself, "Don't talk about this with Ouyang Yiming anymore; there's no need to say anything more." After she told Zhang Lei about her marriage, he would stay here and become the university teacher he wanted to be. Now, her greatest wish was to give Ouyang Yiming the most happiness.

Liu Yan said, "Yiming, do you remember what I told you before I left, that we would make love in a warm bed someday? Do you remember what I said about letting you see every part of my body?" Ouyang Yiming excitedly said, "How could I not remember? I've thought about those words of yours more than once. And now it's happening." Liu Yan said, "This time I'm going to let you see, let you see to your heart's content." Ouyang Yiming sat up. Liu Yan said, "Let's take a shower together." Ouyang Yiming nodded. Liu

Yan got up and got out of bed, went to the kitchen cabinet, took out a handbag, opened it, and took out a plastic bag containing the most expensive shampoo and soap she bought at the mall, and the two best towels she bought. Standing naked before the naked Ouyang Yiming, she said, "Will you carry me?" Ouyang Yiming bent down, picked her up, and carried her into the bathroom.

He put Liu Yan down. Liu Yan glanced shyly at Ouyang Yiming, bent down to fill the tub with water, stood up, faced him, and embraced him. Her lips met his. Liu Yan felt Ouyang Yiming's erection again. She looked down and saw it was already proudly erect. Ouyang Yiming's face was flushed, his breathing rapid, and his eyes burning with desire. She said, "Let's do it in bed later." Ouyang Yiming seemed somewhat reluctant, but pulled her close. Liu Yan pulled away and said, "Be good, I'll wash your hair."

She took the showerhead, turned it on, and made Ouyang Yiming kneel down. She took his glasses and placed them on the stand, then turned behind him and used the showerhead to wet his hair. She poured some shampoo onto his head. Her ten slender fingers carefully combed through his hair. She thought to herself, "Yiming, today is the first time I've served you like this, and it will be the last time in my life. I truly wanted to serve you like this for the rest of my life, but now it's impossible." Tears streamed down her face, her blurred vision never leaving Ouyang Yiming's jet-black hair.

She was so attentive, so meticulous. She combed through his hair again and again with her ten fingers, gently, slowly, as if counting each strand. After a while, she rinsed his hair with the showerhead and dried it with a towel. She gently combed through his hair with her ten fingers. Suddenly, she spotted a gray hair among the thick locks. She leaned closer, carefully picked it up with her little fingernail, and yanked it out. Ouyang Yiming felt a sharp pain and turned to look at her. Liu Yan handed him the gray hair.

Ouyang Yiming smiled and said, "You're so meticulous." Liu Yan felt a pang of sadness and didn't say anything. Tears streamed down her face. She knelt down and hugged Ouyang Yiming tightly, her firm, soft breasts pressed against his broad, sturdy back.

Ouyang Yiming said, "Let me wash your hair." Liu Yan shook her head slightly and said, "No need, my hair is long and doesn't dry easily. I just washed it yesterday." As she spoke, she stood up, took the soap, and said, "Let me wash your body." Ouyang Yiming stood up. Liu Yan gently rubbed the soap on Ouyang Yiming's back, while her other hand gently massaged his body. She turned around and started lathering soap on Ouyang Yiming's chest. After a while, she gently pinched his manhood with one hand and used the other to lather the dark, shiny pubic hair. Ouyang Yiming seemed to lose control suddenly, grabbing Liu Yan's head and saying in a trembling voice, "I really can't take it anymore." Liu Yan whispered, "Bear with it." She pulled away and began rubbing her hands on Ouyang Yiming's soapy body.

The bathtub was already overflowing, water spilling over the edge. It seemed this tub of water was now useless. Liu Yan had originally planned to give Ouyang Yiming a good wash or a massage.

Now it seemed he couldn't endure it any longer. So she turned off the faucet, took the showerhead and rinsed Ouyang Yiming's body, handed him a towel and said, "Go back to bed and wait for me.

I'll wash up and come right away." Ouyang Yiming said, "Let me wash you." Liu Yan said, "No need, I'll be quick." She then handed him her glasses and pushed him out of the tub. As Liu Yan washed herself, tears streamed down her face. After a while, she finished, a smile on her face, and walked out of the bathroom while drying her wet hair.

Ouyang Yiming sat on the edge of the bed, watching Liu Yan emerge from the bathroom. Liu Yan stopped in front of the bed. Ouyang Yiming observed her closely and saw that Liu Yan's smooth, fair body possessed an unparalleled beauty.

The proportions of her figure were perfectly balanced. The two mounds of her breasts protruded slightly beneath her long neck. Her arms, like scallion roots, were white and supple. A pair of breasts, like alabaster, stood proudly on her soft bosom, round and full like two white jade buns, with dark red areolas in the center, and a pair of protruding nipples that made the entire breasts slightly upturned. Her delicate, white abdomen was round and full.

Below, between her legs, was a thick patch of grass. A pair of slender, round, and shapely legs stood erect. This breathtakingly beautiful body made Ouyang Yiming sigh inwardly. He realized that Liu Yan's beauty wasn't just in her face; her entire figure was a masterpiece. He was thrilled to have such a beauty as his wife.

Liu Yan stood quietly before the bed, allowing Ouyang Yiming to admire her. A solemn, sacred smile graced her face. She wanted Ouyang Yiming to appreciate her; she wanted him to permanently etch her body into his memory. She wanted him to think of her whenever he saw a woman's naked body in the future. What a helpless thought… Liu Yan looked at him tenderly and asked, “Have you looked carefully? Remembered everything?” Ouyang Yiming blushed instantly, reached out and hugged her tightly, saying,

“My wife, you are truly… so beautiful.” Their smooth bodies pressed together, and Liu Yan looked up at him and asked, “Will you remember me looking like this forever?” Ouyang Yiming said, “I will never forget.” Liu Yan nodded and said, “Today I’m going to let you see my body properly, didn’t you want to?” Ouyang Yiming said, “I want to see.” Liu Yan lay down beside him and said softly, “Look, look wherever you want.” After saying that, she closed her eyes. Ouyang Yiming’s large hand caressed Liu Yan’s breasts, looked closely for a while, and suddenly felt an impulse. He lowered his mouth and sucked on one nipple. His other hand kneaded the other breast. Liu Yan couldn’t help but let out a charming moan.

Ouyang Yiming raised his head, one hand resting on her breast, the other trembling as it slid across Liu Yan's abdomen. Her skin was so soft and smooth, like silk. As he caressed her, his eyes were fixed on the patch of slightly yellowish, not-so-dark pubic hair. His breathing grew heavier, his head throbbing. His trembling hand slowly slid down, stopping at that hairy area. He shifted his body downwards, a finger slipping inside Liu Yan's body. Liu Yan let out a soft moan. Her face flushed, she opened her eyes to look at him, her body shifting slightly. She parted her legs, closed her eyes, and said in a trembling voice, "You...you want to see...look."

Ouyang Yiming didn't speak, but moved between Liu Yan's legs, looking at her, and then used his hands to spread apart her tender, plump, and high-set breasts, which were already wet... After a while, Ouyang Yiming could no longer control himself and said, "I can't take it anymore." Liu Yan opened her eyes and looked at him, saying, "Come on." Ouyang Yiming then pressed down on her. The hard object had only moved a few times after being inserted when he suddenly remembered that Liu Yan hadn't put in the contraceptive diaphragm. He quickly got up and said, "You forgot again." Liu Yan thought to herself, silly girl, I did it on purpose, it's rare that you still remember. Liu Yan said, "It's okay." Ouyang Yiming said, "No, you'll suffer so much if you get pregnant." Liu Yan felt a surge of heat in her heart and tried to sit up. Ouyang Yiming said, "I'll do it." Liu Yan sat up and said, "I'll do it." As she spoke, she got off the bed, took the diaphragm, squatted down in front of the bed, and secretly threw it away. She climbed onto the bed and said, "I'll be on top of you."

Ouyang Yiming nodded. Suddenly, the scene of making love with Bai Xue a year ago flashed through his mind, and he instantly blushed,

his heart pounding with fear. He quickly closed his eyes, unable to bear looking at her. Liu Yan hadn't been looking at Ouyang Yiming's face either, but now she felt his heart pounding faster, thinking that he definitely couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed Ouyang Yiming's erection, leaned down, and inserted it into her body. Ouyang Yiming said, "It's not time yet." Liu Yan said, "It's okay." Then she clumsily began to move. After a while, she sat on Ouyang Yiming's lap, looking down at the erection moving in and out below. After a while, her body throbbed, trembled violently, and streams of love fluid overflowed.

Ouyang Yiming felt the fluid inside Liu Yan spraying his erection, felt Liu Yan's trembling body tightening and loosening, enveloping his erection. He knew that Liu Yan's orgasm had arrived. He sat up, still holding her tightly, without withdrawing his erection. He laid Liu Yan down and knelt between her legs, watching his penis move in and out of her. After a while, his whole body felt like it was being electrocuted, his soul felt like it was ascending to heaven. He lay on top of Liu Yan and thrust rapidly a few more times, streams of semen shooting deep into the heart of Liu Yan's body... Liu Yan was covered in fragrant sweat, panting softly. After Ouyang Yiming slid off her, she turned to her side, tightly clamping her legs around Ouyang Yiming. After a moment, she softly asked, "Was it comfortable?"

Ouyang Yiming chuckled twice and said, "I really can't describe this feeling, it really feels like I'm ascending to heaven." Liu Yan said, "I really want to hold you like this forever." Ouyang Yiming hugged her tighter and said, "I want to too." He paused and said, "When I graduate, we can do this." Liu Yan's heart trembled. There was a moment of silence, Liu Yan just held him tightly like that.

Ouyang Yiming was obviously very tired, resting with his eyes closed.

Liu Yan was in turmoil. She knew that Ouyang Yiming would soon shift from this state of mind to another that terrified her. She didn't know how Ouyang Yiming would react after learning that she and Zhang Lei had obtained their marriage certificate. But she guessed that his reaction would definitely frighten her. However, she had to admit it was a fact, an unchangeable fact!

She had already bought a plane ticket for tomorrow night after getting off the plane. She wanted to spend a few more days with Ouyang Yiming, but she was also terrified of every second she spent with him; she felt she couldn't face him. At the same time, she thought that every minute she spent with Ouyang Yiming might increase her fear of telling him about her relationship with Zhang Lei, even doubting whether she had the courage to speak up or the resolve to leave him. But she couldn't keep quiet about her relationship with Zhang Lei.

Before coming, Zhang Lei insisted on coming with her, but Liu Yan said, "I'm not just going to my aunt's house this time; I mainly want to get together with my comrades. You know I don't have many friends here; some of my good friends are in that hospital. I want to talk to them, have meals, and sleep with them tonight. I don't want you to interfere."

Although Zhang Lei wasn't very happy, he didn't insist on going with Liu Yan. He never imagined that Liu Yan would have such a relationship with Ouyang Yiming. He even believed that Liu Yan had never had romantic feelings for any other man besides himself. Liu Yan's many actions had left him with no doubts.

That day, Zhang Lei called a friend to buy Liu Yan a plane ticket. When he met Liu Yan, he took out three thousand yuan and handed it to her, asking, "How long do you plan to stay there and come back?" Liu Yan said, "I'll do it as soon as possible. There are only a few days left until the wedding, and I plan to come back in two or three days. Another reason I don't want you to come with me is that you haven't had time these days because of the wedding preparations, and our wedding will cause quite a stir in this compound. You'll have to handle everything yourself. You should do more of these kinds of things. I just want to see my good girlfriends before the wedding; it won't be as convenient after we have children. If you want to visit my aunt, there will be plenty of opportunities later."

Zhang Lei thought to himself, "I never wanted to visit your aunt. I didn't even want to see your comrades." So she said, "Then we'll find a chance to visit your aunt after we get married. Since you're going this time, just stay a few more days." Liu Yan said, "Two or three days will do. The date is almost here."

Love and Desire (99)

Chapter 97

Liu Yan looked at Ouyang Yiming, whom she was holding tightly in her arms, and felt a wave of sorrow and fear. She thought to herself, "Is this really the last time I'll be with this man in this life? Is this a dream or reality?" Instantly, she thought, "You have to accept this fact, whether you want to or not!" She also thought to herself, "Ouyang Yiming, my main task in coming here this time is to collect your seed. In this life, I have no regrets if I can give you a child to keep by my side. I am not worthy to live with you. I cannot let you wear a green hat for the rest of your life. I love you, and this is the only way I can love you in my heart for the rest of my life."

