Love and Desire [Complete] - 25

Love and Desire (166)

Chapter 164

At this moment, hearing the door open, Ouyang Dongdong went out sobbing and opened it. She saw Grandma Liu from next door standing at the door with an umbrella. Seeing Ouyang Dongdong, she asked, "What happened at home?" Ouyang Dongdong just cried and didn't speak. After Grandma Liu entered, Ouyang Dongdong quickly closed the door again. Grandma Liu went into the west wing, and the old man told her that "Yiming's family" had gone. Grandma Liu then also cried. After crying for a while, wiping away her tears, she pulled the old man aside and said, "It's raining so hard I couldn't hear clearly. I only knocked because I heard crying when I passed by your house. Uncle, you have to stay calm now. The child can't stay in bed all the time; she needs to go out into the inner room. We also need to buy clothes and things quickly." The old man said, "Who can I persuade now?"

Grandma Liu looked at him, then turned to Ouyang Anping and Xu Zhenming and said, "You two men have to stay calm now. You still need to get things done. Crying like this will ruin everything. How can anything be accomplished then?" Ouyang Anping and Xu Zhenming nodded. Grandma Liu said, "Quickly, go and pull Yuqin and that lady out." Ouyang Anping and Xu Zhenming agreed and went into the house, each pulling one of them up.

Grandma Liu then said loudly, "You all have to listen to me. No one can cry like this." Ouyang Anping and Xu Zhenming helped Mao Yuqin and Yang Ping out of the inner room. Ouyang Mei was still crying bitterly.

Grandma Liu held Ouyang Mei's hand and said, "Meizi, you have to be good. You can't cry like this anymore, or your mother and grandfather won't be able to bear it." Ouyang Mei nodded. Grandma Liu turned to Ouyang Yiming and said, "Xiaoming, my son, my good child, you can't cry anymore. Be good, or our family will break down from crying." Ouyang Yiming turned around, knelt on the bed, took a few steps, and then threw himself into Grandma Liu's arms, crying, "Grandma Liu, Xu Hui, Xu Hui was fine yesterday, but this morning, this morning..." Grandma Liu patted Ouyang Yiming's head, crying, "My dear, my son, I know, I know, don't cry, child. Think about it, how can their parents bear it if you cry like this? This is our home, we have to be sensible!"

Ouyang Yiming responded with tears in his eyes, and his crying subsided considerably.

Grandma Liu let go of Ouyang Yiming with tears in her eyes, held his hand, said a few more words, and turned to leave. Ouyang Anping quickly helped her sit down. Grandma Liu looked at everyone and said, "No more crying, you'll all ruin your health if you keep crying." Then she looked at the old man and said, "Uncle, I think we should all go to the main room and talk there." The old man nodded and said, "Yes, yes, to the main room." So Ouyang Anping helped Mao Yuqin, Xu Zhenming helped Yang Ping, and Ouyang Dongdong helped the old man and Grandma Liu to the main room.

Ouyang Yiming and Ouyang Mei stopped crying after a while. Ouyang Yiming looked at Xu Hui and called to Ouyang Mei, "Go get a towel and wipe your sister's face." Ouyang Mei responded and went out. She

quickly brought it back, and Ouyang Yiming took it, tears streaming down his face, and said as he wiped Xu Hui's face, "Xu Hui, you've always been clean, let me wipe your face." Ouyang Mei sobbed as she carefully adjusted Xu Hui's wedding dress.

Suddenly, Ouyang Yiming's eyes lit up, and he called out to Ouyang Mei, "Meizi, I feel your sister's pulse, it's still beating! Come and feel it!" Ouyang Mei rushed over and grabbed Xu Hui's wrist, feeling it for a while before shaking her head, seeing tears streaming down her face. Ouyang Yiming clearly didn't believe her. He grabbed her wrist and felt it for a while, then disappointment gradually appeared in his eyes, and tears streamed down his face. He reached out and picked up Xu Hui, crying, "Xu Hui, how could you bear to leave me like this? Why, why! Wake up, wake up..."

As he murmured to himself, his tear-streaked face rubbed against Xu Hui's already cold face. How he wished for a miracle, how he wished Xu Hui could still talk to him like yesterday, even if she couldn't eat much, even if she could only be held by him like this, even if she was paralyzed in bed, or even if she became a vegetable, as long as she was breathing, as long as her heart was beating, she would still be by his side!

But now, now she has no heartbeat, no breath, and even the body he's holding will soon disappear from his sight, disappear forever from this world, never to be seen again. How could he possibly accept that?

Ouyang Yiming's face was still pressed against Xu Hui's, tears streaming down his face as he murmured, "Xu Hui, why did you leave me? Why? You said we'd grow old together, you said you'd never leave me, you said you'd never leave me. You said it, you said it! But why did you forget? You said you liked living in our old house, and here you are! You've only been here two days, why don't you want to stay anymore? If you don't like it here, we can move somewhere else. We still have another house!" "We promised to buy a house in Shanghai, we promised to live together with Meizi so we could look after each other, why don't you want to live anywhere else? If you had told me earlier which place you liked, we could have gone there, why didn't you say? You said you'd give me a son, I said I wanted a daughter, we promised to have twins, a boy and a girl, you promised me, you promised me! How could you break your promise?! Why, Xu Hui! Why did you leave? Why?!" Ouyang Yiming cried, shaking Xu Hui. Ouyang Mei, who had been sobbing as she watched her brother and Xu Hui, could no longer hold back and suddenly threw herself onto the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Ouyang Yiming looked up at Xu Hui's face and cried loudly, "Xu Hui, you broke your promise! You shouldn't have done this! You shouldn't have done this!"

After glaring at Xu Hui for a while, he pressed his face against hers and sobbed... After the elderly people in the main house sat down and cried for a while, Grandma Liu said, "Uncle, Anping, you two grown men need to calm down. There are some things to take care of. I think Anping needs to go and invite the old master. We don't understand these things. This child isn't married yet, so we need to ask him how to send her off." Mao Yuqin chimed in, "Auntie, although Xu Hui and Yiming didn't have a wedding ceremony, they've been married for over two years. Our Ouyang family considers Xu Hui our daughter-in-law. In fact, once they got their marriage certificate, they were already part of the Ouyang family."

Grandma Liu glanced at Xu Zhenming and Yang Ping, who were sitting there with their heads down, and said, "That's right, that's right. Once they got the certificate, of course they're considered family. For such an event, we should definitely invite a steward." The old man said, "Your auntie is right, this..." "Our family doesn't have the time to think things through too thoroughly right now, we absolutely must ask the old master to come." Xu Zhenming looked up and asked, "Is the old master the one who oversees these matters?" Grandma Liu hurriedly said, "Yes, yes, we always ask the old master for weddings and funerals, there are special old masters for weddings and funerals." Xu Zhenming said, "Logically speaking, Xu Hui and Yiming have been married for over two years and are already part of your Ouyang family, and Xu Hui's mother and I have always thought so too. We shouldn't be involved in this kind of thing. But now Xu Hui's letter says she wants to go back to Suzhou to be with her maternal grandmother, what do you think of this? If you have any rules, then follow your rules." Mao Yuqin said, "The child belongs to both our families, we are all his elders. Now that the child has this wish, I think we can't go against the child's wishes, otherwise the child won't blame us!" The old man said, "That's right, wherever the child wants to go, we should let her go, we can't wrong the child." Ouyang Anping nodded in agreement.

Xu Zhenming said, "Since your family agrees, I think we should do everything as Xu Hui said. In the letter she left, she said she didn't want any formalities, which I think means she didn't want a funeral. She said she would leave wearing that wedding dress, which I think she had already decided before she passed away. I don't think we should change her clothes anymore. What do you think?" The old man said, "We're doing everything our child says now. Our child... our child is gone, how can we... how can we not listen to her..." He started crying as he spoke, then said, "My short-lived child," and buried his face in his hands, sobbing. Everyone who saw the old man crying like this also began to cry.

Grandma Liu stopped crying and said, "Rest, everyone! There are still some things to discuss." Everyone stopped crying, and Grandma Liu said, "It's so hot, we have to tell the truth. The child can't be left alone. Now the child's parents are here and can see her, but we also need to inform the child's family so they can come and see her too, don't you think?" Xu Zhenming thought for a moment and said, "Just have his uncle's people come; we don't want to notify so many people. We'll talk to Xu Hui's workplace in a couple of days." Yang Ping said, "Just tell my brother. My sister-in-law isn't well; she has heart disease. When you

call, don't mention that Xu Hui is gone. Just say it's a custom here that Xu Hui's uncle has to come for the wedding." Xu Zhenming agreed.

Ouyang Anping glanced at his watch and said to Ouyang Dongdong, "Dongdong, go to the hotel and call your brother's classmates. Don't mention your sister Hui. See if they've eaten. If not, take them out for a meal before you come back." Ouyang Dongdong agreed, grabbed a few umbrellas, and went out. Xu Zhenming then got up to call Xu Hui's uncle. When

Ouyang Dongdong arrived at the hotel, she met Jiang Yuqi and the others, learning that they had already eaten breakfast in the hotel cafeteria. Jiang Yuqi asked, "Are Ouyang Yiming and your sister-in-law still asleep?"

He then laughed. Ouyang Dongdong, feeling distressed, didn't answer. After Li Xuan, Wu Yingying, and Ge Guangcheng laughed, Jiang Yuqi suddenly noticed that Ouyang Dongdong was secretly crying. He panicked instantly, grabbed Ouyang Dongdong, and asked what was wrong. Ouyang Dongdong lowered her head, tears streaming down her face, and said nothing was wrong. Everyone panicked. Jiang Yuqi took the umbrella from Ouyang Dongdong and turned to Li Xuan, saying, "Let's hurry." The group rushed downstairs. On the way, Li Xuan anxiously asked Ouyang Dongdong what had happened. Ouyang Dongdong said that Sister Hui was sick. The group was filled with anxiety and followed Jiang Yuqi's brisk pace to the Ouyang family's old house. Upon seeing Ouyang Yiming holding Xu Hui and weeping, the classmates were stunned for a moment before bursting into heart-wrenching sobs. Wu Yingying, in particular, cried so hard she sat on the floor by the bed, unable to get up. The

day passed in this way, with the Ouyang family's old house filled with cries. That morning, Fan Xurui and his fiancée, along with neighbors, came to weep. Fan Xurui called some of his high school classmates to entertain and care for the guests. He also assigned two female classmates to specifically look after Yang Ping and Mao Yuqin. Ouyang Yiming kept the door tightly closed, not allowing anyone into the west wing, and remained sitting on the bed, holding Xu Hui. In the afternoon, Ouyang Yiming's driver called to inform him of Xu Hui's death. Vice Mayor Tang, Vice President Wang, and key leaders from various departments of the unit came to visit. Mao Yuqin knocked on the door for a long time before Ouyang Yiming finally allowed Ouyang Mei to open it. Vice Mayor Tang and Vice President Wang didn't let anyone else in. After they entered, they spoke a few words to Ouyang Yiming, who remained expressionless and silent. At dinner, Fan Xurui arranged for everyone who had been busy to eat with Jiang Yuqi and the others. Jiang Yuqi and Li Xuan returned to the west wing, cried for a while, and then went back to the hotel. None of Fan Xurui or his high school classmates went home.

Around 8 PM, Xu Hui's uncle arrived in Pancheng. Ouyang Yiming's driver and Fan Xurui went to the train station to pick him up. Seeing that Xu Hui and Ouyang Yiming, or perhaps Xu Zhenming and Yang Ping, hadn't come to pick him up, Xu Hui's uncle sensed something serious might have happened. He asked Fan Xurui many times in the car, but Fan Xurui only said that nothing was wrong. Upon entering the Ouyang family home, Yang Ping cried out in anguish, "Brother, Xiao Hui, Xiao Hui is gone..." Xu Hui's uncle froze, then collapsed to the ground, unable to stand. Tears streamed down his face. Ouyang Anping and Fan Xurui helped him into the west wing. Xu Hui's uncle stamped his feet and sobbed, rushing towards Xu Hui, but was restrained by the others. He cried out repeatedly, "My Xiao Hui, my child..." his tears flowing freely. Xu Zhenming, Yang Ping, and the Ouyang family stayed with him for a while, then Ouyang Yiming's classmates helped him back to the main room. Ouyang Yiming's family spoke with Xu Hui's uncle, Xu Zhenming, and Yang Ping, discussing some matters. Although everyone was heartbroken, they had to accept reality. At midnight, they advised Xu Zhenming, Yang Ping, and Xu Hui's uncle to go back to their rooms to rest.

The next morning, everyone was surprised to find that Xu Zhenming, who hadn't slept all night, had turned his once black hair gray... The rain had stopped, and the hazy sky was gloomy and oppressive. The dampness and heat in the air were stifling, and there wasn't a breath of wind. People seemed to be running out of oxygen, and they appeared drowsy and listless.

Ouyang Yiming, after being helped out of the bathroom by two classmates, hurriedly returned to the west wing. For the past two days, he had been in the room, sometimes holding Xu Hui, sometimes lying beside her talking to himself. Ouyang Mei had also been staying with him, occasionally pouring him some tea or crying softly for a while, but she didn't dare to speak to him. Jiang Yuqi and a few other classmates also came into the room and cried for a while, but Ouyang Yiming ignored them. It seemed that Ouyang Yiming became irritable whenever someone entered the room.

That morning, the Ouyang family and Xu Hui's family sat together in the main room, talking. The old man was deeply saddened to see Xu Zhenming's hair had turned so white overnight. He offered a few words of comfort, but couldn't help but shed tears himself.

Xu Hui was the only child in the Xu family. Although she had married Ouyang Yiming, her passing was like the sky falling for the couple. It's conceivable that regardless of whether Xu Hui was a boy or a girl, marrying Ouyang Yiming meant Ouyang Yiming had gained half a son. After Xu Hui's passing, Xu Zhenming and Yang Ping felt that losing her was the same as losing both Xu Hui and Ouyang Yiming. They knew Ouyang Yiming would eventually find a woman to marry. This meant the Xu couple would now be left alone, to live out their old age. Although neither Xu Zhenming nor Yang Ping spoke of it that night, they both thought about it.

Mao Yuqin and Ouyang Anping also thought about these things and spent the night in their room, unable to sleep, discussing the matter. Later, Mao Yuqin said, "Now that Xu Hui is gone, her parents must be thinking even more. Losing a daughter in middle age is a cruel thing, especially since Xu Hui was their only child! Anping, I think we should have Meizi recognize Xu Hui's parents as her godmothers, so that they can have a daughter too." Ouyang Anping agreed and said he would talk to Ouyang Meizi about it at dawn. Mao Yuqin said, "Meizi is a sensible child; she'll definitely agree."

At this moment, Ouyang Anping and his wife saw that Xu Zhenming's hair had turned completely white overnight, and they felt even more distressed and wanted to comfort the couple. So Mao Yuqin said, "Our two families are destined to be together. Since Yiming and Xu Hui fell in love, even though our elders live far apart, we haven't felt any distance between us. I feel like we're one family. Don't worry, you two, Yiming will always be your child. You know Yiming; he won't forget his feelings for Xu Hui, and he certainly won't forget you. Last night, Yiming's father and I discussed it, and we'd like Meizi to recognize you two as her godparents, so you can treat her like your own daughter. I wonder if you two are willing?" Yang Ping immediately burst into tears, saying, "Your Ouyang family are truly kind people! We'd be begging for something like this! From the first time Meizi came to our house, Zhenming and I treated her like our own child. We never expected you to think of all this." Mao Yuqin said, "Since we're family, let's not stand on ceremony." With that, she stood up and went to the west wing. After calling Ouyang Mei out, she told her about it, and Ouyang Mei was very happy to agree. Kneeling before Xu Zhenming and Yang Ping in the main room, Ouyang Mei acknowledged them as her godparents, but instead of using the word "god" before "father" and "mother," she addressed them as "Dad" and "Mom." Yang Ping then helped Ouyang Mei up and embraced her. Ouyang Mei said, "Dad, Mom, from today onwards, I am your biological daughter. My brother and I will take care of you in your old age and see you off in your final days." Xu Zhenming, Yang Ping, and Xu Hui's uncle were moved to tears. The old man said, "From now on, Yiming is still your child, and Mei has recognized you two as her parents. We are now a proper family. You can come to this house whenever you want, and our two families should visit each other often." Yang Ping said, "You should also come to our house. Yiming and Mei are our children, so you are also an elder in our family." The old man said, "You are all my children, and I will come to your house from now on." Although everyone's hearts were still heavy at this moment, the Xu couple and Xu Hui's uncle also found great comfort.

