A Chronicle of Buying Sex

Everyone has
a field in their heart ,
everyone has a dream in their heart.
Each seed is a field in my heart.
What do I plant with it? What do I plant with it?
Peach trees, plum trees, spring breeze.
What do I plant with it? What do I plant with it?
Peach trees, plum trees, spring breeze
. When the pear blossoms bloom, spring comes again.
That is a field in my heart,
that is a dream I can't wake from . Inspired by email
, I had the idea to write down my story of buying sex, and today I finally
have the time. First of all, please do not modify the text if you reprint this, to show respect for the author.
I have always had a special feeling about women. As a child, it was mostly mystery; as I grew up, it
became more about desire. I don't know when others started masturbating, but I feel my masturbation experience started quite
early.
Around the first year of junior high school, I started masturbating frequently. My earliest memory is
of sexual games with my peers when I was 5 or 6 years old.
In the rural areas of northern China, due to poverty and cold, parents and children often slept on a large kang (heated brick bed) and shared a large quilt. These
uniquely favorable conditions allowed me to learn about the wondrous things between men and women at a young age. Although my parents
were very secretive, I could still sense those unusual activities when I woke up in the middle of the night. At that time, it was just curiosity
; without desire, I couldn't understand the pleasure involved.
(The heated brick bed in the north was truly wonderful, solving the problem of children's sex education that we still can't solve today. Haha,
what an effective way to enlighten children!)
Perhaps all children have similar experiences, seemingly possessing a natural understanding of matters between men and women. Once
, a group of about seven or eight of us decided to explore a mountain cave (rural children don't have
amusement parks built with machines, but the mountains and rivers surrounding the village are their natural source of joy).
Guided by a short candle, we began our adventure with trembling fear and irrepressible curiosity. It was
a deep, damp cave dug by villagers to make mud bricks.
Somewhere we wandered, everyone's curiosity suddenly turned to sexual games. After quick conversation and pairing
up, couples began to engage in what seemed like pretentious acts on the damp ground. I chose a familiar girl
; without much effort, we both automatically took off our pants. She sat on the ground, leaning back with her hands supporting her weight.
I climbed on top of her, and in the shadows, I placed my penis between her legs. The moment my penis touched her flesh, it felt incredibly
soft. Following my imagined image, I began to gently touch her soft areas, like
the little dwarfs digging in the ground in Snow White.
Actually, at that time, I didn't experience any pleasure other than curiosity; my only memory is that her body was
very soft. Later, I don't know how, it all ended.
I first experienced sexual urges when I was in first grade. One time, I found
my father's high school physiology and hygiene textbook at home. Back then, textbooks didn't even have pictures of genitalia,
and I couldn't read the text. I turned to a page and suddenly saw a line drawing of a woman lying on her back, her
legs drawn straight and long. A cup was pouring water down, the water flowing in a line and hitting the woman's genitals.
Suddenly, my mind and body reacted strangely; that wonderful feeling was like
suddenly smelling wildflowers in a spring field. Now I know that was my sexual awakening.
I secretly tore out that page and hid it in my schoolbag.
I don't know how many days that page stayed with me; I would take it out and secretly look at it whenever I had free time, my heart overflowing with that
indescribable feeling.
The most vivid memory is of one time after school, I sneaked into the toilet, took out my penis, and thrust it hard against the woman's genitals in the picture
. Subconsciously, I felt a strange substance inside me that needed to be released, but I didn't know how
.
After that, whenever I went to the toilet, I would have impure thoughts about the girl in the next stall. Rural toilets were very simple: a ditch
behind you, a small pit below, and to save time, boys and girls shared the same ditch, separated by an earthen wall. So
I always wanted to peek through the hole in the ditch below the wall, but it was too difficult; I'd easily fall in.
One break, I couldn't resist picking up a stone and throwing it through the hole into the ditch. There was a
splash, followed by a girl's scream. A girl ran out crying, her pants definitely stained.
A moment later, I obediently stood in the corner as punishment for the whole morning. In the teacher's eyes, I was just being naughty.
Actually, I knew I was driven by desire, but who knew my secret? Heh?
(Sorry to say some talking about things. Since I
'm going to write about buying sex, let's get down to business.)
My first experience buying sex was during my first Spring Festival in Beijing while pursuing my master's degree. I accepted an invitation from my undergraduate classmate, Daozi, to
spend the holiday at his home in Shenzhen. Actually, I was just going to Shenzhen to catch up with old friends; I didn't intend to experience any kind of romantic relationship. Besides,
I was going to Anhui to visit my girlfriend, Yun, after the holiday (mentioning this girlfriend fills me with guilt and pain, and I feel
very unhappy; I'll explain why later).
When I arrived at Daozi's home in Shenzhen, I met his two younger sisters. Unfortunately, neither of them was pretty enough; the older sister
was even somewhat ugly.
Daozi repeatedly mentioned that he was worried his two sisters wouldn't be able to get married, and even suggested that I marry his older sister
. Naturally, I absolutely refused. By the way, I now admit that beauty is in the eye of the beholder
, because both of my younger sisters got married soon after and are living happy and fulfilling lives, deeply
loved by their husbands. I just don't know
if there are any other special qualities besides the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" phenomenon that make them so endearing. (Hehe,
I can't ramble on anymore; this article is for Daozi to see, I can't let him scold me to death.)
At Daozi's suggestion, we immediately went to find an old Taoist priest at a temple that afternoon, who was said to be very accurate in fortune-telling
. I was asked to have a consultation with him. On the way, Daozi kept complaining about how unpleasant life was without women, and I...
I believe Daozi is still a virgin. He's 26 and has never experienced anything between men and women, just like me.
Getting a little emotional, Daozi started cursing angrily, losing all interest in the fortune teller. He ended up
chatting with the old man for a while, but realized he was just another conman like me, so he went home.
It was almost dusk when he got home. Daozi took out a
pair of binoculars from his drawer and surveyed the building across the street, saying, "Damn, no targets today." Apparently, to alleviate his loneliness, Daozi often used binoculars
to check if any women were taking showers or anything like that in the building across the street. This reminded me of my happy university days.
Back then, a group of female graduate students lived in the building across from us, and we often used binoculars to spy on their windows,
occasionally even seeing them changing clothes.
Hehe. Unfortunately, some perverted girls across the street also used binoculars to watch us, so we would often shout at each other
to relieve our lust. Soon, our dorm became infamous, but as the saying goes, fame brings trouble, and somehow
the girls across the street reported us. One night, just as we were engrossed in scanning the opposite side of the street, the door was quietly
opened, and the school security patrol caught us red-handed. Not only did they confiscate our binoculars, but the next
day they summoned us to the security office for rigorous interrogation, making each of us write a statement. Our homeroom teacher was
furious.
Seeing that dinner wasn't ready yet, Daozi, holding the binoculars, said, "Come with me," and led me out
to the rooftop.
The sky was already ablaze with red clouds. Although it was a bit cold, Daozi was still excitedly looking around, hoping
to find something. But after searching for a while, we found nothing. Daozi was so angry he kept cursing. We turned past the middle
attic and suddenly noticed several bamboo poles with women's clothes drying on them. Daozi immediately became excited,
went over, and found women's bras and panties. Daozi roughly touched them several times. I think if I hadn't
been there, he would have kissed them repeatedly.
Just as we were joking around, we suddenly heard the sound of the iron gate rattling. We quickly let go, and there came the person collecting clothes
. She looked at the clothes still swaying, gave us a few suspicious glances, and silently collected the clothes and left. Daozi stared
at her swaying buttocks and swallowed hard.
After dinner, Daozi and I went to see a Category III film. We went into a movie theater by the roadside, bought tickets, and went in. We found that
it had been playing for a long time; it was a very boring Thai demon-catching movie. Although it used some funny sex scenes
, it was still very boring. I said, "Let's go, it's no fun." Daozi said, "You don't know anything. Shenzhen is cracking down hard right now, and most
theaters don't dare to show it openly. They'll show it later at night."
I patiently waited until the movie ended, then changed to another one, which was indeed Category III. Although it wasn't my first time watching
a Category III film, the initial scenes still made me unable to resist, and I felt my penis slowly getting hard. I secretly looked
around; most of the people were male, with a few women here and there. Gradually, I was drawn into the erotic scenes
. The female protagonist's huge, swaying breasts constantly stimulated my eyes, making it hard to breathe. My
penis kept growing larger, but it was constricted by my underwear, making it increasingly uncomfortable. I couldn't help but secretly adjust its
position with my hand, trying to free it from the confinement of my underwear.
Actually, I had seen beautiful, dove-like breasts before. It was in the last
month before graduating from Tongji University. I needed to make up for my military training (I couldn't graduate without it, damn it!), but the training was in September. Where could I
make up for it? Later, the Armed Forces Department asked me to participate in the planning of a national defense education exhibition, which was considered making up for the training
. The preparation for the event took a month. During this time, a first-year girl from Shanghai came to work,
and we had the opportunity to work together.
When making the exhibition panels, we needed to cut the foam board with a utility knife. She would hold the ruler in place on the opposite side, and after she placed it
in position, I would start cutting it with the knife. When the panels were placed on the ground, she would kneel beside them to make it easier to work. As I straightened
up to rest after finishing a cut, I was suddenly dizzy from the sight of a pair of voluptuous small breasts before me. It
was the first time I had ever seen a woman's breasts so close.
Her neckline was too loose and her bra too large, so almost her entire breasts were exposed to my eyes.
I quickly glanced around, and finding no one paying attention, I boldly and brazenly began to stare again
. She was still busy with her work, completely unaware of my observation.
With each slight movement of her knees, her breasts gently deformed and undulated under the pressure of her knees, causing the beautiful
cleavage to rise and fall. It was truly a beautiful sight. Just as I was getting parched from looking,
she said from below, "Okay, cut some more." I swallowed hard and continued working.
That afternoon was truly unforgettable; in the alluring breasts of that girl, like white doves, I seemed to see
the source of pleasure.
Later, we quickly became acquainted, and she clearly had a slight liking for me as well. The toilet on the second floor of the Armed Forces Department
was small and unisex. One time, I was urinating when she suddenly burst in. Seeing me, she
screamed and ran away.
When I finished and returned to the work area, she was already standing there with a large broom. Before I could react
, she started swinging it at me, yelling, "I told you not to lock the door! I told you not to lock the door!"
Everyone in the room was confused.
From that day on, she suddenly became very docile (hehe, I wonder if it was because she saw my little brother
).
When I finished my mission and wanted to visit my brother in Nanjing, she insisted on coming with me. I had no choice but
to take her. My brother was quite surprised when he picked me up, wondering why I had brought a girl from Shanghai. He asked,
"Is she your girlfriend?"
I denied it.
After dinner, she took a shower and put her washed bra and underwear on the balcony to dry. Unfortunately, my brother's clothes
rack was just out of her reach. She shyly called to me, asking me to hang them up for her. I was holding her bra
and panties, and a sudden urge welled up inside me. I glanced at her; she lowered her head shyly, which made my heart
flutter.
My brother cleared out a small room for her, and we slept in the large room. There were too many mosquitoes in Nanjing summers, so I had to give her...
I lit mosquito coils and brought them over. I knocked on the door, and she hesitantly said from inside, "Come in." I pushed the door
open and went in. Wow, what a beautiful sight! She was leaning against the headboard, her long, slender, fair legs slightly bent, revealing
white panties beneath her pajamas.
Her unfathomable gaze seemed somewhat hazy under the lamplight. My little brother immediately reacted, and
she didn't even lower her legs.
A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind in an instant—was she seducing me? Or was it unintentional? Looking at her flickering eyes,
I felt a surge of panic. I wanted to pounce on her without hesitation, but I was afraid she would resist loudly. Then, I made
a decision that surprised me. I put the mosquito coils on the table, said, "Time to sleep," and left the room, turning
back to remind her not to forget to lock the door! Damn, this was the stupidest thing I'd ever done in my life. All night, I could only
curse myself for being foolish while enduring the torment of lust.
When I woke up in the morning, we greeted each other as if nothing had happened (damn, nothing really did happen anyway).
I accompanied her to the Sun Yat-sen
Mausoleum, and suddenly we talked less. Life is truly a strange thing. If it weren't for
the little incident last night, we would definitely have spent the day laughing and joking. But because of my retreat, we suddenly became
disharmonious, and I even felt that something was lost forever. Our relationship could no longer progress,
or even maintain its initial level.
The result could only be an irreversible regression, leading to mutual indifference. The relationship between men and women is truly unfathomable.
We had a few boring days together, then hastily parted ways. She returned to Shanghai, while I headed back to my hometown in Shandong.