At this moment, Liu Yan thought of Xu Hui, and an unspoken jealousy arose in her heart. This jealousy made her tremble all over. A moment later, a sorrowful thought crossed her mind: from now on, it would be Xu Hui lying in this man's arms like this; she would never again lie naked with this man like this in her entire life. She had no right, no qualification, she was unworthy to be with him. Who told her to make such a mistake! As she thought this, her body trembled, her heart bled, and tears streamed down her face.

Ouyang Yiming felt Liu Yan's tears on his body and gently turned her shoulder, asking, "What's wrong now?" Liu Yan hesitated for a moment before saying, "Ouyang, how are things between you and Xu Hui?" Ouyang Yiming was startled, realizing that this was what had upset Liu Yan. His heart sank. He quickly thought that no matter what was going on between him and Xu Hui, no matter how Xu Hui treated him, he couldn't tell Liu Yan. Right now, Liu Yan's biggest worry was about him and Xu Hui. If he told her about his past relationship with Xu Hui, Liu Yan would become even more uneasy and distressed. He would handle everything himself. He couldn't let Liu Yan worry about this any longer.

Although Ouyang Yiming really wanted to tell Liu Yan, he knew he couldn't. So he said, "She and I are still the same as before. Don't overthink it. No one will ever take me away from you." Liu Yan said, "I know. We're just chatting." Ouyang Yiming was also troubled by his relationship with Xu Hui, so he said, "Can we not talk about her anymore?"

Liu Yan looked up at him. She thought to herself that this matter had to be discussed, so she said, "Let's just chat. Ouyang, tell me the truth, if I hadn't come along, would you two definitely have developed a romantic relationship?" Ouyang Yiming thought to himself, "Is that even a question? Now that we're in this relationship, aren't you still hung up on her?"

Thinking to himself that he shouldn't hide the question Liu Yan had asked, he said, "You've asked me this many times before. To be honest, if I hadn't met you, I definitely would have had a relationship with her.

But I met you, didn't I?" Liu Yan said, "I know you love me. I have another question for you. If—and I mean if—I left you, would you get back together with Xu Hui?"

Ouyang Yiming suddenly felt a jolt of surprise. He turned Liu Yan's head, looked at her face, and asked, "Why would you ask such a strange question?" Liu Yan smiled and said, "I said if, didn't I? I hope you can answer this question truthfully, without any concealment." Ouyang Yiming thought to himself, what is Liu Yan trying to do? What is she thinking?

Why is she asking this question?

After thinking for a moment, he said, "Then I'll be honest. If you were forced to leave me, I might get together with her." He meant it sincerely; he truly cared for Xu Hui, and he knew her feelings for him were now extraordinary. But he immediately added, "That 'what if' won't happen." Liu Yan trembled upon hearing this. But a helpless sense of comfort quickly followed.

To be honest, although she was jealous of Xu Hui, knowing she couldn't have Ouyang Yiming, she also hoped Xu Hui and Ouyang Yiming would be together. She knew Xu Hui loved Ouyang Yiming, and that besides herself, Xu Hui was the most suitable match for him. Deep down, she hoped Ouyang Yiming would be happy, that a woman would wholeheartedly cherish him. At that moment, she felt a little comforted.

Ouyang Yiming was still processing Liu Yan's question when a terrifying thought suddenly flashed through his mind. He asked, "Liu Yan, did you tell your family about us? Don't your parents approve of us?"

Liu Yan sighed inwardly. It wasn't just her family's disapproval! She knew her mother didn't approve of her relationship with Ouyang Yiming. But it was all her fault; family disapproval wasn't the biggest problem. The real issue was that her actions were causing pain to him and her family—that was what she didn't want!

But at that moment, Liu Yan didn't want to reveal her affair with Zhang Lei. She wanted to keep Ouyang Yiming happy for a while longer; she planned to tell him before they parted. So she said, "No, I didn't tell you. I was just chatting with you." Ouyang Yiming said, "Don't talk about her anymore. With you here, I will never share my love with anyone else in this lifetime. Unless you stop loving me."

Liu Yan's body trembled slightly, which Ouyang Yiming noticed. Liu Yan said, "Ouyang, I will love you for the rest of my life." Ouyang Yiming said, "Isn't that enough?"

Thinking about his future relationship with Xu Hui, Ouyang Yiming felt a heavy weight in his heart. Afraid Liu Yan would say something else, he said, "Let's rest for a while." Liu Yan nodded. The two embraced and fell asleep, each lost in their own thoughts.

They didn't know when, but both drifted off to sleep. When Liu Yan woke up in the middle of the night, looking at the sleeping Ouyang Yiming and listening to his even breathing, she suddenly felt that her affair with Zhang Lei was a nightmare. Upon realizing this, she was overwhelmed with sorrow and nestled in Ouyang Yiming's arms, weeping. Ouyang Yiming woke up after a while and stirred. Liu Yan hurriedly wiped away her tears and pretended to be asleep. Ouyang Yiming looked at Liu Yan in his arms, and one of his large hands gently stroked her smooth back and buttocks. After a while, his lower body became aroused. His hand caressed Liu Yan's private parts, noticing they were already wet. He gently sat up, slowly laying Liu Yan down, and moved to sit between her legs. He curled her legs up with his hands, parting her perfect, warm area and looking at it. A finger gently explored that spot… Liu Yan could no longer control herself. She opened her eyes and said, "I want to." Ouyang Yiming was startled, looked up at her, and asked with a blushing smile, "You were awake early?" Liu Yan nodded, blushing, and sat up, saying, "I'll put that contraceptive membrane in." As she spoke, she slipped off the bed. She knew that even if she didn't do this, Ouyang Yiming would still think of having her use the contraceptive membrane. After secretly throwing it away, she climbed into bed, grasped Ouyang Yiming's hot, hard member, and slid it around for a while. Then, lying flat, she pulled Ouyang Yiming onto her… This time, it lasted a long time. Liu Yan let Ouyang Yiming enter her from behind; she moved on top of him for a while; the two sat facing each other, watching their private parts unite; they changed positions many times… After another double orgasm, Liu Yan extracted the seed of her beloved man. The two embraced each other like mud and fell asleep. They slept until after eight in the morning. After getting up, they made love again and then took a shower together.

Ouyang Yiming sat down on the sofa, looking at Liu Yan sitting on another sofa, and asked, "You only ate so little last night, are you hungry?" Liu Yan shook her head and said, "I don't feel hungry at all." As she spoke, she unwrapped the cookies she had bought last night and said, "If you're hungry, eat some first, and then we'll go out to eat later." She placed the cookies in front of Ouyang Yiming, got up, and poured him water from a teacup.

Ouyang Yiming asked, "Doesn't this hotel have a cafeteria?" Liu Yan handed him some water and said, "Yes, but I wanted to take you to a bigger restaurant for a meal." Ouyang Yiming laughed and said, "Look at you, what kind of person do you take me for? So polite with me. There's no need." Liu Yan poured herself some water and said, "I just wanted to take you to eat something nice." Ouyang Yiming smiled and said, "We won't be able to eat that again. I just want to spend more time with you. Let's eat in the cafeteria; I don't want to go anywhere else." Liu Yan sat down, and Ouyang Yiming put a biscuit in her mouth.

Liu Yan said while eating, "The future is the future. You seem to have lost a lot of weight." Ouyang Yiming said, "You can gain weight from just one meal. I don't want to eat anything fancy right now. Once I start working and get my first paycheck, I'll definitely take you to a big restaurant for some good food. I can't eat anything good even if I eat your food now." Liu Yan said,

"You always have that kind of thinking." Ouyang Yiming chuckled twice and said, "No, we don't need to right now. I just want to spend more time with you." He put a biscuit in Liu Yan's mouth, then took another and put it in his own mouth, asking, "How many days are you planning to stay this time?" Liu Yan was taken aback and said, "I came here specifically to see you. I'm quite busy at work, so I... I have to go back tonight."

Ouyang Yiming was stunned, staring at her blankly with a biscuit in his mouth. After a while, he asked, "Leaving tonight? Why the rush? Couldn't you have stayed a day longer?" Liu Yan glanced at him and smiled, then turned to look at the ground and said, "I just came to see you. I've been very busy." She looked up at him and said, "I already bought my 8 PM flight after I got off the plane." Ouyang Yiming was surprised and asked, "You already bought the ticket? Why are you in such a hurry?"

Liu Yan felt a pang of sadness, and her eyes reddened again. She thought to herself, "How I wish I could spend more time with you, but the longer I spend with you, the more uneasy I feel.

I really don't have the courage to spend more time with you." But she didn't want to show her emotions now, so she swallowed her tears and said, "I want to too, but I can't."

Ouyang Yiming pondered for a moment and said, "You've already bought the ticket, what are you waiting for? I'll see you off tonight." Liu Yan thought, "If I tell you about Zhang Lei tonight, will you still see me off?"

Another wave of sadness washed over her. She said, "No need. I'll leave from my aunt's place tonight; she'll send a car to take me." Ouyang Yiming nodded. Seeing Liu Yan's sad expression, she said, "It's okay. Work comes first. In a few months, we'll be together every day. It'll be alright."

Liu Yan burst into tears, thinking to herself, "What future is there? If there is, it's only this child in my belly who will be with me every day. You and I will never be together again.

Having our child with me every day will be enough for me in this life." Thinking this, she touched her belly, as if her and Ouyang Yiming's child was already with her. She thought, "It will be soon, ten months, ten months until you are born into this world, ten months later you will have a life that belongs to you and Ouyang Yiming. In these ten months, Mom's greatest wish is for you to grow healthily inside me."

Seeing her tears, Ouyang Yiming scolded, "Look at you, why are you always crying? I won't be able to rest easy if you go back like this." Liu Yan wiped away her tears, smiled at him, and said, "I don't want to leave you either, but..." Ouyang Yiming said, "A woman is still a woman after all, look at you."

Liu Yan felt sorrow in her heart, thinking, "Ouyang, how could you know what has happened to me? I've always been a strong woman, I wouldn't be this heartbroken under normal circumstances, but how can I stop my tears now? I only hope that after you know about my marriage to Zhang Lei, you will be strong and that everything will be alright."

Suddenly, a question she had wanted to ask countless times but dared not think of came to mind. Now she thought, "I should ask it now, or I might never have the chance again." So, she composed herself and, with an unnatural smile, asked, "Ouyang, do you really love me?" Ouyang Yiming paused, then burst into laughter, pointing at her and saying, "You! How can you ask such a childish question? You doubt my feelings for you?"

In an instant, Liu Yan thought to herself, "Is this question appropriate?" Originally, she wanted to ask Ouyang Yiming what his opinion would be if a woman had a lover but had a relationship with another man—whether she was raped or, like herself

, was half-heartedly involved. She wanted to see his attitude. Now she thought, "Is it even necessary to ask? Even if he doesn't care, I've already married Zhang Lei." She also mocked herself inwardly. What man wouldn't care if his woman had sex with another man? If she really asked this question, wouldn't Ouyang Yiming just call it childish? She might even doubt that the question she asked was about what had happened to her. Why bother? She still couldn't live with him in the future, so why let him have such doubts?

Liu Yan said, "I don't doubt it, I will never doubt your feelings for me. I just want to hear it from you one more time." Ouyang Yiming smiled and said, "Okay, I'll say it again. Liu Yan, I will love you forever, and my love for you will always be true. I will love you for a lifetime!"

Liu Yan felt a surge of warmth in her heart and hugged him tightly, saying, "Yiming, I believe you, and I will love you forever and ever." Tears streamed down her face as she spoke.

She thought to herself, why did I even have the thought of asking Ouyang Yiming that question? After hearing that the woman she mentioned had a relationship with a man she didn't love, he would definitely think she was promiscuous. Perhaps all men would think that woman was promiscuous.

She absolutely didn't want Ouyang Yiming to think she was promiscuous. Although she knew she would lose him and never live with him again, she loved Ouyang Yiming and wanted her image in his heart to remain pure, upright, and beautiful forever. Even though she felt she had done something lewd, even if only once, it was still something lewd!

When Liu Yan thought of the word "lewd," her heart felt like it had been struck by a hammer, her body and soul trembling. Although she had thought about this countless times, and although she knew deep down that she had done something lewd, she often tried to defend herself in her heart: "I'm not lewd, I love Ouyang Yiming, I only love him!"

