Requirements for partners are changing.

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-30

1. I was lying down chatting with my idiot, and when we got to one thing, he started rambling on and on. I said he's always so incessantly nagging, and he immediately sat up and yelled, "Your penis is crooked!" I burst out laughing instantly: "Even if I wanted it to be crooked, I'd need the natural features!"
2. Requirements for partners are changing.
Previously: It had to be a pretty and cute girl.
Later: As long as it's a girl
Later: Anyone will do.
Now: As long as it's alive, that's fine.
3. At work, a beautiful new colleague wearing a backless dress strolled past two restroom attendants. One attendant remarked, "Girls these days, they're so fashionable! They dare to wear anything." The other attendant scoffed, "What's the big deal? Haven't you seen what's in movies these days? Before, they'd pull down underwear to see the butt, but now they'll pull down the butt to see the underwear..." I almost peed my pants laughing. Excuse me, ladies, what movie were you watching?
4. Q: I can't find my D drive. Customer Service: Please open "My Computer". Q: How can I open your computer? Customer Service: Please open your computer. Q: My computer is already on! Customer Service: What's on your desktop? A: A mobile phone, a water cup, and half a bucket of instant noodles!! Customer Service: ...
5. The teacher said, "When you grow up, you should become social elites." "What is an elite?" a student asked. The teacher said, "It's someone who gathers everyone together, filters and selects, filters and selects, and the last group that remains." Suddenly, a student said, "Isn't that the legendary scumbags?"
6. A weird friend of mine said she's a clean freak... I asked her why she hadn't showered for three months... She famously replied, "I think the water is dirty."
7. My silly husband just called and said he was on the street and wanted to buy me a bag. I was overjoyed. When he came back, he said he didn't know what style I liked, so he bought four different styles, saying that as long as I was happy, it was fine. I was so excited! I quickly opened the package and saw one of each: a red bean bun, a braised pork bun, a soup dumpling, and a sugar bun. Holy crap...
8. I ran into a classmate I hadn't seen for three years today. She said, "It's been so long, we've both changed." I said, "Really? For example?" She said, "For example, you've become prettier, and I've become much better at joking..."
9. A girl set her QQ auto-reply to a very simple "Not Here" when she leaves, resulting in chat logs like this: Are you there? Not here! Really not here? Not here! Let me ask you something, do you still have your first kiss? No! Then do you still have your **? No! Then do you still have your virginity? No! Hey, you've gone too far, do you still have any shame? No...
10. In the chess and card room, Old Li said to a fellow player, "Old Wang's wife accidentally fell into the lion and tiger enclosure at the zoo yesterday. The scene was absolutely horrific, a bloody mess." After taking a sip of water, he added, "Four of them were crushed to death on the spot, and the others hid in their dens. They haven't dared to come out today..."
11. One day, I took my son on the bus. After getting on, my son and I sat behind a girl wearing a tank top. From behind, the girl's skin was incredibly fair and smooth... Suddenly, my son patted the girl and said, "Auntie, you're so pretty!" The girl smiled sweetly and said to my son, "Little friend, your mom is the prettiest!" My son shook his head and said, "Impossible, my dad has never stared at my mom for that long."
12. A male friend of mine is a typical "good guy." He told me that when he used to sell things on the street, he saw a woman riding a bicycle with a child on the back. The child dropped his candy, and he kindly ran over to pick it up and return it. But as soon as he bent down and reached out, the woman stopped and yelled at him, "This is my son's! What are you doing taking it?" Everyone on the street was staring at him. He was so embarrassed that he froze in that position, his face turning red. It's really hard to be a good guy.
13. My boyfriend works at the same company as my mom, and he always calls her "Big Sister"... I remember the first time I brought him home, he saw my parents and immediately called them "Big Sister" and "Uncle." My dad was taken aback, patted my mom's shoulder, and said slowly, "Niece...niece..." My dad looked at me and said, "Then what are you?" Me...what am I?
14. In physics class, the teacher was explaining static electricity. He asked us this question: Why does taking off a sweater make a snapping sound in winter, but not in summer? Then the student behind us said, "Who wears a sweater in summer?"
15. I was watching my child memorize English words at night. The little rascal wrote them twenty times but still couldn't recite them from memory. I stood beside him, tears streaming down my face: My wife wasn't lying to me, this really is my child.
16. Someone asked: What is the most regrettable thing you have ever done in your life?

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