I stared at the bouncing breasts on the screen, the lewd moans filling my ears. I couldn't help but reach into
my pocket, grabbing my throbbing penis through my underwear, and rubbing it along with the bouncing breasts. Soon,
a wave of pleasure washed over me, and my underwear was soaked with semen. When my mind relaxed, the lewd images no longer held my interest.
I glanced at Daozi on my left, who was staring intently at the screen, his stiff posture suggesting
he was also struggling to suppress his intense desire.
I looked around and saw everyone holding their breath; the only sound in the quiet room was the moaning of a woman
…
Back home that night, we rushed to shower and change our underwear. I was almost asleep when I could hear Daozi
tossing and turning, secretly playing with his penis.
A few days before Lunar New Year's Eve, Daozi and I discussed going to Huizhou to see Hua Mao. So we
immediately hopped on a long-distance bus to Huizhou. A phone call from the bus revealed that Hua Mao had already returned to his hometown in Boluo. Upon
arriving in Huizhou, we didn't linger but boarded a bus to Boluo, enduring several more hours of bumpy travel before finally
meeting Hua Mao.
Hua Mao had told us stories from university about his high school classmate taking him to prostitutes. After starting work, he naturally did just
that. Daozi insisted on seeing a woman, but Huamao said it was New Year's and all the girls had gone home, so
there were no options. Unable to resist Daozi's repeated pleas, we went out into the streets of Boluo County that night, searching everywhere
. Just as Huamao had said, we went to several familiar places, but they were all deserted. Huamao was getting impatient and wanted to
go home. Daozi told him to try one more time. Huamao said, "Okay, one last time. There's a place I heard has reformed
; let's try our luck there."
It turned out the hair salon was brightly lit, and we filed in. Huamao was an expert; he even
forgot that Daozi and I were novices. He quickly jumped into a seat and said in thick Cantonese, "Hair washing." Actually, I do
n't understand Cantonese; I only understood when I saw the woman pick up the shampoo and start using it.
Daozi and I stood shyly to one side. The cat turned and glanced at us, then called out, "Sit down!"
At that moment, several women enthusiastically approached, chattering about whether we wanted a hair wash or something similar.
Unfortunately, I couldn't understand Cantonese, so one of the girls pulled me to a seat to have my hair washed. Daozi sat next to me.
Actually, I was quite nervous; it was my first time in a place like this, and I didn't know the etiquette. I seemed a little
awkward, and she obviously noticed, asking softly, "Is this your first time here?" Seeing I didn't
react, she repeated herself in Mandarin.
"Yes," I replied.
"You're together, right?"
"Yes."
"You don't look like a local."
"Yes, I'm from Shandong."
"On a business trip?"
"No, just visiting a classmate."
"Oh."
I could tell she wanted to tell me something, like what services they offered, but
ultimately didn't. Because I was so unfamiliar with the place, I didn't know what to say. In the silence, I could only hear her gently rubbing my
hair.
I glanced at Daozi sideways—damn! Outside, she was acting wildly, but now she was as docile as a lamb
. I looked to my right in the mirror and saw a tall girl in a leather skirt. She was very
beautiful, my type—elegant and graceful, with a full and slender figure.
If I weren't here, I wouldn't have believed her identity. I stared at her, feeling a pang
of regret.
Suddenly, she gently tapped my head: "What are you looking at!"
I blushed slightly, turned my head, and began to examine her closely in the mirror. She wasn't bad-
looking, but she wasn't my type. She wore light makeup and didn't have the air of a worldly woman. My head occasionally
brushed against her breasts, feeling their fullness. At first, it was purely unintentional, but gradually I consciously leaned my head against her
breasts. She saw through my trick and couldn't help but turn her face away and laugh.
I felt embarrassed that she had seen through me and dared not be presumptuous anymore. We remained silent, and she seemed a little bored. Unsure
if I intended to take things further, she tentatively turned my head towards her breasts again.
I tensed up, pretending to be nonchalant.
Finally, we finished washing, and she suddenly asked, "Want some massage?" I had already heard Daozi say that massage meant "bone loosening
," so it wasn't difficult to understand. I looked at Daozi, but she turned her face towards the corner where the cat was.
We discovered that the tabby cat was gone; it had obviously gone upstairs. Daozi and I nodded, "Okay."
The four of us walked up the stairs, my heart pounding with anxiety, wondering what would happen when we came down.
Luckily, all the private rooms were booked, so she asked if we could share a room. Daozi and I were more than happy to do so, so
we could keep each other company.
We entered a room with two beds separated by a curtain. The beds were quite clean. She asked, "Should we turn off the lights?"
Daozi and I exchanged another glance and agreed.
Then she started the massage. To be honest, although I could tell she had professional training, I still
felt uncomfortable. The pinching, pulling, pressing, and stretching felt very strange. They noticed our nervousness, and
I said sheepishly, "This is our first time here."
"Who are you kidding!"
"Really, I'm not kidding."
She didn't deny it, but a long time passed, and my nervousness hadn't completely subsided. She began to
believe me: "Is it really your first time?"
"Really."
"Where are you from?"
"Beijing."
"Really? Beijing is so big and beautiful."
"I didn't think so."
"Aren't there any hair salons in Beijing?" She still seemed unable to believe I was a virgin.
"There should be, but I don't know where to find one, so I've never been," I replied.
Silence fell again. After a while, she asked, "Is it comfortable?"
"Mmm, not bad," I replied casually. Actually, my tension had slowly dissipated with her gentle movements
, replaced by a growing desire.
I suddenly grabbed her hand and began to stroke it; it felt so smooth. She didn't object, letting me caress it. I don't
know if it was due to increased boldness or driven by desire, but I suddenly pulled her. She hadn't expected my action and fell
directly onto me. My right hand, through her clothes, grasped her breast. So soft! The first time I'd ever touched
a breast with my hand!
Thinking that I was already 26 years old, and today I was finally truly touching the breasts of the woman I'd been dreaming of,
a feeling of desolation rose within me. Greed made me forget everything, I just kept squeezing. She struggled only
once, then didn't resist anymore.
My hand slipped under her clothes, but this time she resolutely refused, which surprised me greatly.
(It wasn't until later that I learned the rule here was that you had to pay first before you could do anything further,
haha, how shameful.)
She didn't bring it up herself, she just refused, but I kept pestering her until she finally let me in.
The first contact between my hand and her smooth, delicate breasts gave me endless pleasure.
(Sorry, I can't write anymore, I suddenly lost the mood.)
(Sigh, let's continue writing.)
I squeezed and kneaded them hard, wishing I could flatten them in my palms. When it hurt, she
groaned a few times. My penis touched her thigh, and it had become hard and was
pressing against the inside of her thigh.
After a long time, my hand finally left her breasts and began to move towards her waist. Her belt was very tight;
I could only slip my hand inside a little, vaguely feeling a few hairs on
her pubic bone. Unable to penetrate, I desperately tried to undo it, but this time she stubbornly refused.
After several unsuccessful attempts, I became so angry that I grabbed her buttocks with both hands and
rubbed my penis hard between her legs. I punished her by squeezing her firm, elastic buttocks with my hands.
After my wild antics, whether she was infected by my eagerness or realized I was truly a
virgin, she suddenly leaned close to my ear and whispered, "Shall I give you a handjob?" I insisted
she undo her belt, but she firmly refused, "No means no!" Seeing her insistence, fearing I would
anger her and she wouldn't give me a handjob, I stopped forcing it.
I stopped my frenzied actions, calmed down a bit, and finally had time to pay attention to the passage through the curtain. I discovered that Daozi
was already babbling incoherently with her, muttering incomprehensible gibberish, and they seemed quite
brazen.
She had me lie on my back, pushed my shirt up to my chest, propped herself up on the bed with her left hand, and gently stroked my
stomach with her right, moving down to my lower abdomen after a while. The warm, gentle caress stirred a strange
excitement within me.
She was experienced; at first, she simply stroked my lower abdomen, then slowly moved down, her fingers slipping
into my belt. The sudden entry gave me a surge of pleasure. Gradually, her hand went inside my underwear, but
unfortunately, the belt prevented her from reaching my penis.
She stroked inside my underwear for a long time before pulling it out. She straightened up and unbuckled my belt with both hands, and
I watched her silently. The moment she unzipped my pants, I suddenly felt like she was a long-lost lover,
with no barriers of kinship whatsoever.
Years later, when I recalled this incident, I suddenly felt a pang of sadness. What kind
of society do we live in? Why did my first time have to begin with a prostitute? I believe many people
would have the same question.
I was sexually mature at 14, so why did it take me more than 10 years to experience normal sexual
pleasure, and why could I only satisfy my burgeoning desires through my own hands during those 10 years?
Is sexual pleasure abnormal, rejected by society? Why
can men and women only enjoy this pleasure after establishing a clear marital relationship and defining their respective rights and obligations? Why does society
only advocate sexual behavior with the purpose of procreation? How did marriage become an institution that led to premarital
sexual interactions becoming a social taboo?
(I believe that before the institution of marriage, people viewed each other's sexual behavior naturally;
they could satisfy their needs without having to serve themselves.)
(I've digressed; I'm sure you're getting impatient, haha.)
Her right hand went back into my underwear, directly grasped my penis, and straightened it.
Freed from the constraints of my underwear, it stood proudly erect, forming a 30-degree angle with my lower abdomen. She touched my
penis all over, then suddenly called out towards the curtain, muttering a few words in gibberish. The woman on the other side responded and
came over.
I was puzzled when the woman suddenly grabbed my penis. I was startled and couldn't dodge in time, and she touched it
squarely. Then she exclaimed, "It's really big! I didn't realize!"
She spoke Mandarin, and I realized they were talking about the size of my penis. I then realized
that my penis was actually quite large; I had always thought everyone else's were bigger than mine. Although I had
secretly observed other people's penises in the bathhouse, it wasn't easy to see when they were erect, so there was no way to compare. I
was very thin at the time, only 110 pounds, so it seemed that having such a penis was satisfactory for my weight.
The woman walked away, and she continued to stroke my hard penis; my desire had reached its peak. Every
gentle caress carried the risk of igniting an explosion, and I tried my best to restrain myself. She was truly experienced and poured out tender emotions;
her eyes would occasionally meet mine, followed by a soft smile. I was bewildered—was this prostitution? Perhaps even lovers
' feelings weren't this intense. She continued to stroke the edge of my glans, the most sensitive area;
she seemed to know it well.
A strong desire surged within me, and I could no longer control myself. I pulled her into my arms, gripped
her buttocks, and pressed my penis hard against hers. My penis rubbed between her legs a few times, and a wave of pleasure shot straight to my head (to use
a phrase from Journey to the West, it was a chill, haha), and my semen shot out, spraying onto my underwear.
I held her thighs firmly, motionless, letting the pulses of pleasure wash over me.
After a while, she straightened up and quietly asked, "Did you cum? So quickly."
I tacitly admitted it; yes, in less than a minute, I had reached orgasm! I was astonished myself
. Reading erotic literature descriptions seems to take at least several tens of minutes, and for a moment I even
doubted my own abilities .
She seemed to believe it was my first time doing this, and also seemed somewhat proud of her skills. She
stared at me for a few moments, seeing that I was still lying there motionless, and then gently asked me, "Do you want me to get you some toilet paper?"
I didn't answer.
She quietly slipped out the door, and then slipped back in a moment later, holding a roll of toilet paper. She tore off a piece and stuffed it into my
pants. I wanted her to wipe me, but she was reluctant, so I had to clean myself up.
After the desire subsided, I seemed to have lost interest in her breasts. We sat side by side on the bed, my hand on
her shoulder, and started chatting.
"Why do you have time to come and visit your classmates?"
"I'm a student, on vacation." "
A college student? "
"A graduate student."
"Really?" "
Yes." "
Oh, a graduate student doing this!" She meant to solicit prostitution.
"Yeah, I'm getting old, I'm pent up, there's no other way."
"Don't you have a girlfriend?"
"I have one, but she lives too far away." "
You have a girlfriend and still do this!"
"Why can't I do this?" I asked her back.
“You shouldn’t.”
“Maybe, who knows.” I was a little downcast. “But today is my first time,
believe it or not.”
She was silent.
Just then, I heard Hua Mao shout from the stairs, “Hezi, Daozi, damn it, why aren’t you out yet! It’s already 1:30
!”
Daozi said let’s go, and the four of us tidied ourselves up and started walking towards the door. Passing by Daozi,
I couldn’t help but reach out and grab her breast, as revenge for her touching my penis. Unexpectedly, she became furious and
shouted angrily, “What are you doing!
What are you doing?!”