But every time she thought of the word "lewd," she felt a chill run through her body. At this moment, Liu Yan felt her heart bleeding. Looking down blankly at the ground, speechless… Liu Yan felt ashamed, frustrated, and angry… What good would asking do? Was there any hope of a way out? I won't ask such stupid questions anymore, I can't let him have any more doubts. Now that I have obtained the marriage certificate with Zhang Lei, everything is settled, everything is helpless... Love and Desire (100) Chapter 98 Lunch Ouyang Yiming insisted on not going out to eat, so the two of them ate in the hotel cafeteria. Liu Yan wanted to have a couple of drinks with Ouyang Yiming, but Ouyang Yiming said, "I don't want to drink."

He glanced at her and smiled, saying, "If you get drunk later, you won't be able to do that. I want to do it a couple more times." Liu Yan blushed and didn't insist.

After lunch, they returned to the room, and the two of them rolled around on the bed, kissing and undressing each other. After making love, Liu Yan let Ouyang Yiming admire her naked body again. Liu Yan asked,

"Can you remember everything about me?" Ouyang Yiming said, "I can never forget anything." Liu Yan said, "Me too." The two of them lay together tightly in each other's arms. They chatted absentmindedly, their hands lingering on each other, unable to control themselves, and made love again, this time for a long time. After their mutual climax, they lay down again; it was past three in the morning, both exhausted, and

closed their eyes to rest. Liu Yan couldn't sleep, her heart aching as she thought about the approaching time to leave Ouyang Yiming. She held him tightly for a while, then sat up to carefully observe Ouyang Yiming's body. The man before her had fair skin, as delicate as a woman's. His chest was broad, the pectoral muscles slightly prominent, displaying muscular strength. The pubic hair between his legs was glossy black and mostly curved. His penis hung limply on his breasts, long even without erection. She remembered how imposing it would be when erect.

She wanted to touch it, but was afraid of waking him. After looking at him for a while, she lamented inwardly, this thing and this tall, strong body would no longer belong to her. He and his body would belong to Xu Hui, the beautiful woman he envied. He was unwilling, but could only feel helpless. Biting his lower lip, his heart trembled, and tears streamed down his face again.

Ouyang Yiming woke up groggily and found Liu Yan sitting naked beside him, crying. Startled, he asked, "What's wrong?" Liu Yan sobbed, "I have to go to my aunt's house before six. We were supposed to have dinner together tonight, but after dinner, I...I...I have to leave." She threw herself into Ouyang Yiming's arms and burst into tears. Ouyang Yiming hugged her tightly and said, "Look at you, it's just a temporary separation. It's not a big deal if we don't have dinner together tonight. Why are you acting like a child?" He glanced at his watch; it was already 4:30. His heart sank. The time of parting was drawing closer, and the moment of separation was always heartbreaking.

Liu Yan slowly stopped crying, looked up at him, leaned down, and pressed her lips to Ouyang Yiming's, sucking almost frantically. After a while, she reached out and grabbed Ouyang Yiming's genitals. Feeling his erection, she straddled him and began to ravage him. After a long while, they both reached orgasm. After a heavy breathing session, Ouyang Yiming suddenly realized they hadn't used a condom and asked her in alarm. Liu Yan said, "It's okay. The one we used last time won't fail." Ouyang Yiming was still worried. Liu Yan sat up and said,

"Come on, let's take a shower. I should go to my aunt's house soon." Ouyang Yiming sat up, got out of bed, and carried Liu Yan to the bathroom.

After Ouyang Yiming put her down, Liu Yan rolled over and hugged him again, pressing her lips tightly to his, kissing him tenderly, tears streaming down her face.

At that moment, Ouyang Yiming felt a heavy weight in his heart, as if something was blocking his chest, as if a thousand-pound weight was pressing down on him. He seemed to have a premonition that something was about to happen. He

felt extremely depressed and terrified. He pulled away from Liu Yan's mouth, which was pressed tightly against his, turned her head, and stared intently into her eyes. He saw tears streaming down her face. Ouyang Yiming asked in a low, agitated voice, "Tell me, what happened?" Liu Yan couldn't meet his gaze and whispered, "Nothing, nothing, nothing, I just can't bear to part with you." Ouyang Yiming said, "You're lying to me." Liu Yan glanced up at him and quickly lowered her head again, saying, "It's really nothing."

As she spoke, she released her hold on Ouyang Yiming, turned to grab the showerhead, adjusted the water temperature, and turned back to look at him with a smile, saying, "Come on, take a bath." Ouyang Yiming froze, staring straight at her. Liu Yan looked up timidly into his eyes, then turned back to grab the soap, turned on the water, and wet Ouyang Yiming's body. Her slender hand then held the soap and rubbed it against Ouyang Yiming's chest. Ouyang Yiming was silent for a moment, then spoke, "You must have something on your mind!"

Liu Yan's body trembled, and the milky-white soap slipped from her hand and fell to the ground with a "thud." Liu Yan froze for a moment, then bent down to pick it up. For a moment, she seemed to lack the strength to straighten her back. After standing up, she still didn't look at Ouyang Yiming's face, silently lathering the soap all over his body, and then gently and carefully rubbing it.

A profound sorrow welled up in Ouyang Yiming's heart at that moment. Tears streamed silently down his face as he trembled and said, "Why didn't I tell you what was wrong?" He already sensed something ominous. Fear gripped his heart. He felt a heavy, aching weight in his chest. He could tell Liu Yan was troubled; what was on her mind must be terrifying. He thought that only her parents' opposition to their marriage must have been causing Liu Yan considerable distress. He dared not ask, but at this moment, he had no choice but to.

Liu Yan stopped what she was doing, then resumed after a moment, saying, "Ouyang, I have something to tell you. Can we talk after you shower?" Ouyang Yiming sensed fear and felt anxious. He grabbed her hand, looked at her face, and asked, "What is it?" Liu Yan shook her head, tears streaming down her face, and said, "Can you wait a moment?" Ouyang Yiming looked at her in surprise, then released her hand, took a step, picked up the showerhead, turned it on, quickly rinsed off the soap, handed the showerhead to Liu Yan, looked at her with a heavy expression, and said in a low voice, "I'll wait for you outside." After saying that, he turned and left the bathroom.

Liu Yan stared blankly at Ouyang Yiming's departing figure, her mind blank, then a tremor ran through her. She composed herself, thinking that now was the time to speak. It was the time she feared most, but it was also the time she had to speak. She tried to calm herself, but her whole body was still trembling. She quickly rinsed off, grabbed a towel to dry herself, and stared at the bathroom door, feeling as if it were the gates of hell, insurmountable.

"I have to get out! I have to face him!" Liu Yan told herself fiercely. Then she took a step. Stepping out, she saw Ouyang Yiming, already dressed and fastening his belt. She bravely met his gaze for a few moments, then felt guilty and lost the courage to continue. She lowered her head and walked to the bed, silently taking her clothes and slowly putting them on with trembling hands, hearing Ouyang Yiming's rapid breathing.

Silently finishing dressing and adjusting her clothes, she turned back, lowered her head, and walked to the sofa. Before she could sit down, Ouyang Yiming asked, "Is it because your family doesn't approve?" Liu Yan trembled. She turned and sat down on the sofa. At this moment, she felt unusually calm. She didn't know why she was so calm when she was about to face everything her lover wanted to say. Looking up at Ouyang Yiming, she said, "Yiming, I have to tell you..." Ouyang Yiming's mind went blank. He knew in his heart that what Liu Yan was about to say could be fatal to him.

He remained silent.

Liu Yan said, "Can you tell me that no matter what I say, you can handle it correctly?" Ouyang Yiming felt a surge of irritation; he wanted to shout, to scream. He was already overwhelmed by this torment. But he still asked calmly, "You haven't already told your family about us, have you?" Liu Yan nodded and said, "Yes, they all know." Ouyang Yiming looked at her in horror, his throat suddenly dry, as if he couldn't speak. He swallowed and asked, "They don't agree?" Liu Yan nodded. Ouyang Yiming felt a silent despair; all the strength seemed to have been drained from his body, and he collapsed there, his eyes staring blankly at Liu Yan, his body and lips trembling. Liu Yan said, "I came here specifically to see you." Ouyang Yiming was stunned for a moment and said, "You...you came to tell me, to tell me your family doesn't agree?!" Liu Yan appeared

calm, but her heart was bleeding. She had considered this countless times before coming here. She couldn't tell Ouyang Yiming about her sexual encounter with Zhang Lei; it was something she herself couldn't face, something she couldn't tell the person she loved. She couldn't let the person she loved most think she was a promiscuous woman. She couldn't let Ouyang Yiming look down on her. She could only say it was because of her family; she couldn't find any other reason.

Liu Yan looked at Ouyang Yiming with teary eyes and said, "Ouyang, listen to me, listen to me, I'll tell you slowly." Although Ouyang Yiming was anxious and hoped to know the result immediately, he held his breath and nodded. Liu Yan said softly and slowly, but with a firm tone, "You are the person I love most, in this life and in the next." Ouyang Yiming didn't speak.

Liu Yan looked up at him, then quickly looked down again, and after a long while said, "But, but we are destined to be apart." Although Liu Yan said this very softly, it was like a bolt from the blue for Ouyang Yiming. His lips trembled, and he couldn't speak. Liu Yan said, "I've thought this through carefully. You and I... we can't be together."

Ouyang Yiming's body jerked upright, his head craning as he looked at Liu Yan, incredulously saying, "You...you...you're telling the truth?" Liu Yan shook her head painfully, crying, "You...you and Xu Hui are the most suitable. I shouldn't be with you. We...we were a mistake from the start." Ouyang Yiming stared at her with wide eyes, saying, "But you...but you...you used to...I loved you! You did too..." Liu Yan shook

her head, tears streaming down her face, saying, "I can't control myself, I can't manage myself. Ouyang, can you understand?" Ouyang Yiming watched her shake her head repeatedly, saying, "I can't, I can't understand." Liu Yan said, "I was just worried about you..." Ouyang Yiming stared at her and asked, "You mean...you came here to break up with me?" Liu Yan nodded, saying:

“Yes, I came here specifically to tell you.” Ouyang Yiming asked, “Are you really decided?!” Liu Yan nodded and said, “I had no choice but to decide.”

Ouyang Yiming looked at her for a moment without speaking, then suddenly slammed his hand on the sofa armrest and angrily asked, “How did your parents force you?” Liu Yan trembled in fright, shook her head after a moment, and said weakly, “You… don’t ask. It was… it was my decision.” Ouyang Yiming looked at her in surprise and asked, “And you did it willingly?” Liu Yan nodded.

Liu Yan stood up, walked shakily to the kitchen cabinet, took out a handbag, opened it, took out a red piece of paper, walked to Ouyang Yiming, and handed it to him, saying, “Ouyang, I… I’m married.” Tears streamed down her face as she spoke.

Ouyang Yiming exclaimed “Ah!” and looked at Liu Yan, seemingly bewildered. In an instant, as if understanding something, he snatched the red paper from Liu Yan's hand, unfolded it, and saw the three large characters "Marriage Certificate" printed on it, followed by a photo of Liu Yan with a man in military uniform. His vision blurred instantly; for a moment, he couldn't see anything. Everything went black. Then, his vision slowly returned, and the three large, gold-embossed characters on the red paper became increasingly clear. At that moment, it felt as if he had suddenly grabbed a red-hot iron plate. He

threw the paper away, jumped up, took a few steps forward, and muttered, "No, impossible, how could this be?!" Liu Yan stared at him in shock, her lips trembling as she said, "It's...it's true."

Ouyang Yiming watched Liu Yan shake her head, then shake it again, then shake it again… He retreated in fear, finally bursting out with a furious roar: "Impossible, impossible!!" Liu Yan looked at him sadly, two lines of tears streaming down her face. The tears streaming from her eyes weren't tears, but blood… Ouyang Yiming took a step forward, reached out his large hands, grabbed Liu Yan's arms, glared at her with fiery eyes, and roared, "Tell me, tell me what it's all about?"

Liu Yan looked at Ouyang Yiming silently, tears streaming down her face. She seemed oblivious to his roar, simply staring at him. Ouyang Yiming shook her, shouting, "Speak! Say something!"

Liu Yan looked at him, shook her head, shook her head again, then stared at him again… Suddenly, Liu Yan cried out in anguish, "Ouyang, I love you, I will love you forever and ever!" Then she buried her face in Ouyang Yiming's chest and wailed loudly.