Ouyang Mei returned to the west wing to keep Ouyang Yiming company. Xu Hui's uncle said, "Now we have to talk about sending Xu Hui away. As you all see, the weather is so hot now, Xu Hui can't be left any longer. We all hate to part with Xu Hui, but things have come to this, and we have to let her go. Besides, with Yiming's condition, keeping Xu Hui for two more days will only break him down. My opinion is that she should be cremated tomorrow, and then sent to her grandmother's house according to Xu Hui's wishes. We can't keep dragging this on like this." Yang Ping and Mao Yuqin cried softly after hearing this. Xu Zhenming sighed heavily and said through tears, "No matter what, she must be cremated tomorrow. Don't say it's too hot, even if it were cold, we can't leave her like this. Let her go when she should." The old man said, "What you say is true. Isn't there a saying, 'To be buried is to find peace'? The child can't rest in peace like this." Xu Zhenming grabbed his hair with both hands and sobbed, and everyone burst into tears again.

That afternoon, Ouyang Anping told Fan Xurui about the cremation the next day, asking him to speak to Ouyang Yiming tactfully. Fan Xurui knew Ouyang Yiming wouldn't agree, but he also knew the matter couldn't be left unresolved. So he went to the west wing, sat silently for a while, and comforted Ouyang Yiming. Ouyang Yiming remained silent. Fan Xurui then cautiously said, "Yiming, it's so hot, Xu Hui... Xu Hui can't just stay like this forever. The old man and I mean to cremate her tomorrow..." Upon hearing this, Ouyang Yiming's eyes reddened, and he suddenly picked up Xu Hui, holding her tightly to his chest. His eyes widened, and his face flushed as he looked at Fan Xurui, saying, "No, no, no, I can't let her go. I can't let her leave here. No one can take my Xu Hui away." Fan Xurui felt a little timid, but he couldn't remain silent. He said, "Yiming, you have to think more positively. We can't always leave Xu Hui here..." Ouyang Yiming glared at him angrily. Fan Xurui felt fear and stopped speaking. Seeing Ouyang Yiming still glaring at him, he lowered his head. Just then, he heard Ouyang Yiming roar, "Get out! Get out of here!" Fan Xurui trembled and looked up at him. The two stared at each other. After a moment, Ouyang Yiming, his lips trembling and tears streaming down his face, said, "I beg you, please leave, okay?" Fan Xurui shook his head helplessly, knowing he couldn't say anything more to him. He went outside to the main room and told everyone what had happened. Everyone was also very worried, knowing that they had to persuade Ouyang Yiming. They then discussed whether to have Jiang Yuqi and the others talk to Ouyang Yiming. Mao Yuqin was worried that Ouyang Yiming might treat Jiang Yuqi the same way he treated Fan Xurui. Fan Xurui sighed and said, "Let Jiang Yuqi try. Yiming treats me like this because he considers me a brother. I don't think he'd treat others like this. It's not good for our family to say anything."

After entering the west wing, Jiang Yuqi looked at Xu Hui in Ouyang Yiming's arms. He couldn't help but cry softly for a while, tears streaming down his face, before bringing up the cremation. Ouyang Yiming trembled when he heard Jiang Yuqi mention "cremation," saying, "Yuqi, you're like a brother to me. You once said you'd fight anyone who tried to harm Xu Hui. Yuqi, I beg you, I beg you, please don't say that! I can't let Xu Hui leave me, I can't bear to see her go! Yuqi, how can you bear to let Xu Hui leave me?" Jiang Yuqi couldn't control himself and sobbed as he left the room. After leaving, Jiang Yuqi sat on the sofa in the outer room for a while, stopping his crying before going to the main room. He shook his head, tears in his eyes, saying he couldn't persuade her. After a moment of silence, Ouyang Anping said, "I think the only way to resolve this is to ask Mayor Tang to talk to Yiming. Only he might listen to him." Mao Yuqin worried that Ouyang Yiming might not give Mayor Tang any face. Fan Xurui said, "Probably not. Although Ouyang Yiming is emotionally unstable right now, his thinking is still clear. Mayor Tang is the person he respects most, so I think only he can do it."

Ouyang Anping glanced at his watch and said to Ouyang Dongdong, "Dongdong, go to the hotel and call your brother's classmates. Don't mention your sister Hui. See if they've eaten. If not, take them out for a meal before you come back." Ouyang Dongdong agreed, grabbed a few umbrellas, and went out. Xu Zhenming then got up to call Xu Hui's uncle. When

Ouyang Dongdong arrived at the hotel, she met Jiang Yuqi and the others, learning that they had already eaten breakfast in the hotel cafeteria. Jiang Yuqi asked, "Aren't Ouyang Yiming and your sister-in-law up yet?"

He then laughed. Ouyang Dongdong felt upset and didn't answer. After Li Xuan, Wu Yingying, and Ge Guangcheng laughed, Jiang Yuqi suddenly noticed Ouyang Dongdong secretly shedding tears. Panicked, he grabbed Ouyang Dongdong and asked what was wrong. Ouyang Dongdong lowered her head, tears streaming down her face, and said nothing was wrong. The group panicked. Jiang Yuqi took the umbrella from Ouyang Dongdong and turned to Li Xuan, saying, "Let's hurry." They rushed downstairs. On the way, Li Xuan anxiously asked Ouyang Dongdong what was wrong. Ouyang Dongdong said that Sister Hui was sick. The group was anxious and followed Jiang Yuqi's brisk pace to the Ouyang family's old house. Seeing Ouyang Yiming holding Xu Hui and weeping, the classmates were stunned for a moment before bursting into heart-wrenching sobs. Wu Yingying, in particular, cried so hard she sat on the floor by the bed, unable to get up.

The day passed in the Ouyang family's old house amidst cries. That morning, Fan Xurui and his fiancée, along with neighbors, came to tell their tales. Fan Xurui called some of his high school classmates to entertain and take care of the guests. He also assigned two female classmates to look after Yang Ping and Mao Yuqin. Ouyang Yiming kept the door tightly closed, not letting anyone into the west wing, and sat on the bed holding Xu Hui. In the afternoon, Ouyang Yiming's driver called to inform him of Xu Hui's death. Vice Mayor Tang, Vice President Wang, and the main leaders of various departments of his unit came to visit. Mao Yuqin knocked on the door for a long time before Ouyang Yiming finally let Ouyang Mei open it. Vice Mayor Tang and Vice President Wang did not let anyone else in. After they entered, they spoke a few words to Ouyang Yiming, who remained expressionless and silent. At dinner, Fan Xurui arranged for everyone who had been busy to eat with Jiang Yuqi and the others. Jiang Yuqi and Li Xuan returned to the west wing, cried for a while, and then went back to the hotel. None of Fan Xurui or his high school classmates went home.

Around 8 p.m., Xu Hui's uncle arrived in Pancheng, and Ouyang Yiming's driver and Fan Xurui went to the train station to pick him up. When Xu Hui's uncle saw that neither Xu Hui nor Ouyang Yiming, nor Xu Zhenming and Yang Ping, came to pick him up, he sensed something terrible might have happened. He asked Fan Xurui many times in the car, but Fan Xurui only said nothing was wrong. Upon entering the Ouyang family home, Yang Ping cried out in anguish, "Brother, Xiao Hui, Xiao Hui is gone..." Xu Hui's uncle froze, then collapsed to the ground, unable to stand. Tears streamed down his face. Ouyang Anping and Fan Xurui helped him into the west wing. Xu Hui's uncle stamped his feet and cried, rushing towards Xu Hui, but was restrained by the others. He cried out repeatedly, "My Xiao Hui, my child..." his tears flowing freely. Xu Zhenming, Yang Ping, and the Ouyang family stayed with him for a while, then Ouyang Yiming's classmates helped him back to the main house. Ouyang Yiming's family spoke with Xu Hui's uncle, Xu Zhenming, and Yang Ping, discussing some matters. Although everyone was heartbroken, they had to accept reality. At midnight, they persuaded Xu Zhenming, Yang Ping, and Xu Hui's uncle to go back to their rooms to rest.

The next morning, everyone was surprised to find that Xu Zhenming, who hadn't slept all night, had turned gray... The rain stopped, the sky was hazy and gloomy, the air was damp and hot, making it stifling. There wasn't a breath of wind, and people seemed to be running out of oxygen, appearing drowsy and listless.

Ouyang Yiming, after leaving the bathroom, was helped out by two classmates and hurriedly returned to the west wing. For the past two days, he had stayed in the room, sometimes holding Xu Hui, sometimes lying beside her talking to himself. Ouyang Mei had also stayed inside with him, occasionally pouring him tea or crying softly for a while, but never daring to speak to him. Jiang Yuqi and several other classmates also came in and cried for a while, but Ouyang Yiming ignored them, seemingly becoming irritable whenever someone entered the room.

That morning, the Ouyang family and Xu Hui's family sat together in the main room, talking. The old man was deeply saddened to see Xu Zhenming's hair had turned so white overnight. He offered a few words of comfort, but couldn't help but shed tears himself.

Xu Hui was the only child in the Xu family. Although she had married Ouyang Yiming, her passing was like the sky falling for the couple. It's conceivable that regardless of whether Xu Hui was a boy or a girl, marrying Ouyang Yiming meant Ouyang Yiming had gained half a son. After Xu Hui's passing, Xu Zhenming and Yang Ping felt that losing her was the same as losing both Xu Hui and Ouyang Yiming. They knew Ouyang Yiming would eventually find a woman to marry. This meant the Xu couple would now be left alone, to live out their old age. Although neither Xu Zhenming nor Yang Ping spoke of it that night, they both thought about it.

Mao Yuqin and Ouyang Anping also thought about these things and spent the night in their room, unable to sleep, discussing the matter. Later, Mao Yuqin said, "Now that Xu Hui is gone, her parents must be thinking a lot more. Losing a daughter in middle age is a cruel thing, especially since Xu Hui was their only child! Anping, I think we should have Meizi recognize Xu Hui's parents as her godmothers, so that they can have a daughter too." Ouyang Anping agreed and said he would talk to Ouyang Meizi about it at dawn. Mao Yuqin said, "Meizi is a sensible child; she'll definitely agree."

When Ouyang Anping and his wife saw that Xu Zhenming had grown a full head of white hair overnight, they felt even more distressed and wanted to comfort the couple. So Mao Yuqin said, "Our two families are destined to be together. Since Yiming and Xu Hui fell in love, even though our elders live far apart, we haven't felt any distance between us. I feel like we're one family. Don't worry, you two, Yiming will always be your child. You know Yiming; he won't forget his feelings for Xu Hui, and he certainly won't forget you. Last night, Yiming's father and I discussed it, and we'd like Meizi to recognize you two as her godparents, so you can treat her like your own daughter. I wonder if you two are willing?" Yang Ping immediately burst into tears, saying, "Your Ouyang family are truly kind people! We'd be begging for something like this! From the first time Meizi came to our house, Zhenming and I treated her like our own child. We never expected you to think of all this." Mao Yuqin said, "Since we're family, let's not stand on ceremony." With that, she stood up and went to the west wing. After calling Ouyang Mei out, she told her about it, and Ouyang Mei was very happy to agree. Kneeling before Xu Zhenming and Yang Ping in the main room, Ouyang Mei acknowledged them as her godparents, but instead of using the word "god" before "father" and "mother," she addressed them as "Dad" and "Mom." Yang Ping then helped Ouyang Mei up and embraced her. Ouyang Mei said, "Dad, Mom, from today onwards, I am your biological daughter. My brother and I will take care of you in your old age and see you off in your final days." Xu Zhenming, Yang Ping, and Xu Hui's uncle were moved to tears. The old man said, "From now on, Yiming is still your child, and Mei has recognized you two as her parents. We are now a proper family. You can come to this house whenever you want, and our two families should visit each other often." Yang Ping said, "You should also come to our house. Yiming and Mei are our children, so you are also an elder in our family." The old man said, "You are all my children, and I will come to your house from now on." Although everyone's hearts were still heavy at this moment, the Xu couple and Xu Hui's uncle also found great comfort.

Ouyang Mei returned to the west wing to keep Ouyang Yiming company. Xu Hui's uncle said, "Now we have to talk about sending Xu Hui away. As you all see, the weather is so hot now, Xu Hui can't be left any longer. We all hate to part with Xu Hui, but things have come to this, and we have to let her go. Besides, with Yiming's condition, keeping Xu Hui for two more days will only break him down. My opinion is that she should be cremated tomorrow, and then sent to her grandmother's house according to Xu Hui's wishes. We can't keep dragging this on like this." Yang Ping and Mao Yuqin cried softly after hearing this. Xu Zhenming sighed heavily and said through tears, "No matter what, she must be cremated tomorrow. Don't say it's too hot, even if it were cold, we can't leave her like this. Let her go when she should." The old man said, "What you say is true. Isn't there a saying, 'To be buried is to find peace'? The child can't rest in peace like this." Xu Zhenming grabbed his hair with both hands and sobbed, and everyone burst into tears again.

That afternoon, Ouyang Anping told Fan Xurui about the cremation the next day, asking him to speak to Ouyang Yiming tactfully. Fan Xurui knew Ouyang Yiming wouldn't agree, but he also knew the matter couldn't be left unresolved. So he went to the west wing, sat silently for a while, and comforted Ouyang Yiming. Ouyang Yiming remained silent. Fan Xurui then cautiously said, "Yiming, it's so hot, Xu Hui... Xu Hui can't just stay like this forever. The old man and I mean to cremate her tomorrow..." Upon hearing this, Ouyang Yiming's eyes reddened, and he suddenly picked up Xu Hui, holding her tightly to his chest. His eyes widened, and his face flushed as he looked at Fan Xurui, saying, "No, no, no, I can't let her go. I can't let her leave here. No one can take my Xu Hui away." Fan Xurui felt a little timid, but he couldn't remain silent. He said, "Yiming, you have to think more positively. We can't always leave Xu Hui here..." Ouyang Yiming glared at him angrily. Fan Xurui felt fear and stopped speaking. Seeing Ouyang Yiming still glaring at him, he lowered his head. Just then, he heard Ouyang Yiming roar, "Get out! Get out of here!" Fan Xurui trembled and looked up at him. The two stared at each other. After a moment, Ouyang Yiming, his lips trembling and tears streaming down his face, said, "I beg you, please leave, okay?" Fan Xurui shook his head helplessly, knowing he couldn't say anything more to him. He went outside to the main room and told everyone what had happened. Everyone was also very worried, knowing that they had to persuade Ouyang Yiming. They then discussed whether to have Jiang Yuqi and the others talk to Ouyang Yiming. Mao Yuqin was worried that Ouyang Yiming might treat Jiang Yuqi the same way he treated Fan Xurui. Fan Xurui sighed and said, "Let Jiang Yuqi try. Yiming treats me like this because he considers me a brother. I don't think he'd treat others like this. It's not good for our family to say anything."

After entering the west wing, Jiang Yuqi looked at Xu Hui in Ouyang Yiming's arms. He couldn't help but cry softly for a while, tears streaming down his face, before bringing up the cremation. Ouyang Yiming trembled when he heard Jiang Yuqi mention "cremation," saying, "Yuqi, you're like a brother to me. You once said you'd fight anyone who tried to harm Xu Hui. Yuqi, I beg you, I beg you, please don't say that! I can't let Xu Hui leave me, I can't bear to see her go! Yuqi, how can you bear to let Xu Hui leave me?" Jiang Yuqi couldn't control himself and sobbed as he left the room. After leaving, Jiang Yuqi sat on the sofa in the outer room for a while, stopping his crying before going to the main room. He shook his head, tears in his eyes, saying he couldn't persuade her.

After a moment of silence, Ouyang Anping said, "I think the only way to resolve this is to ask Mayor Tang to talk to Yiming. Only he might listen to him." Mao Yuqin worried that Ouyang Yiming might not give Mayor Tang any face. Fan Xurui said, "He shouldn't. Although Ouyang Yiming is emotionally unstable right now, his thinking is still clear. Mayor Tang is the person he respects most, so I think only he can do it."