At that moment, I suddenly realized that they were actually just like us. Although they might not have more than us,
they didn’t lack anything either. They all had independent personalities and self-respect. I suddenly felt ashamed and hurriedly
walked out the door with my head down. My girlfriend seemed a little embarrassed and avoided my gaze.
Just as I was wondering why it was free, Hua Mao had already paid the table fee at the front desk and urged us to leave. Daozi and I
felt we should say goodbye, but when we turned around
, the two women who had been with us were gone. We could only follow Huamao out the door.
On the way, Huamao asked, "Did you play?"
Daozi said, "No, I just touched her."
"Damn it... then why did you play for an hour and a half? What was so fun about that?" Huamao dragged
out the "damn it.
" I said, "She gave me a handjob."
"What? Damn it, she gave you a handjob? That's so damn annoying! Why didn't I want to?" Daozi
shouted angrily.
"Why didn't you want to? 50 yuan is fine!" Huamao said angrily.
"What, you have to pay?" Daozi and I were surprised.
"Damn it... who would let you play if you didn't pay? Are you guys crazy? Hey, Hezi, you didn't pay? That's weird
!" Huamao spoke a bunch of broken English, his Mandarin was really bad. If we hadn't
spent five years together in college, we wouldn't have understood him at all.
"I thought we'd pay afterward, didn't we?" Now it was my turn to be surprised.
"Bullshit!" the cat swore.
Daozi, having not enjoyed the pleasure of masturbation, was furious and berated himself for being so stupid.
Back at the cat's house, his widowed mother was already asleep. My underwear was filthy, so I quickly took
a shower, washed it clean, and hung it out to dry in the yard. Since I had no underwear to change into, I had to make do with one of the cat's
. After everyone had showered, Daozi still felt aggrieved and immediately called the woman (Daozi had a knack for memorizing phone
numbers; he could remember them for days after hearing them once). The woman actually answered. Daozi apologized repeatedly, saying he
didn't know the rules and hadn't given a tip. He sounded very apologetic.
She said it didn't matter. Daozi pressed, "Are you free tonight?" After rambling on for a while, she hung up.
The phone call still hadn't landed the woman.
It was nearly 2 AM, and I was getting sleepy, suggesting we go to bed. Everyone agreed, and Daozi and I shared a bed.
In my hazy state, I vaguely sensed Daozi torturing his penis again.
The next day, Daozi was still very upset. Just then, Hua Mao needed to rush back to his workplace in Huizhou,
so we went back together and spent the afternoon at the so-called Little West Lake. We booked a room that evening and settled in. Daozi
then pressured Hua Mao to take us to find a woman. Reluctantly, Hua Mao led us through the streets and alleys of Huizhou, first
to bars for a while, then back again. Unfortunately, it was during a crackdown, and with the year-end approaching, finding women was incredibly
difficult.
Hua Mao said we could just wait for a call in the room. Daozi believed him, but after waiting all night
without receiving a single call, he angrily cursed and went to sleep.
The next day, I returned to Shenzhen. With only two days until the Lunar New Year, Daozi was busy with his parents buying things for him, and after the New Year
, he visited relatives. He had no further opportunities to experience being with a woman. On the third day of the Lunar New Year, I said goodbye and went to Anhui to see my girlfriend,
Yun.
(I've only written half of this, and I already feel so tired. I really don't want to continue…)
Boarding the train heading north, I recalled my few days in Shenzhen, feeling a sense of disorientation. That first experience
seemed both real and ethereal. The more I thought about it, the more confused I became, so I just shook my head and let it go.
This was my second time visiting Yun in Anhui. The last time was at the end of April last year. At that time, I had already been
accepted into the Chinese Academy of Sciences for graduate studies, thus saving me a lot of trouble. Plus, I had just received a 2600 yuan scholarship
, leaving me with 2000 yuan after treating everyone.
So I set off for Anhui for our first date.
By the way, Yun was my classmate in junior high school. In her third year, she went to Shandong with her aunt to study and joined our
class. I still clearly remember the first time she appeared in class: my dad brought her in and introduced
her to us (I was my dad's student, how unfortunate!). "So beautiful!" I couldn't help but exclaim. After school, I found she
was walking home with me. Since I wasn't as tall as her, I could only line up behind her. But that gave
me the opportunity to admire her without restraint. The happiest thing was seeing her legs exposed under her miniskirt, long and shapely,
truly breathtaking.
Later, we became familiar, but unexpectedly, after the high school entrance exam, she quietly returned to her hometown. It took me a lot of cleverness
and effort to get in touch with her. We exchanged letters in this lukewarm way until graduation from university.
We didn't have a chance to meet again until April of that graduation year.
The only impression that April meeting left on me was her taking me to a hillside in the suburbs, where the fields were covered in
dazzling golden rapeseed flowers. This impression seems to be forever etched in my heart. Now, whenever I see vast
fields of yellow rapeseed flowers, I can't help but think of her, and then pain and melancholy
follow, tormenting my heart.
Since this was our second meeting, I went straight to her house, knowing exactly where I was going. I figured she had
been divorced for two years and was living alone with her three-year-old daughter at her mother's. We were all naturally happy to see each other and
spent a few days together, mostly just casual conversation and meals.
After about a week, my dad, seeing I hadn't returned home, called Daozi's family in Shenzhen. Daozi knew my dad didn't know about my relationship with Yun, so he could only give a vague answer, saying I had just left Shenzhen. To 　　inform me of this emergency,
Daozi even went to the telephone company to check the call records for that month and found 　　the Anhui number I had called. He hurriedly called to tell me my dad was worried. Hearing this, I didn't dare stay any longer and decided to 　　return to my hometown in Shandong early the next morning. 　　That night, Yun and I suddenly felt a pang of sadness. Walking silently in the chilly moonlight, we 　　strolled around for a while, then she suggested we go home. We basked in the moonlight for a bit longer on the second-floor balcony 　　. Suddenly, a desire welled up inside me, and I couldn't resist pulling her into my arms. She struggled slightly, 　　then quietly let me hold her. Her unique scent intoxicated me, and my penis subtly began to stir. 　　I pulled her inside (I slept in her sister's room, and her sister shared a room with her divorced mother 　　), inhaling deeply the fragrant scent of her hair and neck. She stood there, letting me do as I pleased. Her indulgence fueled my 　　desire, and I pulled her to the bedside, pretending to push her down. Unexpectedly, she resolutely refused. 　　I exerted force, and she stubbornly resisted, perhaps not wanting to leave marks on her sister's bed. Her 　　resistance intensified my desire; my penis was clearly at its peak, pressing between her legs. 　　Seeing her unwillingness to comply, I pushed her against the wall, her back pressed against the cold surface. I freed 　　one hand to unbutton her blouse; she didn't resist. My hand slipped inside and grasped her breast—small, too 　　small to hold. After kneading it for a while, my hand moved down to her belt, touching the soft, fine hair, and 　　a surge of excitement rose within me. I simply unbuckled her belt and pulled her pants down to her knees. My left hand reached for her mysterious abdomen. 　　She desperately tried to pull my hand away, struggling but afraid to make too much noise. 　　My desire grew stronger, and I quickly unzipped my pants, pulled out my engorged penis, and pressed it against her 　　mysterious place between her legs. Unexpectedly, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find the entrance. Her desperate struggle 　　only made it more difficult. 　　I had originally thought a woman's vagina was perpendicular to her abdomen. In a moment of desperation, I 　　held her tightly with one hand to prevent her from struggling, and with the other hand, I reached between her legs to probe the entrance that was driving me mad 　　. Finally, I found it towards the ground. Without a moment's surprise, 　　I thrust my penis in, touching that paradise. A surge of excitement rushed to my glans, and I almost ejaculated! I desperately held back, pushing deeper. Because of her resistance 　　, her legs were tightly pressed together, and I felt a strong resistance. 　　Finally, in the instant of slow entry, the excitement reached its peak. When my penis was halfway in, I 　　could no longer hold back, and my semen shot out. I held her tightly, letting the semen flow out of our joined bodies 　　, feeling the cool semen run down her thighs… 　　We were quiet for a moment, then she pushed me away, pulled up her pants, opened the door, and ran downstairs. I suddenly felt…

A strange emptiness washed over me. I quickly wiped myself clean and went to the balcony to watch her walk into the bathroom from afar. I leaned against the railing.
If I could smoke, I think the best way to describe it would be to light a cigarette and quietly listen to
the rushing water from the bathroom. Unfortunately, I can't. I looked up at the moonlight, a complex feeling rising within me that was hard to describe.
This was my first time entering a woman's body, and I had reached the peak of excitement before I even had a chance to thrust.
I had not only forced her, but I hadn't given her any pleasure whatsoever.
Could this be considered sex? Can sex without shared pleasure be considered sex? I suddenly felt depressed, like
the woman in Boluo after she had masturbated me—a truly unpleasant feeling. How could I have forced her
? Actually, I was just satisfying my own desires. Thinking about this, I felt a deep disgust for myself.
I suddenly felt a chill, as if the silent night around me was filled with anger and contempt.
After a long time, she finally came out of the bathroom. She didn't say a word, just stood quietly beside me.
I felt so emotionally drained that I couldn't communicate anymore. I stood there aimlessly for a while, then said, "Go to sleep."
She glanced at me, still didn't say anything, and ran downstairs without a sound. Watching her figure disappear at the corner of the stairs
, I numbly returned to my room.
I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep well. When I saw her in the morning, she also looked like she hadn't slept well, and I felt
a pang of guilt. I accompanied her for a walk outside, and we slowly warmed up. After breakfast, she saw me onto
the bus to Hefei.
As the bus slowly started moving, looking at her blurry figure through the blurry glass of the bus window, I suddenly realized that I
would never come back.
And Yun must have realized this even earlier than I did; her rejection last night was the best proof. (Writing
this, I feel an indescribable pain in my heart, sigh.)
My Purchasing a Pleasure Shop (Part 2)
For
many years, I've been puzzled by several questions, unable to find the answers. Let me start with the first one. If it weren't for weekends
and holidays, the faces of all sorts of people on the streets, in the subway, and on buses would only show blank
expressions, a blankness that is
startling. What sustains their spirits and bodies, allowing them the strength
to live? Behind those blank expressions must lie discontent, resentment, pain, and anxiety. Why
don't they rebel?
Or do they have any way to vent the various emotions behind their blank expressions?
After reading Liu Zhenyun's "A Messy Life," I only managed to find the answer to the latter question: the magical
vegetable market. It turns out that Brother Liu Zhenyun discovered that no matter what kind of person they are, as soon as they arrive at the vegetable market, their expressions immediately
become lively.
"How much are the tomatoes?"
"1.5 yuan."
"Why are they so expensive! Everyone else sells them for 1.3 yuan, why are you selling them for 1.5 yuan?"
"1.3 yuan? Impossible! If someone sells them for 1.3 yuan, I'll give them to you for free!"
"Over there, I just came from over there." Obviously, he was being clever; in fact, they had never sold them
for 1.5 yuan over there.
"1.3 yuan, I'll buy more!"
...
It's in this haggling that everyone displays their cleverness, venting the various
emotions accumulated over the week, proving their own value. Then they wait to face the coming week's various
dissatisfactions, resentments, pain, and anxieties.
I can only barely accept this explanation, because not everyone goes to the market like this. I myself am annoyed
by the noise inside and just want to leave as soon as possible; I have no mood for haggling. But perhaps it's precisely
because I haven't participated that I haven't vented, so I still accept this reason.
So why don't those who have never been to the market resist? Why is everyone content with their assigned
roles: student, farmer, ordinary worker, policeman, leader, prostitute, drug addict, homosexual, homeless person,
madman—everyone confines themselves to a role, unable to deviate even slightly? Is there any psychological
explanation?
Much later, a classmate gave me a book on "Personality Psychology," and I finally managed to find an explanation.
According to psychoanalysis, all of us actually dislike anxiety and therefore
try every means to avoid it.
Humans are also most afraid of loneliness, so we always like to gather in groups (in my opinion, humans may not necessarily fear
loneliness; the liking for gatherings should perhaps be seen as a genetic trait from our ancestors, because early humans were too weak; a single
person couldn't even catch a mouse, so to avoid starvation, they had to gather together to carry out a revolution). There might be anxiety in a group
, but it's far less than the anxiety of living in isolation!
(Hehe, now I understand why babies cling to their mothers and why people unite to support the Party.)
(Oops, I seem to have gone off-topic, sorry.)
Sitting in a stuffy office, enduring seemingly unquestionable rules. Not long ago, the HR
lady even organized a special etiquette training session, telling us to wear suits, ties, and black leather shoes, and to sit down and wait a moment
. Hello. Tears welled up in my eyes.