At that moment, Ouyang Yiming was stunned, dumbfounded, and speechless. After a long while, he looked down at Liu Yan, who was sobbing against his chest, repeatedly crying out, "Ouyang, I love you, I love you, I love you…" The man was bewildered, lost, and confused... but he quickly regained his senses. The blood-red marriage certificate swayed before his eyes, like seeing a pool of terrifying blood. This pool of blood flowed from his own heart.

Ouyang Yiming lifted Liu Yan's body, looking at her, looking... He couldn't believe that this woman, who had been professing her love for him until now, who had made love to him time and time again since last night, was married, married to another man; who would abandon him, who would leave him forever. He couldn't believe it... He glared at Liu Yan and asked, "Tell me, is it because your parents don't want it? Were you forced?" Liu Yan cried silently. Ouyang Yiming pressed on, "Are you really willing to separate from me?"

Liu Yan cried out in her heart, "How could I be willing? I had no choice! Ouyang, I love you, don't you know that?" Then she thought, "I've already gotten a marriage certificate with someone else, what's the use of saying I love him?!"

Liu Yan nodded tearfully.

Ouyang Yiming frowned and asked, "Um, is that man's family a good match for yours? Is he also the child of a high-ranking official?" Liu Yan nodded and said, "He's the son of my father's old comrade-in-arms. His father is the deputy political commissar of the military region."

Ouyang Yiming looked at her with suspicion and horror for a while, then suddenly threw Liu Yan onto the bed with force, followed by a burst of chilling laughter.

Ouyang Yiming's gaze and laughter filled Liu Yan with extreme fear. She sat up in bed, staring at him with dread. She scrambled to her feet, grabbed Ouyang Yiming who was laughing uncontrollably, tears welling in his eyes, and cried out in alarm, "Ouyang, don't...don't do this! I...I'm scared...I'm so scared!" Ouyang Yiming instantly stopped laughing, his eyes blazing with fury. He forcefully pushed Liu Yan away, looking at her with contempt, and said, "Stay away from me!"

Liu Yan stood trembling before Ouyang Yiming, her lips moving several times before she finally managed to say, "Ouyang, in my heart...in my heart, I only...only love you." Ouyang Yiming looked at her and sneered twice, saying, "What's the point of saying that now? What am I? Nothing in your family's and your eyes. Haha, I really overestimated myself!" With that, he turned and strode towards the door.

Liu Yan suddenly realized what was happening, ran over and hugged him tightly, saying, "Ouyang, don't go, don't go." Ouyang Yiming paused slightly, didn't turn around, and gave a heavy "humph" through his nose, pulling Liu Yan forward. Liu Yan hugged him tightly. Suddenly, her body seemed to go limp and she knelt on the ground, her arms still clutching one of Ouyang Yiming's legs, pleading, "Ouyang, I beg you, please don't go."

At this moment, a wave of sorrow welled up in Ouyang Yiming's heart. He turned to look at Liu Yan kneeling behind him, her eyes filled with unbearable sorrow, tears streaming down her face, and a feeling of pity arose in his heart. He turned around, bent down and picked Liu Yan up, took a few steps to the bedside and put her down. As he stepped back, Liu Yan reached out and grabbed him, saying, "Don't go, please don't go." Ouyang Yiming didn't speak for a moment, and the two of them silently gazed at each other, tears streaming down their faces. After a long pause, Ouyang Yiming finally said, "Is there any need?" Liu Yan said, "Sit a little longer, okay?" Ouyang Yiming didn't speak, but took a few steps back and sat down on the sofa.

Liu Yan sat on the edge of the bed, tears streaming down her face, lost in thought. She didn't know what to say; she just didn't want Ouyang Yiming to leave.

Ouyang Yiming asked, "What else do you want to say?" Liu Yan turned to look at him and asked, "Yiming, do you hate me?" Ouyang Yiming shook his head and said, "No, I don't dare to hate." Liu Yan stared at him blankly, her lips trembling, and said, "You...you just hit me, hitting me would make me feel better." Ouyang Yiming sneered and said, "I don't have that kind of guts. Do you think I have the guts to hit the children of high-ranking officials like you? You're giving me too much credit! Besides, I...I don't have that right!" Liu Yan asked sadly, "Will you really hate me for the rest of your life?"

Ouyang Yiming was agitated, his face ashen, and he frowned as he asked, "What else do you want to say? " "I know you'll hate me. Hate me for the rest of your life!" Liu Yan lowered her head and said, "I know you'll hate me. Hate me for the rest of your life!" She shook her head painfully, turned to look at Ouyang Yiming, and said, "I sincerely wish you and Xu Hui happiness." Ouyang Yiming coldly said, "Thank you, thank you, we will." Liu Yan's tears flowed again, and she said, "I mean it." Ouyang Yiming laughed a few times and said, "I understand, I understand perfectly." He then stood up abruptly and said, "I also sincerely wish you happiness, I wish you a comfortable life in that high-class family, I wish you and your noble husband happiness." After saying this

, he strode towards the door. This time, Liu Yan didn't chase after him or call out to him, she just watched him leave in despair.

Ouyang Yiming paused and hesitated at the door as he slammed the door shut. He could hear Liu Yan's piercing cries from inside the room. Ouyang Yiming felt a knife twisting in his heart, and instantly strode away quickly.

Ouyang Yiming walked with incredible speed, his tall frame propelling his long legs forward with long strides. He went downstairs, out of the hall, towards the square, out the door, and into the street where night had fallen… Unbeknownst to him, a pair of sorrowful eyes were fixed on him through the window, unblinking as he walked out of the hall, into the square, and out the door without turning back. Until he disappeared from the sight of this heartbroken woman. After a long while, the woman silently turned back, sat weakly on the edge of the bed for a moment, then resolutely got up, went into the bathroom to pack her things, straightened her clothes, returned to the bed, picked up the handbag, and, with tears in her eyes, looked up and said, “Ouyang Yiming, I love you, I will always love you.” With that, she turned and walked out the door.

Would they ever meet again in this life? This woman took away the seed of her beloved man. She wanted to nurture this seed within her body, to carefully cultivate the flower or tree that would grow from it, and to transfer all her love for this man to the fruit of their union…

Love and Desire (101) Chapter Ninety-Nine:

Ouyang Yiming walked aimlessly along the sidewalk after leaving the gate. He didn't know where he was going, or even where he himself was headed. He walked briskly through the bustling city as night fell, oblivious to everything. He seemed to have lost all feeling and thought. Like a walking corpse, he wandered aimlessly through the late autumn night, amidst the falling leaves. Couples and people with happy and joyful faces passed by him, but no one noticed him in the hazy night. He waited for a bus at a bus stop, not knowing where the bus was going.

He stood there blankly for a while, then blankly followed the others onto the bus. After a while, the ticket seller came to him and asked him to buy a ticket. He numbly reached into his pocket, and in that instant, he felt a stack of things. It was in the inside pocket of his coat. His sense of touch told him what it was, and a startled look escaped him as he tugged at his collar. Sure enough, it was two stacks of money. For a moment, he couldn't understand why they were in his pocket. Suddenly, he realized Liu Yan had secretly slipped them there.

"Liu Yan," he whispered, then looked up at the ticket seller and urgently said, "Stop the bus." The ticket seller looked at him suspiciously, then said after a moment, "This isn't a stop, how can you stop here?" Ouyang Yiming glared with bloodshot eyes, his lips flaring, and burst into a loud roar: "Stop the bus! Did you hear me? Stop the bus!" This shout startled the ticket seller and drew everyone's attention to him. The driver's foot involuntarily moved to the brake, stopping the car. He then turned and anxiously shouted, "W-what's wrong?" Ignoring everyone's stares, Ouyang Yiming pounded on the car door, frantically yelling, "Open the door! Open the door!" The door opened, and Ouyang Yiming jumped out and ran back the way he came. He

couldn't hear the whispers on the bus. After a moment of silence and questioning glances, the driver closed the door. Then, a murmur of discussion erupted in the bus. The most common comment was that the tall man was mentally ill.

As Ouyang Yiming ran, he completely ignored the questioning looks from the people on the street. His mind was only on Liu Yan; he had to see Liu Yan; he had to hug Liu Yan; he couldn't lose Liu Yan like this; he couldn't let his lover go to another man; he couldn't let Liu Yan leave… At that moment, only these stubborn thoughts occupied his mind; only Liu Yan remained in his thoughts.

He ran into the hotel, upstairs, to the room, only to find two girls tidying up under the bright lights. He panted, "Where's the person in the room?" The two girls stared at him in surprise, then hesitated before saying, "She checked out and left." Ouyang Yiming exclaimed "Ah!" and turned away, going downstairs and out of the lobby, his eyes darting around. But there was no sign of Liu Yan!

He stood there blankly at the bottom of the lobby steps, lost in thought. After a while, the marriage certificate that terrified him flashed before his eyes. In an instant, he understood: that woman, the one who haunted his dreams, the one he poured all his emotions and love into, was no longer his. She was another man's woman, another man's wife, and he could never be with her again. His hand touched the wad of cash in his pocket, feeling its burning pain. “No, this stack of money isn’t mine, just like that woman. She and this money never belonged to me.”

“Liu Yan, what do you mean by secretly putting it in my pocket? Do you pity me? Do you think your high-class family is powerful and wealthy? Are you showing off your high-class family? Or are you showing off having a man who is also the child of a high-ranking official? Haha, you look down on me too much, you think too cheaply of me. This doesn’t belong to me, I will never take it, even if I never see you again in this life, I can still send it to you.”

He slowly, step by step, walked out of the hotel and onto the sidewalk. This time he didn’t have the strength he had before; he felt weak all over, his legs as heavy as lead.

“She is no longer the lover I constantly think about and dream about; she belongs to another man, she belongs to her high-class family and the man in that high-class family.”

These words repeated over and over in his mind.

He came to the bus stop again, still not knowing where the bus was going. He boarded the bus, bought a ticket, a ticket to the final stop. His eyes were blankly fixed on the scenery outside the window. After a while, he got off the bus at one of the many stops, walked a few steps, and stopped. Looking around, he realized he was at the Xinjiekou bus terminal.

He walked with his head down, seemingly oblivious to the people passing by. Thinking that the woman he deeply loved would never have anything to do with him again, he felt a pang of pity. He thought to himself, "So Liu Yan didn't treat me like a human being. She kept saying she loved me, but in the end, she never looked down on my family. And less than a year after being transferred back, she married a son from a family of equal social standing.

I'm just a plaything for Liu Yan, a child from a high-class family. She's toying with my feelings and body! What's real between men and women? Only fucking sex is real. Haha, yes, only sex is real. You came all this way here, just to tell me you've already gotten a marriage certificate with someone else, and to have sex with me. What are you? And what am I?" Stripped naked, they're just two bare bodies. During sex, they're just two lustful men and women—no, animals! Animals driven solely by sexual desire! What's the difference between nobility and baseness during sex? How can sex not reveal your status or social standing?!

Is there still love between men and women? Is there true love between them? I loved you so deeply, and this is the cruel ending I've received. The woman I love comes to see me with a marriage certificate with someone else, with a man from a wealthy family. What about all those vows of eternal love? What about those sweet whispers? Forgotten, vanished, gone forever… What is real? Is it only power, money, and sex that are real? Is it only status and wealth that are real? Are ordinary families like ours worthless in your eyes? Screw you! I don't care, I never will. I will never beg from you, and I don't need your pity.

Why did you secretly put money in my pocket? Why humiliate me like this? Do you think I care about your money? Haha, you treat me like I'm nothing, you think I'm worthless. This money, like you and your body, belongs to your social class. It doesn't belong to me, and I never wanted it. Tomorrow, yes, tomorrow I will return what doesn't belong to me. Oh, and the two hundred yuan you gave me for New Year's gifts, and this sweater you bought me—I won't take any of it. It's all yours, all your high-class family's… Ouyang Yiming raised his head amidst this angry contemplation, looking around to find himself in a place that was both unfamiliar and vaguely familiar, though he couldn't quite place it. He stopped and asked himself, where am I going? He couldn't answer himself.

"Back to school?" he wondered.

"No, not back," he immediately told himself.

Why go back to school now? Today is Saturday. He's taken several days off, and he told his classmates he wouldn't be back until Monday at the earliest. He only saw Liu Yan yesterday afternoon, and now he's going back to school looking like this—going back to school after being dumped by a woman. Is he going to be laughed at by everyone?!