Mao Yuqin then called Vice Mayor Tang. Vice Mayor Tang said he had a meeting that morning and was on his way. Mao Yuqin then whispered the matter to him on the phone, and Vice Mayor Tang said he would be there soon.

After Vice Mayor Tang arrived, he talked to Ouyang Yiming for a long time, explaining many things. Ouyang Yiming remained silent at first, but then, with tears in his eyes, he begged Mayor Tang to wait another day, reaching out to take Xu Hui's arm and saying, "Look, Xu Hui is perfectly fine now, she's perfectly fine!" Vice Mayor Tang was also puzzled by this. Two days after Xu Hui's death, her joints were surprisingly still flexible and not stiff, and her face had a rosy glow, as if she were fast asleep, which was quite astonishing.

In fact, Ouyang Yiming still held onto a belief that Xu Hui might come back to life.

Vice Mayor Tang touched Xu Hui's arm; it was cold. After shaking his head, he spoke with Ouyang Yiming, and they agreed to wait another day. Back in his office, he called the head of the Civil Affairs Bureau, informing him that a girl would be cremated the day after tomorrow morning. He asked the crematorium to prepare a furnace, clean it thoroughly, and have the hearse driven to Xiucai Street early the next morning.

Jiang Yuqi and several other classmates also called their respective workplaces to explain the situation and postpone their return. They all stayed at the Ouyang family's old house, hoping to visit Xu Hui and comfort Ouyang Yiming while he cried.

On the morning of Xu Hui's cremation, the hearse from the funeral home stopped at the entrance of Xiucai Lane. Roadblocks were buried at the entrance, preventing cars from entering. Two workers carried a stretcher to the Ouyang family's old house. Xu Hui's parents and everyone else rushed to the west wing, weeping for a while as they watched over Xu Hui. Two crematorium workers then entered the room. Ouyang Yiming, holding Xu Hui in his arms, paused upon seeing the two workers enter, then glared and roared, "You two, get out!" The two workers froze, standing there awkwardly like wooden statues. Fan Xurui cautiously approached Ouyang Yiming and whispered, "Yiming, wasn't... wasn't it agreed?" Ouyang Yiming trembled, tears welling in his eyes, but he didn't cry out. Fan Xurui called out "Yiming" again. Ouyang Yiming, tears streaming down his face, whispered, "Please ask them to leave. I won't allow anyone to touch Xu Hui." Fan Xurui frowned at him. Ouyang Yiming said, "Use... use my car." He then sobbed a few times. Hearing Ouyang Yiming's words, Fan Xurui suddenly realized his mistake and hurriedly told everyone to leave.

Ouyang Yiming placed Xu Hui on the bed, dressed himself in his wedding attire, carefully adjusted his tie in front of the mirror, and combed his hair. He went to the bedside, picked up Xu Hui, and gently, with tears streaming down his face, combed her hair. Finally, he bent down and kissed her forehead several times. Standing up, he gently lifted her, crying, "Xu Hui, don't, don't blame me, I can't leave you behind! I can't bear to part with you, but no one will allow me to keep you here. Xu Hui, I can't bear to part with you! I can't bear it, I can't bear it..." As he spoke, he rubbed his face against Xu Hui's. Everyone who saw this wept.

Ouyang Yiming carried Xu Hui out the door. A light rain was still falling. Fan Xurui held an umbrella over Ouyang Yiming, while Ouyang Mei walked beside him. Xu Zhenming, Yang Ping, and the elders of the Ouyang family cried and called Xu Hui's name. Ouyang Yiming's classmate, who was specifically responsible for looking after these people, dragged them inside through the gate. Jiang Yuqi and several other classmates followed behind Ouyang Yiming.

It was Sunday, and both sides of Xiucai Lane were packed with people. These past few days, the Ouyang family's new bride was supposed to pass away on her wedding day, her death filling the house with a strange fragrance. The news that Ouyang Yiming had been holding his deceased bride, refusing to leave her side, had spread throughout Xiucai Street and even further afield, so many people had come to watch. Ouyang Yiming, his eyes fixed straight ahead, carried Xu Hui step by step. The sight of Ouyang Yiming and Xu Hui, dressed as if for a wedding, silenced the onlookers, who watched the couple silently, sighing inwardly.

The stone path was very slippery. Near the alley entrance, Ouyang Yiming slipped and fell to his knees with a thud. Even then, he didn't forget to raise his arms to prevent Xu Hui from falling.

Fan Xurui and several classmates quickly helped him up. After standing for a moment, Ouyang Mei suddenly noticed blood on Ouyang Yiming's ankle. She quickly pulled him to a stop, lifted his trousers, and discovered a large, raw patch on his right knee. Unable to find anything to bandage it, Ouyang Yiming continued walking… More people gathered at the alley entrance, and many on the opposite street watched. Passersby stopped in their tracks. No family would ever send a deceased person, dressed in a wedding gown, to the crematorium in such a manner. Ouyang Yiming's act of sending Xu Hui to the crematorium became the focus of discussion in the streets and alleys of Pancheng for a long time afterward. This was the second time since Ouyang Xiucai's wedding that the Ouyang family had become the focus of discussion in Panzhou. The two occasions were strikingly different. Ouyang Xiucai's was a wedding, while Ouyang Yiming was taking his wife to the crematorium.

Just as they entered the funeral home, a flash of lightning illuminated the sky, followed by a deafening clap of thunder, and then a torrential downpour began… They went straight to the crematorium after getting out of the car. Because Vice Mayor Tang had made arrangements the day before, two people were already waiting at the entrance. Inside the crematorium, one of the waiting people guided Ouyang Yiming and his party forward, while the other went to the crematorium to give instructions to the cremation workers. Ouyang Yiming held Xu Hui in his arms and stood in the crematorium for a while, repeatedly kissing her forehead, rubbing his face against hers, tears streaming down his face. His companions silently wept with him, and even the two people waiting there and the cremation workers had tears in their eyes.

The crematorium was eerily quiet. Finally, Fan Xurui couldn't help but call out "Yiming!" Ouyang Yiming trembled, looked up at him blankly, took a few steps, and gently placed Xu Hui in the large drawer. As Xu Hui was pushed into the furnace, Ouyang Yiming seemed to suddenly realize what was happening. He lunged at the furnace, shouting "Xu Hui!" but was held back by Fan Xurui and several classmates. Ouyang Yiming

struggled almost frantically, shouting Xu Hui's name, his eyes filled with blood.

Suddenly, Ouyang Yiming turned around, broke free from the pull of several people, and ran wildly to the door. He knelt down on the wet ground in the downpour, raised his hands, tilted his head back, and shouted to the sky:

"Xu Hui, Xu Hui, come back, come back..." His pitiful cry startled a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder, and the rain poured down even harder... Suddenly, everyone heard a few chirping bird calls, and looking up, they saw a large white bird circling in the air for a few moments, then letting out a few mournful cries before soaring into the sky...

Love and Desire (167)

Chapter 165

Jianghan These days it has been drizzling, and the sky and earth are all gray and hazy. For several days in a row, Liu Yan felt unusually depressed and inexplicably restless. After returning home, she would often stare blankly at Ru Han, and the image of Ouyang Yiming would flicker in her mind. When she was slightly more awake, she felt strange. Why had she been thinking so much about Ouyang Yiming these past few days?

On the afternoon of August 20th, Liu Yan sat blankly at her desk, her mind a jumbled mess. Suddenly, the phone rang sharply, startling her. She picked it up; it was Tan Qihao calling, telling her he was back at school. Liu Yan remembered him mentioning when he returned to Xi'an that students were expected to arrive early for the new semester to prepare.

Tan Qihao said he had just arrived at school at noon and asked if she had time to have dinner and chat that evening. Liu Yan felt unwell and told him she wasn't feeling well and would talk in a couple of days. Tan Qihao asked if she was sick, and Liu Yan said nothing was wrong. During the call with Tan Qihao, Liu Yan felt flustered and hung up after a few words.

Sitting there, staring blankly at the light rain outside the window, Tan Qihao's image flashed through her mind. She suddenly asked herself, "Tan Qihao has been away from Jianghan for many days now, so why didn't I feel any excitement when I answered his call and heard his voice?" It sounded like a casual phone call between colleagues. She found it amusing, even a little boring. Suddenly, she thought of Ouyang Yiming. If it were him calling, she'd be itching with excitement no matter what. Why didn't she feel the same way about Tan Qihao? She knew she admired him and hadn't developed any aversion to him, so why couldn't she feel even a tiny bit of the same emotion she had for Ouyang Yiming? She wondered to herself, was a man she felt nothing for suitable as her husband? Who else but Ouyang Yiming could possibly move her heart? Was she destined to only be attracted to Ouyang Yiming? Could

she never accept another man? But Ouyang Yiming was already Xu Hui's husband; what was the point of thinking about him?

Thinking about it made her feel annoyed, and she wondered why she'd been so melancholic these past few days. Looking at the drizzling rain outside the window, she thought to herself, "Maybe it's related to this awful weather."

Trying to calm her turbulent emotions, Liu Yan picked up a popular movie magazine and started reading. After flipping through a few pages, she couldn't concentrate; a heavy feeling remained in her heart. She then recalled a phone call from Jinling a few days earlier, after Jinling returned to Hangzhou from her old unit following a classmate's wedding at nursing school. Jinling mentioned how her former comrades missed Liu Yan, saying they had all written to her but received no reply, and harbored some resentment. From their tone, it was clear they resented Liu Yan for not looking down on them, and some even said they weren't on Liu Yan's level.

Liu Yan was also somewhat saddened. She had indeed received letters from several comrades during that period, but having recently broken up with Ouyang Yiming and then married Zhang Lei, she was feeling quite down and even felt a desire to avoid them. Later, she realized it was due to her own inferiority complex.

But Jinling's next words surprised Liu Yan: Jinling said two classmates had asked her if Liu Yan was already divorced. Liu Yan then asked, "How could they know, being so far away and not even in the same military region?" Jin Ling replied that they had only heard rumors and weren't certain. Liu Yan then asked her what she had heard. Jin Ling said she didn't know, only that it was a rumor. Liu Yan sighed inwardly; if people so far away had heard the news, then those close to her must have known long ago, just keeping it to themselves. It was a bit like burying one's head in the sand.

Jin Ling then said that on the trip back to Hangzhou from Panzhou, she hadn't gotten off at Jin Ling's stop because of time constraints. This time, going to the hospital, she still felt a little uneasy, afraid that people would bring up her past with Liang Chao. But then she thought to herself, "That was the same thing that happened with my husband back then," and felt at ease. After entering the hospital, she found that things weren't as bad as she had imagined. No one meant to laugh at her; several classmates even spoke privately, expressing their envy and happiness that she and Liang Chao had come together because of love. Although they joked a bit, she knew no one meant any harm. Jinling told Liu Yan that regardless of what others thought or whether their words were sincere, she herself didn't feel any shame and was happy to laugh and talk with them.

When asked about Liu Yan and the university teacher, Liu Yan said, "I haven't contacted him since he went back to Xi'an for vacation." Jinling was somewhat surprised and said, "This person is really quite deep!"

"Given this relationship, he should have called you when he got back to his hometown!" Liu Yan smiled and said, "I didn't really feel anything. I'll call if he wants, and I won't if he doesn't. I don't feel like I'm looking forward to his call." Jin Ling then asked, "Liu Yan, to be honest, what do you think of him?" Liu Yan said, "He seems alright. But like I told you last time, it's just a feeling of liking, but I don't feel any lingering attachment." Jin Ling said, "Liu Yan, spend some time together and see. In my opinion, with your family background and your own qualities, you can find anyone. If you can't develop feelings for him, don't force yourself. As long as you're willing to look, you'll definitely find someone you like." Liu Yan said, "Don't worry, I'll be very careful this time."

Jin Ling said, "Yes, the most important thing is that the man cares about you, and you have to care about him too. Of course, I believe that feelings can develop with someone introduced to you, but there needs to be a foundation." If you truly don't develop any feelings of attachment to him for a long time, and only feel that he's a nice person, I think your marriage won't be very stable.

Even if you do get married, you might regret it if you meet another man who makes your heart flutter. It's also possible—and I mean possible—you might cheat. It's not impossible, and that would be very painful. We all know people like that. I see you still using Ouyang as your standard for a partner, but that's unnecessary. As long as someone moves you, makes you feel liked—what we call "chemistry" back in school—you can accept them. Why insist on intellectuals? There are many talented people in all walks of life; you don't need to fixate on marrying only intellectuals. This is caused by your deep-seated longing for Ouyang, and you must change this mindset. Of course, I'm not saying you and this university professor are unsuitable; as long as you can develop feelings for each other, then it's a good match. Liu

Yan agreed with Jin Ling's point, but deep down, her yearning for a man like Ouyang Yiming was hard to erase. During her phone call with Jin Ling, Liu Yan felt an urge to talk more about Ouyang Yiming, but she remained too shy. Jin Ling, too, didn't want to mention Ouyang Yiming in front of Liu Yan, fearing it would upset her.

As Liu Yan pondered this, Wang Jingjing knocked and entered. Wang Jingjing was now the club's vice-director; Liu Yan had orchestrated her promotion. In handling Wang Jingjing's entry into the training team, Liu Yan had been largely driven by a desire to prove a point; during that time, she had harbored resentment... Thinking that Zhang Lei could get Wu Min promoted to officer in the training corps, Liu Yan could easily get a soldier into the training corps through some connections. Of course, this also had a lot to do with Wang Jingjing's work ability, which was arguably superior to Wu Min's.

First, her education level was higher than Wu Min's; she wrote excellent articles. Second, her character was far superior to Wu Min's—Liu Yan was certain she hadn't misjudged her. Wang Jingjing wasn't as talkative as Wu Min. Her demeanor and speech exuded honesty and composure.

After entering, Wang Jingjing sat down on the sofa, her face flushed, and said, "Director Liu, I want to talk to you about something personal." Liu Yan smiled and said, "Sure." Wang Jingjing said, "You know about my relationship with Officer Qiu, right?" Liu Yan knew she was referring to Officer Qiu from the political department and smiled, saying, "He's been coming quite frequently lately. How's it going?" Wang Jingjing said, "I really don't know what you think of him." Wang Jingjing was two years younger than Liu Yan. She trusted and even admired Liu Yan, treating her like an older sister. Of course, she was also very grateful to Liu Yan for helping her get the promotion. Liu Yan smiled and said, "

It depends on your own feelings. If you feel 'chemistry,' that's enough." Liu Yan unconsciously uttered the word "chemistry," and instantly thought of her relationship with Tan Qichao. She hadn't felt any "chemistry" with him! Wang Jingjing laughed and said, "I didn't feel it at first, but now I really do feel 'chemistry.'" Liu Yan laughed, "That's it! Feeling 'chemistry' means you're interested in him." After saying this, Liu Yan thought of her relationship with Tan Qichao again. She hadn't

felt any "chemistry" with him at first, and still hadn't now, but she hadn't developed any aversion to him either! Wang Jingjing said, "I'm really not sure about this. I've been wanting to talk to you about it these past few days. You know this is my first time dating, and I'm always a little scared." Liu Yan said, "Let's see how it goes after spending some time together. If you have feelings for each other, continue the relationship; if not, break up. No one can guarantee that they'll succeed with just one person. But I have a feeling that Qiu is a good person and you two are a good match." Liu Yan thought to herself, "

Some of the things I said to Wang Jingjing were clearly what I was thinking about my attitude towards Tan Qihao. I hadn't quite understood it before, but after talking to Wang Jingjing, it suddenly became clear. Yes, if there's no real affection, then of course we should separate. If there's no affection between us, how can he possibly truly love our child? After all, the child isn't his own flesh and blood. Only if this man truly loves me, or if I love him back, and we can spark a flame of love, can this man truly love our child."

She then thought about how Wang Jingjing was a carefree girl with many suitors, while she was different—a divorced woman with a child. What unmarried man would pursue a woman like her? Jin Ling said that if you wanted to find someone, a whole platoon would follow you. How could that be possible? Why hadn't she met a single one? She shook her head in disbelief.

