Five hilarious dirty jokes

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1. Dialects vs. Couplets
A poor scholar, determined to study diligently, wrote a couplet on his door to encourage himself: The first line read, "Sleeping in a thatched hut, practicing calligraphy behind closed doors," and the second line, "Lying on a footstool, playing the flute with soaring sounds," with the horizontal inscription, "Accepting fate." One day, a man from Henan passed by and, seeing the couplet, became curious. He loudly read it in his hometown dialect: "Who fucked my asshole?" "I let him hurt me terribly..." Oh, and there's a horizontal inscription! But this time he read it backwards: "Start over tomorrow!"
Comment: Sigh, you need to learn classical Chinese as well as standard Mandarin!
2. Enduring the pain of plucking hair
A kindergarten teacher was taking her students swimming when she accidentally exposed a pubic hair. One student asked the teacher what it was. The teacher, in a moment of anger, plucked it out and said, "It's a thread!"
Comment: It seems like sex education needs to start in kindergarten, otherwise the female teachers will suffer too much!
3. Fighting over toys
The little girl always showed off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy, at his wits' end, finally pulled down his pants and said, "You'll never have this!" The girl also pulled down her pants and said, "My mom said that as long as I have this, you can have as many of those things as you want!"
Comment: What adorable children! This little girl has been raised very well.
4. The Unlucky Priest
A girl confessed her sins to a priest… Girl: “Father, I have sinned.” Priest: “Child, what sin have you committed?” Girl: “Yesterday, I called a man a ‘son of a bitch!’” Priest: “Why? What did he do to you?” Girl: “He…he touched my breasts.” Priest: “You mean like this?” (The priest reaches out and touches the girl’s breasts) Girl: “Yes…yes.” Priest: “Just like that, you have no reason to call him that.” Girl: “But…he took off my clothes…” Priest: “You mean like this?” (The priest begins to remove the girl’s clothes) Girl: “Yes, that’s right.” Priest: “But even like that, you still have no reason to call him that.” Girl: “Then…he turned off the light, carried me to the bed, and…” Priest: (Smirking) “You mean like this?” (The priest turned off the light and carried the girl to the bed...) Girl: (A few minutes later) "Yes...that's how it is." Priest: "My dear child, even so, you still have no reason to curse him..." Girl: "But he has AIDS!!" Priest: "That son of a bitch!!!"
Comment: Father, why didn't you ask first before you went up?
5. Don't go overboard with your weight loss.
A man went to a local gym wanting to lose weight and get slimmer. The gym offered various workout programs, which seemed quite complicated. So, he chose the cheapest one: lose one pound in an hour. He was led to a room where a naked girl stood holding a sign that read, "If you can catch me, you can have me!" The man immediately accepted the challenge and started chasing the girl, but each time he almost caught her, she escaped. An hour passed, and he still hadn't caught her. The gym instructor took him to weigh himself, and he was exactly one pound lighter. "That's great," the man thought, "I can lose weight and have fun at the same time." This time, he chose a slightly more expensive weight loss program that could lose two pounds in an hour. He was taken to a room where two naked girls stood, each holding a sign that read, "If you catch me, you can have sex with me!" Excited, he chased after the girls frantically, but failed to catch either. An hour later, the trainer weighed him again; he had lost exactly two pounds. Enraged, he told the manager he wanted the most expensive weight loss program. The manager assured him he could lose ten pounds in an hour, but added that the program was extremely dangerous. The guy thought, "So what if there are more girls? The more, the better! At least I can catch one!" He urged the manager to take him to the most expensive room immediately, despite the manager's repeated warnings about the danger. So, he was taken to a slightly more distant room. After being let in, they locked the door from the outside. The room was dimly lit, and waiting for him was a chimpanzee holding a sign that read, "If I catch you, I'll have sex with you."

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Five hilarious dirty jokes

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