He doesn't want to see any acquaintances. Deep down, he believes this is something that will cause him lifelong pain and make him a laughingstock for the rest of his life. People won't sympathize with him knowing he was dating the daughter of a high-ranking official and then being dumped like trash. They'll only say, "Ouyang Yiming, you're from a common background, yet you try to climb the social ladder. You want everything I can't have, that's why you're being dumped. It's only natural, you deserve it. Who told you, a toad, to try and eat swan meat?!"

Go, keep going, follow your own path. Head down, keep walking! He moved his feet again… He walked forward with his head down, his mind a blur, experiencing waves of resentment, anger, and the torment of painful jealousy. The woman he loved, the woman he constantly worried about, the woman with whom he had shared countless sexual encounters, was about to lie with another man, about to marry another man and spend her life with another man, about to have children with another man… The thought made his head throb, his body grow cold, and his heart tremble. A nameless rage rose within him. For a fleeting moment, he felt a terrifying impulse to fight the despicable man who had stolen his beloved woman!

But then his heart trembled again. It was all Liu Yan's doing!

If she didn't want it, if she truly loved him in her heart, loved him as much as he loved her, what obstacle could have swayed her? It seemed that deep down, in her very bones, she cared about social status. He

recalled the grand words Liu Yan had spoken to him earlier. He laughed inwardly a few times. "It's all fake, all fucking fake!"

Suddenly, a couple, arm in arm, walked up behind him, deeply in love. Walking beside Ouyang Yiming without any restraint, the man said, "My darling, say you love me, I want to hear it." The woman said coquettishly, "Darling, I love you, I love you every second, I'll love you for a lifetime..." Before the woman could finish, Ouyang Yiming turned his head expressionlessly, looked at the woman with disdain, and said, "Fake, hypocritical!" The couple stopped abruptly, staring at him in astonishment. After a moment, the short, thin man looked angry, about to lash out, but seeing Ouyang Yiming's height, he didn't dare to speak. Ouyang Yiming chuckled twice at him and said, "So hypocritical." The couple froze again, fear appearing on their faces, and the woman grabbed the man and ran. They ran quite a distance, still glancing back at him from time to time.

Ouyang Yiming looked at them, shook his head, and continued walking. After a while, he stopped, looked up at the sky, and saw the moon hanging in the sky, with Chang'e sitting quietly in the crescent moon. Was she smiling? She seemed to be laughing! Why was she laughing at me? Was she laughing at my overestimation of my abilities? Haha, I am indeed overestimating myself. I'm just a toad, a kid looked down upon by families like Liu Yan's, and even by Liu Yan herself.

Haha, I look down on you all too, and I don't respect you in my heart. I don't need your kind of power, and I've never cared about your kind of power. To hell with power!

He chuckled twice, not even knowing why he was laughing or what he was laughing at.

He squinted, disdainfully scanning his surroundings and the passersby. He didn't notice the questioning looks they gave him. Suddenly, he spotted a courtyard gate in the distance. His heart skipped a beat, a silent surprise washing over him. How did he end up here? To go or not to go? After a moment, he made up his mind: Go! Why not? Find a place to rest; find someone to talk to; find someone to drink with. Haha, there's still somewhere to go, still somewhere to drink.

A silent longing arose in his heart at the thought of alcohol. He strode towards the gate.

He went up to the third floor and knocked. He heard her voice, now unfamiliar yet somewhat familiar. She asked from inside, "Who is it?" He didn't answer. She asked again, and he still didn't answer. She asked several times, and Ouyang Yiming waited quietly.

The door finally opened, a crack, a steel chain connecting the two doors. She peeked through the crack in the door, looked for a moment, and exclaimed "Ah!" before her face filled with alarm and surprise. "How...how could it be you?" she cried out. She quickly opened the door, staring at Ouyang Yiming, her face flushed and her eyes slightly moist.

Ouyang Yiming glanced at Bai Xue expressionlessly, then walked into the house and went straight to the sofa. When Bai Xue closed the door and came over, standing two steps away from him, Ouyang Yiming said, "I...can I sit here for a while?" Bai Xue smiled and said, "Aren't you already sitting here?" As she spoke, she moved her feet to sit beside Ouyang Yiming, looking at his face and asking, "Why haven't you come for so long?" Ouyang Yiming remained silent. Bai Xue asked, "Where did you come from? Why did you suddenly remember me today?" Ouyang Yiming turned and glanced at her, saying, "I'd like a glass of water." Bai Xue said "Oh," and hurriedly got up, saying, "Look at me, seeing you made me forget everything." She walked to the table, poured a glass of water, and handed it to Ouyang Yiming. Ouyang Yiming took it, drank a sip, and said, "I don't know how I ended up here."

Bai Xue was taken aback, looking at him with a puzzled expression. Ouyang Yiming held the teacup in both hands, staring blankly at the ground, thinking, "Yes, how did I end up here? I used to be so afraid of seeing her, but this time I came here so naturally, without a trace of fear."

Bai Xue sat down beside him, stared at him for a while, and asked, "Is something wrong?" Ouyang Yiming turned to look at her but didn't speak, then turned back to stare blankly at the teacup in his hands.

Bai Xue asked, "Have you eaten?" Ouyang Yiming replied, "No, that's right, I just came here to drink." Bai Xue stood up and said, "I'll go buy some groceries. I don't want to cook for myself, I ate out for dinner." She went into the bedroom to change, and when she came out, she said, "Wait for me at home for a while." Ouyang Yiming nodded and asked, "Do you have any baijiu at home?" Bai Xue said,

"We have some foreign liquor." Ouyang Yiming said, "I want to drink baijiu." Bai Xue said, "I understand." She turned and walked to the door, opened it, and left.

After Bai Xue left, Ouyang Yiming thought about what he and Bai Xue had done a year ago. A sudden thought struck him: What did I come here for? Was it to have sex with her? His face flushed and his heart pounded. In an instant, he thought, no, I just wanted a place to sit, someone to talk to, someone to have a drink with.

A moment later, he thought to himself, "Damn it, so what if I have sex? It's not like I haven't slept with this woman before. Men have this thing, women have that thing, it's for sex. You, Liu Yan, aren't you the same? You married that man, didn't you still sleep with him? Didn't you still have sex with him? Damn it, I also had sex with this woman, so what?

Normal, haha, perfectly normal!"

He got up, walked to the TV, and turned it on. He saw a couple in a drama making vows of eternal love. He immediately turned it off, cursing, "It's all fake, damn it, all lies. I'm not listening to this utterly boring nonsense anymore. Hypocritical!" He turned around, walked to the sofa, sat down, took a sip of water, and stared blankly at the floor. Suddenly, the blood-red, seemingly bleeding marriage certificate flashed into his mind again, and his heart felt like it was being bitten by countless ants. At that moment, he felt like going crazy. His hands, holding the water glass, clenched tightly as if he wanted to crush it, and his hands were still trembling.

After a while, Bai Xue opened the door, carrying a bag of groceries and a bottle of wine. She closed the door, turned to him, and said, "I bought some cooked food. I'll make you some noodles later." Ouyang Yiming nodded.

Bai Xue put the wine on the table and went into the kitchen. A moment later, she brought out four dishes, beckoned Ouyang Yiming to sit down, took a teacup, poured half a cup in front of him, and said, "I don't know how much you can drink, so drink as much as you like." Ouyang Yiming looked at her and asked, "Aren't you going to drink?" Bai Xue said, "I've already eaten. I had wontons on the street before you came." Ouyang Yiming looked at her and said, "Have a drink with me." Bai Xue smiled and said, "I don't drink either." Ouyang Yiming's face darkened, and he said, "What's the point of me drinking if you're not going to drink?" As he spoke, he picked up his chopsticks, took a piece of salted duck, and put it in his mouth.

Bai Xue paused, picked up a glass, poured some wine, and looked at Ouyang Yiming, saying, "Okay, come on, I'll drink with you." Ouyang Yiming looked at her as she picked up her glass.

Bai Xue reached out her glass and clinked it against Ouyang Yiming's. Neither of them said a word, and Ouyang Yiming downed the half-glass of wine in one gulp. Bai Xue was startled, her heart pounding. She took a sip and put the glass down, saying, "Why...why did you drink so fast?" Ouyang Yiming said, "It's okay, I can drink." Bai Xue looked at him and said, "Eat some food." Ouyang Yiming picked up his chopsticks and ate. Bai Xue poured him some wine, much less than last time.

Bai Xue stared at Ouyang Yiming for a while and asked, "You...is something wrong?" Ouyang Yiming didn't look up. After eating a few bites, he looked up at Bai Xue and asked, "Do you think men and women only have sex and no love?"

Bai Xue blushed instantly, staring at him. Although she felt like he was talking about her, she knew he was definitely troubled. She said, “You can’t say that. Although we haven’t spent much time together, and I can’t say I love you, it’s not like I have no feelings for you at all. I guess you could call it affection. It’s been over a year since you left last time, and you probably saw it just now. I’ve still left the flowerpots on the balcony just the same. I don’t know how many times I’ve longed for you.” Ouyang Yiming stared at her expressionlessly and asked, “Is it for affection or for sex?”

Bai Xue’s face turned bright red. She lowered her head and then quickly looked up, meeting Ouyang Yiming’s gaze, and said, “Both.” Ouyang Yiming said, “Didn’t you say you wouldn’t develop feelings for me?” Bai Xue said, “I did say that, but sometimes feelings arise involuntarily. But I won’t give you the same feelings I have for my husband. I just have feelings for you, or rather, I’ve been thinking about you for a while now. I won’t interfere with you in any way.” Ouyang Yiming shook his head, picked up his wine glass, and said, “Affection is fake. Sex and wine are real. Let’s drink.”

The two raised their glasses, and Ouyang Yiming drank it all in one gulp. Bai Xue glanced at him and poured him some wine. She put down the bottle and looked at him, saying, "You've changed. You've changed a lot since a year ago." Ouyang Yiming said, "I didn't notice." Bai Xue shook her head slightly and said, "Can you tell me what happened?"

Ouyang Yiming's heart skipped a beat. He said, "Nothing." Bai Xue said, "I can tell something's wrong just by looking at you. Heartbroken?" Ouyang Yiming's heart ached as if pricked by a needle. He stopped eating, stared intently at Bai Xue, swallowed his food after a moment, picked up his wine glass, tilted his head back, and drank it down. He slammed the glass down and said, "It's because I fucking didn't want her!"

He then picked up the bottle and poured half a glass. He picked up the glass again, tilted his head back, drank it down, ate a bite of food, and poured more than half a glass. By now, he was clearly drunk. His face was flushed as he looked at Bai Xue and said, "Why...why are you looking at me like that?"

Bai Xue now understood; this man had definitely just broken up with his girlfriend. But she didn't want to say it aloud. She could see the bitterness and agitation in his heart, even his somewhat erratic behavior.

She said softly and carefully, "Drink less, I'll make you some noodles." Ouyang Yiming said, "No, no need, I'll just drink. Haha, just drink." Bai Xue said, "You'll ruin your health if you drink like this." Ouyang Yiming chuckled twice, patted his chest a couple of times, and said, "No, I'm in great shape." As he spoke, he picked up his wine glass again, and Bai Xue quickly grabbed his hand and said, "You can't drink anymore."

Ouyang Yiming glared at her, then roughly shoved her away. He raised his glass to his lips and downed it in one gulp. Ouyang Yiming, who wasn't a heavy drinker to begin with, had downed several glasses in this state of mind, probably more than half a jin (250ml) before becoming drunk. He slumped over the table, panting heavily, and then began to sob.

Bai Xue was momentarily at a loss. Seeing him cry so bitterly, she went to his side, put an arm around his shoulder, and said, "If you're upset, just cry!" Ouyang Yiming turned around, hugged her tightly, and cried, "Liu Yan, I...I love you, I love you so much." Bai Xue raised a hand to stroke his hair silently, her heart also aching. Ouyang Yiming cried and said,

"I won't let you go, I don't want you to marry another man, I can't live without you..."

After crying like this for a while, Ouyang Yiming stood up unsteadily, bent down and picked up Bai Xue, saying, "N-no, never mind, let's go, let's go, let's go to sleep." He shakily carried Bai Xue to the bed and put her down, then lay down on the bed and started snoring.

Chapter 100 of Love and Desire (102)

Bai Xue got up from the bed, stood by the bed and looked at Ouyang Yiming, gently shook her head, squatted down and took off Ouyang Yiming's shoes. With difficulty, she turned him over, took off his glasses, and moved him further into the bed. She took the thin quilt and was about to cover him with it, but then thought about it and took off her shoes and climbed back onto the bed. She unbuttoned Ouyang Yiming's shirt and underwear, and tried her best to pull him up and take off his shirt. Then she unbuckled his belt and struggled to take off his pants.