Do we need such non-authoritative discipline? (I think that
the unique perspectives on the world that people form at a certain age are difficult to change without stronger authoritative suppression. Like my penis,
although I'm used to placing it on the right side of my crotch, it still curves slightly to the left when it's erect
.)
Why can't I dye my hair a cool red, and why can't my tie be longer than my penis? What force disciplines us
into seemingly rational, progressive, and reasonable roles? How does this invisible force work
? What I'm more concerned about is why I couldn't enjoy a normal sex life until I was 28, and
before that, I could only relieve my overflowing desires through masturbation.
(Aren't you going to change the subject? Want to get a beating?)
Time flies, two years have passed in the blink of an eye, and spring has come again. Recently, I also changed girlfriends and
enjoyed a stable and normal sex life (no more hard self-reliance, sigh). But...
That spring was particularly unpleasant for me.
My dream of getting into a PhD program without taking the entrance exam was painfully
rejected by my boss because I became a well-known patient in the institute. I was still unemployed, and my girlfriend conveniently broke up with me. I was incredibly
unhappy.
Just then, a lousy company in Guangzhou invited me for an interview, and I was planning to go south to relax, so I arranged to meet Daozi to
catch up.
After a rushed interview, it was already 5 pm. I called Daozi, and he said he was on a business trip in Zhongshan. So I
jumped on a bus and headed straight for Zhongshan. I arrived in Zhongshan around 7 or 8 pm, and it was pitch black. After having dinner with Daozi
, we went back to my room.
Two years had passed, and we surprisingly had a lot to talk about. We chatted for over two hours, until I was tired of cursing. Daozi
suddenly said, "I wonder what the women in Zhongshan taste like?" I immediately understood what he meant: "Okay, then I'll
go with you to get a massage."
Walking through the dark streets, Daozi deliberately chose to venture into small alleys. That night, because neither of us was familiar with the area
, we had a hard time finding it. Finally, we saw a hair salon, and Daozi and I went in to take a look. Not finding any attractive
women, we declined their enthusiastic invitations to stay and resolutely left.
After a long while, we saw another salon. As soon as we entered, an unattractive woman grabbed us and
wouldn't let go. Daozi, however, became lustful towards a very young child nearby and insisted on choosing her. The older woman vehemently refused: "She's too young, no,
no."
Daozi tried for a long time without success, and seeing that the older woman had no taste, she pulled me away again.
I was already tired and wanted Daozi to go back to the room to sleep, but Daozi insisted on having a massage. We walked quite a distance again and entered
a larger hair salon. Four men and women were playing cards in the outer room. Seeing us come in, a woman greeted us
: "Want a massage?"
Daozi and I nodded.
"Who do you want? Choose yourselves." The woman pouted at the sofa against the wall, where three girls were sitting
.
I took a liking to the younger one. Daozi also chose one, and we went into the inner room.
Humans are strange creatures; they might have no desires on the street, but once inside a hair salon, those desires
slowly begin to swell. My girlfriend had broken up with me two months prior, and I certainly needed to release some tension.
But was that a valid reason?
I wasn't sure. A year later, late one night, on a deserted Beijing street, I encountered a group of
migrant workers eating late-night snacks (why use "a group"? Perverted! But yes, that's how our mainstream society
refers to them), and I still had that same question. The night was deep, the lights dim, and at first glance,
hmm, not bad, three large bowls, with rice, vegetables, and soup.
But upon closer inspection, one bowl was steamed buns, another was large chunks of pickled vegetables, and what was that hot stuff? I finally
managed to see it was a bowl of watery soup with pickled mustard greens floating on top! Holy crap! This dark humor almost made me faint.
They showed a hint of disgust at my presence, and I quickly and tactfully walked away.
As I walked, I thought about how their sexual needs were met, and finally concluded that I could only use
the old method I'd been using for over ten years: self-satisfaction!
She had probably done too much the night before; weariness was already showing in her eyes. She mechanically massaged and rubbed me, and I was too listless
to speak, quietly accepting her massage service. Next door, Daozi was babbling in gibberish. It seemed this
hair salon was full of Cantonese girls.
The lights had long been off, with only a faint glow seeping through the window in the darkness. I felt her tired
movements, and the desire in my heart had slowly faded away. She was clearly not happy, just like me
. If we define human progress as the continuous increase of inner happiness and satisfaction, I dare say that
thousands of years of human history cannot be considered progress at all.
I guessed her face must be blank, and thinking back to the slight frown on her face when I called her earlier,
I suddenly felt a pang of guilt.
"Massage is tiring, isn't it? I see you're putting in a lot of effort," I said casually.
"I'm used to it," she replied flatly.
"You have a lot of customers every day, right?"
"Yes, sometimes more than a dozen."
"Are you very tired today?"
She didn't answer, which was obviously an admission.
At this moment, Michiko's voice rang out from next door: "Hezi, you mustmakelo
vewithher, ori'llkillyou." Afraid they would hear, Michiko used
English.
“I am not in a good mood…”
“Shit! You must do it
. Don’t let mealone, 　　I’ll join your company.” “I really feel bad, can I get up?” “You have no choice!
And 　　do n’t pay more than 200 yuan 　　. ” I had no choice but to ask her tentatively, “Can we have sex?” 　　She hesitated for a moment and didn’t answer, seemingly aware of the meaning of our earlier babbling. 　　“200 yuan, is that okay?” I continued to ask. 　　“Okay,” she sighed. 　　So we each unbuttoned our clothes, and I rubbed her full breasts with one hand, while the other hand pulled her 　　hand, guiding it to my penis, which was still half-erect. As she stroked me, my penis slowly hardened 　　. I lay back, gesturing for her to straddle me. 　　She seemed to sigh again, pulled out a condom, put it on my penis, and slowly inserted it 　　into her vagina. She began to move up and down in a half-squatting position. Her vagina was very tight, perhaps 　　indicating that she hadn't been in this line of work for long. 　　I put my hands behind my head, vaguely feeling her trembling breasts. I was physically aroused, but 　　somehow I couldn't feel excited. We mechanically did this for 10 minutes without any emotional exchange. 　　I was really annoyed and pushed her up: "Lie down, I'll do it from behind." She showed obvious dissatisfaction.

"Don't bother with all that, just leave it like this!" Seeing her angry, I didn't press the issue.
We remained in the same position when a man's voice came from outside: "Xiao Hong, hurry up,
that's about it, be careful." She responded, and I learned her name was Xiao Hong.
It seemed she hadn't just had too many clients for massages tonight, but had also satisfied their desires, hence her
exhaustion. I felt uneasy, trying to focus on our ridiculous activity.
She deliberately contracted her vagina, tightly gripping my penis, and vigorously masturbated. Finally, I became aroused. I half-reclined
, grabbed her buttocks with both hands, and thrust a few times, ejaculating. I held her buttocks tightly
until the climax subsided before releasing her.
She sighed, rolled off the bed, stretched her body stiff from squatting, removed my
condom, and used toilet paper to clean me up.
We got dressed, and she sat on the edge of the bed, still not leaving. I knew she was waiting for me to pay. I took out two bills to pay
her, and she got up and went to the outer room. Daozi had finished as well, so we went outside.
On the way, I learned that the woman had only given Daozi a handjob and hadn't asked for a tip. I asked Daozi, "Why
?" Daozi seemed to have developed some affection for the woman: "She said she was really inconvenient today, not that she didn't want
to, she was very sincere, and even gave me her phone number so I could contact her when I had time. She patiently and gently gave me a handjob
. I saw that she was really sincere, so I didn't force her.
" Then Daozi asked me how I felt, and I gave her a few perfunctory answers. Actually, I felt terrible, mainly because I
felt unsatisfied. What pleasure can a simple transaction of money and sex bring besides a brief physical sensation?
Thinking about her reluctance, I felt very frustrated.
Back in the room, Daozi couldn't stop thinking about the woman and immediately called her. The two
chatted for a while, and it seemed the woman also had a good impression of Daozi.
Now, let me introduce Daozi's temperament. Daozi is of medium build, handsome, and very masculine
. This explains his frequent romantic encounters over the next few years (years later, whenever I hear him recount his romantic stories, I
can only lament that heaven didn't give me a sufficient reason to live).
However, because he was born into a very traditional family, he inevitably possessed
flaws such as being grateful for kindness received, being honest, loving his family, and unwilling to let others down.
The next day, Daozi went out early to attend a training session. I slept until noon, ate a quick meal,
and then wandered around Zhongshan City. Daozi returned at four in the afternoon, and we chatted.
Around five o'clock, his phone rang. Daozi exclaimed happily, "It's that woman calling me!"
He jumped out of bed excitedly, ran to the television, and picked up his phone.
"Hello?...???...Who is it?...What?? It's Er Gou! Where are you?? What??
I can't hear you! In Zhuhai? Damn it, I'm in Zhongshan, Hezi is here too...Yes, she's in Guangzhou for an interview...She wants to come
visit me, you better come right now, too late? Not late at all. There's definitely a bus...Hurry up and come over, or
I'll castrate you. Hurry up! Okay, okay, that's it!"
Daozi hung up the phone: "Damn it, it's Er Gou, he's been sent to Guangzhou by his company to develop the sales market, we
talk often."
"Great, it's been a long time since I've seen Er Gou." I said.
"We need to change hotels, this one is too expensive, I'm afraid I can't get reimbursed for a triple room." Daozi said.
So we changed hotels. It wasn't until 9 pm that Er Gou arrived. After having dinner together and
chatting for a while, we decided to go for a walk. This time Daozi knew the way better and walked to the main street of Zhongshan.
The bustling main street was full of all kinds of people, but what was even more surprising was the prostitutes everywhere!
Some acted alone, others in small groups. This profession seemed to have distinct characteristics,
easily discernible from their clothing and demeanor.
None of us had experience soliciting prostitutes on the street, so we were hesitant and dared not act rashly. We walked from the north end to
the south end, then back again, still hesitant.
Looking at this blatantly promiscuous place, I couldn't help but feel a pang of emotion. Could prostitution disappear?
Three years later, I can now give my own answer: absolutely impossible. The reason isn't the
ubiquitous market of clients,
but rather humanity's latent resistance to the dominant will of power. Why can't we engage in prostitution? Why must we
obey the mainstream's pronouncements of good and evil, becoming slaves to the loudly proclaiming rationality and progress? Humanity needs to maintain a state of confrontation
to reduce overall anxiety. Although modern people have become slaves to rationality and progress, subconsciously they still
fear hearing only one voice and seeing only one color, thus always striving to create a confrontational situation
. For example, the Cold War, despite causing fear and anxiety about a global war,
likely intensified rather than diminished our fear and anxiety when the Russian bear fell and Uncle Sam stood tall
. Not only did the people of Eurasia and Africa feel uncomfortable, but the American people were also extremely displeased.
Thus, another major confrontation between terrorism and counter-terrorism was needed to alleviate the imbalance caused by Russia's collapse
(speaking of Russia, one can't help but feel a pang of regret and sympathy; recent data indicates its economy wo
n't recover to 1990 levels until 2010).
Communication during a confrontation is a good way to resist the will to power, but it's also a tragedy for humanity, because you must choose
to join one side, and standing on the sidelines is shameful.
Later, we came to the overpass at the northern end, where scattered impoverished lower-class people were selling sugarcane
, candied hawthorns, tea eggs, and dried tofu. Alas, these people with extremely small businesses, they
too must rely on this place of prostitution to make a living.
Of course, there were also some girls standing on the bridge, seemingly unconcerned. Daozi was pressuring me to sleep with a woman that night
, with no excuses. I must have been deeply resentful of my recent bad luck, filled with
a desire to vent and destroy. Otherwise, I wouldn't have paid any attention to Daozi's words.
A strange emotion suddenly welled up inside me, and I walked straight up to a woman in a white trench coat:
"Want to sing?" I asked.
"I can't sing."
"You can sit with us for a while."
"I really can't sing, but I'll keep you company."
Wow, that was easy. I was a little surprised myself, and at the same time, I
laughed at how timid we were on the street earlier.
She threw away the remaining half of the sugarcane in her hand and looked at me. I then took a closer look at
her under the streetlight. She wasn't my type. But since it was so easy to find her, I was too lazy to bother trying to find
someone else, so I led her to Daozi and Ergou. Ergou asked, "What are you two doing? What are you doing
?"
