The couple's humorous life

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-18

1. It's my wife's birthday today, but the gift I bought for her made her sad—a hula hoop that fit her perfectly.
2. He sang to his wife: I'm waiting for you to come back, waiting for you to come back, to see the peach blossoms bloom.
My wife looked at me and said, "I don't have any peach blossoms, only chrysanthemums now."
3. My husband started losing his hair. He said to his wife, "Honey, look, I've worked day and night to support you, and now I'm losing my hair at such a young age!"
His wife yelled, "The reason you're losing hair is because you're shameless and always staring at pretty girls on the street, it has nothing to do with me!"
Husband: "What does this have to do with being shameless!"
Wife: "Of course! As the old saying goes, 'If the skin is gone, where will the hair attach itself?'"
4. My wife watches TV series on the computer while I play on my phone.
My wife suddenly asked me, "What if I lose my memory and forget you?"
I casually said, "That's good," and the air instantly turned cold. I looked up at her seriously and said, "I'll pursue you again."
The sun will shine soon! I was so clever!
5. After three years of marriage, the wife asked her husband, "When I look at you now, I don't feel that spark anymore. Do you still have feelings for me?"
My husband said, "It's been pounding all the time. And it's not just a simple heartbeat, it's a heart-pounding fright."
6. My husband's company gave out bonuses, but I only received 40%. So I tried to coax and bribe him into revealing the whereabouts of the larger sum. My husband shamelessly told me, "I'd rather die than tell, and you haven't even used your honey trap yet!"
7. The wife asked her husband, "What is it about me that you love?"
My husband said, "I love that you're beautiful."
My wife said, "I don't look like the norm."
My husband said, "That's called being able to look however you want; it's a kind of free beauty."
8. A girl asked her friend to introduce her to a potential partner: "He should have the capital of an entrepreneur, the romance of an artist, and the status of a politician..."
My friend said, "I think he also needs the courage of an adventurer."
9. Old Zhang was staring intently at a beautiful long-haired woman in the elevator, which greatly displeased his wife. Suddenly, the woman turned around and slapped Old Zhang, saying, "Don't pinch girls like that next time!"
As Mr. and Mrs. Zhang stepped out of the elevator, Mr. Zhang said to his wife, feeling wronged, "I didn't pinch her!"
"I know," Mrs. Zhang said. "I was the one who pinched her."
10. The two leaders are discussing and condemning the decline of morality.
One person said, "Back when I got married, I had never slept with my wife. What about you?"
The other person replied, "I'm not sure, what's your wife's name?"
11. A couple was riding bicycles down the street. The wife left her husband behind, but after waiting for a while, he still hadn't caught up. The wife stopped and complained, "Your health is getting worse and worse. I remember before we got married, you could catch up with me in less than ten seconds!"
“Oh, oh, it’s not a physical problem,” the husband replied. “The problem is I’m too lazy to chase after him now!”
12. Wife: "Have you finished writing your novel?"
Husband: "I just finished writing it, and I'm going to revise it again."
Wife: "Is your male protagonist also afraid of his wife?"
Husband: "No, he dares to criticize and fight against his wife's wrong ideas face to face."
Wife: "Do you have any personal experience with this?"
Husband: "No, I write science fiction."
13. The husband liked to boast about himself, which annoyed his wife. One day, while the husband was bragging to people that he was a martial arts champion, his wife swept his leg from behind, sending him sprawling on his back.
The husband sprang to his feet and said, "This is my coach."
14. An elderly couple found a magical seashell on the beach. The old man blew into the seashell, and a winged angel emerged from it.
"Hello, I am Little Lis, the God of Heaven. I can grant you four wishes, but you can only have one chance," the angel said.
"I want to be 40 years younger, I want to be a billionaire, I want to marry a young and beautiful girl... I want to..." the old man kept excitedly saying.
"Keep dreaming, you greedy devil!" the old woman interrupted the old man, and the two began to argue fiercely.
"Your wishes will soon be fulfilled," the angel said, and then disappeared.
That night, the old man had a dream in which he became the son of a billionaire and married a young and beautiful girl.
15. A wife discovers her husband's infidelity and tries to make him jealous so he will change his mind.
"What would you think if I told you I slept with your best friend?" the wife asked.
“Hmm,” the husband thought for a moment, “I would think that you must be gay.”
16. Yesterday I moved to my new house, and a friend gave me an aquarium. On my way home from get off work, I quickly bought more than 20 tropical fish and put them in it. It really added a lot of color to my new home.
I was enjoying my fish when my wife came home. Seeing I'd bought some, she pointed to a pair of red swordtails and asked, "How much did you pay for these?" I quickly replied, "Five yuan a pair." To my surprise, she scoffed, "Too expensive! They're worth at most three yuan. How about these pearl gouramis?" "Six yuan." "Too expensive! They're only worth three yuan. And what about the guppies…?"
My wife asked about several kinds of fish in one go, and said I'd overpaid for each one, as if I were an idiot who'd been ripped off. Finally, she pointed to a pair of small, kissing mouth-shaped fish and asked, "How much are these?" I was annoyed, so I said irritably, "Two for a dime, not expensive, right?" To my surprise, she yelled, "Too expensive! You bought so many fish, these should be free!"
17. The Browns have been married for thirty years. Mr. Brown goes to work every day, while his wife takes care of the household chores.

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