Seeing Liu Yan shaking her head, Wang Jingjing asked, "Director Liu, do you feel that we're not suitable?" Liu Yan was somewhat surprised and said, "I didn't mean that." Wang Jingjing said, "I see you shaking your head." Liu Yan blushed slightly, completely unaware of her own shaking her head. She said, "Oh, it's not because of you." Wang Jingjing looked at her and said, "Director Liu, there's something I've been hesitant to ask you, and I don't know if I should." Liu Yan's heart sank. She said, "It's alright." Wang Jingjing said, "It's about your marriage. Have you already divorced?" Liu Yan thought for a moment and said, "Oh, it's true. I divorced a long time ago. I don't want to hide it, but if no one asks you, it's best not to talk about it with others first." Wang Jingjing said, "I won't say anything. I've heard it from others before." She paused and said, "Director Liu, I heard people say that you and Assistant Zhang divorced because of Wu Min. Is that true?"

Liu Yan was startled and said, "That's not true. Don't listen to others' nonsense. My divorce from Zhang Lei was because of incompatibility." "Wang Jingjing said, "I've been afraid to ask you, but I know you're too kind-hearted. People are saying all sorts of things, and I believe it's Wu Min's doing. I was furious when I heard it. People should have a conscience. You were so good to her, and she's so despicable. I used to have a good impression of her, but after learning about this, I really despise her. How could she betray her benefactor! Now she deserves this fate." Liu Yan trembled slightly, instantly recalling the scene of catching Zhang Lei and Wu Min that day. Feeling annoyed, she said, "Forget it, let's not talk about this anymore."

Wang Jingjing nodded. After a while, she said, "Director Liu, actually, I came to talk to you today, partly to talk about my situation, and partly to talk about yours. I hope you won't blame me. I've thought about it for a long time but haven't dared to tell you. I'm thinking, since you've been divorced for so long, and Zhang Lei has been remarried for a long time, why don't you consider your own situation?" Liu Yan lowered her head and thought for a moment before saying, "This matter can't be rushed. I'll consider it." Feeling somewhat irritated, she added, "Wang Jingjing, I understand your good intentions. I'll consider it if someone suitable comes along. Okay, let's not talk about this anymore." Wang Jingjing watched her stand up and then took her leave.

After Wang Jingjing left, Liu Yan felt even heavier and more depressed. Although she knew Wang Jingjing meant well, hearing Zhang Lei and Wu Min's names and thinking about them still made her uncomfortable.

Just then, someone knocked on the door. After Liu Yan said "Come in," Tan Qihao entered, carrying an umbrella in one hand and a bag in the other. Liu Yan was startled when she saw him, immediately stood up, and frowned at Tan Qihao's smiling face, asking, "You, what are you doing here?" Tan Qihao was a little embarrassed by Liu Yan's question, blushing as he said, "I heard on the phone that you weren't feeling well, so I... I came over."

Looking at Tan Qihao's expression, Liu Yan instantly regretted her words, but was also somewhat excited that this man had come so quickly after hearing she wasn't feeling well. She forced a smile and said,

"Oh, have a seat." Tan Qihao placed the package on the sofa and sat down on another sofa, asking, "Where are you feeling unwell?" Liu Yan replied, "Nothing." Looking at the package the man had brought, Liu Yan's heart sank again. She thought, "What a bookworm! Bringing a package like this to my office! I wonder what others will think." Thinking this, she poured him a glass of water. Tan Qihao took a sip with both hands, placed the glass on the coffee table, and said, "I came back at noon and brought you some local specialties from Xi'an." Liu Yan looked at the package, frowned slightly, then quickly relaxed, saying, "You're too kind. Why bring me all this?" Tan Qihao smiled and said, "It's from my hometown, I brought it for you to try."

Liu Yan said, "You can buy these in stores now." She regretted saying that immediately; it was his kind gesture after all. She immediately said, "I meant it's inconvenient to carry all this stuff." Tan Qihao said, "It's not inconvenient at all." Liu Yan looked at him and asked, "How did you get here?" Tan Qihao said, "Oh, I took the bus." Liu Yan thought, it's really not easy for a grown man to carry such a big bag on the bus. She then asked, "How did you find my place?" Tan Qihao said, "I asked around in the compound." Liu Yan was a little annoyed, thinking to herself, a man carrying such a bag, asking around in the compound, people don't even know what he's doing here. So she hurriedly asked, "Did anyone ask you anything?" Tan Qihao said, "No one asked me anything." After thinking for a moment, he asked, "Am I causing you trouble?" Liu Yan said, "Oh, I mean, it's not appropriate for you to bring all this stuff to my office."

Tan Qihao blushed instantly and said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't think of that. You see..." Liu Yan thought to herself, even if intellectuals are all bookworms, they couldn't possibly not have thought of this, they don't even understand this basic common sense. She said, "If no one asks you anything, that's fine. But if they do, just say you're a relative of ours." Tan Qihao readily agreed. Liu Yan thought to herself that this was unnecessary. He was already sitting there, had asked what needed to be asked, and answered what needed to be answered. Who would ask him again? Liu Yan looked at him without saying anything, turned to look at the rain and mist outside the window, then turned back and said, "It's been raining so much these past few days, it's really annoying. Has it rained in Xi'an?" Tan Qihao said, "It's cloudy, and it's quite stuffy." Liu Yan looked at him again without saying anything. After a moment of silence, Tan Qihao asked, "Can you go out tonight?" Liu Yan replied, "I don't want to go out because of the rain. Let's wait for the weather to clear up." A hint of disappointment appeared on Tan Qihao's face. He said, "That's fine then." He stood up and said, "It's not really appropriate for me to come to your office. I'll go back now. I'll call you when the weather clears up." Liu Yan stood up

and said, "Okay." As she saw him out, she said, "Thank you for the things you brought." Tan Qihao replied, "You're welcome."

Returning to his desk, Liu Yan looked at the package and felt a little annoyed. She didn't quite believe Tan Qihao's claim that no one had asked anything. They still didn't know what had happened, and for him to bring such a package to her office was bound to cause gossip. She was certain that everyone in the compound knew about her divorce, which Wang Jingjing had mentioned earlier. Even if people hadn't asked her anything, they would still be speculating. This man's arrival would surely spark further gossip.

After thinking for a while, she decided that she had no reason to blame him for his thoughtfulness; in fact, she should be grateful. After all, he had thought of her. Thinking back to her earlier words, she chuckled inwardly. Even after meeting this man, she felt no excitement whatsoever; her words were mechanical, as if she were talking to an acquaintance, lacking even the warmth of friendship. Would she really live with him? Something about this man was so similar to Ouyang Yiming—specifically, the scholarly air Ouyang Yiming possessed—but compared to Ouyang Yiming, he was nowhere near the same level.

"Ouyang Yiming again!" Liu Yan thought to herself. Ouyang Yiming was already someone else's husband. How could she possibly find another Ouyang Yiming? Her current situation was nothing like it had been a few years ago. How could she dare to hope for finding another Ouyang Yiming? Thinking about it made her feel depressed, and she groaned inwardly... After work, Liu Yan deliberately stayed a little late, carrying the bag and holding an umbrella as she returned home. As soon as she entered, Ru Han skipped over to Liu Yan, grabbing the bag and asking what it was. Liu Yan said, "Remember this, you can't be so rude. If Mom brings something home, you can't snatch it without giving it to you. You need to be well-mannered, understand?" Ru Han nodded, seemingly understanding, then skipped back onto the sofa. The nanny took the bag from Liu Yan.

At dinner, Ru Han insisted the nanny feed him, so she held him on her lap. Liu Yan glanced at him, and Ru Han quickly got down. Liu Yan smiled and said, "Ru Han, I've told you before, you're a man, you should eat by yourself. You can do it yourself now, why do you need the nanny to feed you? Isn't that laziness?" Ru Han looked at Liu Yan without saying anything, then lowered his head and picked up a spoon to eat.

The nanny smiled and said, "Sister Liu, don't be so strict with the child now." Liu Yan said, "That won't do. Some rules must be established for him now, otherwise he won't be able to follow them when he grows up.

Besides, this kind of thing doesn't harm him, and it's not unnecessary. Otherwise, what kind of person will he become when he grows up? He must grow up to be a refined and cultured child." As Liu Yan said this, the image of Ouyang Yiming flashed through her mind. Instantly, she also thought of Tan Qihao, and feeling somewhat annoyed, she stopped talking. After eating a few bites, she remembered something and looked up to say, "Your job and household registration have been settled. My mother has spoken to the company, and you can stay here until they find someone to take care of Ruhan."

The nanny's job was arranged in a hotel in the logistics department. This matter had been discussed with the nanny some time ago, but it hadn't been finalized yet. The nanny was clearly moved, her eyes welling up with tears. She said, "Sister Liu, thank you and your whole family." Liu Yan replied, "There's nothing to thank me for. You came to take care of Ruhan when he was just a month old; my whole family and I are grateful to you and consider you family. You're not a child anymore, and we can't help but think about your future. We're just a little reluctant to let you go." The nanny said, "I'll come often." Liu Yan nodded and said, "Treat this place, my parents' house, as your home. Come whenever you have time off. But there's something I need to tell you: when you get to work, don't mention my family or my parents. I mean, absolutely don't brag about them. That will make people dislike you and it will be bad for your work. Wherever you are, you have to be down-to-earth." The nanny said, "Sister Liu, don't worry, I will." Liu Yan sighed and said, "Ruhan has very deep feelings for you. I was afraid I wouldn't find someone as suitable as you. Fortunately, Ruhan will be starting kindergarten soon, so he can stay at home..." "We don't have much time left," the nanny said, tears welling in her eyes. "Sister Liu, I don't want to leave either. I'm afraid, afraid of finding someone who can't take good care of Ruhan."

Ruhan stopped eating, turning his eyes to look at them. He looked at the nanny and asked, "Auntie, where are you going? I don't want you to leave, I don't want you to leave." The nanny raised her hand and touched his little face, saying, "I won't leave, Auntie won't leave you. Let's eat." Liu Yan sighed and said, "We'll talk about it later, when we find a suitable one." The nanny thought for

a moment and said, "Sister Liu, how about I raise Ruhan myself until he's grown up?" Liu Yan shook her head and said, "No, that would ruin your future. Okay, let's not talk about this anymore." Liu Yan's heart was also heavy. A nanny is very important to a child, and many nannies' bad habits can have a great influence on a child's growth. This nanny is quite satisfactory to Liu Yan and her family, but the girl is grown up, so they still have to consider her. Now the nanny and Liu Yan's mother are also looking for someone. Liu Yan's requirements were that the nanny should be well-mannered, gentle and considerate, honest and steady, and have a certain level of education, as only in this way could she benefit Ru Han's growth. Finding a nanny was not an easy task.

After the meal, Liu Yan said, "That bag contained food that a friend of mine brought from Xi'an. Don't give him too much, or he won't want to eat." The nanny agreed. Liu Yan thought for a moment and said, "I didn't see what it was. Let me see if some of it is suitable for the child." She went over and opened it. Inside the bag were fire crystal persimmons, Hongxing soft crisps, Sanyuan Liaohua candy, Demaogong crystal cakes, Shaanxi chestnuts, etc. A lifelike wooden doll toy caught Liu Yan's attention. Liu Yan knew that this toy was bought for Ru Han by this man, and she secretly admired his thoughtfulness. The fact that he thought of buying this toy for Ru Han showed that he still cared about the child. Liu Yan was moved by this man again.

Liu Yan held the wooden doll toy in her hand and shook it at Ru Han. Ru Han ran over, took it in his hand, looked at it, and giggled...

Love and Desire (168)

Chapter 166

Two days later, the weather cleared up. Tan Qihao called that afternoon and invited Liu Yan to go out for dinner. Liu Yan agreed. During the meal, Liu Yan said, "Thank you for the gift your child and I brought us." Tan Qihao said, "It's just some random things, no need to thank me." At that moment, Liu Yan regretted not buying him some local specialties from Jianghan for his family when he returned to Xi'an. But then she thought, she hadn't even considered it. Before she was certain of their relationship or had truly accepted him, it was impossible for her to bring anything for his family.

While it was reasonable for him to bring her some local specialties from his hometown, it still made Liu Yan feel uneasy. Accepting anything from him now felt inappropriate, but since he brought it to her office, she couldn't refuse. A vague unease lingered; Liu Yan felt she owed him something.

"Xi'an is an ancient city with many historical sites and places to visit, unlike here where there aren't many attractions," Liu Yan chatted with him. Tan Qihao nodded and said, "Yes, you haven't been there, have you?"

Liu Yan said, "No." Tan Qihao said, "I was going to ask you to go with me. It's true, the weather's hot, it's really not suitable for sightseeing." Liu Yan smiled and said, "Mainly because the kids can't stand it." Tan Qihao looked at her and nodded. Liu Yan said, "You grew up there, so it doesn't matter whether you go or not." Liu Yan was making conversation; this man's words rarely made her feel somewhat oppressed. The man smiled and said, "Yes, I've been there, but I didn't go anywhere after I went back." Liu Yan asked, "Did you go to your wife's house?"

Liu Yan regretted asking the question immediately, but she was thinking about what this man had said before returning to Xi'an, so she blurted it out. Tan Qihao nodded and said, "Yes, I went, and I told them about you and me." Liu Yan said "Oh," feeling surprised. "You mentioned me to them too?" Liu Yan asked. Tan Qihao replied, "Yes, they were very satisfied with your introduction." Liu Yan thought to herself, "What kind of people does this man take his ex-wife's parents for? He needs to consult with his former in-laws before remarrying?" This seemed unbelievable to Liu Yan, and she felt a vague unease. Did she really intend to marry this man, and would she need his former in-laws' consent? She had a feeling she was marrying him and his ex-wife.

Tan Qihao, however, didn't seem to sense this. He said, "I've always considered them my own parents. We went public with our relationship with both families when we were freshmen, so we're very close."

Liu Yan simply said "Oh" without further comment. Tan Qihao continued, "My parents and my sister are also quite satisfied, but they're a little disappointed that you didn't come this time." This man was lying.

Liu Yan, of course, knew nothing and remained silent. She thought to herself, "My parents haven't even met you yet, and you want me to meet your family first, even your former in-laws? What kind of thinking is that? Even a bookworm shouldn't think like that." She felt a little uncomfortable, but didn't show it on her face.

Tan Qihao asked, "You have an older brother, right?" Liu Yan said, "Yes, he's settled in Zhengzhou and doesn't come back often." Tan Qihao said, "I have an older sister, so we're siblings too." Liu Yan smiled and said, "Yes." She thought to herself, "We're a brother and sister, not siblings," and smiled inwardly. Tan Qihao asked, "Are they also soldiers?" Liu Yan said, "Yes, both of them are soldiers." Tan Qihao said, "Your whole family is in the military." Liu Yan said, "Yes, not only our family, but my aunt's family is also in the military."

She suddenly remembered that she had said these things to Ouyang Yiming. Tan Qihao said, "My whole family are intellectuals. My parents are both senior bridge engineers, and my sister works at the Xijing Research Institute. My sister and brother-in-law work in the same unit."

Liu Yan thought to herself, "He probably held a family meeting this time to specifically discuss my issue." So she asked, "Your family are all intellectuals. What do they think of soldiers?" Tan Qihao looked at her and said, "They still have a lot of respect for soldiers." Liu Yan said, "Someone like me, a soldier, only graduated from a vocational high school. I think your family probably wouldn't think much of someone with my level of education." Tan Qihao said, "The nature of the work is different. Soldiers generally don't have high levels of education. After all, the military isn't an educational or research institution." Liu Yan sensed a hint of disdain for the educational level of people in the military in his tone, which made her a little unhappy. She said, "The military also has specialized research institutions, and there are many highly educated people there." Tan Qihao said, "I know that, but your job doesn't require a very high level of education." Liu Yan smiled and said, "Yes, for my position, being able to read a few words is enough." Tan Qihao smiled and said, "You still need to have a certain level of work ability." Liu Yan smiled but didn't say anything.

Tan Qihao said, "Actually, I didn't expect to find an active-duty soldier. My family, of course, hoped I would find an intellectual. You didn't expect to find an intellectual either, did you?"

Liu Yan thought to herself: You probably didn't expect that the first person I loved would be an intellectual, and one who is far superior to you in both looks and ability. But she said aloud, "I didn't expect that." She paused, then asked, "Do you think intellectuals and soldiers like us have anything in common?" Tan Qihao hesitated, then said, "How can you say that? Intellectuals might not have anything in common with each other. I think if we can get along, we have common ground and can live happily together." Liu Yan appreciated his statement and nodded without replying.

