Adult jokes that will make you bleed 20C

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-02

One night, while making love with my husband, the power suddenly went out. I said to him, "Honey, how about we light candles?" He replied, "Wife, you love me so much that you

're willing to use candles, but we don't have a whip." I retorted, "Fuck you!" Late at night, a man stood outside a woman's window and saw her masturbating with a cucumber. He couldn't resist and broke through the window, saying, "Let me help you." So the man helped the woman masturbate with the cucumber. Losers deserve to be single forever!

A woman went to the river to catch fish, and a loach swam into her private parts. She cried out to her husband in terror, "Honey, what do we do? A loach got in!" The man immediately rushed to her, ready to get the loach out. She said, "Never mind, let's leave it. This loach is much better than you."

That night, while making love with my husband, I couldn't get aroused, and he wasn't satisfied either. Afterwards, I was hungry and said to him, "Honey, let's call a chicken." He replied, "Wife, you're so good to me. You can't satisfy me, so you even find me a chicken." Me: Go to hell! I said I was hungry and wanted to order a chicken

. When I make love with my husband, he always complains that I'm like a dead fish, lacking passion. Following a friend's advice, I bought a leather jacket and whip. We did S&M together that night, and I was so tired afterwards. I whipped him all night; his butt was swollen, and my hand was numb. Now my husband probably won't complain about my lack of passion anymore.

A few buddies were playing mahjong when A's phone rang. B joked, "Quick, answer it! Your hookup is calling..." Everyone burst into laughter. A took the phone, said a few words, and handed it to B, saying, "Your wife called me looking for you..."

On my birthday, my husband mysteriously handed me a box and said, "Honey, I bought you some sexy lingerie. Wear it for me tonight." I opened it and it was empty. Honey, I can only say you're too sexy, making it so mysterious when I'm not wearing it.

A friend has hemorrhoids and is having surgery tomorrow. Several friends wanted to watch over him, but he was a little embarrassed. A friend said, "Tomorrow is the Double Ninth Festival, let's go

chrysanthemum viewing." After a nice bath, I lay in bed and seduced my husband: "Oh my, whose little virgin is this? Can't you smell a woman's scent? Such a fragrant woman lying in bed and you don't react?" My husband replied, "I don't smell a woman's scent, but I smell a faint chrysanthemum fragrance." He then pounced on me. I went

to the fruit shop and saw some pretty red, firm persimmons. I hesitated, wondering whether to buy them, when the shopkeeper said, "Persimmons are very sweet, I'll peel one for you to try!" She then peeled the biggest, reddest one! Just as I was marveling at her generosity, she cut off a small piece for me and then happily started eating the rest… The shopkeeper appeared, looking furious, and roared, "You spendthrift! I wasn't watching you for a second, and this is the fourth one today!" …I can only say, the world of foodies is truly joyful.

At home, I was reading a magazine and said to my husband, "Honey, do you think that woman looks like me?" My husband replied, "Haha, are you kidding me? You're nowhere near as pretty as her." I said, "Say that again." Husband: Wow, honey, when did you get on a magazine cover? You look so beautiful! I'm so lucky to have you as my husband. Me: That's more like it. (Saying this, I let go of my husband

's penis.) As I get older, my figure is getting worse. Last night, my husband took off my clothes and said, "Honey, taking your clothes off feels like peeling an onion." I asked him why. Husband: "Seeing your figure, I feel like crying as I take them off."

One of my buddies really likes going to karaoke and hiring hostesses to sing with him, you know what I mean. Even after getting married, he didn't stop. His wife knows a little bit, so she often checks up on him. My buddy often keeps photos of himself hanging out with us guys on his phone, and whenever his wife checks up on him, she sends him one as proof, and it always works. Just yesterday, he did it again. He received a text from his wife: "Please take another picture with your buddy in a different pose and send it over..."

My mom made chicken legs stew with potatoes, and I kept eating potatoes, so she said, "Eat more chicken, it'll replenish your blood!" I blurted out, "Eat more potatoes to have a son." Then my mother got angry: "You're acting all crazy all day, talking about having a son! Can you even give birth to a son by yourself?! When we were young, conditions weren't good, we ate potatoes every day, and I still gave birth to you!!"

Speaking of which, I hadn't seen my husband in a long time, and I was lying in bed feeling lonely, but my husband was still reading. Suddenly, he told me to spread my legs. I thought he wanted to make love, and I was very excited. But then he touched my genitals and continued reading, muttering, "My hands are too dry, I can't open the book." Me: "You motherfucker!" Lying

in bed, I said to my husband: "People say that a woman's hole is made by God." My husband looked at me and said: "Other people's holes are made by God with chili peppers, yours is made by God with an eggplant, right...? Damn it, you'll have to use your hand from now on." My

husband was lying in bed with an erection, but I was on my period. My husband said to me quietly: "Wife, can you bear to see your little brother suffer? Why don't you help me masturbate and make it go soft?" Me: "No need, I have a better way." She went to the bathroom, removed the padding from her bra, and took off her makeup. Her husband immediately softened; the method really worked.

Two people were late for the restaurant after work today. They were wearing matching outfits and sat at the same table. Perhaps because it was crowded, when it came time to pay, the man came over. I said 26 yuan. He said, "Why is it doubled? I only ate one bowl." I said, "And the woman?" Damn, he didn't know her. Okay, I apologize. My

husband and I always have very short sex sessions. Afterwards, he righteously says, "It's not that I'm fast, it's that you enjoy it too much, that's why you think it's short. This is Einstein's theory of relativity." I

said, "Get lost!" A man and a woman went to a hotel. The woman went to buy condoms and asked the man what size he needed. The man said, "Large." So the woman bought condoms and they fell inside. Afterwards, the man got a beating. All I can say is, don't brag, or you'll suffer a terrible fate.

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Adult jokes that will make you bleed 20C

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