We went to the KTV room on the second floor of the hotel, sat down, and ordered some tea and snacks. We started singing. Daozi started
with a wailing performance that stunned us. When we asked the woman to sing, she said she couldn't. I sat next to her,
hugged her, played with her long hair, and held the microphone in my other hand. Perhaps it was because of my mood, but I couldn't avoid those melodramatic
modern love songs, so I sang a tender folk song. When I sang the next song, Daozi burst
out cursing, "What kind of shitty song is this? Stop, stop!" She snatched the microphone and went back to wailing. Er Gou
also joined in with screams, which annoyed me greatly.
The woman and I looked at each other helplessly.
After Daozi finished wailing, she forced me and her to sing a love song duet. When she sang, I realized she wasn't being modest;
she genuinely couldn't sing.
She was completely tone-deaf. After she finished, Daozi said to her, "How about the three of us sleep with you?"
She flatly refused.
Er Gou chimed in, "You two, don't try that. I don't do that kind of thing." Daozi
spat at Er Gou.
Then she turned to me and yelled, "What are you still standing here for? Go upstairs." Er Gou remained silent. We
stayed for a while longer, and the singing got boring, so I pulled her along, "Let's go upstairs." She acquiesced
.
Upstairs, she took off her trench coat. I asked if she wanted to shower, and she said she had already showered at home. So I
turned off the overhead light, leaving only a wall lamp on. We lay down on the bed, fully clothed.
"Where are you from?" I asked her.
"Hubei."
"How long have you been here?"
"A few months, I guess," she mumbled. I knew this was their standard line. Just like
how acquaintances greet each other.
"Why do you do this?" "
Because I'm poor, I have several younger siblings at home," she lied on the spot.
I was annoyed by her lies, so I unbuttoned her coat, signaling that I was about to start.
She let me unbutton it, sat up so I could take off her coat, and then lay back down. I touched her breasts;
they weren't big. I lost interest in rubbing them, and continued to take off her trousers, then stroked her thighs and groin
.
She pretended to cooperate, occasionally shifting her body.
I got up, took off my clothes, and continued to stroke her for a while before taking off her long underwear. Touching her real
flesh gave me an indescribable discomfort. Her thighs were icy cold, feeling somewhat like a corpse. I didn't
want to touch her anymore, so I let her stroke my penis, which she obediently did. Mmm, the feeling was wonderful; I closed my eyes and quietly
enjoyed it.
Slowly, my emotions rose, and I started to pull down her panties. She slightly raised her buttocks, and I pulled them down to her thighs.
She lowered her buttocks and lifted her legs, and I pulled the panties off her thighs again. Her feet tripped over the panties
, and after several attempts, I finally managed to pull them all off and tossed them onto the other side of the bed. While pulling down her panties
, my penis started to recede. I let her continue stroking it with her hand, and once it was erect again, I had her put on a condom and
roll over onto her cold, stiff body. She straightened my penis and inserted it into her vagina.
With each thrust, she began to moan in a fake way, which annoyed me greatly, so I sped up
my movements. Then I remembered a line from some novel: "It's okay if you don't have an orgasm, the key is not to fake it, otherwise it
's meaningless." It perfectly described her. I moved quickly, the physical pleasure growing stronger and stronger,
until finally I couldn't hold back and ejaculated.
(Sorry everyone, this description is so rough and bland, but that's how I felt at the time, there's nothing I can do about it
.)
I lay there for a while, then rolled over. She reached for some toilet paper on the bedside table and cleaned herself. Then she
removed my condom and cleaned herself up too. I lay quietly on the bed, numb to all her movements.
A sense of emptiness rose within me.
"Are you happy?" I asked myself.
"No," another part of me answered remotely.
"Then did you get pleasure from her?" I continued to press myself.
"No," another part of me answered timidly.
"Then why did you do this?" I didn't give myself a way out.
"No, I don't know," another part of me lowered my head in shame.
I felt utterly bored, and a complex emotion inside me made me restless. Have our hearts really
become so insensitive? Lacking any vivid response to any stimulus? I asked myself, yet I had to admit it.
Yes, we can no longer experience the rites and music of Confucius, the benevolence and righteousness of Zhuangzi, the joy of reclusion,
the deep feelings and indignation of Qu Yuan, the sorrow of the Han Dynasty, the pathos of the Wei and Jin Dynasties, the Zen spirit of the Tang Dynasty,
the righteousness of the Song Dynasty, or the ethereal beauty of the Ming Dynasty. We can no longer experience the mystery of Egypt, the debauchery of Babylon, the revelry of Greece, or
the grandeur of Rome. Our emotional experiences are so impoverished that women can only exclaim "It's so much fun!" and
men can only curse "Damn it!" In short, we have all lost our sensitivity to life.
After she finished packing, I saw her to the front door, waving goodbye. Back in the KTV
room on the second floor, Daozi asked, "All done?" I tacitly agreed. Er Gou said, "Hezi, so this is how it is,
huh?" I was too lazy to answer. After settling the bill, we returned to our room. Daozi climbed onto the bed and sniffed, "This isn't the
bed, is it? Damn it, you're sleeping in this bed?"
The night passed, and morning arrived. Daozi had finished her training for the day, so everyone was free.
We decided to go back to Shenzhen together after lunch.
After lunch, Daozi was still worried about the woman, so he called her again. They chatted
for a while, and a hint of loneliness appeared in Daozi's eyes. After a moment of silence, Daozi mumbled a few more words.
He hung up and said, "She said she's coming over. You guys go out later and come back in half an hour."
A while later, there was a knock at the door. Daozi opened it and let her in. When she saw that there were other people there, her eyes
flickered. Er Gou and I went out.
We returned half an hour later, and Daozi was already smoking in the living room.
"So fast?" I asked.
"Damn, I was too excited. This is my first time inside a woman, and I came in a minute." Daozi said
dejectedly.
I was surprised that Daozi really was a virgin. I didn't know what to say for a moment.
"I gave her money, but she didn't want it. She said she wouldn't have come if it were for money." Daozi continued.
I didn't know what to say either, so I remained silent.
"I asked her if I was really bad, and she comforted me, saying it was fine, nothing to worry about," Daozi seemed to be
talking to herself.
"It's time to check out," I said, changing the subject.
After checking out, we boarded the bus to Shenzhen. On the way, Daozi kept asking me, "Hezi,
was your first time like this too?"
"Yes, not just the first time, but the first 10 times were almost like this," I replied casually
. That's why I object to the methods in traditional erotic literature, where a boy having sex with his mother for the first time is portrayed as
incredibly powerful, going at it for hours, changing positions repeatedly, giving her endless satisfaction. Haha,
too outrageous, too funny.
It even makes us naive adults suffer quite a bit,
terrified of our own premature ejaculation during our first time with a woman, innocently worrying about our abilities.
We arrived back in Shenzhen in the afternoon, ate a quick meal, and went back to Daozi's house to rest. Daozi's mother asked after us how we were doing.
After a while, she asked me again in a mix of Cantonese and Mandarin, "Are you tired now? I have a birth chart I'd like you
to calculate."
"Not tired, but it's been a long time since I've had one, I'm quite rusty, I won't be accurate."
"It's alright, just take a look. It's about an old classmate's daughter. She's had many boyfriends, but
none of them have worked out, and her parents are very worried about her. That girl is pretty, why can't she find someone?
Please calculate it carefully and see when things will work out."
I wrote down the birth chart and went back to Daozi's room, randomly doing some calculations. A little while later, Daozi came in: "Hezi,
you need to take care of yourself. My mom said you've become terribly thin, and your complexion isn't good either. She said you're even thinner than last time you came."
I knew that I had lost some weight in the past few months, probably because of some unhappiness, and I
was very grateful for the old woman's concern.
I did another random calculation, gave her a few perfunctory words, and went back to my room to rest.
That evening, our spirits were high again. We declined Daozi's mother's offer to stay for dinner and went out
to eat. After dinner, Daozi took me and Er Gou on a small motorcycle taxi, speeding through the streets and alleys of Shenzhen.
We parked the taxi at a busy alley and strolled around. For some reason, Er Gou dropped his
moralistic facade and was eager to get a massage.
Daozi and I weren't interested, so Er Gou left us and went straight into a hair salon.
Daozi and I teased Er Gou for a bit, then strolled around for a while longer. Feeling a little chilly, we went to a hair salon
for a wash.
After having our heads massaged for several tens of minutes, our hair stood on end like fried chicken. We rested for a
while and then went out to look for Er Gou. We called out at the door, "Gouzi, Gouzi, come out quickly!" It took a long time before Er
Gou finally came out in a hurry.
We continued wandering, hoping to find some attractive women to have some fun with. We went to several places, but none were satisfactory. Finally
, we came to one, and since we were all tired, we went inside. There was an old woman and two women inside. It was
past midnight, and the place was nearly deserted. Perhaps business was slow that night, because the short-haired woman kept urging us to sit down.
The woman next to her wasn't tall, but she had a pretty face and figure, and most importantly, she looked young and had a cheerful
air about her.
We couldn't sit for long, so we asked them to give us a massage. I lay down on a bed, and the short-haired
woman came over and began to serve me. She was clearly unprofessional, and I felt annoyed, so I said, "You
don't seem very professional."
"I've only been learning for a few days, so I might not be very good. How about something else?" she said somewhat shyly.
I knew what she meant, and since she wasn't my type, I didn't agree and got up to sit back
on the sofa. But Er Gou seemed quite interested in the short-haired woman and started chatting her up. In the end, the woman took her
out and went back to her sleeping quarters to fool around.
Daozi and I were bored, so we teased the remaining woman. Daozi said, "Let us take a look at your
body, just a look, nothing else."
"No."
"Then let's both have sex with you."
"What?! Even more unacceptable." "
Why? One of us can have sex while the other watches."
"Wouldn't that make us animals!"
Daozi and I both laughed, and she laughed too.
"Just let us both look," I said.
"No, only one at a time." She was quite firm.
Daozi thought Er Gou would probably be back in a while, so she let me play with her. I found her innocent and naive
appearance quite cute, so I went over, took her hand, and went into the inner room.
We sat side by side on the bed. My desire wasn't fully aroused yet, so I chatted haphazardly for a few minutes, and then asked
her to take off her clothes.
She stood up and began to undo her dress. The bodice was too tight, and her breasts were quite full, so
the zipper was probably faulty. She struggled for a while without success. I said, "So slow! Your breasts are quite large
."
"Yes," she replied earnestly, "the zipper is having trouble." She continued to undo it patiently. Her
expression was quite endearing.
Finally, she took off everything, revealing her impressive breasts, a shallow cleavage that exuded allure. I had her get into bed and
gently kneaded her breasts; they were soft and elastic, very pleasant.
I said, "I really like your breasts, they're so full," and then I cupped them in my hands,
instantly creating a deep cleavage. "The cleavage is sexy too,"
she said noncommittally, perhaps sensing my genuine fascination with her breasts, a hint of pride on her face.
After a while, I asked her to unzip my pants. She did so deftly, pulling my penis out of her underwear and
gently stroking it. With her touch, my penis slowly filled with passion. I slightly raised my hips, gesturing for her to pull
my underwear down. Then she continued to stroke me.
I lay back, enjoying her ministrations. She seemed naive, around twenty years old, yet she also seemed
very professional, genuinely treating it as something meaningful. As I watched her swaying breasts,
excitement slowly built up. I pressed her hands down and said, "Give me a blowjob."
"Ugh, I hate blowjobs the most," she frowned slightly.
"I don't want to do it, I just want you to give me a blowjob, okay?"
She hesitated for a moment: "Have you showered?"
"Yes, I showered before I left." I didn't lie to her; I had indeed taken a shower after waking up in the afternoon.
Seeing that my penis seemed relatively clean, she leaned down, nestled between my legs
, and took it into her mouth, sucking.
It seemed she was quite skilled at this, sucking with considerable technique, making me feel very comfortable. A few times, it went in very deep,
almost reaching her throat, causing my desire to surge.
She raised her head, perhaps her cheeks were a little tired from sucking, and looked at my face. I reached out and
gently stroked her face, very satisfied with her, my face showing appreciation and gratitude. I pulled her up slightly
, using her breasts to clamp my penis, moving it back and forth. She looked down at my glans moving in and
out of her cleavage, seemingly amused.
After a while, I stopped. She bent down again and took my penis into her mouth, sucking. Pleasure
surged through my body. If it were just for my own pleasure, I'd prefer oral
sex. Vagina always gave me a feeling of overgrown weeds, hiding some evil thing. Oral sex, on the other hand,
felt clean, and the pleasure was more intense.
With her sucking and stroking, my excitement finally reached its peak. I wanted to hold her head down and ejaculate into
her mouth, but she had already sensed my excitement and promptly spat out my penis, stroking it vigorously with her hand
while looking up at me.