During his vacation, after returning to Xi'an, Tan Qihao did indeed sit down with his parents and sister to discuss this matter. After Tan Qihao explained Liu Yan's situation in detail, his mother spoke first: "I don't think it's very suitable. First, it's not appropriate for you to marry a divorced woman with a child; being a stepfather is very difficult. Second, it's not suitable for you to marry the daughter of a high-ranking cadre family. If you can't be a good stepfather in Jianghan, you probably won't be able to survive in her family, and you won't have a good life anymore. Children from such families are used to being spoiled; I think you might have conflicts with her in the future. I'm still not entirely at ease. You need to consider these things carefully."

Tan Qihao's sister said, "Supposedly, children from such families have high standards. How could her family have thought of her marrying a university teacher of such low status like you?" The mother said, “I’ve thought about this too. I asked your aunt a while ago, and she said this child is good. I asked her if she knew the reason for her divorce, and she said she didn’t know much either. The problem now is, we need to find out why this woman divorced her husband. I heard that her ex-husband’s family status was higher than hers, so there must be a reason. It’s very puzzling why they divorced after less than two years of marriage. Of course, if it’s not her fault, it’s her ex-husband’s fault. If her husband made some mistake, that would be fine, but if it’s because of her, we still need to consider it. She’s not in Xi’an, so we can find out everything about her here. Your aunt doesn’t want to find out about this kind of situation, as you all know, but I think it’s very important.”

Tan Qihao's father said, "As long as we get to know the girl and feel she's okay, why bother asking about her past? Isn't that pointless?" Tan Qihao's mother said, "Your words are too extreme! What do you mean by pointless? Some things are necessary to know; they're also a reference point. Some girls seem great before marriage, but after marriage, some fatal flaws are exposed, and it's often these flaws that cause marital instability. She's a divorced woman with a child; was it her fault that led to the divorce? What were the reasons?

Can't we consider these things more carefully? I don't want Qihao to suffer too many setbacks in marriage." Tan Qihao's sister said, "Mom has a point. It would be great if she could come with Qihao this time so we could meet her." Tan Qihao's mother said, "I already thought about it when Qihao said she wouldn't come. Girls from families like that hold their heads high; I don't think she'd come to our house easily. Your aunt told me about this..." "I couldn't really say anything at the time, but it was your aunt's good intention. Let them meet, though. Actually, I'm not really keen on getting related to a family like that."

Tan Qihao then said, "They really did say it was because of the hot weather. I think Liu Yan is a nice person, not at all like what you're saying. She doesn't have the slightest bit of airs of a high-ranking official's child. You'll see when you meet her." Tan Qihao's mother said, "Then why doesn't she want us to meet her?" Tan Qihao's father said, "What you're saying doesn't make sense. They've only known each other for a short time. Do you think they'd easily come to our house to meet us? Put yourself in their shoes, would we be willing if it were our daughter? The girl's parents haven't even met Qihao yet!" Tan Qihao's mother said, "Qihao said that the girl is also very satisfied with him, otherwise why would I say this?" Turning to Tan Qihao, she asked, "Didn't her parents ask to meet you?" Tan Qihao said, "Liu Yan didn't say anything, and I didn't feel comfortable asking to go to her house." Tan Qihao... Hao's mother said, "Of course, you can't say anything if they don't bring it up; that would make us look like we have no self-respect."

Tan Qihao's sister said, "Let's get to know each other better. Qihao, if you feel it's right, continue seeing her for a while. If you really feel it's not right, you should make a clean break. You're almost twenty-nine; if it's right, you should get married quickly." Tan Qihao's mother said, "What worries me most is her child. He's really not a good stepfather. He'll have no standing in her family. We're not around to help you, so we can't put our minds at ease." Tan Qihao's sister said, "I was just talking to your brother-in-law the other day. If Qihao doesn't end up with this woman, I'd have my aunt pull some strings and we could try to get him transferred here. We're really worried about him being alone over there. There are lots of acquaintances here. With Qihao's qualifications, finding a young woman shouldn't be a problem. I also feel that finding a woman with a child isn't suitable." Tan Qihao... His mother said, "Okay, when you go back, spend more time with her. You need to understand some things. Even though this is your second marriage, you still need to be very careful. Marriage is a once-in-a-lifetime event." Tan Qihao said, "Liu Yan is really good. I'm very satisfied with her." Tan Qihao's father said, "If you two are both satisfied, then continue to get along. It's your own business."

Tan Qihao's mother sighed and continued, "If only that child didn't exist. I'm worried that something might happen because of that child." Tan Qihao said, "What could happen because of a child? I'll just treat him like my own child, won't I?" Tan Qihao's mother said, "You're thinking too simply. After all, he's not your own child, so there will be some resentment in your heart.

If you treat him badly, even if it's unintentional, that woman will care a lot. Over time, it will definitely affect your relationship. People say it's hard to be a stepmother, but it's the same for a stepfather." Tan Qihao then fell silent. Tan Qihao's sister said, "There's another important point. Your educational backgrounds are so different, I'm worried you won't have anything in common." Tan Qihao's father said, "What common ground? If two people get along and have feelings for each other, they'll have common ground. Qihao is almost thirty; he's intelligent, and he should make his own decisions. We can't still treat him like a child."

Tan Qihao was quite satisfied with Liu Yan after their first meeting and liked her very much. However, he was, after all, a married man. Although he didn't agree with some of his family's views, he still had to consider their words.

Thinking about what his family had said, Tan Qihao considered asking Liu Yan the real reason for her divorce, but hesitated and didn't say it. After the meal, Liu Yan paid the bill. Tan Qihao suggested taking a walk. Liu Yan agreed. As they walked along the sidewalk, Tan Qihao brought up the question again: "Can you tell me why you got divorced?" Liu Yan didn't want to discuss this topic, but thinking it was normal for him to ask, she replied, "It was because of feelings; we couldn't get along, so we had to separate." Tan Qihao asked, "You previously said that you two were practically dating, and you didn't know each other very well before getting married?" Liu Yan then recalled the helplessness she felt in her marriage to Zhang Lei, and couldn't help but feel annoyed and resentful, saying, "I don't really want to talk about this." Seeing her confusion, Tan Qihao said, "Excuse me, oh, maybe I shouldn't be asking you now?" "This question?"

Liu Yan turned to look at him, thinking to herself, "Judging from his tone, it seems like I have no choice but to say it." She felt a slight aversion, but didn't show it on her face, so she said, "There are some things I don't want to talk about. We haven't known each other for very long, so if you feel it's inappropriate, you can say so." Tan Qihao seemed embarrassed and quickly said, "I didn't mean that, I was just saying, don't be angry. I have a very good impression of you." Liu Yan looked at him and asked, "Really? Then tell me, what's so good about me?" Tan Qihao blushed and said, "Your first impression was good, but there are some things you didn't say well." Liu Yan smiled. Tan Qihao asked, "So, what are your feelings for me?" Liu Yan replied, "To be honest, I can't say right now. I can't say how I feel about you; I'm still figuring it out." Tan Qihao asked, "And what's your impression of me?" Liu Yan said, "To be honest, my first impression of you was okay, but some things can't be judged solely on first impressions, don't you think?" She paused, then added, "What I mean is, you can't just believe my first impression." Tan Qihao, of course, understood what Liu Yan meant and blushed instantly. But he didn't understand why she couldn't ask her the reason for her divorce.

After walking silently for a while, Liu Yan thought to herself, since he was going home to talk to his family about her, it seemed that his desire to know the real reason for her divorce must stem from something his family had said. This was quite normal; every family's elders would be concerned about these things. At this moment, Liu Yan felt annoyed again. Why did families always have to be involved in a marriage? Even though it was an introduction, the two people still needed to get along and develop feelings for each other; the opinions of their families were unnecessary to consider. She had developed a deep-seated aversion to family involvement in her marriage and, of course, didn't want Tan Qihao's family to be involved either. But it seemed that Tan Qihao still cared about his family's opinions. Liu Yan felt extremely uncomfortable.

After taking a few steps, Liu Yan asked, "You have to be honest, do you and your family have any prejudice against me having a child?" Liu Yan still put Ru Han first in her heart. If this man couldn't accept Ru Han, then she could end things with him right now. Of course, his family's opinions weren't very important, but it would be best if his family was also willing to accept Ru Han.

At this moment, Tan Qihao remembered what his mother had said about how difficult it wasn't to be a stepfather, and he felt a little flustered. He said, "Of course I'll accept the child. I knew from the beginning that you had a child with you. As for whether my family can accept the child, we haven't discussed that. Anyway, it's not like I'll be living with them, right?"

Liu Yan nodded and said, "You're right. To be honest, in my life, the child is the most important thing. You should think about this carefully. If you can only accept the child now, but you can't accept the child later, I'll care a lot. Do you understand what I mean?"

Tan Qihao understood what Liu Yan meant. She meant that even after marriage, if he wasn't good to her child, she would still want to break up with him. This made Tan Qihao feel uneasy. He had no idea how to be good to the child, or how to please Liu Yan. He felt lost, but he intended to treat the child as his own. He was just afraid of doing something wrong that might offend Liu Yan. He then thought of his mother's words and realized, "Yes, Mom is right. It seems being a stepfather isn't easy." But honestly, he already cared deeply for Liu Yan, valued her highly, and admired her. He was quite satisfied with Liu Yan's appearance and demeanor. It was just that the child she was raising made him feel somewhat guilty, difficult, and even annoyed as a stepfather… Liu Yan didn't feel any attachment or special feelings towards this man. What she admired was his scholarly air and his knowledge, all of which stemmed from Ouyang Yiming. The questions the man asked today made Liu Yan believe that he also cared about his family's opinions, which was exactly what Liu Yan disliked most. She and Ouyang Yiming had practically broken up because of her mother's interference, so she was particularly resentful that this man also cared about his family's opinions.

Although the man didn't say what his family members had said, Liu Yan understood. Furthermore, Liu Yan was worried that after marrying her, this man might not truly treat Ru Han as his child. She decided to seriously consider whether she should continue the relationship.

After thinking for a moment, Liu Yan said, "Actually, some family opinions should be considered, don't you think?" Liu Yan hoped to verify whether the man's actions were influenced by something his family had said after returning home. Tan Qihao said, "You're right. Actually, our families are all doing this for our own good." Liu Yan said, "Your parents and sister must care about you a lot. My parents and brother feel the same way." Tan Qihao asked, "What's your parents' attitude?" Liu Yan said, "To be honest, my parents and I haven't really sat down together to talk about you and me yet. I feel it's not the right time. But I think you'll definitely sit down and discuss it with your family when you go home this time." Tan Qihao nodded and said, "That's right, we did talk about it." Liu Yan asked, "What did they say? Are they a little disappointed that I have a child? And about my education?" Tan Qihao thought to

himself that this woman was quite clever, and said, "We did talk about those things. I won't hide it from you. They're worried that I won't be a good stepfather and that it will affect our relationship. Actually, I'm worried too. I'm afraid that even though I genuinely love this child, I might do something wrong. That's the truth."

Liu Yan thought about it and realized it made sense. It's normal for people to have such concerns. Even if someone truly cares for the child, if she felt she had gone too far in something, she would blame them in her heart.

She was secretly surprised that finding a stepfather for Ruhan was so difficult. It turned out that not only did she have many concerns, but men also had many reservations about being stepfathers. She said, "As long as you can genuinely care for the child, I don't think there will be any problems." Tan Qihao said, "That's what I think, and I'm prepared to do it, but I'm still a little worried." Liu Yan looked at him, thinking, "I can sense whether you can genuinely care for the child." She then asked, "You're an intellectual, and your family are all intellectuals. I think your family must care about my education, right?"

Tan Qihao said, "No, as long as I'm a good person, that's fine." But then he remembered his sister's comments about education. Liu Yan asked, "Is it really your family's opinion?" Tan Qihao blushed, considered for a moment, and said, "Yes, my family says so too." But his tone was clearly unsure.

Liu Yan knew from Tan Qihao's expression and tone that he was lying. She thought, "I don't care what your family says; the key is you. But it seems you do care about your family's opinion." Liu Yan said, "Actually, with your qualifications, you could easily find a single woman; men are relatively easy to find." Tan Qihao blurted out, "Yes, my family mentioned that too, but to be honest, I still care about you a lot." Liu Yan smiled, thinking to herself, "His family must have mentioned my disadvantage of being divorced with a child." Of course, she didn't care much about his family's opinions, but she didn't care much about this man himself. Sigh, she decided to go back and think about it seriously. So she suggested going home to rest.

That night, Liu Yan lay in bed for a long time, unable to sleep. She pondered whether she and this man could be together. Judging from his attitude towards her, he cared about her a lot; she could say he was honest, trustworthy, and capable of loving her in the future. However, his feelings for his ex-wife still bothered her. Although she knew he was expressing his true feelings, and she admired that kind of emotion, it still made her uncomfortable when he said it to her face. So, if this man were to marry her in the future, would he frequently mention his ex-wife? Should she admire him or reject him then? What she finds even more unacceptable is that this man has to consult his ex-wife's parents before getting involved with her, as if she's not marrying him, but rather him and his ex-wife. This is even more intolerable. If they were actually living together, it would be understandable if he occasionally mentioned his wife; from his tone, it's clear he had a strong relationship with her, and it's also evident that his ex-wife was very outstanding. But if he constantly compares her to his ex-wife, or demands things of her based on her standards, she absolutely cannot tolerate it.

Suddenly, she recalls how she felt a little jealous when Ouyang Yiming occasionally mentioned Xu Hui. Now, when this man talks about his ex-wife, she doesn't feel jealous at all, just very uncomfortable, as if she's being insulted. She realizes that she hasn't developed any feelings for this man, otherwise, she wouldn't feel no jealousy, just discomfort.

So, should she also be very concerned about his family's opinions? Now it seems I do care about his family's perspective. From his expression and tone, I can tell his family is somewhat concerned about me being a divorced woman with a child. They might also care about my education, since my family are all highly educated. So, if we were to marry him, Ruhan might receive his love, but once I'm in the Tan family, I'd be considered part of them. If his family couldn't truly integrate me, it would be very painful. It's so difficult to think about! Perhaps all this thinking is unnecessary now, and things might be better in the future, but I can't help but think about it. Suddenly, I wonder, if I keep thinking so much, what man will I be able to accept? What man won't make me think so much? What man's family or what man himself won't consider that I'm a woman with a child? What man won't worry about being a good stepfather? And how can I not worry that Ruhan won't receive a stepfather's love? If she keeps thinking like this, then she'll probably never be able to accept any other man besides Ouyang Yiming. But even knowing she's destined to never be with Ouyang Yiming again, she still has to find a stepfather for Ruhan, and she still has to find herself a man. It's difficult, really difficult! She can't stop thinking about it, but she still can't help but think about it.

“Ouyang Yiming, why is it so difficult to find a stepfather for your son these days? I’m really worried that your son will suffer any injustice. If we lived together, if the child were by your side, no matter how you raised him, you would still be his biological father, and I would never doubt your feelings for Ruhan. But if someone else treated the child the same way you did, I might think they were abusing your son, and I couldn’t bear that. Ouyang Yiming, what should I do? What should I do? If possible, I would be willing to let you and Xu Hui raise Ruhan, but that’s impossible. Even if Xu Hui genuinely loves the child, it would inevitably affect your relationship with Xu Hui. I can’t do that. I don’t want my stubbornness in giving birth to Ruhan to affect your relationship, and I don’t want Xu Hui to know that I secretly had your child and look down on me. Ouyang Yiming, I really feel very difficult right now…” Liu Yan shed tears.

“Ouyang Yiming, if possible, I really want you to give me your opinion on this man, to see if he can be a good stepfather to Ruhan, if he can truly love and cherish your son.” At this moment, Liu Yan’s heart skipped a beat. She thought to herself, now it seems that Tan Qihao’s nostalgia when talking about his feelings for his wife made sense. The love in his heart could never be erased, and he wanted someone he had loved, or was still loving, to give him their opinion. So she had similar thoughts, and of course she wanted to understand this man’s way of thinking.

