They were left together on the marriage certificate.

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1. My friend and his wife went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get their marriage certificate, but it turned out that the staff member was his ex-girlfriend.
What's even more frustrating is that the marriage certificate has a staff member's stamp on it, so he and his wife, and his ex-girlfriend...
They were left together on the marriage certificate.
2. I rented a place off-campus with a few classmates, and it was my turn to cook lunch.
As a result, they all played cards in the living room, and that made me angry.
He yelled, "I'm working so hard, and nobody helps me!"
As a result, those idiots came over and lined up, and each of them slapped my hand.
3. I'm pregnant and have diarrhea; I'm straining in the toilet right now.
My husband ran over and said, "Baby, hold on tight to that rope in your belly, don't let your mom pull you out."
4. The taxi I was in today almost hit someone who was jaywalking.
The man said: Do you dare to hit me?
The driver said: "I wouldn't dare! But if I kill you, would you even need the 600,000 yuan compensation? It'd just go to your wife's new husband! At most, I'll give you 2,000 yuan to buy an urn!"
The person was immediately speechless...
5. Once, I urgently needed to urinate, but after waiting for ages, the toilet was always occupied. Five minutes later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I rushed over and knocked on the door.
I urged him to hurry up, and then someone came out and said: "Finally, someone's here! Do you have any toilet paper?"
6. Yesterday I went to buy fish, and when I was holding the fish tank, I found that my shoelace was untied.
So I asked my boyfriend to help me tie it up, and the shop owner watched as my boyfriend skillfully squatted down to tie it for me.
He said to me with emotion:
Years ago, my husband tied my shoelaces once, which moved me to tears, so I agreed to do it. But now, he wouldn't even bother to check if my pants fell down while I was walking...
7. I once saw a friend post on QQ that said: "Time flows like water, always silent."
If you are well, then it is a sunny day...
It's written in a slightly sad tone, and I'm thinking about what to say in response to offer some comfort.
Then, looking further ahead, it read "...Thunderbolt".
8. Today on the bus, I saw a foreigner wearing headphones and humming along. Upon closer listening, I was quite impressed.
He sang: You die for my sister, you die for my mother, you die for my lover, you die for my whole family...
9. My high school deskmate was a grown man with very rough, thick, and curly hair. One day I said his hair looked like pig bristles.
Unconvinced, he plucked a branch and turned to ask the girl behind him, "Look what this is?"
The girl blushed immediately and cursed: "You pervert!"
10. I have a dog at home, and this little guy really loves to eat corn.
One summer evening this year, the family was enjoying the cool evening air in the yard after dinner, eating boiled corn.
The old man next door came over for a stroll, so I invited him to eat corn with me.
The old man ate while teasing my dog, biting off corn kernels and spitting them on the ground for the dog to eat.
The dog accidentally spat out its dentures. It paused for a moment, then picked them up and ran off.
The old man was bewildered in the wind, while my husband and I were practically bursting with rage...
11. I overheard a girl making a phone call in the hallway:
At first, you treated me like oxygen.
Later, as air,
Later, when carbon dioxide...
"You're treating me like carbon monoxide now, what do you mean by that?!"
12. I'm reminded of a classmate from university, a total loser.
One day, he was on a date with his crush, and there was a candied hawthorn vendor on the roadside.
The goddess saw them and was very tempted, so she said to my classmate, "XX, I want to eat candied hawthorns."
The loser said, "Just eat it, why are you telling me?"
The spirit of the underdog will never fall...
13. A few months ago, the husky downstairs from my house got pregnant.
Its owner basically raises it in a free-range manner, so it's probably only natural that it got pregnant.
I've been wondering who did it: Harry from the barbershop, Gary from next door, or maybe it was Old Wang himself?
She gave birth to a litter of hairless Chihuahuas a few days ago, and now everyone on the street is looking up at her in awe...
14. My girlfriend wasn't in a good mood the other day, and suddenly asked me a question.
Do you remember what I told you that time?
Which time?
"You really don't remember? Get out!"
15. Yesterday morning, while on the train, the older woman to my left was carrying a few chickens (smuggled in).
I asked her if it was male or female. She said female! So I went to sleep reassured, and not long after, it crowed...
Damn, everyone in the carriage was startled awake.
16. Mom was cleaning when her son walked over and said to her:
"Mom, look!" the son said, holding up his finger.
The mother wanted to scare him away, so she bit her son's finger and said, "I'm going to bite your finger off!"
The son quickly pulled his finger out of his mother's mouth.
He looked closely and said, "Hey? Mom, where's my booger?"
17. A colleague, let's call him A, has a habit of talking in his sleep and is an avid player of the card game "Dou Dizhu" (a popular Chinese card game). One time, while everyone was sleeping in the dormitory...
A went to bed early. LZ and her colleagues were watching TV when A suddenly shouted: "Two Js!"
My colleague, also a big fan of the card game "Landlord," chimed in: "Two k." A immediately shouted: "Two a!"
My colleague chimed in: "Two 2s!" A remained silent for a long time! Just when we thought A had fallen asleep again, the climax arrived!
A angrily retorted: "No way! You better pay up already!"
18. During class, the teacher got so excited that he kept banging on the blackboard.
As a result, the loudspeaker was knocked down by the teacher and hit right between the eyebrows.
The teacher smiled knowingly... and that was it.
The teacher is on her way to the hospital...
19. While soaking in a hot spring, I noticed that everyone around me was being sprayed with water behind them, the water flow was very fast and had a massage effect, but it was very quiet behind me.
Thinking there might be a switch, I reached over. Sure enough, I found a rope and pulled it hard.
So, in front of everyone, I untied my bikini straps...
20. It's foggy today. A friend's signature:
With the fog so thick, it's perfect weather for relieving oneself anywhere.
21. My son is in kindergarten and recently learned to write his own name;
My wife was tidying up the closet tonight and found a bunch of documents on the table.
The little guy flipped through the pages for a while, then picked up a notebook and asked me, "Dad, what's this? Why is my name on it?"
I looked and saw it was his birth certificate. I said, "That's your instruction manual, and there's your production license next to it..."
Then a pillow flew right at me...
22. There was a particularly eccentric math teacher in junior high. When asking students questions in class, to encourage them to participate, he would say, "Class, be bold! It's okay to be wrong."
It worked! A student stood up and launched into a long, rambling speech.
You think this is the climax? The climax is when the idiot teacher slams his fist on the table and yells, "You pig! You can't even answer something this simple? How dare you stand up?"
23. The landlord lives on the first floor, and I always go to his house to pay the rent every month, usually when I get off work.
Every time I run into them, they're having dinner. The landlady is always very friendly and asks me if I've eaten yet.
I told her I'd eaten and thanked her for her concern. She then tried to persuade me to eat some more with them.
Of course I felt embarrassed, so I quickly paid and left.
Last time I went to pay the rent, the family was having dinner. When the older woman saw me, she asked me warmly, "Have you eaten yet?"
I hadn't eaten dinner that day, and I was so happy that I quickly said, "I haven't eaten yet."
The older woman said, "Now that you've paid, hurry up and go eat."
24. My cousin's QQ signature in the second year of junior high school: Some of my classmates are good at Chinese, some are good at math, and some are good at English!
As for me, I have a really good mindset!
25. My younger sister is a kindergarten teacher. One of the little kids in her class refuses to take a nap at noon and instead does somersaults on his bed.
As a result, the apple he was given fell into the urinal under the bed, and his younger sister was secretly watching to see what the little devil would do.

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They were left together on the marriage certificate.

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