I looked at her swaying cleavage, feeling like she was an angel of lust freeing me, and finally couldn't hold back any longer,
ejaculating. I pushed her hand away, frantically masturbating a few times, enjoying the brief pleasure of orgasm. Then
I quieted down, feeling my penis slowly soften and fall to one side.
She cleaned me up. I wouldn't let her get up, and we lay side by side on the bed. I played with her breast with one hand and
said, "Let me tell you a joke. There was a woman of the night, like you, who went on a spring outing to the countryside and stayed
at a farmer's house. The farmer had two simple-minded sons, who were quite adorable."
"I wouldn't go on a spring outing! My home is in the countryside; I've seen all kinds of scenery," she interrupted.
I couldn't help but laugh. I wasn't talking about you; why are you so simple-minded? I continued, "That night, the woman
suddenly felt lonely and called her two simple-minded sons over, asking if they wanted to play a game. The two happily
agreed in unison. The woman taught them to take off their pants, used her hands to make their little brothers stand up, and then took out
two condoms."
"Liar! It's fake!" she couldn't help but interrupt again.
I ignored her and continued, "She held up the two condoms and said to the two brothers, 'If you two
care about me, please put these on. '" The two brothers readily agreed, "
Yes, yes!" and obediently put on the condoms. Then everyone enjoyed the game
.
"A night of passion passed, and the woman vanished with the wind. The day passed uneventfully as usual.
In the evening, the younger brother ran to his older brother and asked, 'Brother, do you still care about that woman?' The older brother replied
, 'I don't care anymore.' The younger brother happily said, 'Then let's take off the condoms, I'm about to suffocate
!'
She giggled, her breasts trembling. After a long while, she stopped laughing: 'Those two are
so silly, but also so cute.'
Seeing her so happy, I asked her, 'Where are you from?'
'Leshan, Sichuan.'
'The place with the Leshan Giant Buddha?'
'Yes, my home is very close to the Leshan Giant Buddha. I often go there; it's very, very big.' she said earnestly
. "
"Is the environment where you live beautiful?"
"Of course! We don't have so many tall buildings there. It's all greenery, very beautiful, and the air is especially
fresh." She said, a hint of pride showing on her face. "You haven't been there, have you?"
"No, maybe I'll go someday, if it's really as beautiful as you say." I answered her.
"It really is beautiful, I'm not lying to you."
"Where are you from?" she suddenly asked me.
"Beijing," I said casually. "
Are you here on a business trip?"
"No, just traveling around. Actually, I don't have a job yet."
"Really?"
"Really, I just graduated." I suddenly answered as seriously as she did.
"You went to university?" She looked at me with longing.
"Yes." Seeing her endless questions, I could only give her a perfunctory answer.
"I only finished high school." She looked regretful.
I stopped kneading her breasts and glanced at her sideways. She thought to herself, "What's so great about university? I
did go, but I studied for over 20 years, almost 10 years of higher science education, and in the end, I was just trained
to be a tool. Speaking of my happiness, I'm not even as happy as you."
"Sigh, I wish I were a boy, maybe I could have gone to university too," she continued, lost in her dreams.
“Whether it’s a boy or a girl is determined by fate, what can you do?” she sighed.
“That’s not necessarily true, you can only blame your parents. Those crocodile eggs hatched in hot weather, and they all hatched males.”
I teased her.
“You’re such a liar!” She clearly didn’t believe me.
“I’m not lying to you, I read it in a book.”
“Really?” She was still skeptical.
“Are there eels in your rice paddies? Those eels are all female when they’re young, but they all become male when they get old
. Maybe you’ll become a man when you’re old.” I continued to tease her.
“Go away!” she retorted, “But I’ve never heard of eels being like that before. You know so much
.”
“What’s the use of knowing a lot? It doesn’t necessarily make me happier than you.”
“That’s different!” she argued.
I pulled my arm away and said, “Let’s get up.”
She then got out of bed, put on her underwear, picked up her bra, put it on, and carefully fastened the buttons. I watched her
do all this quietly.
"What are you looking at? Haven't you seen enough?" She suddenly blushed and turned slightly away.
After she finished putting on her dress, I had also tidied myself up. Looking at her full breasts, I couldn't help but gently
squeeze them again. She stood there, letting me do as I pleased. Sometimes I think that breasts are actually a woman's cleanest and most alluring
part. So a woman without breasts must lack charm.
Back in the outer room, the girl from Leshan poured a glass of water for me and Daozi, and we chatted while waiting for Er
Gou to return. After a while, Er Gou came back. Daozi scolded him, "Why are you so late?"
"We did two rounds, and I ejaculated prematurely the first time, so I did it again," Er Gou replied in a thick Northeastern accent
.
Another night passed, and it was time for me to return to Beijing. Daozi was worried I was too tired, so she bought me a plane ticket yesterday,
ordering Er Gou to pay half the fare, which angered Er Gou. Early the next morning, Daozi saw me off at the airport.
This was my first time on an airplane. Gazing at the white clouds outside the window, like isolated islands, so pure yet uninhabitable, I recalled
Daiyu's lament in *Dream of the Red Chamber* as she buried the flowers: "Where beyond the heavens is there a fragrant mound?" I couldn't help but answer for her: "
Beyond the heavens, where has there ever been a fragrant mound?" (
From *Buying Spring Chronicles*, Part 2)
Bentham
's "Panopticon" stood tall in the boundless wilderness. Its structure was as follows: a
circular building surrounded by a central watchtower. The watchtower had a ring of large windows facing the circular building. The circular building
was divided into many small cells, each penetrating the cross-section of the building. Each cell had two windows, one
facing inwards, opposite the tower's window, and the other facing outwards, allowing light to shine from one end of the cell to the other
.
Then, all that was needed was to place a supervisor in the central watchtower and imprison a
madman or a patient, a criminal, a worker, or a student in each cell. Through the backlighting effect, people can observe 　　the small figures imprisoned in
the surrounding cells from the observation tower's angle, exactly opposite to the light source, while the prisoners cannot see the central watcher. 　　The will to power thus radiates outwards from the center. Initially, there may be some resistance and unrest. Gradually, 　　the individual cells will quiet down, because the prisoners discover that, apart from the inability to communicate with their neighbors, their cells 　　are spacious, bright, well-ventilated, and offer exceptionally beautiful views. As long as they do not disobey the restrictions on the inner side of the window, 　　life is actually surprisingly comfortable— 　　millions of times better than those closed, damp, dark prisons infested with bedbugs and fleas. Thus , 　　the prisoners gradually become accustomed to the discipline of the will to power, taking it for granted and quieting down. 　　In this way, anyone can perform the surveillance function of the central observation tower. It could be the sheriff, 　　a prisoner, an unintentional madman, or a mischievous child. Until finally, with careful arrangement, 　　such as adding blinds to the sides, any surveillance can be eliminated. 　　We are thus disciplined into obedient roles: workers, students, clerks, intellectuals, 　　police officers, prostitutes, homosexuals. And despite the will to power's deliberate attempts to conceal itself, it seems 　　to penetrate every corner with even greater tenacity and force. This is the world we live in. 　　What a tragedy for humanity! As Nietzsche said, human civilization, after thousands of years of development, has 　　not actually evolved; what humanity possesses are merely different wills to power, and the changes in history are simply 　　changes 　　in these wills. Our world today is an era where reason, technology, and progress reign supreme. 　　I remember when I was at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, there was a Haier laboratory downstairs. A display board at the entrance proclaimed Haier's 　　motto: "What does it mean to be extraordinary? To do something a thousand times, ten thousand times, without making a mistake—that's extraordinary 　　." Those nakedly rational and domineering words brought tears to my eyes. 　　Imagine each person as a cog in the perfectly functioning machine of modernization, endlessly 　　spinning and spinning, producing gleaming silver dollars piling up before the capitalists. These silver dollars, in turn, expand 　　and strengthen the machine, making it ever larger and more complex, creating more demand and 　　finding perfect places for more cogs. So, are we human? Are we cogs? Or are we 　　faithful slaves to reason, technology, and progress? 　　If this spirit is right, worthy of admiration, then I ask: has anyone ever 　　awarded a "not simple" prize to the switchman who dedicated his entire life to the railway? We have sex every now and then; each of us 　　has probably done it thousands of times in our lives, and we rarely hear of anyone making a mistake. Does that mean we 　　are all extraordinary? 　　To put it even more disgustingly, each of us defecates once a day and urinates several times a day, and we don't see anyone making 　　any mistakes. Is defecation destined to be something great and glorious? 　　The wall separating the cells in Bentham Prison looms large in my mind, creating a sense of unease. 　　Couldn't that wall have a few openings? Could the people on either side of the wall have some form of communication? Like a business 　　owner and employee, an interviewer and interviewee.

When my son grows up and goes for his first job interview, will he no longer have to
eloquently recite things like his father's grandstanding, such as, "I've long admired your company's reputation and excellent corporate culture.
I believe I can quickly integrate into this outstanding team and contribute my energy and strength to the company's development . I also hope to continuously improve and enrich 　　myself
in the process of developing with the company ," but instead simply say, " 　　I need to eat"? 　　Or, for example, can a client and a prostitute temporarily set aside their respective identities and roles to 　　experience something they share? This question doesn't seem so easy to answer. 　　Last December, Daozi returned from the US, landing in Beijing. Instead of visiting me first, he went to 　　hang out with a girl he met online. Daozi had worked incredibly hard to finally get a master's degree in computer science at a lousy school in the US 　　. Missing his parents, he returned home during his break after only half a semester 　　. 　　Daozi called me the day after he arrived in Beijing. He said, “Hezi, I’m in so much 　　pain right now, I don’t know if you can understand. I only dated this girl to satisfy my lust. Before I went back to China, 　　I told her that I was only dating her because of desire, and she said she didn’t care and was willing to be my little girl 　　. 　　“We made love last night, it was very natural. Although I released my desire, I’m in so much pain inside, do you understand 　　? She seems to really like me. I told her I was just playing around, but she’s willing to stay with me for a few days. Hezi, am I really 　　that charming?” 　　“Where are you now?” I asked him. 　　“In Shangdi, staying in a run-down hotel. The air conditioner is broken, it’s so cold! She’s gone to work.” 　　“Come find me, let’s have a good talk.” "I comforted him. 　　We met at noon; Daozi was still wearing summer clothes, shivering from the cold. I called my wife 　　, and we had lunch together. 　　(By the way, my wife is the one who perfectly broke up with me the year we graduated. I don't know what 　　got into her, but at the end of April she came to see me again, hoping to rekindle our old flame. I've given up on romantic relationships 　　, so I casually agreed, and we got married quickly. It seems there's no sign of divorce yet.) 　　After lunch, my wife went back to work, and Daozi and I went home to rest. When we got home, I found some 　　clothes for Daozi to put on, and he slowly warmed up. Daozi said, 'Hezi, I have to go back to that 　　hotel tonight. She'll be sad if I don't go back, and I can't just leave her like this.' 　　'Whatever you want, move here with me sooner rather than later. The longer you stay there, the more miserable you'll be. Why do you 　　have to go back to her place when you go back to China? '" " 　　She accidentally found out I was back in China. She said if I didn't visit her, she might commit suicide 　　. She was very distressed, and I was afraid something would happen to her, so I went." 　　"Then come for one more night, and come to my place tomorrow." 　　"I thought so too," Daozi replied. 　　After a while, Daozi suddenly blurted out, "Your sex life with your wife is going well, right? Your wife is pretty 　　good, I like her a lot." 　　I spat at him: "I'm not that generous, but sex is just like that. 　　We only do it once a month now." 　　"Why? Are you impotent? If you can't, I can help you." Daozi was still very indecent 　　. 　　"No, it's just that we're too familiar with each other, there's not much mystery anymore. She's easily satisfied, 　　once a month might be just right for her." I answered truthfully. 　　"And you? You're not doing well either, are you?" 　　"I do need it. When the desire comes, I have her use her hand, and when she doesn't want to, I 　　take care of it myself." 　　"Damn, is something wrong with you two?" 　　"No, everyone feels good this way. To be honest, I prefer using my hand; the pleasure is more intense. 　　I don't seem to be very interested in women's private parts anymore." " 　　You're a fucking pervert! I can't even find a woman in America, it's so painful!" Daozi 　　said fiercely, then asked, "What the hell is wrong with you? Your wife is quite sexy, and she's pretty too 　　." 　　I couldn't answer and remained silent, because I didn't know why I felt this way. Why? I didn't know, 　　but I didn't think there was anything abnormal about me. (The American people kept questioning Bush: "Whyiraq? 　　Why now?" I also kept asking myself: "Whymasterbasis? 　　Whyways?") 　　Just then, my phone rang. It was a woman: "Hello? Is ×× there?" It was looking for 　　Daozi. I tossed the phone to Daozi: "It's for you." 　　Daozi whispered, "It's her." 　　After a long, drawn-out chatter, Michiko hung up and said, "I have to go, she's about to cry. My 　　luggage might be delivered to you tonight, please keep it safe for me." I 　　had no choice but to let her go. Thinking of Michiko huddled shivering in the cold hotel room, I suddenly felt a touch of 　　absurdity. Was Michiko satisfying his own desires and possessing the woman's body, or was he being cunningly controlled 　　, possessed, and ravaged by the woman? 　　Life is sometimes truly unpredictable. Thinking about how Michiko and that woman would have their 　　wild farewell tonight, I couldn't help but believe one thing: human sexual activity is essentially about satisfying 　　the need for pleasure; otherwise, why would humans engage in sexual activity? Unlike mosquitoes, chickens, and ducks, who can just spit out their rear ends and 　　be done with it, only to forget each other and go their separate ways, right? 　　The night before I was to return to America, Daozi passed by my place again. Thinking about having to 　　endure a womanless life in that unfamiliar country again the next day, Daozi seemed quite distressed, sighing frequently. 　　I asked my wife for leave and went out to dinner with Daozi. After dinner, we chatted for a while, and it was already past 10 pm. 　　Daozi suddenly became very depressed: "Hezi, this time I'm going back to America, and I might not be back for a year or two."

