Fourteen short jokes

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1. A friend's child asked where he came from, and the friend told him that he was picked up from a garbage dump.
When I heard this, I seriously criticized my friend: "What era are we living in? How can you still think like this? Is infertility so difficult to treat?"
2. a: "I'm going to buy a pack of cigarettes. You keep an eye on this prisoner and make sure he doesn't escape."
b: "Okay, no problem."
Ten minutes later, A: "Where is everyone?!"
b: "They're gone..."
3. I spent ages haggling with the pretty saleswoman, but to no avail, so I reluctantly bought it.
Before leaving, I asked reluctantly, "Hey beautiful, what's a free gift with the phone you bought?"
The beautiful woman hesitated for a moment, then said timidly, "Let me see you out..."
4. A friend surnamed Ji confided his frustrations to me, "When I was little, everyone called me Little Ji, but when I grew up, people liked to say, 'You must be Little Ji,' and now everyone calls me Brother Ji..."
He sighed and said, "When I get older, it will sound much better to be called Old Ji!"
After hearing this, I rationally reminded him, "Perhaps everyone will respectfully call you Old Master Ji."
5. Her boyfriend told her, "I dreamt about you last night, and when I woke up this morning, my underwear was soaked."
She asked her boyfriend shyly, "What did you dream about?"
The boyfriend replied, "I dreamt that you took off your makeup, and it scared the crap out of me!"
6. Xiaoqiang accidentally dropped a Rolex gold watch into the river. A little while later, the river god floated up with Xiaoqiang's Rolex gold watch and said: "Rich guy, rich guy, how about we be friends?"
7. A man from the State of Chu was selling shields and spears on the street.
He boasted of his shield, saying, "My shield is incredibly strong; no spear can pierce it!"
It also boasted about its spear: "My spear is so sharp that no shield can withstand it!"
Then passerby A asked, "What if the urban management officers come?"
8. A young man trekked through the deep mountains, overcoming numerous dangers, and finally found a Zen master living in seclusion there. He eagerly asked, "I am ugly, what should I do?"
"If you're ugly, you should be like me."
The young man nodded: "A calm mind, self-cultivation?"
"No, if you're ugly, you should just find a secluded mountain to hide in, like me."
9. A young man asked a Zen master, "I have a grand dream. If it comes true, there will be no more strife in the world. Therefore, I need a lot of money. Master, can you help me?"
The Zen master took out a child's hat and a pair of children's gloves and had the young man put them on, then asked, "How do you feel?"
"My hands and head feel a little tight."
"Me too.
10. I was reading a novel in bed when my mom suddenly pushed the door open and came in. I looked up and saw her serious face, and I was startled: "What's wrong, Mom?"
Then she smiled mysteriously, as if she were beaming, and said, "You'll be leaving in three days..."
After saying that, she started dancing around and went to watch TV... Mom, it seems you weren't just kidding when you said I was someone you fished out of the river.
11. I'm almost thirty and still single. My parents keep pressuring me to go on blind dates, so I have to comply. But after so many dates, either I don't like the person I'm dating, or they don't like me.
Dad snapped: "As long as they're not disabled, that's fine! Stop being picky!"
My expression shifted, and Dad said again: "If you like it, even a disability is fine..."
12. I am a woman. I used to weigh over 140 pounds, but I have lost weight now.
One day, I couldn't find my phone before I went out, so I used my dad's phone to call me. When I called my dad, the phone displayed the words "Big Fat Pig" in a very elegant way.
13. Yesterday I went to eat roast duck rice. At the next table sat a father and daughter. The girl looked to be in high school.
As soon as the roast duck rice was served, the uncle kept putting his roast duck into his daughter's plate, saying, "Eat more, eat more!"
I was moved: What a wonderful Chinese father!
But the uncle continued: Eat more, get fat, then no one will chase after you and you can study properly!
14. Yesterday I took my son to the park. To give him some exercise, I didn't let him ride in his stroller on the way. Instead, I had him push it to the park.
Unexpectedly, he couldn't hold on for more than a few minutes: "Dad, I can't push anymore, can I get in the car?"
I turned my head and said, "Just hang in there a little longer, we'll be there soon."

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Fourteen short jokes

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