Now, it was impossible for Ouyang Yiming to give her opinion on Ruhan’s future stepfather; she also didn’t want her family to interfere in her future husband’s affairs. Everything had to be decided by herself. Was this man suitable to be Ruhan’s stepfather? Was this man suitable to be her husband? Could she accept this man into her and Ruhan’s lives?

At this moment, Liu Yan really wanted someone’s opinion, but she absolutely didn’t want her mother to give any advice. This reluctance, born from the bottom of her heart, stemmed from her past with Ouyang Yiming. She thought of Jin Ling, but knew it wouldn't be clear enough to explain over the phone; only after meeting the man in person could she get a concrete picture. She couldn't very well ask Jin Ling to come to Jianghan specifically for this. After thinking for a while, she realized there was no one she could consult. There weren't many women her age in the club, and as their leader, it wasn't appropriate to discuss her situation with them. Other organizations had some women her age, but she hadn't gotten to know them well enough to discuss this with anyone. Since marrying Zhang Lei, Liu Yan hadn't been in a good mood and hadn't been in the mood for deep relationships. After divorcing Zhang Lei, Liu Yan felt her situation was somewhat pathetic and was even less willing to have deep conversations with anyone. Therefore, she had no truly close female friends. At this time, she missed her comrades-in-arms from her old unit and her classmates from nursing school even more. If she were there, many people would offer her advice. Now, she felt utterly desolate.

After a while, she thought of Wang Jingjing again, thinking, "Wang Jingjing knows about my divorce and asked me about it to my face. I've also told her I'd consider remarrying. Although she's now my subordinate, she's still an official. Why not let Wang Jingjing give me her opinion? It's better than having no one to advise me!" She felt a little excited thinking about it. But then she felt very sad. Why did she always want others to advise her on her own affairs? After thinking about it carefully, she realized she still lacked confidence in herself and in that man. Didn't she ever ask anyone for advice when she was dating Ouyang Yiming?

A few days later, Tan Qihao invited Liu Yan to dinner. Liu Yan thought about it for a long time before finally telling Wang Jingjing. After parting ways with Tan Qihao after dinner, Liu Yan asked Wang Jingjing, "What do you think of him?" Wang Jingjing thought for a moment and said, "During dinner, I suddenly remembered something. In high school, a few of my best female classmates and I were talking about finding partners in the future. One of them asked, 'If you were asked to marry the mathematician Chen Jingrun, would you be willing?' Some classmates said yes, saying they would be willing to serve such a knowledgeable person for the rest of their lives. But one classmate said, 'I would never marry someone like that, even if it means never getting married myself.' Director Liu, do you know why?"

Liu Yan thought for a moment and said, "Some people hope to dedicate their youth to scientists who contribute to the country, which, in a sense, is also a contribution to science. " "The respect for scientists and the love for the country—such people have a noble realm. I don't have such a high realm; like your classmate, I need a life filled with love, a real life. But I admire women who are willing to marry scientists like Chen Jingrun."

Wang Jingjing said, "Yes, we don't have such a high realm, but we all admire women who are willing to dedicate themselves. Precisely because we are all ordinary women, women who hope to live ordinary lives and need love, I think you and this man may not be suitable. This is what I really think, Director Liu. Women need to be cherished and cared for by men. Based on my intuition, this man, let alone taking care of you in the future, will probably need you in many ways." "You took care of him. Just because he didn't insist on paying for the meal, I felt this man was too dull; people like that don't have very good social skills."

Liu Yan thought for a moment and said, "Actually, this man is quite thoughtful. Last time he went home, he brought a lot of things for me and Ru Han." Wang Jingjing said, "Director Liu, to be honest, I don't really admire this person. To be honest, even if I were looking for someone, I wouldn't choose someone like him. With your qualifications, you should find a man many times better than him. He's just a university teacher, isn't he? Don't imagine these people to be so great." Liu Yan said, "No, not at all. I just feel this person is quite honest and kind." Wang Jingjing said, "Director Liu," "I'm only saying this because I consider you family, don't be angry. But this is truly my honest opinion. You should find a man many times better than him; I feel he's not good enough for you."

Liu Yan felt a little flustered and said, "Jingjing, I'm a woman with a child now, how much more can I ask for?" Wang Jingjing said, "Director Liu..." Liu Yan felt a sudden surge of annoyance and hurriedly said, "Jingjing, let me think about it some more." In that instant, she wanted to express her desire to find a stepfather for Ru Han as soon as possible, and she also wanted to reveal her past relationship with Ouyang Yiming. After thinking about it, she realized she couldn't say those things, and she especially couldn't reveal that Ru Han was Ouyang Yiming's child, so she kept quiet.

After returning home, she spent half the night sleepless. She didn't even understand herself; was asking Wang Jingjing for advice hoping for her approval or her opposition? Although she didn't entirely agree with Wang Jingjing's words, they made a lot of sense.

She thought about it for a long time, deciding that she absolutely couldn't make a decision now. Having already experienced a painful marriage due to her own pathetic state, she absolutely cannot allow it to happen again.

Having accidentally stepped into the mud, she certainly wouldn't let her other foot fall in again! Although she knew nothing was absolute, she still had to be extremely cautious.

Love and Desire (169)

Chapter 167:

On the day of Xu Hui's cremation, Ouyang Yiming sent Xu Hui's ashes to Suzhou. Except for the old man, who was persuaded not to send Xu Hui to Suzhou, everyone else in Ouyang Yiming's family went with him. Vice Mayor Tang, Vice President Wang, and senior leaders of the research institute arrived at the Ouyang family's old house when Ouyang Yiming carried Xu Hui to the crematorium. Vice Mayor Tang and Vice President Wang, on behalf of themselves and the research institute, offered words of comfort to Xu Hui's parents and Ouyang Yiming's family. After Ouyang Yiming brought Xu Hui's ashes back to the Ouyang family's old house, everyone wept bitterly for a while before deciding to immediately set off to send Xu Hui to Suzhou. The research institute sent several cars, accompanied by Fan Xurui, Jiang Yuqi, and several of Ouyang Yiming's university classmates, as well as some of his high school classmates. Vice Mayor Tang and Vice Mayor Wang did not go. The office director and two senior research institute officials accompanied them. Vice Director Wang instructed the office director to handle all logistical matters, with all expenses initially covered by the research institute, explaining that Ouyang Yiming's family couldn't afford to consider such details at this time.

They arrived in Suzhou that afternoon. Xu Hui's uncle notified Xu Hui's workplace and his family. Xu Zhenming's workplace sent someone to purchase a burial plot at Phoenix Mountain Cemetery. The next morning, several cars and a bus arrived from Xu Hui's workplace. Around noon, Ouyang Yiming held Xu Hui's urn to his chest, and several vehicles followed behind him towards Phoenix Mountain Cemetery. The heartbreaking burial scene will not be described further. After the burial in the morning, they returned to the city, where the office director, who had accompanied them to Suzhou, had arranged a restaurant for lunch. After the guests finished their meal, they left one by one. Jiang Yuqi and several other classmates comforted Ouyang Yiming and Xu Hui's parents before leaving in tears. Ouyang Anping, Ouyang Dongdong, and Mao Yuqin also returned home with the people from Ouyang Yiming's workplace. Ouyang Yiming and Ouyang Mei remained in Suzhou.

That evening, Ouyang Mei cooked some porridge, which Xu Zhenming, Yang Ping, and the Ouyang siblings all drank. After dinner, they sat on the sofa in silence. After a while, Yang Ping began to cry softly again. With tears in his eyes, Ouyang Yiming said, "Dad, Mom, Meizi and I will be your own children from now on. Don't worry, we will fulfill our responsibilities as children. We couldn't stop Xu Hui from leaving. I just want you two to take good care of yourselves. Meizi lives close to you, so she can come home on her days off." Ouyang Mei nodded and said, "Dad, Mom, my brother is right. We siblings will treat you two as our own parents. This place will be our home from now on too." Yang Ping then hugged Ouyang Mei tightly and wept bitterly, while Xu Zhenming also sobbed uncontrollably.

Ouyang Yiming spent three more days in Suzhou with Xu Zhenming and his wife. Xu Zhenming then urged Ouyang Yiming to return home, saying that since Xu Hui's illness, Ouyang Yiming had barely been to work and should prioritize his job. They comforted each other. When Ouyang Yiming returned, he went to Xu Hui's grave and cried for a long time before leaving. Ouyang Mei stayed in Suzhou with Xu Zhenming and his wife. She didn't return to Panzhou before the start of the semester. The day before returning to school, she bought some daily necessities in Suzhou, and Xu Zhenming and his wife personally drove her to school.

From then on, every Saturday, Xu Zhenming and his wife would drive to Shanghai to pick up Ouyang Mei and take her home, then take her back to school on Sunday afternoon. After returning, she would go shopping and talk with Yang Ping and Xu Zhenming, constantly calling them "Dad" and "Mom," just like their own daughter. With Ouyang Mei as their emotional support, Xu Zhenming and his wife's spirits improved considerably. But that's another story.

After returning home from Suzhou, Ouyang Yiming spent almost two days in the west wing of his house, only occasionally eating a few bites at the dining room. From morning till night, he was either lying in bed or sitting on the edge of the bed, sometimes staring blankly at one spot, sometimes gazing at the wedding photo hanging on the wall with tears in his eyes, and sometimes talking to himself. The old man, Ouyang Anping, and Mao Yuqin would occasionally go into the inner room to try and comfort Ouyang Yiming, offering him words of reassurance. Ouyang Yiming remained silent.

On the afternoon of the third day, Fan Xurui arrived at the Ouyang family's old residence. After opening the door for Fan Xurui, Mao Yuqin didn't immediately send him to the west wing. She stopped at the gate, tears streaming down her face, and said, "Xiaorui, what will happen to Xiaoming now? He hasn't gone anywhere these past two days, just stayed in the west wing, and barely eats. If this continues, he'll collapse." Fan Xurui said, "I've been busy these past two days and haven't been able to come over in time. I can understand; Yiming can't possibly recover from this trauma so quickly. It takes time." Mao Yuqin said, "I know that, but seeing him like this is really worrying. Look how thin he is! He doesn't shave, doesn't comb his hair, and can't eat. I'm worried he'll break down this time." Fan Xurui's expression turned grave. After thinking for a moment, he said, "Well, I'll go talk to him." Mao Yuqin sighed and said, "I'm afraid he won't listen to anyone. We've said everything we could." Fan Xurui said, "Let's try."

They parked their bicycles in the yard, and Fan Xurui and Mao Yuqin went into the west wing. When Ouyang Yiming saw Fan Xurui enter, he glanced at him but didn't say anything. Fan Xurui went into the bedroom, looked at Ouyang Yiming sitting on the edge of the bed, bent down and sat on the stool in front of the bed. He looked at Ouyang Yiming for a while and said, "Yiming, you have to think positively. How can you stay like this?" Ouyang Yiming stared blankly ahead, two lines of tears streaming down his face, his lips moving but he couldn't speak. Seeing Ouyang Yiming like that, Fan Xurui felt heartbroken, his own eyes reddening and brimming with tears. Composing himself, Fan Xurui said, "Yiming, no matter what you do, you can't bring Xu Hui back. We're all just ordinary people; we have to accept reality. Don't you think so?" Ouyang Yiming sobbed, "I... I really wanted to go with Xu Hui. What's the point of me living alone in this world?" Fan Xurui said, "Everyone can understand how you feel right now, but what you're saying isn't right. If Xu Hui knew you had these thoughts, she wouldn't appreciate you. Anyone who knew you had these thoughts wouldn't appreciate you; they might even laugh at you." Ouyang Yiming said, "But I... but I really feel... I really feel it's meaningless. I..."

Fan Xurui was terrified. He knew that continuing to persuade Ouyang Yiming like this would be pointless. After a moment's thought, he quickly decided that he couldn't continue speaking to him in this consoling tone. Instead, he would try to provoke him with something that might work. So she sternly raised her voice and said, "Ouyang Yiming, are you even a man? Are you still a man? You're the eldest grandson, eldest son, and eldest brother in this family. You're the vice president of the research institute, and yet you have such thoughts and such a dejected attitude. I'm truly ashamed of you! What are you now? Do you think you're doing this out of genuine affection for Xu Hui?

Do you think you can earn others' sympathy and praise? You're wrong, Ouyang Yiming. You're nothing but a coward. Your thoughts are worthless, and your current state of mind will only make you a laughingstock! You're also shirking your responsibilities! Ouyang Yiming, the elders are waiting for you to take care of them! Your younger siblings also need you to set an example! Regardless of your position as vice president, the research institute will function perfectly well without you, Ouyang Yiming. Don't even consider Mayor Tang's appreciation for you. Just your responsibilities as a grandson, son, and elder brother are something you can't shirk, and you have no right to shirk! You're a grown man, nearly 1.8 meters tall..." "You stay cooped up in this room all day, making your elderly relatives worry about you, keep you company, and watch over you. Aren't you ashamed? You feel at ease? How can you be so shameless? The research institute gives you such high benefits, a high salary, a car, a driver, everything that others envy, just so you can stay at home and overthink things, become dejected and listless at the slightest setback, and not do anything for the institute? Everything has its limits. You can't always be like this! In a few days, will my uncle and aunt also have to quit their teaching jobs and take leave to stay home with you? Yes, Xu Hui is your wife. You're sad, you're in unbearable pain, but how do the people at home feel? Don't you think about them?

They're suffering, yet they still worry about you, still have to comfort you, still have to keep you company.

How can you be so shameless?" She abruptly stood up, reached out and pulled over the stunned Ouyang Yiming, saying, "Get up, get out of bed." Ouyang Yiming hesitated for a moment, then moved and got out of bed. As Ouyang Yiming put on his shoes, Fan Xurui shoved him from behind, saying, "Go out, go see the elderly folks, go see what they've become." Ouyang Yiming was pushed out of the bedroom by Fan Xurui.

Earlier, when Fan Xurui started speaking loudly to Ouyang Yiming, Mao Yuqin had jumped up in alarm, only to be pulled back by Ouyang Anping, who waved her away. Ouyang Anping understood Fan Xurui's intention; these were words the elderly family members couldn't easily say aloud, and only Fan Xurui's words would have the best effect. Mao Yuqin sat down and listened to Fan Xurui's words, feeling a pang of sadness, silently shedding tears.

Now, seeing Ouyang Yiming being pushed out of the bedroom by Fan Xurui, Mao Yuqin stood up again. Fan Xurui looked at Ouyang Yiming and said, "Ouyang Yiming, Dean Ouyang, look at these elderly folks!

Which one of them feels better than you?" Ouyang Yiming stood there stunned for a moment, then tears streamed down his face, unable to speak. Mao Yuqin had just called out "Yiming" through her sobs when Fan Xurui interrupted her, saying, "Aunt Mao, don't say anything. Let him think it over." Ouyang Yiming continued sobbing. Fan Xurui said, "You, Ouyang Yiming, can't stay in this room anymore. You absolutely can't stay in this room. The more you stay in this room, the more you'll overthink things. Aunt Mao, give him a room. There are so many photos hanging in the room, and Xu Hui is still..." Mao Yuqin quickly said, "Meizi won't be coming home before school starts, so she can stay in Meizi's room for now." Fan Xurui said, "That's fine. Is the door open?" Mao Yuqin nodded and said, "It's open." Fan Xurui took Ouyang Yiming's arm and led him out the door. The old man, Ouyang Anping, and Mao Yuqin followed them out, and Fan Xurui waved his hand behind his back, signaling them not to follow.

After entering Ouyang Mei's room and sitting down, Fan Xurui looked at Ouyang Yiming and said, "Yiming, I was too emotional just now, don't be angry." Ouyang Yiming said, "I know you meant well."

Fan Xurui sighed and said, "Yiming, although we weren't born of the same mother, we're no different from brothers. I'm worried about you seeing you like this. Yiming, you're upset, but do you think I'm not? To be honest, I haven't eaten much these past few days either. Aren't we all feeling the same way? Everyone can understand how you feel right now, but you can't keep thinking like this. Otherwise, you'll become completely颓废 (颓废 is a difficult word to translate directly, but it implies a state of being listless, dispirited, and lacking motivation). What's the point of a body if one's mind is颓废 (颓废 is a difficult word to translate directly, but it implies a state of being listless, dispirited, and lacking motivation)? You're a person destined for great things, and you're capable of great things. The fact that you've become the vice president of the research institute at such a young age speaks volumes. If you completely collapse because of Xu Hui, many people will laugh at you, and you'll let down many people's expectations of you."