Thinking about the days without a woman to satisfy my pent-up desires, I felt so damn miserable! Let's find a prostitute and have some fun.
I haven't touched a prostitute since I got married. It's not that I've reformed, but because
I'm not familiar with the market in Beijing and don't have the guts to go out there. Besides, my wife keeps a close eye on me. I saw Daozi getting more
and more excited as he talked, and by the end, his desire was rising. It seemed like we had to have some fun.
So we took a taxi to the vicinity of the Huadu Hotel. Because every time I passed
by the Huadu Hotel on my way to my wife's house from Zhongguancun for a date, I often saw groups of prostitutes wandering around a small street.
When I went to look, there wasn't a single one in sight, so we got out of the car and wandered around, looking for targets. After wandering around
for a long time, I said it looked like we wouldn't find any, so we had to go home. Daozi angrily said, "Damn it, when we get back, will your wife let
me have some fun?" "
Of course, I wasn't that magnanimous, haha. So I had no choice but to continue searching with this sudden lustful freak.
Finally, near Xinyuanli, we saw a girl walking alone towards us. I encouraged Daozi to go up and flirt with her,
invite her for a one-night stand or something, maybe she'd be willing.
Daozi looked at her and
thought she seemed like a respectable woman, so he was a little scared and didn't dare to make a move. He could only let her walk by. In the dim light, he thought she was quite attractive, and her figure was good too. When she passed by us, she glanced at Daozi and me, seemingly
aware of our earlier flirting. When Daozi and I turned around to look at her, regretting missing out on a nice girl
, we found that she was also looking back at us.
Daozi and I slowed down and watched her stroll slowly to the vicinity of the bus stop." She stopped, still turning back
to look at us.
Daozi and I had a feeling she was the one we were looking for. But seeing how plainly she was dressed, we didn't dare to make a move
.
Finally, Daozi mustered up her courage and went over, asking if she'd like to chat for a while. She immediately agreed happily,
saying she'd call a friend over to keep us company. Damn, so she was our target! She looked
quite good, rather thin, spoke with a Northeastern accent, and had a pretty face.
She called out in the distance, and a woman ran over, but Daozi and I didn't like her. Then she called over
another one, who looked only 17 or 18, not very pretty, and a little chubby. Daozi and I said, "Forget
it, she's too young, we're scared. Just you."
"Call her too, that way we can go to her room, I don't have room by myself." She was quite accommodating to
her friend.
"Just you, let's go, let's get a room."
"You two? I'm too scared, call her too." “
We’re not perverts, don’t worry! Let’s go.”
She had no choice but to agree. We hailed a taxi and asked her to find a place. She was actually considerate of us, wanting to find a
cheap room.
After wandering around for a while, we finally found a hotel near Tuanjiehu. As we got out of the car, she muttered, “
It would have been so much better to go to my little sister’s place, saving us this money. I really don’t know what you guys were thinking.”
The receptionist saw the three of us come in and greeted us. Daozi said, “We’ll get a double room.”
“A double room?”
“Yes.”
“200 yuan.” The receptionist looked at us suspiciously.
“So expensive? Can you book a room by the hour?”
“We don’t have hourly rooms.”
“Just two hours, how about 100 yuan?” Daozi said.
The receptionist finally understood our identity and readily agreed. She didn’t even give us a receipt, just took the money
and handed us the key: “418, the elevator is on the right.” "
Upon entering the room, I realized she was quite old; her face was clearly powdered, and her once-handsome face showed
signs of aging. Daozi urged her to undress and take a shower.
She took off her outer clothes, revealing a dark red thermal undershirt and trousers—my least favorite color. Then I watched her remove the thermal undershirt
and trousers, revealing a dark red bra and panties. 'Damn, this is really unpleasant,' I muttered to myself.
Then she undressed completely, revealing her true figure. She looked quite shapely when she was dressed, but I never imagined she would
be so thin without clothes on; her buttocks and waist were almost flat. Before, because my wife was on the heavier side, I
always found slender, shapely women very attractive. Now I understood; that was just being too thin,
lacking any curves.
I sat on the bed, watching them enter the bathroom one after the other, not even bothering to close the door, the sound of running water filling the air. I heard
Daozi say, 'Can you wash the stuff off your face?'
'No! I have to go out later; I didn't bring my makeup bag.'" "
Damn, it's so late, how can you find business out there?"
"It's not late, anyway, I can't wash it off."
"Your breasts aren't big enough."
"I'm naturally thin."
"You're over thirty, aren't you!"
"Nonsense, don't touch me yet." It seems Daozi is already touching her.
After a while, they came out and lay down on the bed. Daozi started kneading her breasts. I went to the bathroom to wash
myself. When I came out, I saw her sucking Daozi's penis hard. I put on my clothes and
sat on the sofa watching them. Strangely, I wasn't aroused at all. Daozi's penis
was going in and out of her mouth, such an erotic scene, but it didn't arouse my desire, which was a bit strange. The Northeastern
woman looked up and saw me staring at them, so she spat out the penis
and urged Daozi to get on top. Daozi said, "What's the rush? The mood isn't even aroused yet!" The woman from Northeast China pulled
out her clothes, took out a condom, and put it on Daozi. Daozi then spread her legs, bent down, and penetrated her
. The woman even guided Daozi's penis with her hand.
Daozi began thrusting vigorously. I felt a little cold, so I moved closer, lifted her shoulders, pulled her
into my arms, and squeezed her breasts. At the same time, I gestured for her to straighten up and give me oral sex. But she absolutely refused. I had no
choice but to let her hold my penis in her hand and gently stroke it. She moaned, responding to Daozi's thrusts while
stroking my penis. My desire was slowly aroused, and I frantically rubbed her breasts.
Daozi thrust vigorously for a while, then suddenly said, "Damn, it's soft." He pulled out his penis and let her continue stroking it.
She released me and began to stimulate Daozi with all her might. I had no choice but to sit to the side. She was obviously too eager to finish quickly and wanted to
satisfy Daozi as soon as possible, so her movements seemed very hasty. Her purely mechanical movements made me very uncomfortable. I thought to myself, "She
has no professionalism at all."
She then put Daozi's penis back into her vagina and started rubbing it actively. Daozi thrust hard for a few dozen more times, but he gradually realized that
she was just going through the motions and lost interest, so he withdrew. He said, "Hezi, you come, I'll rest for
a while."
She got impatient: "What are you doing? How can you take turns like this? One at a time!"
Daozi ignored her and sat on the sofa. I went over and asked her to stroke my penis. She had no choice but to use her hand to masturbate.
When my penis became hard, she took out a condom, put it on me, and put my penis into my vagina.
I had already lost interest, but I thought I couldn't waste my money, so I grabbed her buttocks and thrust hard for a while.
When I felt unsatisfied, I made her turn over and lie down, and continued to thrust from behind. Michiko said from the side, "Damn, Hezi,
from behind, you're quite the stud!"
She feigned a moan, but wasn't actually aroused. Maybe she couldn't experience sexual pleasure anymore. Listening
to her fake moans, I felt incredibly irritated, and my penis slowly went limp.
I had no choice but to pull out and sit on the bed. She got impatient: "What's wrong with you two! What are you doing!"
"Your penises are so soft, how can we do it?" I was angry.
She yelled again, "Are you coming or not? You still have to pay if you don't come."
Michiko and I remained silent, finding her incredibly vulgar. She then said kindly, "Bring the tea."
"It's cold!" I said.
"It's alright, bring it. Come on, let's continue!"
I handed her the tea, and she dipped her finger in it and rubbed it onto her vagina. Damn! Michiko and I were both stunned. Damn it,
her vagina was so dry, and she still wanted us to have sex with her? What was the point? It seemed she was just making a transaction
. Daozi and I were utterly disgusted, completely devoid of any desire. Daozi said, "I'm not coming anymore, you're so boring."
"How am I boring!"
"You're just boring!" Daozi had already thrown the condom on the ground and picked up her clothes to put them on. I also cleaned myself up and
prepared to get dressed. I said to her, "You get up too. We're not playing anymore."
She muttered, "I've never seen anyone like you, what's wrong with you?"
"We're not wrong, we just picked the wrong people," I thought to myself. Daozi took out 400
yuan and threw it at her. She stuffed it into her pocket, seemingly still not understanding why we were stopping.
Thinking about how the three of us had been laughing and joking on the way to the hotel, only to be met with this dramatic
ending, I found it quite amusing. Are clients really just clients, and prostitutes really just prostitutes?
What kind of sex is it if there's no connection between souls?
Daozi and I cursed as we headed home. On the way home, Daozi sniffed my clothes and said,
"Damn, Hezi, you smell like that woman. Your wife will definitely notice."
I panicked, "What the hell are we going to do?"
"We'll just have to drink some alcohol to calm ourselves down!"
So we searched everywhere along the roadside for a lit place. It was almost 1 a.m., and even finding a small shop
was difficult. Finally, we found a small shop next to a bus stop, and I quickly bought a can of beer
and drank it down.
When we got home, I deliberately blew a few breaths on my wife's face. She woke up groggily and asked,
"Did you drink again? I told you not to drink!" I replied, "Just a little bit." My wife was
still very sleepy and went back to sleep. I was quite pleased with myself for getting away with it, so I took off my clothes and went to sleep.
The next morning, Daozi rushed to the airport, returning to that
ideal place that was full of dreams but also where he had to endure loneliness and the torment of desire.
In the blink of an eye, it was Chinese New Year. My wife and I are both from Yantai, so we had to go home to visit our relatives. The New Year in the North
is always spent in a flurry of activity. Not only is there a lot of food to prepare before the New Year, but also visiting relatives and friends afterward. It
's not only tedious but also incredibly annoying. The third day of the Lunar New Year is the day for sons-in-law to visit their
fathers-in-law. My wife, annoyed by me, ran away to her father-in -law's house on the second day
. So, I went alone to Yantai to pay my respects to my father-in-law, stay for a few days, and then head back to Beijing. My
wife's family is very complicated. Her biological mother died, and her father remarried. Her father has seven siblings, her biological
mother has six, her stepmother has four, and her stepmother's ex-husband has five.
Each family has several children, and I couldn't even figure out how many people there were. I didn't even recognize
all the elders, which was very frustrating.
During my few days at my father-in-law's house, there were people coming and going every day, constant polite exchanges, and endless perfunctory responses—it was incredibly dizzying
. Finally, the day to return to Beijing arrived, and I prepared to take the train that evening to leave this troublesome place. Unfortunately, I had a
cold that day and felt quite unwell. I slept until 4 p.m., and when I heard the noise outside, like a big meeting, I felt
extremely annoyed. I wanted to wash my hair but didn't want to move, so I wandered out onto the street, ready to... wash my hair.
I strolled over, breathing in the chilly air, which made me feel much clearer-headed. Turning a corner,
I saw a barbershop on a downhill slope, so I went in for a wash.
It was rare to see someone doing business so early, only a few days after the New Year. The young woman cutting my hair happily let me sit down and
started washing my hair.
She looked to be no more than twenty years old, not very tall, and quite plump. She washed my hair efficiently,
and I chatted with her casually.
"Out so early? Where's the business these days?"
"I'm just idle at home anyway!" she laughed.
"Are you twenty?"
"Exactly twenty."
