"Don't Love" - Chapter 60

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After falling into the creek, Sun Na was swept away twice by the current. Instinctively, she grabbed at anything with both hands. The creek was narrow, with uneven rock walls on both sides. Sun Na quickly grabbed a rock edge on the side of the creek, pushed off with her feet, and plunged into the water. With a back thrust, her head quickly surfaced. At this point, her feet could still touch the bottom of the creek. Sun Na breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that the water wasn't too deep and she wouldn't drown. She then used both hands and feet to climb up the creek along the edge, but the current was too strong. She slipped and was swept away again. Sun Na remembered Liu Yue saying there was a whirlpool. This meant she couldn't be swept away any further. If she encountered a whirlpool, she might face death. She frantically grabbed and groped along the creek wall again, finally finding a foothold. While holding on tightly, Sun Na surfaced and shouted, "Feng Ying, come quick!"
At this moment, Feng Ying arrived, bent down, grabbed Sun Na's elbow, and pulled her upwards with all her might. Feng Ying was strong and quick-tempered, so with this pull, Sun Na, like a mermaid emerging from the water, splashed back from the bottom of the ditch to the shallows. Judging from the time, it was only about ten minutes from when Sun Na fell into the water to when she came out.
"Have you had any water?" Feng Ying asked, hugging Sun Na. "You scared me to death!"
She didn't drink it, but choked a little. Sun Na wiped her wet hair, spat, and gasped for breath.
Thank goodness, we're safe now. We were heading east, so why did you suddenly turn around and head west? Did you get lost? Feng Ying complained, her heart pounding.
If you don't shout that there's peeping, this naked woman will be on display everywhere, no matter what she's wearing. In a panic, I retreated into the deep water.
Heavens? Even if I were to peek down, I couldn't just jump into the ditch and commit suicide, especially since I haven't even peeked at you yet and you're already a water turtle. Touch my chest; it's still throbbing.
Okay, stop jumping, thank you. Actually, the water isn't that deep...
It's not too deep yet... It's scary! Come on, let's get ashore quickly, don't get swimming in these waves. Feng Ying pulled Sun Na along.
Sun Na suddenly crossed her arms and said: No, you didn't say there were peeping Toms on the shore...
Feng Ying laughed and said: "Bullshit, the fish thief was scared away by me."
Unexpectedly, Sun Na had only taken two steps with Feng Ying when she suddenly turned around and shouted angrily: "Hey! Someone's here! Are you trying to kill me?!"
Feng Ying looked up and saw Liu Yue rushing towards the shore. She then remembered calling out to Liu Yue before rescuing Sun Na, and quickly turned around, exclaiming, "Hey! You! Get out of here! You shouldn't have come...get out...get away..."
Sun Na was both embarrassed and anxious. With her back turned and her hands covering her chest, she half-squatted and shouted repeatedly: "Get out, get out, get out of here... the farther the better..."
At 5:30 PM, Liu Yue led the way, followed by Sun Na and Feng Ying, and the three of them returned safely to the Liu family home. Although there had been a thrilling ten-minute fall into the water, the comfort and enjoyment of playing and bathing in the clear Shennv Creek, washing and rinsing their clothes, far outweighed the danger. By 6 PM, the foothills were quite cool, so they had a very pleasant dinner. During this time, the most wronged of the three junior high school students was Liu Yue, who, despite her fervent protection of the flowers, received over a hundred "get lost!" messages.
After dinner, Liu Yue pulled Feng Ying aside and asked, "Have you and Sun Na agreed on where to stay tonight? Will you stay at your place with him?"
Feng Ying said: No, it wasn't agreed upon. Sun Na said she wouldn't stay at my house. She said she'd like to go to Meng Li's house to cool off after dinner.
Liu Yue asked: Why?
Feng Ying said: Sun Na means that we are all good classmates. We have talked all day, so we will see each other less often. We should get together with Meng Li tonight. Friendship is equal, after all.
Liu Yue nodded and said, "That's true. In that case, you should go back first. You've been busy here for almost a day. If you go back late, your mother will worry. Afterwards, I'll take Sun Na to Meng Li's house to stay. I estimate he'll leave early tomorrow morning. He still has many things to ask you after he leaves. Let's discuss them later."