"Of course I understand how you feel right now, and I'm also moved by your feelings for Xu Hui. But things have already come to this, and those of us who remain must face reality. If you can pull yourself together, Xu Hui will be happy. Don't you think so?" Ouyang Yiming nodded and said, "Xurui, I understand all these principles, but what's wrong with me? I can't get over this. Xurui, tell me, why is this happening? Why do they all have to leave me? You know what's going on in my life. Two women I loved, one left me because of family interference, and the other left me with an incurable disease. You know how important these two women were in my life, why didn't they leave me with either of them? Am I destined to never have love in this life? Am I destined to never have love in this life?" Fan Xurui sighed inwardly as he listened to Ouyang Yiming's words .

Yes, he knew Ouyang Yiming's feelings for those two women; in just a few short years, they had both left him. For a man as sentimental as Ouyang Yiming, such a cruel blow was indeed devastating. His earlier comments about Ouyang Yiming seemed to have some merit; how much better would he be in Ouyang Yiming's shoes? Although he was also heartbroken, the feeling was completely different when the situation wasn't his own. But no matter how Fan Xurui thought about it, he knew he couldn't continue along with Ouyang Yiming's line of thought. So he said, "Yiming, of course I completely understand how you feel right now. But who can know what they will encounter in their life? Since we've encountered these things, we must face them correctly. Can you really ignore them? What I said earlier, though said in anger, was also from my heart. We can't let our setbacks cause all our loved ones to suffer and worry with us, can we?" Yiming, seeing you like this these past few days, how thin you've become, has been incredibly painful for the elders in our family. They're grieving the loss of Xu Hui, and they're constantly worried about you. In a sense, they're suffering even more than you are. You can see how thin Grandpa has become these past few days. And how thin your parents have become! If their health collapses, how can you, Ouyang Yiming, forgive yourself? Yiming, we're men. We don't have to be the pillars of society, but we should at least act like men. At the very least, we shouldn't cause our elders too much worry, anxiety, or pain, or at least we should try to minimize their suffering. As for Liu Yan, I don't want to say anything. Our family is different from others, but I can say that you are better than Liu Yan's current husband. Don't overthink things about her; Liu Yan had no other choice. You can't blame Liu Yan, and you shouldn't blame her family either. And don't think about Liu Yan anymore. As for Xu Hui, who can predict what illness or misfortune might strike them in their life? I work in a hospital, and I've seen too much death. People die in hospitals every day, from children to the elderly, many passing away in excruciating pain. Who can stop death? No one! Yiming, you should be grateful that although Xu Hui has left us, she didn't suffer any physical pain. You should be comforted by that. As for the future, Yiming, I think with your qualities, winning the love of a very nice girl shouldn't be difficult..." Hearing

this, Ouyang Yiming hurriedly said, "Xurui, I'm terrified just thinking about it. How can I dare to have any love? I no longer dare to yearn for a woman's love, and I'm afraid to love any woman again. I've thought about it these past few days; every woman I've had love with leaves me. Maybe I should never have love in this life." Fan Xurui

looked at him and sighed inwardly. He completely understood Ouyang Yiming's feelings at this moment. Two women who were so important in his life had both left, and he was truly afraid of love now. But he knew that as time went on, Ouyang Yiming's attitude would change. At the very least, a man wouldn't reject a woman, not just because of his physical needs.

Of course, he also knew that Ouyang Yiming wouldn't even look at a woman who wasn't outstanding. Even if he said he rejected love, he would still accept a woman, accept living with a decent woman.

Fan Xurui said, "Let's talk about this later. I'm on night shift tonight, you come with me to the hospital, I'll give you some fat emulsion or energy supplements. What I mean is, you need to recover as soon as possible and go back to work. Xu Hui has been sick for many days now, you need to go back to work, we can't let people have a bad opinion of us, even if they understand, we still need to be careful about this. Besides, if you can go back to work, the elders at home will be more at ease. For yourself, working will also help you forget a lot of the pain.

Don't you think so?" Ouyang Yiming nodded.

While Fan Xurui and Ouyang Yiming were talking, Mao Yuqin went to the street to buy some groceries. During dinner, Fan Xurui drank a few glasses of wine at Ouyang's house, but didn't say much. After dinner, Ouyang Yiming went to the hospital with Fan Xurui. While Fan Xurui was receiving intravenous nutrition in his on-call rest room, the two talked a bit more. Around 10 PM, Ouyang Yiming called the transportation team to ask for a car to pick him up and take him home. He told the driver that he would have his driver pick him up from home early the next morning. When they got home, Mao Yuqin told... Ouyang Yiming and Fan Xurui had just left when Li Xuan called to inquire about Ouyang Yiming's health. Ouyang Yiming asked if she had mentioned anything else. Mao Yuqin shook her head and said no. Ouyang Yiming thought that the matter of which factory to purchase should be progressing smoothly.

The next morning, after having breakfast at home, his driver picked him up and took him to his workplace. Upon entering the office building, many colleagues greeted him with words of condolence and best wishes, which Ouyang Yiming thanked one by one.

He sat down in his office, blankly scanning the various areas, his mind racing. Having not been inside for many days, he felt a pang of guilt towards the research institute. He picked up his teacup and walked to the water bottle. It was full; steam rose from it, indicating it had just been delivered. He poured himself a glass of water, sat down at his desk, sipped his tea, and then, after a moment's thought, picked up the phone and dialed Li Xuan's number, asking about her call home the previous night. Li Xuan said she had been worried about his health and just wanted to check on him. She then offered some words of comfort. Ouyang Yiming thanked her and inquired about the factory.

Li Xuan said a deal was basically reached, and the price could be reduced by 300,000. She explained that she had originally planned to negotiate a 500,000 reduction, which seemed difficult, but not impossible. She asked Ouyang Yiming's opinion.

Just as Ouyang Yiming was about to speak, Vice Dean Wang entered. Seeing Ouyang Yiming on the phone, he fell silent and sat down on the sofa. Ouyang Yiming nodded to Vice Dean Wang and said into the receiver, "Li Xuan, if it's really difficult, don't insist. We can't afford to wait." "Okay, I'll report to the leaders, and if it can be finalized, then we'll finalize it. It's not about the 100,000 or 200,000 yuan; the main thing is that it must be clean and without any aftereffects. We're not buying that factory to continue production; we're buying it to build a research institute. Our relationship with that factory is purely transactional, and there can't be any aftereffects whatsoever. This is extremely important." Li Xuan said, "I've considered all of this, and I've discussed this issue with them. It's a one-time buyout. All the factory's debts and the future arrangements for the original factory's personnel will have nothing to do with your research institute. That's the basic situation now. If there's anything I can't think of, just let me know on the phone, and I'll talk to them again." Ouyang Yiming said, "We'll discuss this issue this morning and give you an answer this morning." He thanked her and hung up.

Seeing that Ouyang Yiming had hung up, Vice Dean Wang asked, "Was it about our research institute buying that factory?" Ouyang Yiming said yes. Vice Dean Wang nodded and said, "We'll talk about this later. I just heard you came to work, so I wanted to ask if your health is okay now?" "I heard from the convoy that you were still at the hospital getting an IV drip last night. How can you come to work in this condition? You should rest more." Ouyang Yiming said, "I'm fine now. I haven't been to work since Xu Hui got sick, and I've kept you very busy. I can't stay home any longer, so I thought I'd come here to do something." Vice President Wang said, "As long as your health allows, you can come to work. It will be good for your mood. Yiming, you will encounter many setbacks in life. You must face them correctly so that you can take every step in life well." Ouyang Yiming thanked him and then explained in detail what Li Xuan had mentioned on the phone. Vice President Wang said, "Call Mayor Tang and see if he has time this morning. Let's talk it over and make a decision. We can't keep putting this off." Ouyang Yiming then called Vice Mayor Tang. After answering the phone, Vice Mayor Tang asked about Ouyang Yiming's health. After hearing Ouyang Yiming mention important matters, he said he would come over in a while.

After Vice Mayor Tang arrived, he went to Ouyang Yiming's office first. After sitting down, he said, "Yiming, I didn't expect you to adjust your mindset so quickly. I thought you'd be back in work in a few days. I'm very happy and admire your ability to do this; this is an essential quality for a leader, or rather, for a man of achievement. Seeing how thin you look makes my heart ache. So, don't worry too much about work for now. Just being able to come to the office is already a good thing. I only hope that your mood and health recover quickly so you can work better. I don't want to talk about your wife anymore. With your current attitude, I think you must have thought it through carefully and dealt with it correctly. Okay, cheer up. We all want to see the Ouyang Yiming we knew before." Ouyang Yiming thanked him with tears in his eyes.

Next, they went to Vice President Wang's office and discussed the details Li Xuan had mentioned on the phone. Then, they convened a meeting in the conference room with the heads of the office and the infrastructure office to discuss the specifics of acquiring the factory. It was decided that Vice Mayor Tang, Vice President Wang, and Ouyang Yiming, along with several colleagues from the office, infrastructure office, and legal affairs office, would go to inspect the factory first. If a decision was made, it would be approved on the spot. Ouyang Yiming spoke with Li Xuan on the phone. Li Xuan then contacted the office, and they finally agreed to go to Jinling next Monday morning.

Although Ouyang Yiming felt much better at work than at home, the depression and pain in his heart still disturbed him from time to time. In the past few days, Jiang Yuqi and Wu Yingying had also called to comfort Ouyang Yiming, offering words of comfort and reasoning. Ouyang Yiming understood all the reasoning, but no matter what others said or what he thought, it would still take time to get out of this quagmire. At night, alone, he couldn't help but cry, murmuring Xu Hui's name. He couldn't stop his thoughts from lingering on Xu Hui… He had begun to doubt the gods, even Buddha: "Are there really Buddhas and gods in heaven who save people from suffering? Why didn't my, my family's, and Xu Hui's family's fervent prayers bring Xu Hui back to life? Are they just gods created from people's hopes for a better future? Or is our sincerity still unable to move Buddha's heart?

Why did the two women I love so dearly leave me? Or am I simply not meant to, or perhaps incapable of, having true love in this life? Even if I don't deserve it, it's one thing for Xu Hui and Liu Yan to leave me, but why must Xu Hui leave this world? Leave all the family who love her?" Sometimes he would wonder: If you don't believe it, then why did Xu Hui die in that posture? Why was there such a strange fragrance in the room? Why was Xu Hui's illness cured when she was ten? Why couldn't the hospital cure Xu Hui's illness? Why did Xu Hui remain as if in a deep sleep several days after her death? Why...? There were so many "whys" that he couldn't explain or understand. His mind was always filled with doubt.

But he dared not hope for any more passionate, unforgettable love; he had thought about it countless times. He believed that such love was beyond his reach, and he shouldn't possess it. Passionate love would only bring him pain, not marriage. Passionate love would only bring him initial joy followed by sorrow, leaving him with a lifetime of profound regret and pain. The experiences of Liu Yan and Xu Hui had already proven everything. He no longer had the courage to try, to experience it. Perhaps, in the future, there will only be one woman, someone who will satisfy him, someone with whom he doesn't need passionate love, to live with, bear children, and live a simple, ordinary life… On Sunday, Ouyang Yiming felt stifled after spending the morning at home. Two phone calls came to the west wing that morning. When Ouyang Yiming opened the door, he felt a pang of sadness, as if he were seeing Xu Hui. After answering the call, he couldn't help but go back to the bedroom for a while, then came out with tears in his eyes. Mao Yuqin said, “Xiaoming, why don't we have someone move the phone out of the west wing? Otherwise, it's too upsetting for us to go in. We can move it later when we feel better.” Ouyang Yiming thought for a moment and called the electrician team at his workplace, asking them to send two electricians to move the phone to the east wing that afternoon.

Ouyang Yiming took a nap and when he woke up, the two electricians arrived at his house. After Ouyang Yiming explained his situation, one of the electricians said they could install a telephone extension in the east wing, so he wouldn't need to adjust the wiring if he wanted to use the west wing later. Ouyang Yiming simply said, "You guys figure it out." His eyes flickered with the image of Xu Hui as he looked at the open door of the west wing. After a moment's thought, he said, "I have to go out. If you need any materials

, my mother will give you money to buy them." He then left, got his car from the hotel parking lot, and drove aimlessly out of the city. He drove very slowly, unaware of his destination or where he was going. After driving for a while, he suddenly realized he was heading towards Maoshan Temple.

A jolt went through him; he hadn't been here for several years. Was that kind-faced, almost otherworldly monk still alive? Thinking this, he sped up. He

drove up the hillside and stopped in the open space in front of the temple. He looked around; the temple hadn't changed much in the past two years. The locust tree in the courtyard and the trees behind the house were still lush and green. The stone slabs in the courtyard were still spotless. The clear, melodious sound of the wooden fish emanating from the room reassured Ouyang Yiming, indicating that the monk was still in good health. For some reason, Ouyang Yiming always sincerely hoped that this monk would remain in this world for a long time.

After entering, Ouyang Yiming glanced at the monk for a moment, then clasped his hands together and chanted "Amitabha." He left some money, took incense, and knelt down opposite the monk. Seeing that the monk was still in good spirits, he felt gratified and asked, "Master, do you still recognize me?" Monk Huiming stopped striking the wooden fish, looked at Ouyang Yiming, and nodded, saying, "I recognize you. It's been a few years since I last came." Ouyang Yiming suddenly felt embarrassed and nodded, saying, "Yes, I've been quite busy with work. I'm off today, so I came to see you." The monk said "Amitabha," and said, "You still remember this humble monk. Amitabha!" Ouyang Yiming asked, "How have you been these past few years? I think you're quite well now." The monk said, "Very well."

Ouyang Yiming hadn't intended to come to this temple anyway, and hadn't planned to ask anything after entering. Suddenly, Xu Hui came to mind, and a wave of sorrow washed over him. He said, "Master, there are some things I can't understand. I know Buddha saves people from suffering, but why can't a loving couple live happily ever after?" The monk looked at him for a moment and then said, "Predestined in the past life, this life's marriage is fate.

To love and then separate is to love in vain." Ouyang Yiming said, "So does that mean all couples who have loved and yet had to separate are wrong?" The monk said, "Marriage is predestined in the past life.

Honor and disgrace, life and death, are all predetermined. Even if you want to have vain

hopes, there's no point in having them." Ouyang Yiming couldn't help but feel annoyed. He thought to himself that asking about anything here

would only yield the same result. He had heard these same words here years ago, and now he had to hear them again. "Forget it, forget it, there won't be any result. Just consider it 'honor and disgrace, life and death, are all predetermined'! It's all predetermined, all arranged by Heaven, so why ask these questions?" Suddenly, he felt incredibly bored, utterly bored.

It was strange that I had come here without realizing it; it seemed as if some force had drawn me here. Looking at the monk again, I couldn't help but feel sincere respect and awe.

So I said, "Master, you must take care of your health while you are here alone. If you feel unwell, you should go down the mountain to find a hospital immediately. To be honest, Master, I am very worried about you, an old man, living in this place. It would be good if someone could accompany you here." As I spoke, I took out a business card from my bag and said, "Master, this business card has my office and home phone numbers on it. If you encounter any problems in the future, please contact me or my family. We will try our best to help you. I may be transferred to work in another place in a while. I will take some time to visit you when I come home. Please take care." The monk took the card with both hands and chanted "Amitabha." Ouyang Yiming turned and left.

Love and Desire (170)

Chapter 168

A month later, the factory buildings in the street-run factory that the research institute had purchased in Jinling were demolished. The original seven-story office building on the premises was renovated, with the bottom three floors converted into offices and reception areas, and the remaining four floors transformed into laboratories. Interior and exterior renovations had already begun when the original factory buildings were demolished. The plan was to relocate some experimental projects there after the renovations were completed.

The Panzhou Design Institute designed the layout of the entire new research institute site, as well as the blueprints for the twelve-story research building and the seven-story dormitory building. The Panzhou Construction Engineering Company won the bid to construct the research building, dormitory building, canteen, etc., with the contract requiring the research building to be delivered within six months. Ouyang Yiming led the research institute's infrastructure office, general office, and finance department staff to Jinling.