At that moment, her gaze lingered on the bulge between Ouyang Yiming's legs for a moment, then she pulled down his shorts and examined it closely. Seeing it limp and lifeless, a surge of emotion welled up inside her. She sighed, pulled the blanket over him, got out of bed, and placed his clothes on the chair in front of the table. After watching Ouyang Yiming snoring for a while, she shook her head and left the bedroom.

She tidied the table, poured a glass of water, turned on the TV, and sat down on the sofa. Her eyes were on the television, but her mind was preoccupied with the man sleeping in her bed. Judging from his appearance, he must be in extreme pain, and it was clear he cared deeply for that woman. But why did that woman leave him? He was an absolutely outstanding man! And what kind of woman was that?

She vaguely remembered him saying that this woman was very beautiful. So why couldn't this seemingly perfect couple be together? Just now, she seemed to hear this man say that woman married another man. Did that woman already marry someone else? And why was all this happening?

She pondered for a while, unable to understand, and sighed inwardly for Ouyang Yiming's suffering. She thought that such an outstanding man shouldn't have encountered such a thing. Yet, he was still cruelly abandoned by a woman, suffering unbearable pain because of love. She didn't know what Ouyang Yiming did, nor his name, but in her heart, she believed this man was outstanding. This outstandingness wasn't just in appearance, but also in the overall demeanor he exuded. She could tell he was definitely knowledgeable, intelligent, and certainly not a rude man.

But she could also see that this man was immature, an immature man. Not because he lacked intelligence, but because he severely lacked social experience. She had considered that he might still be a naive student who hadn't yet graduated, but after much thought, she dismissed that idea. Judging from his mature appearance, he was probably a scholar who had recently graduated and started working.

She never asked him, and she could tell he wasn't willing to tell her anything. There was no need for her to ask. Since he left last time, although she had considered that he might never return, she still longed for him. She still kept her promise to Ouyang Yiming to place the flowerpot on the balcony, moving it in and out as agreed. Even though she was disappointed later, thinking he wouldn't come back, she still continued the secret ritual. She hoped for him, primarily for her own sexual desire, but afterwards, she couldn't help but feel a few emotions when she missed him. Although she often thought of him, after countless disappointments, her temperament gradually calmed down. She thought she only had this man for a couple more times, and that they would probably never meet again.

She was sexually frustrated, and sometimes she wondered if she was different from others. This unspoken sexual hunger sometimes tormented her to the point of unbearable agony, yet in the eyes of her colleagues and neighbors, she was a very refined and ladylike woman. She never made overly serious jokes with men, and even with female colleagues, she absolutely avoided making sexual jokes or discussing such topics. Besides Ouyang Yiming, she had no other men besides her husband. She was an editor at a magazine, a graduate of a university's Chinese literature department, and she loved her career and her husband very much.

After that encounter with Ouyang Yiming at the movie theater, she felt extremely panicked afterward. She couldn't understand why she had such a strong impulse and acted so boldly after seeing this man. Later, thinking back, she felt surprised and frightened. But when she saw him a second time on the bus, she was initially terrified, but when she realized he was alone, that primal desire resurfaced. That time, when she used a threatening tone to force Ouyang Yiming to come to her home, she was also very uneasy. But she could tell that this man was more afraid of her, more like a big, healthy child who hadn't grown up.

For days after Ouyang Yiming left, she longed for him to come to her house, filled with guilt. She felt she shouldn't have used such despicable means to bully such a simple man. She never expected him to suddenly appear in her home today.

Bai Xue turned off the TV and the living room lights and went into the bedroom. Looking at the man on the bed, a primal desire welled up inside her. Her heart pounded, and she slowly took off all her clothes, crawling naked into the covers and lying down beside Ouyang Yiming. The unique scent emanating from that long-lost man overwhelmed her. She draped her leg over Ouyang Yiming's thigh, and her hand reached down to his crotch, grasping his soft genitals. She kissed Ouyang Yiming's angular face, kissed his thick lips... Ouyang Yiming slept soundly, not waking up to Bai Xue's kisses and caresses, and his penis did not harden under her kneading. Bai Xue, however, was already overcome with passion. She sat up, pulled the thin blanket away from Ouyang Yiming's legs, shifted her body between his legs, and pinched the limp thing with two fingers, leaning down to examine it closely. She looked at the thing and the two round mounds covered by the thin blanket. She opened her small lips and took the penis in, sucking on it. Slowly, the dormant penis began to respond to her calls; it gradually swelled, gradually hardened, and after a few minutes, it stood erect and majestic. Ouyang Yiming made a few "oh oh"

sounds, but he still did not wake from his deep sleep.

An uncontrollable lust burned within Bai Xue, a lust that overwhelmed her. A thin, sticky fluid flowed from her body, and her lower region was already wet. She craved the thick, hot, hard object to be inside her… She climbed onto Ouyang Yiming's body, guiding it into her with one hand. A jolt of electricity coursed through her body. She moved her body up and down on the hard object, bending over to watch it move in and out. She watched as the fluid from her body soaked the dark hair around the hard object. She reached out and grabbed Ouyang Yiming's large hands, rubbing them against her breasts… Ouyang Yiming seemed to react. After Bai Xue's movements, he opened his eyes, and in his dazed state, he thought the woman sitting on him was Liu Yan. The hands that Bai Xue had placed on his breasts began to move. A moment later, those hands left the pair of full breasts, pulled Bai Xue's body down onto his own, and held her smooth body tightly, repeatedly calling out, "Liu Yan, I love you, I love you..." As he repeatedly called Liu Yan's name, he kissed Bai Xue incessantly. After a while, Bai Xue's body contracted violently, reaching climax and stopping. At that moment, she felt Ouyang Yiming thrusting his body forcefully. Bai Xue cooperated, and after a while, Ouyang Yiming cried out a few times, and streams of fluid shot into Bai Xue's body.

Bai Xue lay limply on Ouyang Yiming's body like a puddle of mud. After his body trembled violently, Ouyang Yiming breathed heavily and calmed down, but his arms never loosened their grip on Bai Xue's body. Suddenly, tears streamed down his face. He opened his eyes, which weren't covered by his glasses, and even through the blurry vision, he was still convinced that the woman leaning over him was Liu Yan. Although he wasn't fully sober, he still vaguely remembered things about Liu Yan.

He looked at Bai Xue with open eyes and said, "Liu Yan, I love you. You know I love you, right?" Bai Xue murmured "Mmm." Ouyang Yiming said, "I won't let you leave me. I can't let you leave me. How can I live without you?" Bai Xue said, "I won't leave you." Ouyang Yiming said, "Liu Yan, then why did you say you were married? You were lying to me, weren't you? You were joking with me, weren't you?"

Tears streamed down Bai Xue's face, dripping onto Ouyang Yiming's cheek. She choked out, "I... I was just joking with you." A smile appeared on Ouyang Yiming's face, and he asked:

"That marriage certificate is fake too?" Bai Xue said, "Yes, it's fake." Ouyang Yiming hugged her tightly and laughed, saying, "I thought you were just joking with me. But why would you joke like that? I was so scared. Liu Yan, I can't live without you. I love you, I love you. Promise me you'll always be with me." Bai Xue said, "I know."

Ouyang Yiming raised his head and said, "Liu Yan, I want to see you, but I can't see you clearly. Am I dreaming?" Bai Xue knew he was still drunk and said, "You're not dreaming. It's dark now, you can't see clearly. I'll sleep next to you and won't leave you." Ouyang Yiming said, "I want you to sleep on me like this, don't leave me." He hugged her tightly again as he spoke. Bai Xue said, "I know, I'll sleep on you like this. Listen to me, close your eyes and sleep." Ouyang Yiming closed his eyes and soon started snoring again. Bai Xue got up and went to the bathroom to get a wet towel. She wiped Ouyang Yiming's lower body clean, returned the towel, and lay down next to him again.

The next morning, Bai Xue woke up to find Ouyang Yiming still asleep. She wanted to make love to him again, but remembering how much pain he had endured the day before, she softened and restrained herself. She quietly got up, went downstairs, bought a toothbrush and two bottles of milk, and peeked into the bedroom. Seeing that Ouyang Yiming was still asleep, she gently closed the door, put the things down on the table, and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. Then she sat on the sofa, thinking about the still-sleeping man.

It seemed this man really cared about his girlfriend. From his drunken ramblings last night, she seemed to understand that his girlfriend had told him about her marriage to someone else.

If that were true, it would be incredibly cruel; such a devastating blow could break a person. Bai Xue felt a growing unease.

She thought that once he was awake and calmed down, she would try to comfort and guide him.

Ouyang Yiming rubbed his eyes after waking up, habitually reaching for his glasses by the pillow. Finding none, he muttered to himself, "Huh? Where are my glasses?" Bai Xue, hearing this from outside, quickly got up and came in, saying, "I'll get them for you." Ouyang Yiming was startled by Bai Xue's voice, instantly remembering that he had been to Bai Xue's house last night, and his face flushed and his heart pounded.

Bai Xue took the glasses from the table and handed them to him. Ouyang Yiming put them on, glanced at Bai Xue, and then lowered his head. His mind immediately went back to what had happened with Liu Yan yesterday, his heart sank, and he felt a chaotic mix of emotions. He grabbed his clothes and started dressing, saying, "I...I drank too much last night. Thank you." Bai Xue said, "What are you thanking me for? I'm just glad you're alright." Ouyang Yiming trembled slightly and didn't speak, finishing his clothes and getting out of bed. Bai Xue said, "I just bought you a toothbrush. After you wash up, see what you want to eat, and I'll make it for you." Ouyang Yiming said, "I'm not hungry." Bai Xue looked at him and said, "Go wash your face first."

Ouyang Yiming lowered his head and left the room.

After washing his face, Ouyang Yiming came out to find Bai Xue had already fried some eggs and placed them on the table. Bai Xue came out of the kitchen with two bowls of milk and said, "Have something to eat." Ouyang Yiming frowned and said,

"I'm not hungry." Bai Xue said, "Make yourself at that. I haven't eaten either; I've been waiting for you." Ouyang Yiming looked at her, feeling a little grateful, and sat down opposite her, saying, "Thank you." Bai Xue looked at him without speaking, picked up chopsticks, and handed them to him. Ouyang Yiming took them, drank a sip of milk, and stared blankly at the table.

Bai Xue said, "Have a fried egg; you didn't eat much last night." Ouyang Yiming nodded blankly, picked up a fried egg with his chopsticks, and put it in his mouth, finding it difficult to swallow. Bai Xue said, "Since it has happened, you have to face it correctly. No matter how painful it is, it has still happened, and there's no way to undo it."

Ouyang Yiming didn't say anything, but he felt a little grateful for Bai Xue's words. After eating two fried eggs and finishing his milk, he stood up, walked to the sofa, and sat down, lost in thought. Bai Xue finished eating, took the bowls and chopsticks to the kitchen, and sat down beside him. Looking at him, she said, "Life is full of setbacks; don't let one thing defeat you." Ouyang Yiming remained silent. Bai Xue said, "With your qualities, are you afraid you won't find someone who loves you?"

Ouyang Yiming's heart trembled. His face flushed instantly, and he thought, "What am I doing here? How did I end up here so confused yesterday?" Feeling flustered, he stood up and said, "I want to leave." Bai Xue reached out and pulled him back, saying, "Sit down. How can I let you leave like this?" Ouyang Yiming looked down at her and said, "I'm fine." Bai Xue said,

"Then sit for a while. Am I really that annoying to you?"

Ouyang Yiming felt embarrassed. No matter what, Bai Xue hadn't meant him any harm. He felt it wouldn't be right to be unwilling to even exchange a few words with her after eating two meals and sleeping with her. So he sat down. Bai Xue said, "It's not that I don't want you to leave, but to be honest, I'm a little worried about you. I can tell you're not from around here, and you probably don't have any friends you can confide in, otherwise you wouldn't have come to my place last night." Ouyang Yiming blushed and remained silent. Bai Xue said, "Is it really okay for you to go back to work like this? Your colleagues will laugh at you if they see

you like this. Staying here for a while is like finding a place to rest and clear your head. If you're willing to talk to me, I'd be happy to listen, otherwise, having some things on your mind is very painful." Ouyang Yiming thought that she was right. Going back to school like this would just mean lying in bed; how could he possibly be in the mood to talk to anyone? It might even arouse suspicion from his classmates. But then he thought, what could he possibly say to her here? So he remained silent.

