Colleague's ex-girlfriend

I remember graduating in 2014 at the age of 22 and quickly finding a job. My ex-girlfriend and I were in the same department when I first started working. There was a rule in our department that colleagues couldn't date, so we secretly started dating. Don't laugh, but although I'd had a few relationships before, I hadn't even given away my first kiss. Then, in the first week we were together, I gave away my first kiss, and a month later, I lost my virginity. She wasn't a virgin either, but I really didn't mind at all. Back then, I felt that if I could marry her, I would have no other desires. Now I think it was really stupid.

She lived in a house her sister bought; her sister didn't live with her. Thinking about my first time makes me want to curse, even though I've been masturbating since middle school, reading porn, and watching movies—my theoretical knowledge is very solid. But when a woman was actually in front of me, I freaking didn't know what to do. First, I couldn't find the opening, and then when I did, I didn't know how to do foreplay, so I just shoved it in. Then tragedy struck: she didn't bleed, but I did! Because it was so dry, I rubbed the skin off my clitoris. What a bummer! My first time ended so abruptly. Later, I asked my best friend for advice and went to buy a box of condoms. I was embarrassed to buy condoms for the first time, so I walked around in front of the condom counter for over half an hour before finally buying one. Then the second time, using a condom was fine. We always used the normal missionary position. I wanted to try a different position, but she wouldn't allow it. Sometimes when we watched porn, the woman would give the man oral sex, and before I could say anything, she'd say, "Don't even think about me giving you oral sex." I swear at the time, I really didn't want her to do it for me. I felt that asking her would be a desecration of her. We dated for over six months, and I still think those six months were probably the happiest time of my life. Although saying this makes me feel bad for my current wife, it's probably because my ex-girlfriend and I were incompatible. She had a fiery temper, while I'm more easygoing. We broke up after that. Afterwards, I lost 30 pounds in two months and cried all the time. Then I met my current wife. We dated for only a month before I slept with her. She was a virgin. Later, she got pregnant, and we got married. Now our child is almost a year old. I still think about my ex-girlfriend from time to time. If you guys ask me what would happen if she came back to me or asked me to hook up, even though I really wanted to, I would refuse her because I have responsibilities. Although we're not in the same department now, we still work at the same company and often run into each other. You know what? I'm afraid to see her because seeing her makes me feel terrible, like my heart is clenching and I can't breathe. Because of this, I often take a detour if I see her from afar. And I often dream about her at night. I'm so afraid that if I dream about her and call out her name, my current wife will hear me. Ugh, guys, I'm so scared!
[The End]

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Colleague's ex-girlfriend

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