After Liu Yue saw Feng Ying off, she turned around and smiled at Sun Na, saying: "Sun Na, Feng Ying said you're going to stay at Meng Li's house. Should I take you there now, or wait a while before leaving?"
Sun Na glanced at Liu Yue and said, "You're trying to get rid of me before the sun has even set? Do you think I'm that annoying? This place has only just started to cool down, can't I stay cool a little longer? You must be a tiger learning from a cat. Go, grab a tattered mat and sit on the stone under the pine tree for a while before we talk."
Liu Yue chuckled and said, "I was thinking, your legs must be tired after a long day, you could lie down at Meng Li's house for a while..."
Sun Na retorted irritably, "Are you possessed? Can't I lie down on your turf? Why do I have to stand to talk? Has your family always been standing?"
Liu Yue laughed hastily and said: No, no, you know, there's not a clean place here...
Sun Na retorted again: So what if there's no clean place? You'll get filthy if you lie down for a while. You've lived here your whole life, and you're still perfectly clean, aren't you? Besides, isn't the stone slab under the pine tree the cleanest place in the world? Are you trying to drive me away?
Seeing that Sun Na seemed genuinely angry, Liu Yue went inside to get the mat while smiling and saying, "Alright, alright, stop guessing. I'll go get the mat. It's a really tattered mat; it's rotten to the bone."
In July, the evening air under the shade of the trees was still slightly warm, but the mountain breeze was refreshing. Liu Yue spread out the mat, and Sun Na lay down and sighed, "So comfortable!" She then said to Liu Yue, "You mustn't leave, or a wolf might come and eat me while I'm asleep."
Liu Yue said: Of course, you can go to sleep. I'll wake you up when the sun goes down and take you to Meng Li's house.
Sun Na ignored him and simply closed her eyes to sleep.
Sun Na's words and actions filled Liu Yue with both awe and reverence, yet also a complex mix of emotions. He felt that Sun Na's attitude towards him was increasingly displaying the bold sincerity of a powerful woman towards a vulnerable man she loved. This stemmed from Sun Na's confidence in her own advantages and resources. While offering support, she also expressed through her words and actions that she didn't care about the man's weakness, actively revealing her deep affection. Her language and behavior seemed to be deliberately conveying the kinship that only family members share, leaving Liu Yue deeply conflicted.
Liu Yue's praise and help to Sun Na were like a beggar enjoying a princess's favor, listening to the princess hint at his future as a prince consort. Before the facts were realized, no matter how much the princess hinted at her affection, he could not cross the line, because everything was uncertain.
Of course, Liu Yue knew that because of her promising future in music, Sun Na made no secret of her love for him. As far as both of them were concerned, Sun Na was confident and Liu Yue was self-aware. For a guy like Liu Yue, who came from the lowest rungs of society, if a girl gave him a recommendation and then offered her love, he would accept it without hesitation. It was common sense and human nature for a guy to submit to the mutual affection.
Liu Yue had thought more than once about the gradual progression of Sun Na's feelings for him over the three years of junior high school: the first step was praise and surprise, the second step was a tentative recommendation, and the third step was a lucky success. Only in the third step did Sun Na decide to give him the opportunity to fall in love.
This aligns with reality. Faced with an extremely narrow path to happiness, the scenery of the music academy is undeniably beautiful. Compared to this scenery, the poverty of Liu Yue's family is insignificant. It's not wrong for a girl to embrace visible happiness, but it is ultimately based on material conditions and Sun Na's support. Assuming that the expectations for marriage and the prospects of the music academy are realized, Liu Yue will have to be grateful to Sun Na for the rest of his life.
Although this is reasonable, he is unwilling to live his entire life trapped in a cycle of dependence and oppression. He desperately wants to escape this life of dependence and servitude, and all of this is still uncertain and unknown. It's hard to know whether it will turn around completely and return to nothing...
Between Sun Na and Feng Ying, if he, Liu Yue, had a choice, he would rather choose Feng Ying. Feng Ying loved him because of his impoverished reality, not because of any future prospects he might have. Feng Ying knew he was poor and that this was the only way he would live in the future. Feng Ying was devoted to him and didn't covet anything from him. Feng Ying knew he had nothing.