Bai Xue blushed slightly and said, "I could tell you were troubled the moment you walked in last night. Although we've only met a few times, you've always been on my mind. I've always considered you a friend, or perhaps a younger brother. I have no ill intentions towards you, and I think you're a very trustworthy man, which is why I trusted you so much before. I'm older than you, and I hope you can consider me your friend, or even your older sister. Ideally, I'd like to be your close confidante. I can tell you're troubled. Although I haven't experienced heartbreak, I can imagine your pain. I can also tell you have no one to confide in, which is why you came to me. I also know that if you hadn't encountered what you're experiencing now..." "It's not that I wanted to talk to someone about this; you might never have come here in your entire life. I understand that in your eyes I might just be a promiscuous woman, and you might look down on me. But I consider you a friend. Over the past year, I've thought about you from time to time, not just sexually, but also with an inexplicable sense of longing. Sometimes I just wish we could just be friends. I think if you really don't want to do that kind of thing with me in the future, I'd be happy to just be friends. Since you're here, why don't you talk to me? You know, it's very painful to keep your troubles bottled up. I hope you can treat me as a friend and talk to me about it."

Despite his distress over Liu Yan's situation, Ouyang Yiming felt a pang of guilt after hearing the woman's words. He stared blankly at her, thinking, "Why did I come here? Was it to seek sex? No! Then what am I here for? Why did I come here?" He answered himself: "It's because I have so much pent-up frustration and distress that I want to confide in someone."

So why did he think of her? Since they first met, they hadn't spoken much. After leaving last time, he initially thought of her from time to time, but at that time, he felt only shame for what he had done with her and guilt for betraying Liu Yan. Since then, although he sometimes thought of her, he didn't have many other thoughts about her.

Sometimes he thought that if they hadn't had that kind of relationship, if they hadn't met under those circumstances, just considering her beautiful and elegant demeanor before sex, he really hoped to be friends with her, or rather, have a sister he could confide in. However, he had met her through sex. Before having sex with her, there was no understanding or much conversation; they just met and had sex. And the first two times, it was under her coercion. So what did he consider her? Did he unknowingly come to tell her things yesterday?

At this moment, Ouyang Yiming really wanted to speak out about the grievances he had been holding in. Sighing, he said, "Didn't you say it's all in the past? I... I don't know what else to say." Bai Xue said, "I'd be relieved if you could truly let go of this, but you don't seem to be. You love her very much?" Ouyang Yiming felt a pang of sorrow and nodded, saying, "I... I gave her my whole heart, but..." Tears streamed down his face as he spoke.

Bai Xue said, "I understand. I vaguely heard you say yesterday that she got married. Did you only find out yesterday?" Ouyang Yiming nodded, tears still flowing. Bai Xue asked, "Did she love you before too?"

Ouyang Yiming said, "Of course, her love for me and my love for her were the same." Bai Xue said, "Did she explain anything to you yesterday?" Ouyang Yiming thought for a moment and shook his head, saying, "She just said she was sorry, but didn't say why. But I didn't really ask her in detail yesterday. She showed me her marriage certificate with someone else, what could I say?"

Bai Xue thought for a while and said, "You need to think about this seriously. I'm a woman too, and from our perspective, perhaps your lover has something he can't say. Think about it, since you two love each other so much, you shouldn't..." "If he were an ordinary man, she wouldn't have any reason to abandon you like that," Ouyang Yiming said. "You don't know, she's the daughter of a high-ranking official. I think it's probably because of her family background. She told me that the man she married is also the daughter of a high-ranking official, and he's her father's old comrade-in-arms." Bai Xue said, "Oh, no wonder." After thinking for a moment, she said, "If you consider me a friend, or even an older sister, could you tell me in detail about your relationship? I'd like to analyze it for you. Of course, if you don't trust me, then don't tell me."

Ouyang Yiming thought for a moment and then recounted his relationship with Liu Yan. But he didn't mention that he was a student; he only said that he met Liu Yan when he was hospitalized. Of course, he didn't say which hospital Liu Yan was in or which city she had been transferred to. He still harbored suspicion towards Bai Xue, and he told her all this so that she could analyze it with him.

Bai Xue thought for a moment and said, "That's the only explanation. Families like theirs definitely want to find someone of equal social standing. I think she must be under a lot of pressure this time, otherwise she wouldn't have been so heartbroken when she saw you and told you all this. I think you shouldn't hate her. To put it bluntly, your relationship was a mistake from the start; this has hurt both of you." Ouyang Yiming said, "We both thought about these things before. When we first started dating, she didn't tell me her parents were high-ranking officials. I've thought about it since then; if I had known they were the children of high-ranking officials, I probably wouldn't have dared to date her."

Bai Xue said, "It's clear you have feelings for her. But now it's a fait accompli, and you have to accept it. What if she's breaking up with you now just because of the pressure?" "You had to fight for it, but now she's already married someone else. You can't hold onto any hope anymore; you have to accept this reality. You two are just destined to be apart." Ouyang Yiming said, "Now it seems that's how it is, but... but this is really hard to accept."

Bai Xue said, "Anyone can understand this. But you also have to think about how difficult it must have been for her to decide to break up with you and marry someone else, since she also loves you. I can say that she might be in more pain than you. Women are sometimes more serious about love than men. She was helpless; she must have had no choice. You must not blame her."

Ouyang Yiming thought to himself, "That's true." Thinking about how she begged him for forgiveness yesterday, thinking about how she said she would only love him for the rest of her life, he realized that she only cared about him and had no other choice but to do this. He felt guilty for imagining her that way.

Bai Xue said, "Given her family background, I think she had no way to control her own life. Actually, being born into that family wasn't very lucky for her. If you think more about her and try to understand her, you'll feel better. If you can't understand her and even hate her, then you won't be able to get out of this shadow. You still need to think more about her."

Ouyang Yiming nodded. At this moment, his mood improved a lot. Yes, why not think more about her? But the thought that two people who love each other cannot be together, and that he would lose her forever, filled him with sadness again, and tears streamed down his face.

Bai Xue said, "Anyone would feel bad in this situation; after all, people have feelings. And the love between a man and a woman is stronger than any other emotion. But you can't deny reality. I think you'll still have a period where you can't get over this shadow, but you must. Think more about her, and you'll feel better. With time, you'll accept it. If you'd like, come visit me often; I think your mood will recover quickly."

Ouyang Yiming was startled, wondering, "Will I ever come back?" If he and she hadn't had a sexual relationship, he truly wished for a place like this, a sister-like figure to confide in. But he had, after all, had a sexual relationship with her, which was unacceptable to him and others.

He was indeed very distressed sometimes. A while ago, he was tormented by Xu Hui's feelings for him because of his relationship with Liu Yan. Now he no longer had to worry about his relationships with these two women, but he had permanently lost his beloved Liu Yan. Was this something to be thankful for? No, it only made his heart ache. But no matter what, he could never live with Liu Yan in this lifetime. She already belonged to another man, and she wanted to spend her life with him, sharing his bed, bearing his children. It was an unchangeable fact. Perhaps Liu Yan never belonged to him, never belonged to a commoner family like theirs. She was noble; she belonged only to noble families.

Was it truly my destiny to be with Xu Hui in this life? Otherwise, how could these unexpected things have happened? I was initially unsure how to handle Xu Hui's two visits to my home, her family, neighbors, and classmates, which solidified my belief that she was my fiancée. Now, with Liu Yan's departure, everything has vanished without explanation. Is Heaven helping me or deliberately tormenting me? Was it truly meant for me and Xu Hui to be together in this life, so why did Liu Yan have to appear in my life? Why did it have to cruelly separate these two ordinary people after such a sincere love? Why punish this loving couple so cruelly? If they hadn't met, if they hadn't loved each other, Liu Yan marrying another man would have been perfectly natural. Now it seems Liu Yan is suffering so much, while I might be heartbroken for the rest of my life. If Liu Yan hadn't appeared, things would have been natural between me and Xu Hui, and I wouldn't have needed to suffer because of her. So, what was the purpose of all this?

Turning to look at Bai Xue, he was startled again. What kind of relationship did he have with this woman? Was it a blatant sexual relationship? But how could he face Xu Hui while he was with her like this? Either way, he couldn't face his future wife. A cold sweat broke out on his body. He desperately wanted to leave this woman, to get out of here.

But this woman meant him no harm; he couldn't hurt her with words or actions. So he called out, "Bai Xue."

Bai Xue paused, turned to look at him, and smiled, saying, "You still remember my name?" Ouyang Yiming blushed and said, "Yes, I remember. What I want to tell you is that I always feel a sense of guilt towards my future wife about what we did. Although Liu Yan and I can no longer have any relationship, I will definitely have my own wife in the future. I really don't know how I will face her after what we did."

Bai Xue blushed instantly, thought for a while, and then said, "I understand your feelings. I can see that you are someone who cares a lot about the relationship between husband and wife, and you are an upright person. To be honest, after our first time, I also felt guilty towards my husband, which is natural. But later I thought, my heart is still with my husband. Even though we had a relationship, it didn't weaken my feelings for my husband. I can never give you the same feelings I have for my husband. But I like you. This liking is of course because I admire your appearance, but after two encounters, I've fallen in love with you." You are a very devoted and serious person when it comes to love. But I think love and sex are two different things. Love is giving your heart to the one you love, while sex is just binding your body to another person. Even if you like each other, neither of you can win the other's heart. My theory might not be acceptable to you. I also know that if you hadn't experienced this heartbreak yesterday, you might never have come to me. You came to me perhaps to vent and seek comfort. Isn't it nice to have a friend of the opposite sex like this in one's life? When you're feeling down, you can talk to each other and comfort one another. When your body needs it, you can have sex freely and without restraint. What's wrong with that? My thinking might be a bit ahead of its time now, but I think that in twenty years, many people will agree with my thinking, and some might even say it publicly and do it.”

Ouyang Yiming didn't agree with her theory, but he felt that she had some merit. However, in his heart, he still thought that sex without feelings was a very sordid thing. He said,

“If this hadn’t happened between us, I really wish I had a sister like you, someone I could sit down and talk to when I have something on my mind. But I still can’t accept what we did.”

Bai Xue blushed again, lowered her head and thought for a while before saying, “I understand. Okay, here’s what we’ll do. I won’t force you anything. If you think I’m still worth talking to you about, then come over from now on. I won’t force you to have sex with me. It’s nice to talk to each other. But I don’t want you to see me as a slutty woman. To be honest, I crave sex, but I’m definitely not slutty. I want to repeat myself: in all my life, I’ve only had this kind of relationship with my husband and you. You might not believe it, but it’s absolutely true. If you really want to see me just as a friend you can talk to and confide in, I’ll be happy. I just hope you’ll come over often.”

Ouyang Yiming said, “Maybe I will. I think I need to go to my friend’s place to take care of something.” Bai Xue turned to look at him for a moment and asked, “Are you really leaving?” Ouyang Yiming said:

"I really have something to do," Bai Xue said. "Okay, if you'd like, come often. Don't forget me." She smiled as she spoke, but tears welled up in her eyes. Ouyang Yiming also felt a little sad and said, "I might come again." The two stood up.

Bai Xue grabbed Ouyang Yiming's hand and walked to the door. She threw herself into Ouyang Yiming's arms and said, "I'll be looking forward to your coming." Ouyang Yiming felt a pang of sadness. After a moment, the two separated, and Ouyang Yiming went out. When he went downstairs, he looked up at Bai Xue's balcony and saw Bai Xue wiping away tears and waving at him.

Love and Desire (103) Chapter 101

When Ouyang Yiming walked out of the courtyard, he felt flustered. He thought about how he had been so reckless to come here last night. He didn't consider anything else, just the fact that he didn't know if anyone was home at Bai Xue's house was enough to make him tremble. He had completely forgotten the secret code that Bai Xue had mentioned to him before. If her husband was home, how could he explain knocking on her door like that? It's hard to explain if there are other people at her house. At the time, I didn't consider any of those factors; it seems people can really lose their rationality when faced with certain situations. I felt

empty inside, like I'd lost everything, like a homeless beggar, like nothing in the world belonged to me anymore… Walking down the street, I wondered where to go? Back to school? It's Sunday, who could I talk to normally? Could I even act normally? Suddenly, I remembered why I was in such a hurry to leave Bai Xue's place. At least talking somewhere would make me feel better. Who could I tell about Liu Yan and me at school? Nobody. Then I thought of Fan Xurui. Should I go to him? Tell him about it? Would he laugh at me? What would he say? Then I thought, whether I tell him or not, I should go to his place, have lunch and drinks together. I really don't want to go back to school now, or go there alone.