On the day of the groundbreaking ceremony for the research building and the official opening of the research institute, some leaders from Panzhou City, as well as some leaders from the provincial government and the provincial science and technology commission, attended the ribbon-cutting ceremony. Radio, television, and newspaper media outlets reported on the event. Vice President Wang presided over the ribbon-cutting ceremony, and provincial and municipal leaders, along with Ouyang Yiming, delivered speeches.

With the support of the Panzhou Municipal Party Committee and Government, the Panzhou Construction Engineering Company naturally dared not slack off on the project. The offices and finance department of Ouyang Yiming and related departments were the first to be renovated, and the personnel from the research institute were all resting in several rooms of the building under renovation.

Li Xuan had contributed significantly to the coordination of the project. For this, Vice Mayor Tang and Vice President Wang were deeply grateful to Li Xuan. One day, Vice President Wang came to Jinling and discussed with Ouyang Yiming whether they should give Li Xuan a small token of appreciation. Ouyang Yiming said, "I get along very well with Li Xuan and several other classmates. If this were to happen, I think it would harm her, since she's a government official. As a good classmate, I don't want her to accept something like this." Vice Dean Wang said, "Some things still need to be said. After all, she's done a lot for us and saved us a lot of money." Ouyang Yiming thought for a moment and said, "How about this, I'll talk to her about it when I have the chance. I guess she wouldn't dare accept anything. Inviting her to dinner occasionally is fine. Everything she did was entirely out of genuine friendship between us classmates."

A few days later, Ouyang Yiming called Li Xuan to invite her to dinner. The two had already eaten together several times before. The first few meals were all arranged by Li Xuan, and she mostly talked about comforting Ouyang Yiming. Later, the topic of Xu Hui didn't come up much; Li Xuan was intentionally avoiding the subject. This time, during their casual conversation over dinner, Ouyang Yiming mentioned Vice Dean Wang's intention: "Our college leadership is very grateful for your help and intends to offer you some compensation. We wonder if you'd be willing to accept it. We're good classmates, so you can give a clear answer." Li Xuan looked at him and asked, "Ouyang, how much do you plan to give me?" Ouyang Yiming was startled. He had assumed Li Xuan would definitely refuse, but now her words made his heart race. However, he hadn't actually discussed the amount or type of compensation with Vice Dean Wang, so he couldn't very well remain silent. Slightly nervous, he asked, "You, you mean... how much do you want?" Li Xuan thought for a moment and said, "Just based on all the effort I've put in and the help I've given you, I think... I think you should at least give me one or two million!" Ouyang Yiming was stunned for a moment, then burst into laughter. Li Xuan couldn't help but cover her mouth and bend over laughing. Ouyang Yiming pointed at her and said, "You, you..." He suddenly realized Li Xuan was joking, and found his earlier shock somewhat amusing. Li Xuan asked with a smile, "What? You're reluctant?" Ouyang Yiming said, "You should open your mouth a little wider. It took you so long to say one or two million, haha." After laughing, Li Xuan said, "Then you should give me a little more. I don't mind. Ouyang, I can tell you're reluctant!" Ouyang Yiming said, "It's still too little."

After they both laughed, Li Xuan stared at Ouyang Yiming and said, "Ouyang, I'm so happy to see you smile." Ouyang Yiming was startled. He immediately realized that this was the first time he had smiled since Xu Hui fell ill and passed away. As he thought about it, his eyes reddened again.

Looking at Ouyang Yiming's expression, Li Xuan secretly regretted saying those words. She quickly changed the subject, saying, "Ouyang, you know I've helped your research institute with all this because of you, and for the sake of our genuine friendship as classmates. To be honest, the better I can handle things for you, the more respect you'll have in the institute. I haven't thought about getting any compensation, not even from your institute. Wouldn't that be embarrassing for you? Please thank them for me." Ouyang Yiming said, "I also told them you wouldn't accept it. But Li Xuan, I really don't want you to take this kind of money. If you really need money, you must tell me. I'm capable of helping you now." Li Xuan said, "I'm quite satisfied now, and I don't need any money. I'll tell you if I need it."

Li Xuan was willing to do these things for Ouyang Yiming's research institute, just as she said. Of course, if it weren't for Ouyang Yiming's work, she wouldn't have put in so much effort, and she was willing to accept some benefits for her efforts. Of course, she hoped to receive money; she believed that accepting such money wouldn't cause any problems. However, she would never take a single penny of the money from Ouyang Yiming's workplace; she couldn't let Ouyang Yiming look down on her. There were some things she didn't want her close friends to know; she had to maintain her basic self-respect and leave a false image in their minds.

Ouyang Yiming, of course, greatly admired Li Xuan's actions. He was still very afraid that Li Xuan would take such money, no matter how much or whose it was; once the hand is outstretched, it's hard to take it back. After all, she was a government official, and this could potentially ruin her. He also believed that Li Xuan would cherish everything she had.

Ouyang Yiming said, "If you need anything in the future, please don't hesitate to ask." Li Xuan said, "I won't be polite with you." She picked up her glass and said, "Come on, let's have a drink." Ouyang Yiming said, "I can't outdrink you." Li Xuan said, "I won't let you compete with me. It'll be fine after this drink." After they drank, Li Xuan ate some food and said, "Ouyang, I'm really happy that you came to Jinling. To be honest, the feelings between classmates are not the same as the feelings between colleagues. I believe you feel the same way. I still want to talk about you and Xu Hui, even though I know it will hurt you to mention her, I still have to say it. I hope you can get over it as soon as possible. Xu Hui was my good sister, and I think my pain from losing her is no less than yours; it hurts from the bottom of my heart. But we are both materialists, and we know that everyone will die eventually, it's just a matter of time. Since she's gone, we still have to live on, and we still have to live well." "I'm so glad to see your spirits slowly recovering these past few days. I hope you can completely emerge from that shadow and live your own life. Perhaps it's too early for me to say this now, but I think you will find love again and have a happy life." Ouyang Yiming sighed and said, "To be honest, I've lost faith in love now. I feel uncertain about the future, and I'm really afraid it will happen. Right now, I don't have many desires; I'd be content with a peaceful life." Li Xuan said, "That's still a very pessimistic view. With your qualities, finding another excellent woman who loves you deeply shouldn't be a problem.

I'm probably more confident in that than you are. I think if you can find another girl's love, you'll emerge from this shadow faster. I hope you can find a girl you're satisfied with as soon as possible." Ouyang Yiming remained silent, thinking for a moment. Could he still find someone? He thought it was possible, but he was genuinely afraid. The departures of two women he loved and who loved him deeply had made him somewhat hesitant to love. Li Xuan said, "I really want to help you find someone." Ouyang Yiming said, "Let's wait and see." Li Xuan nodded at him. Ouyang Yiming thought that Li Xuan was a year older than him, and there was still no news of her having a boyfriend, so he said, "Li Xuan, you should also consider your personal life." Li Xuan was taken aback, nodded and smiled, saying, "Yes, I should find someone, otherwise I'll become an old woman." Ouyang Yiming said, "It's not that bad, it's just... I just feel that you should find someone." Ouyang Yiming wanted to say that she wasn't young anymore, but he was afraid of hurting Li Xuan's pride, so he didn't say it.

Li Xuan understood Ouyang Yiming's meaning and said, "I feel it too, but I can't find one." Ouyang Yiming said, "Your standards are too high." Li Xuan said, "Actually, that's your guess. Many people guess the same way. I know, but it's not true. I just hope to find a man who truly loves and cherishes me. I really don't have any high demands." Ouyang Yiming said, "Then it should be easy to find one." Li Xuan shook her head and said, "Men like that are hard to find! Do you think everyone is as devoted to a woman as you are? There aren't many men like you. How many men these days can be truly devoted to their wives? Aren't they all outwardly obedient to their wives, but then they do other things behind their backs? I've seen too many men like that."

Ouyang Yiming blushed instantly. At that moment, he thought of his affair with Liu Yan behind Xu Hui's back, and everything he had done with Liu Yan. Suddenly, he thought of Bai Xue, who made his heart race. What would the people around him think of him if they knew about these things? His heart pounded as he thought about it. He lowered his head and remained silent.

"After this incident, I missed you even more. I thought I absolutely had to see you before leaving Jinling, but I held back. I don't think you'd see me as a bad woman, would you? I don't want you to think of me like they do. I really don't!"

"Now it's alright, I'm back in Shanghai, back with my family, back with my beloved. I'll be with my husband every day. Even though he's a patient now, I won't feel lonely anymore..."

"Thank you for the beautiful memories you left me, thank you! I'll cherish them in my heart forever. I wish you continued success in your career and a happy and fulfilling life. In my life, you'll only be a memory; I won't see you again. I also feel like I shouldn't have seen you. That's why I wrote this letter. Another reason is that I wanted to tell you about leaving Jinling. I have a feeling you'll still come back to my old home, so I wanted to tell you that I've left Jinling permanently and will never return. Perhaps this is just my imagination, and you never even think of going back, but I still want to tell you."

"We can't be friends. Once we have that kind of relationship, it won't be a pure friendship anymore. Besides, we were never purely friends in the first place! I really want to be pure friends with you, but that's impossible. We can't be pure friends anymore; what's done is done!"

"Alright, that's all. I wish you all the best!" Below was "Bai Xue's" signature and the words "Written under the lamp."

Ouyang Yiming saw the date was the day before yesterday, knowing that Bai Xue had written this letter the night before last. But why was the envelope blank? This letter was clearly delivered in person. He glanced at the envelope and saw two lines written on the back: "I intended to mail this letter to you, but while I was at the train station preparing to do so, I suddenly felt compelled to see you. I couldn't control myself. Luckily, it wasn't far, so I took a taxi here. I regret not seeing you; perhaps it was fate. This letter is for you."

After quickly reading the letter, Ouyang Yiming still felt a profound sense of dread. Bai Xue's gentle face flashed before his eyes, as if that woman's face were right in front of him, staring into his eyes, making him tremble. He didn't understand why he felt afraid, but he couldn't help feeling this emotion. After a while, a pang of sadness welled up inside him.

His hand holding the letter trembled. He thought, "No, I could never think of you as a bad woman. I've never thought of you as a bad woman." Thinking of Bai Xue being beaten and humiliated by that man's wife at work, he felt a surge of panic and shock. He muttered, "How could this be? How could this be?!"

This woman who had appeared in his life, this woman who had taken his virginity; this woman who had given him physical pleasure yet also instilled fear in him; this woman who made him feel ashamed whenever he thought of her… Ouyang Yiming had thought of her after their final breakup. The name Bai Xue would remain permanently in his mind.

But Bai Xue would only be an occasional thought, not a frequent recollection. Before coming to Jinling, he had thought of Bai Xue. He worried about whether they would have another chance encounter like before.

At that time, he thought that he always drove, so there wouldn't be another chance encounter on the bus. He also thought that after so many years, a woman with such a strong sexual desire wouldn't necessarily not find another man to satisfy her. Once she has another man, she'll gradually forget him. Perhaps, even if they meet again, she won't do anything to him.

Then he thought, this woman is actually a good woman. She hasn't done anything to hurt him. After breaking up with Liu Yan, he went to her place in a daze, and she was still very caring and considerate, comforting and guiding him like an older sister. Although some of her actions are not admirable, he never thought she was a bad woman, nor did he want to categorize her as a promiscuous woman. Thinking of her still brings a surge of excitement… Ouyang Yiming couldn't help but pick up the paper with trembling hands to look at it again, when suddenly he heard a few crisp knocks on the door, and the paper slipped from his hand and fell to the ground. Trying to calm himself, he asked, "Who is it?"

His assistant outside the door said, "It's me." Ouyang Yiming bent down, picked up the paper, put it in his pocket, walked to the door, opened it, and asked, "Is there something you need? Come in." The assistant smiled and said, "No need to come in. Dean Ou, you just left before dinner. One of your classmates from Shanghai said she was passing by and came to see you. She said her surname is Bai, and she left you a letter. Did you see it?" Ouyang Yiming nodded and said, "Yes, I saw it. Did she say anything?" The assistant said, "She asked about you, but we didn't say much to her. She said she was your college classmate and that she hadn't seen you for several years."

Ouyang Yiming said, "Yes, she was my classmate in college. I saw the letter she left just now." The assistant said, "That's good. I was afraid you wouldn't know. You should rest." Ouyang Yiming nodded, and after the assistant turned and left, he closed the door.

"College classmate?" Ouyang Yiming stood in the room and muttered to himself. "Does this woman look like my college classmate?" Bai Xue's image flashed through his mind again. He thought to himself, she never seemed old; people could easily believe she was his classmate. He shook his head and sat down on the edge of the bed, wondering if this woman would ask more questions. He hated it most when others mentioned Xu Hui's death to Bai Xue. In his mind, this woman was completely incompatible with Xu Hui, even unthinkable. He felt that even hearing Bai Xue and Xu Hui's names together would be an insult to Xu Hui, even though he didn't consider Bai Xue a decent woman. But he couldn't ask anyone about it now. A

feeling of intense oppression settled over him.

He never imagined Bai Xue would see him in the newspaper. Bai Xue didn't know his name, and the photo in the newspaper wasn't very clear. "How could this woman be so sure it's me?

Maybe she's just guessing, and even if it looks like me, she might not be sure. Luckily, I didn't see her when I was having dinner with Li Xuan; it was fate, just as he said, fate." Yet, a faint sense of regret suddenly crept in. He then thought of the sex he had shared with her. Thinking about sex made his heart tremble, and that thrilling, tingling sensation quickly rose through his body.

He remembered that, until now, the last time he had sex with Bai Xue after Liu Yan broke up with him was the last time. Although he hadn't been able to suppress the desire and impulse within him on countless nights, and had experienced nocturnal emissions and masturbation many times, he had never once thought of Bai Xue, but often fantasized about being with Liu Yan. Of course, sometimes he also thought about being with Xu Hui, but sex could never keep Xu Hui in his mind. His body was burning with desire, and he felt his genitals swelling. "God, my body really does need it!"

After a moment of thought, he couldn't control himself and took off his clothes to go to bed and masturbated. After the excitement subsided, he thought about how this woman was gone and he would never see her again, which made him feel a little nostalgic. Yet,

he also felt a sense of comfort and peace.

Suddenly, Xu Hui came to mind, and a chill ran down my spine. What would Xu Hui think of me if she knew about what happened between us? It was fortunate that this woman hadn't come looking for me before she left Jinling. If she had come after reading the newspaper, would I still have done that kind of thing with her? I thought to myself, "That's impossible, absolutely impossible." But then I thought, "What's impossible about it?

I've already done it with her several times; doing it again would be natural. It's been years; my body really needs it." Thinking about it, my face flushed, my heart pounded, and I felt a pang of guilt. A moment later, I thought, "What do I have left? I have no love left. From now on, love may never belong to me again, and I may never have any love again, nor do I want any. Perhaps all I'll have left is this body. Even if this body finds a woman to live with, it will likely only be mutual support, mutual satisfaction, mutual demands… producing our shared offspring through these interactions, without any further discussion of love. My love life is over; love can no longer be possessed by this body. For love, this body is merely a means of transportation." He's just a walking corpse. Forming a family with a woman might foster some familial affection, a bond built on the fruits of their labor and the adjustments of living together for so long. But it will never be the same kind of love he felt for Liu Yan and Xu Hui. Perhaps this is how too many men and women live—no, this is how all men and women live. There are never truly loving couples who can live together. Absolutely not! Their seemingly loving relationship is just familial affection. Heaven will never allow truly loving couples to live together. It will never!

He chuckled to himself, thinking, "God? Buddha? You're all so ridiculous! You created men and women to love each other, yet you don't let them be together. Not only do you cruelly separate a pair, but you also make one of them disappear forever, leaving the living in pain and the lonely man left behind to suffer eternal longing. You clearly don't want loving couples to exist in the world! You created humans just to force men and women with no feelings to be together? Is this your purpose in creating humans? Is this the fate you leave for loving couples in the mortal realm? Even couples who don't love each other have to make love, otherwise how can they be worthy of the mortal bodies you created..." Tears streamed down his face as he thought this bitterly. Xu Hui's image appeared in his mind, followed by Liu Yan's. The faces of the two women he had loved flashed alternately, but Bai Xue's image also lingered, impossible to shake off...

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