I was speechless for a while, then she struck up a conversation: "Is this your first time here
?"
"Yes, I don't work in Yantai."
"On a business trip?"
"Have you ever seen someone go on a business trip during the Lunar New Year?"
"Then what are you doing here?"
"My wife's home is in Yantai, I came with her."
"Oh."
Silence fell again. She looked hesitant, but after a while, she couldn't help but ask, "
Shall I give you a massage?"
I then understood why she had opened her shop so early—she was a massage girl. My whole body ached,
so I agreed. She washed my hair and led me downstairs to a rented apartment. She took me
to her room, made me lie down, and started massaging me haphazardly. I immediately realized she wasn't a professional and got angry
: "You don't know how to massage? You tricked me into coming down here."
"I'll play with you, okay?" she seemed a little embarrassed.
Seeing her childlike demeanor, I was surprised that she was also selling herself. Slightly surprised, and seeing her somewhat shy
expression, I suddenly felt a desire. I said, "Okay, but you're so young, do you have any experience?"
She smiled shyly, neither confirming nor denying. This expression only fueled my desire. So I said
, "Get some water, let's wash up." She obediently slipped out of the room, went to the kitchen, found a basin, and poured in some hot water
. I took off my pants and washed my penis. She poured out the water and then filled a basin with water to wash her genitals.
We got into bed, and I squeezed her full breasts while she gently stroked my penis. I said
, "If you're just going through the motions, we shouldn't do it anymore; that's no fun."
"How could that be?" she said seriously.
"That's hard to say. If I see you haven't reached orgasm, I won't continue."
Her face flushed slightly, and she stopped talking. Seeing that she could still show girlish shyness, my heart couldn't help but
flutter.
I pulled her onto my lap, positioning her legs directly between my penis, and she obediently let me hold her.
I have to say she was still a very healthy girl; her breasts were full and firm, her waist and abdomen were without an ounce of fat, and
a few fine hairs grew faintly below her flat stomach.
I really dislike women with overgrown pubic hair, but seeing how smooth hers looked, I couldn't resist
gently touching it with my hand, saying, "You should really enjoy it, don't just think about how to make me ejaculate, otherwise
I'll leave."
"Mmm," she softly replied, seemingly even more shy.
I gently touched her labia with my fingers; they seemed not fully developed, not
as plump as a mature woman's, which was exactly what I liked. I caressed her vulva for a long time, then gently parted her
labia with my fingers, lightly touching the inside. Her vagina slowly became wet, and my fingers were covered in a watery liquid.
I kneaded the girl's tender flesh with varying pressure, my heart slowly filling with a surging feeling. Finally, she
let out a soft moan, seemingly reacting to something. I looked up at her; she had already closed her eyes. I think she really was experiencing
some pleasure, perhaps because she hadn't had any clients for a long time before and after the New Year, making her more easily aroused.
I gently said to her, "Yes, that's good. Feel it, I'm going to make you feel really good. Don't think
about me, think about your own body, experience your own feelings."
She didn't speak, only letting out a soft sigh.
My index finger slid down her slowly relaxing body and into her paradise, and she sighed again
. I slowly moved my finger in and out, feeling the inside getting wetter and the opening widening, so I tried
inserting another finger and gently rotating it inside. I heard her swallow.
After a while, I withdrew my finger and moved it upwards from the opening, touching
her clitoris at the junction of her labia.
She let out a soft "Ah!" I gently pressed the clitoris. Her breathing quickened, she had
completely forgotten her identity, seemingly eager for satisfaction. I continued to caress her abdomen, and
my other hand began to knead her breasts. She tried to suppress any sound, but I knew her excitement was irresistible
. I gently asked her, "Does it feel good?"
"Mmm," she replied shyly, her eyes still closed.
"Hold my cock," I gently told her, and she obediently grasped it, gently stroking it up and down.
When it became rock hard, I gently lifted her buttocks with both hands, letting her guide my cock into her opening. She
said anxiously, "Should we put on a condom?"
"Let me enjoy it for a while first, no rush," I reassured her, so she guided my cock to the opening, and I gently
pushed, my cock slowly advancing along the wet opening. Her vagina was very tight; I felt the entire vaginal
wall completely embracing my cock from front to back, giving me a strange sense of pleasure.
I held her buttocks and slowly thrust in and out, and she involuntarily closed her eyes again, letting out soft moans,
her breathing becoming rapid. Seeing her so engrossed, my desire continued to swell. After thrusting for a while, I
stopped inside her, leaning in to suckle her small nipple. She began to sway her body, hoping I would continue thrusting, and
I sucked on her nipple desperately.
Her moans grew louder, and her body swayed. I asked her, "Is it good?" She nodded.
"Want more, little brother?"
She nodded shyly, looking incredibly cute.
So I held her tighter and continued thrusting. She moved in sync with me, her breathing becoming increasingly rapid, her throat
making constant sounds. My excitement grew stronger, feeling fluid flowing from her vagina. Finally,
she cried out "Ah!" as a hot liquid shot out from deep within her.
My excitement finally reached its peak. I thrust a few more times, yelled, pulled out my penis, and my semen
gushed out, shooting onto her belly. I had her continue stroking my penis with her hand, feeling the waves of pleasure
pounding through my brain.
At that moment, we seemed to have forgotten our identities, even who each other was. Nothing else
mattered; only the intense pleasure assaulted our souls. I wasn't the buyer, and she wasn't the seller
; or rather, I was the seller, and she was the buyer. Our identities could be interchanged, yet it wouldn't affect our
perfect experience at this moment.
I held her tightly in my arms, ignoring the mess on our bed. It felt as if I were holding a blissful
angel, a feeling I'd never experienced before.
After a long while, she pulled away and said, "You're so amazing, and so gentle."
She must have been deeply moved by my gentle and considerate actions. I asked, "Did you climax?"
"Mmm, it felt so good."
"Really?"
"Really, I'm not lying, it was the best I've ever had."
I looked into her eyes, and her expression didn't seem to be lying. Soon, we both calmed down, and she
carefully wiped me clean, like a considerate young woman.
After we tidied our clothes, I held her in my arms, my left hand slipping inside her bosom, gently kneading her breasts
. She sat quietly, her expression somewhat dazed, and then, for some reason, she suddenly sighed softly.
Suddenly, we heard someone enter the house, and we got up and went outside. We bumped into one of her friends bringing in another
man.
Outside the door, we walked side by side; it was already quite dark. Looking at the lights of countless homes, my heart suddenly
hesitated, but in the end, I made a very incongruous decision. I took out 100 yuan and put it
in her hand.
She softly said "no" and waved her hand repeatedly. I still firmly placed it in her hand. She
stared at me silently in the darkness, her gaze sending a shiver of unease through me. I roughly pushed her
away, forcing her to take it.
She didn't refuse anymore and put it in her pocket.
I felt a pang of regret; it seemed that in that moment, our identities were redefined: I was the buyer,
she was the seller. An awkward atmosphere enveloped us, making me very uncomfortable, even wanting to berate myself
. Why? Why did I do something so foolish? I questioned myself, but felt
a sense of emptiness. We didn't speak again. Reaching the shop, I said to her, "Let's go inside; I should go home too
."
That night, my wife and I boarded the train back to Beijing, and after a bumpy overnight journey, we arrived back.
For a time, I was fascinated by the revelry of the ancient Greek Dionysian festival. Every spring, when the first grapes
ripened, Greek citizens would gather in squares and streets, drinking and reveling day and night. After
men and women were thoroughly drunk, they would meet under olive trees, naked, and indulge in sensual pleasures. Especially seeing
the strong men of Sparta freely taking other men's wives, forcing them to bear and raise their children
before returning them to their husbands, I felt a sense of envy for the Greeks' way of life.
Later, I gradually understood that this revelry, like its still-praised democratic politics,
was only for Greek citizens, excluding slaves, natives, and foreigners. Sparta
was more like a large, oligarchy army, implementing a policy of universal conscription. If a baby was not
healthy at birth, it was immediately thrown off a cliff to its death, without even the parents feeling any grief.
Those who escaped this fate, or even those who were merely somewhat unattractive, were not allowed to marry and were destined to
a life of hardship and death.
Therefore, I have serious doubts about whether there is a universal, universal form of joy.
Can we resist the will of power? The answer is yes, but the
price you pay might be a terrible loss you can never repay in your lifetime, or even your life.
So how can we live a more fulfilling life?
In my opinion, three things are most important: an everlasting curiosity,
a hope that, though waning, never truly dies, and a constant search for joy in our own way. Unfortunately, I only possess the first
one.
Curiosity is the source of all happiness; without it, it's difficult to live a truly enjoyable life. Hope is
the legacy we leave to future generations, letting them know that although the world may be boring and meaningless, their parents were still
trying their best to make it more harmonious. And the constant search for joy is the primary goal of our experience in this world.
When I told Daozi about my idea to write this article, she replied with a letter: "You pervert,
I never thought you had such a refined taste, writing erotic novels? Damn it, let's go
crazy together after I get everything settled here. That trip to Beijing was terrible, that woman was really unpleasant, the more I think about it, the more unpleasant I get.
"Tomorrow is my Unix exam. Although I understand it very well, I still feel uneasy. I'll go study. Although
I like computers, I hate exams. So my exam results weren't very good.
"How's your relationship with Lao Duan? How's your sex life? That's what I'm most concerned about.
"I don't dare to get involved with the Taiwanese girl. She's too innocent. I have to try to avoid being alone with her now, otherwise,
I won't be able to control myself. She said a lot of things to me that made me cry. She probably sensed that I would leave her soon, she's
always very melancholy.
"She's really a very kind-hearted girl, I really, really don't dare to hurt her. Sometimes, when I think
of her, I feel so cruel.
"The night before last, she had a terrible stomachache, I accompanied her to the hospital, and stayed with her almost all night." After seeing the doctor
, she was given a sedative
. She was very dizzy, and when we told her to sleep, she refused, saying that if she fell asleep, she would miss several
hours with me.
I wanted to cry.
"So, she desperately tried to stay awake, her big eyes fixed on me, wanting me to say: 'I love you.'
She asked me to say it many times, but I didn't agree. The night before last, I told her. Perhaps because she wasn't
fully clear-headed, or perhaps she sensed the lack of sincerity in my words, she didn't seem very happy.
"She knows we don't have much time left together and wants to spend as much time as possible with me, but she's afraid it will affect my studies.
I know she's conflicted. I also want to spend as much time with her as possible, but I'm afraid she'll fall too deeply, and when
I leave her, she'll be even more heartbroken.
"Sigh..."
Reading the long "sigh" at the end, I suddenly felt a sense of loss.
We can abandon ideals, we can abandon responsibilities, but we still don't have the courage to abandon pure love.
Why is that?"
Life continued its uneventful flow, and the weather in Beijing was gradually turning cooler. I still rushed out the door every morning at dawn
, diving in and out of the subway twice, emerging a second time into the deep of night, amidst the neon lights...
A flicker. Another day passes by like this, it's hard to say what it means, but it also doesn't seem fair to say it's meaningless
.
Still watching the diverse, expressionless faces of the subway passengers, I
wondered if behind each of those blank faces might lie hidden dreams of eternal youth, and what
kind of pain and loneliness they would endure for their pitiful aspirations. I exited the subway at Gongzhufen, following the surging crowd into the long
passageway; amidst the mingled scents of chestnuts and corn, I passed the laid-off female worker selling tea eggs, the
stalls selling bras for 5 yuan and sweaters for 20 yuan, the sanitation worker lying on a shabby bed in the corner, his face covered by a newspaper, refusing to interact , the blind couple singing like angels, and the young 　　singer-songwriter
whose future was uncertain ; finally, I squeezed out of the narrow, sewer-like exit, and could finally breathe a sigh of relief, my eyes seeing 　　the blue sky, but also forced to look at the cramped rows of high-rise buildings on both sides of the road, their dark windows 　　revealing a foreseeable emptiness. 　　My story can end here. As my gaze shifted from the screen, a song gently echoed in my mind 　　, perhaps serving as a fitting, albeit ethereal, ending. It suits Xiao Du, Shen Tu, and 　　all of us who, beneath our outward expressions of joy or anxiety, still reveal a profound loneliness—Jiang Corre is probably 　　no exception. 　　A girl named Shiyi, 　　with countless secrets in her heart, 　　because true friends are rare in this world, 　　she must search and search. 　　She thought that no trace of loneliness was visible on her face, but loneliness was already etched there. (Currently, 　　only the rock-style version performed by Zang Tianshuo and Siqin Gerile is available on the internet, but I 　　think the slightly melancholic blues version from a distant era is closer to our lives.)

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A Chronicle of Buying Sex

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