Feng Ying was prepared to share his joys and sorrows. Now and in the future, Feng Ying would never complain or despise him because of his poverty. What bound him and Feng Ying together was their shared love and strength. They would work together to improve their lives. If the music academy were to be completed, how overjoyed Feng Ying would be…
At that time, Liu Yue believed that Feng Ying's family would accept their love, and that obstacles would no longer be obstacles. In the years that followed, how would Feng Ying and he cherish this hard-won warmth and happiness, loving and respecting each other...?
Most importantly, the music academy is his only chance to realize his love with Feng Ying, but this only chance, as things stand, is clearly hopeless. Because he, Liu Yue, cannot have it. This isn't an opportunity he earned himself; it was earned for him by Sun Na. Sun Na is the tree, and he is merely a vine. Although saying this might be unfair and hurtful to Sun Na, it is the truth.
Therefore, he could not refuse Sun Na under any circumstances. If he refused Sun Na, he would have nothing. In any case, this was an opportunity that Sun Na had created for him, an opportunity that thousands of people looked up to but could not obtain. He had no reason to refuse this opportunity, but before the opportunity was finally realized, he had to maintain an emotional distance from Sun Na with reverence. He had already failed Feng Ying, and he could not bear the moral burden of Sun Na in the unknown future.
Liu Yue sat with her back against a large pine tree, gazing at the ground in deep thought. She held a small pine stick in her hand, drawing straight lines and circles on the ground as she pondered. She didn't even notice the sun setting for a long time.
Sun Na, however, had already woken up. Seeing Liu Yue drawing on the ground with his head down, she didn't wake him even after the sun had set. She knew that Liu Yue must be troubled by some kind of emotion, lost in thought and forgetting the time.
Sun Na was certain that Liu Yue was worried about tuition fees. Of course, Liu Yue wouldn't know that she had already prepared for him. Sun Na could have reminded Liu Yue before sunset, but he deliberately didn't. This was exactly what Sun Na had planned. Before sunset, even if Liu Yue called him, he would pretend to be sleepy and not answer.
Sun Na's visit wasn't just to deliver Liu Yue's admission notice. They had originally agreed that the notice didn't need to be delivered and that Liu Yue could pick it up when she went to register. Sun Na's intention was to use this trip and the opportunity to spend time alone with Liu Yue to replace and explicitly elevate their previous sincere friendship into a romantic invitation.
Sun Na understood Liu Yue's inferiority complex just like Wang Xue did. In their interactions, her words and actions always revealed a sense of gratitude and humble reverence, as she dared not express any expectation of love from him. He was pleased with this rare quality of self-respect in Liu Yue, but now that Liu Yue's future was basically secured, he wanted to eliminate her inferiority complex, to love her wholeheartedly, to let her feel his love for her without any disdain, to elevate her sense of self-worth, and to make her dare to love him and feel the sincerity and respect in the love he gave her.
He couldn't accept Liu Yue's usual awe and reverence for him, as if she were a god. He wanted Liu Yue to have the courage to touch him, to genuinely accept that they would be life partners. Respect was an essential component of love, and the greatest respect was daring to boldly love one's own partner. Otherwise, love would be one-sided, fragile, and forced, and might even sow seeds of resentment and dependence on Liu Yue…
"Oh dear! My God, the sun has set in my dream, where is everyone? Liu Yue, why didn't you call me?" Sun Na sat up in a panic, muttering to herself.
"Huh? Oh my god! I fell asleep. Come on, let's go to Meng Li's house." Liu Yue suddenly looked up and saw the twilight and fog approaching. She stood up abruptly, clapped her hands vigorously as if blaming herself, and said, "Let's go, let's go, it's not late, we still have time."
There's still time, you said there's still time. Look, the bushes on the hillside have all turned into a dark mass. I'm not going. Perfect, I still have so much to tell you…
Stop talking, it'll be completely dark by then. Meng Li is asleep, where will you stay?
It's completely dark now, who's to blame? Where do I live? Where do you live?
Stop joking, don't blame me. It's none of your business where I live, this isn't your place...
Qi, I can't live where you live? Are you so superior? Since you dislike me so much, I'll live here anyway, right under this big pine tree. It's neither too hot nor too cold, and I won't be bothered by your attitude. The sky is my blanket, the earth my bed. Nature gave me this land, and this tattered mat belongs to the willow tree. If you're not happy, take it away; it's none of your business, alright? Go, go to your yard—

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"Don't Love" - Chapter 60

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