Upon seeing Fan Xurui, a strange sadness welled up inside him, like the feeling of someone who had suffered injustice in a foreign land suddenly seeing a family member. Fan Xurui and Ouyang Yiming walked out of the dormitory, and seeing his expression, Ouyang Yiming thought to himself that something was on his mind. After walking a few steps, he asked, "What happened?"

Ouyang Yiming was heartbroken, tears welling up in his eyes. Seeing this, Fan Xurui didn't press him. He led him to a stone bench under a tree on the lawn and sat him down. Turning to look at him, he couldn't help but feel anxious. He asked, "Can't you ever grow up? I can't stand seeing you so indecisive! What happened this time?" Ouyang Yiming lowered his head and said, "Liu Yan, Liu Yan got married."

Fan Xurui thought for a moment and said, "Actually, I wanted to say it before but didn't. A family like ours shouldn't even consider a family like hers. I've thought about it before, and I thought that things might not work out between you two. Think about it, can a family like theirs really be related to a family like ours? I think Liu Yan only acted on impulse because you're good-looking. After going back home, her family talked to her and persuaded her, and she regretted it. Deep down, those people still look down on ordinary people like us. I've always wanted to say it but I was too embarrassed to."

Ouyang Yiming remained silent, but in his heart, he thought that Liu Yan shouldn't be that kind of person. Fan Xurui asked, "When did you see her? Did she come specifically for this?" Ouyang Yiming said, "The day before yesterday." Then he told Fan Xurui what Liu Yan had said after she arrived. Finally, he said, "I think she had no choice but to do this, and she looked very heartbroken."

Fan Xurui said, "Actually, your relationship was a mistake from the start. She said nice things before, that there were no problems with her family and it wouldn't affect you. But is that really true? Does she not value that readily available high-class life and insist on struggling with you? Not necessarily. To be honest, everyone values that kind of life. You said you didn't care about her family before, but I don't think you were completely indifferent."

Ouyang Yiming blushed, turned to look at him with a frown, and said, "I really haven't considered what her family would think. Do you think the same way about me?" Fan Xurui also felt that he had gone a bit too far, so he said, "It's not that I think the same way about you. I think anyone would think the same way if they knew you were dating the daughter of a high-ranking official, but they just don't say it."

Ouyang Yiming couldn't help but sigh inwardly, shook his head, and remained silent. Fan Xurui said, "I think this is for the best. You don't need to be sad. Before, you were with Liu Yan, and you were troubled by Xu Hui's feelings for you, not knowing how to handle it, which made you uncomfortable all the time. Now you don't need to worry about it anymore. Thinking about it now, you're still destined to be with Xu Hui. Just settle down and love Xu Hui. A girl as beautiful as her is worthy of you, isn't she? Besides, she likes you so much and has even visited your house twice. I think you're destined not to have a future with Liu Yan; you should be with Xu Hui. Thinking about it, you're really something else. Such a beautiful girl is so devoted to you, yet you chase after those illusory loves. You brought this hurt on yourself. Okay, stop thinking about it. From now on, just focus on cherishing Xu Hui."

Ouyang Yiming didn't speak, but in his heart, he denied that he had indeed chased after illusory loves. But now that Liu Yan had already obtained a marriage certificate with someone else, he had no confidence to say anything more.

He thought to himself, "Did I come here just to listen to your criticism?" There wasn't a single word of comfort, only a hint of schadenfreude. Even Bai Xue would have said something to put his mind at ease.

He frowned, turned to look at him, but remained silent.

After a moment's thought, he suddenly remembered the wad of money Liu Yan had left him. He reached into his pocket, saying as he rummaged around, "Liu Yan left me some money when she left. I don't know when she put it in my pocket." Fan Xurui asked, "How much?" Ouyang Yiming said, "I don't know how much either." He pulled out the money and saw a piece of paper tucked in the middle. He shoved the money into Fan Xurui's hand, unfolded the paper, and read: "Ouyang Yiming: The man I love most in my life, Liu Yan loves you!!!!!!!!!!"

Upon seeing this, Ouyang Yiming felt a pang of sadness, and tears welled in his eyes. The next line reads: "I have a difficult reason to accept, and I have to marry someone else. I know you will hate me, but I don't want you to hate me. Although I'm married to someone else, I will think of you and love you for the rest of my life. We are not destined to marry in this life, but in the next life, even if I am reborn as a cat or dog, I will be with you. In this life, I can only wish you well. I hope you are happy every day, and I hope you and Xu Hui love each other dearly. I will silently bless you every day. Although I cannot live with you, my heart will never leave you. I will always think of you. My biggest worry about not being with you is that no one will take good care of you. But I think that with Xu Hui by your side, she will take good care of you, but I am still worried."

"I'm leaving you two thousand yuan, but I don't dare hand it to you in person. I'm afraid you'll throw it in my face if I do. I don't mean anything by it; I'm just worried about you and want you to buy some supplements so you can have some emergency money in the future. Please don't misunderstand me, and please don't think about giving it back to me. Please remember our past relationship and don't hurt me anymore. Promise me, okay? If you still think about giving it back to me or sending it to me, I'll really be heartbroken."

"Don't overthink my marriage to someone else, and don't ask me anything anymore. I had no choice. Now that I've obtained the marriage certificate, I belong to him.

I love you, I will always love you. Although I know I no longer have that right, I cannot help but love you. If God pities this unfortunate woman, pities my deep affection for the one I love, let us meet one more time in this life. I have no face to deliberately meet you again. My dear, the love of my life, please take care of yourself. I will always think of you and bless you!"

Below were many "Liu Yan loves you."

Ouyang Yiming read it while tears streamed down his face, and he was now sobbing uncontrollably. He muttered to himself, "Why, why! Why couldn't you tell me?" Fan Xurui took the paper and read it through, his heart trembling. Ouyang Yiming, sobbing, suddenly looked up, his eyes burning as he stared at Fan Xurui. He sobbed, "No, I have to go find her right now! I have to find out exactly why, what forced her into this situation."

Fan Xurui grabbed Ouyang Yiming's hand and said, "Can you calm down?" He sighed and said, "Is it even necessary? It's a fact that she's already married to someone else. Even if you know the whole truth, what can you do? If it's convenient for her to tell you, wouldn't she tell you when she sees you?"

Ouyang Yiming... With teary eyes, she looked at him and asked, "Then tell me, what is it all for?" Fan Xurui said, "What else could it be? It's obvious—it's the resistance from her family. Actually, Liu Yan is probably having a hard time too, so don't add to the trouble. Why ask her again and hurt Liu Yan's feelings?!" Ouyang Yiming said, "But if I don't get the truth from her, I'll never have peace of mind for the rest of my life." Fan Xurui said, "Even if you know, you won't have peace of mind. Don't think about it anymore; thinking about it is useless. Accept reality!" Fan Xurui couldn't help but shed tears as well.

Ouyang Yiming lowered his head, weeping, thinking that Fan Xurui's words made sense. Fan Xurui said, "I think you shouldn't even think about returning this money. Since she gave it to you in this way, returning it will only hurt her more." Ouyang Yiming said, "But how can I accept this money from her with a clear conscience? What would that make me? Yesterday I was thinking about how she gave me two hundred yuan and bought me this sweater before, and I wanted to return it all to her. Since we have nothing left, I shouldn't accept these things from her."

Fan Xurui was startled and asked, "Is Liu Yan the woman you're dating?" Ouyang Yiming burst into tears and nodded, saying, "Yes." Fan Xurui asked, "Did you see her?" Ouyang Yiming nodded. Fan Xurui asked, "Why?" Ouyang Yiming shook his head, tears streaming down his face, and said, "I don't know. She didn't say why, she just showed me the marriage certificate." Fan Xurui asked

, "Didn't she say anything else?" Ouyang Yiming shook his head.

Fan Xurui said, "That makes sense. But you shouldn't do that now. It's very clear here; it seems her feelings for you are indeed extraordinary. I didn't read the letter earlier and thought she was just being insincere, but now I realize I misunderstood. However, no matter what, don't have any more illusions. Once you get the marriage certificate, Liu Yan will be someone else's wife. Remember, Liu Yan is in a military marriage; those families are untouchable. Even Liu Yan has to give in, what can you do?" He paused and said, "I don't know if you've heard of this, but during the crackdown, there was a couple in Zhengzhou who were dating. Because of the huge difference in their family status, the girl's parents always disagreed with the marriage. The girl resolutely started semi-publicly living with her boyfriend to blackmail her parents into complying. When the girl's parents heard about it, they were furious and called many relatives and friends to forcibly take the girl away and beat the young man. Who knew the man..." The young man was deeply in love with the woman, and despite the humiliation he suffered, he remained devoted to her, visiting her every few days. Later, the woman's parents, with malicious intent, locked their daughter in their home and took turns persuading her for over a month, forcing her to accuse the man of rape and submit pre-prepared "evidence" to the police station. Relying on the woman's family's social standing and connections, the young man was executed for hooliganism a month later. This is a true story that happened in Zhengzhou. Think about it, can we afford to offend a family like that?

Besides, Liu Yan is now married, and her husband's family are high-ranking officials. Although it's not a period of strict crackdown, for a family like that, destroying you is as easy as crushing an ant. I beg you, please don't do anything foolish. Ouyang Yiming felt a chill run down his spine, thinking to himself, "Could Liu Yan have also encountered such coercion? Was Liu Yan forced into this situation to prevent me from being implicated?"

Fan Xurui, realizing this as well, gasped and said, "I think Liu Yan probably succumbed to her family's pressure and didn't want to drag you down with her, which is why she did this." He paused, then said definitively, "I think that's it, it must be. Maybe her family threatened you, so Liu Yan had no choice but to do this. Otherwise, why would she say in the letter that she had some unspeakable difficulties? Now that I think about it, Liu Yan did it all for you. If anything happened to you, Liu Yan might not be able to live. She had no choice but to marry someone else to protect both of you! You can't betray Liu Yan's love for you. You absolutely can't do anything foolish again."

Ouyang Yiming felt sorrow and fear, but he had no choice but to nod. After a moment, he said, "So you're saying I should just keep this money?" Fan Xurui said, "That's the only way." Ouyang Yiming thought for a moment and said, "I absolutely won't use this money. I'll just save it for her. We'll talk about it later." Fan Xurui said, "That's fine too. If you two really do meet again someday, I think she'll tell you the whole story. If you save this money for her, you'll have to wait a few years to pay her back. Right now, she's in a bad mood. If you send it back now, she'll be heartbroken. Don't hurt her." He paused and said, "Let me tell you, don't think about anything else now. Just be good to Xu Hui. Anyway, Xu Hui doesn't know about you and Liu Yan."

Ouyang Yiming thought for a moment and said, "This...this feels very unfair to Xu Hui. Am I supposed to keep my relationship with Liu Yan a secret from Xu Hui forever?" Fan Xurui glared at him and asked, "You don't actually want to tell Xu Hui about your relationship with Liu Yan, do you?" Ouyang... Yiming said, "I have that thought. I don't think I can hide this from her forever, so I might as well tell her sooner.

If she can understand, my life will be easier."

Fan Xurui's face turned red with anger, and he pointed at him with a finger, saying, "Are you out of your mind? Are you really stupid or just pretending? I've never seen anyone as dumb as you! Xu Hui doesn't know about this, but you insist on letting her know. Do you want to show off your abilities? Do you want to show off how many women like you? Stupid! I think you're a pig! A stupid pig! Let me tell you, if you tell Xu Hui about this, she might not forgive you, and then you'll suffer. Two women who love you will leave you, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life!" He raised his finger and pointed at his head, saying, "I've never seen anyone as stupid as you. You're always reading books and don't you think about anything else? Even a simpleton knows that you shouldn't let your girlfriend know about this. She's trying to keep it a secret, but you're just too stupid!"

Ouyang Yiming blushed. Fan Xurui stood up and said, "Alright, stop talking. The cafeteria is open. Let's go eat." As he spoke, he handed the stack of money to Ouyang Yiming and said, "Put it away."

Ouyang Yiming put the stack of money into his pocket, carefully folded the letter Liu Yan had left him and put it into his wallet, then got up and walked away with Fan Xurui.

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