[Steaming Wife] (A humorous and erotic story)

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

We had a really bad argument this time.
Nobody knows how it started! We argue every three days, sometimes big, sometimes small. Sometimes it's him being unreasonable
, sometimes it's me. Who cares who it is, I'm used to it.
But this time it was a really bad fight. His voice grew louder and louder. His face was as
red as a pig's liver. His hair stood on end, almost like a Super Saiyan, except it wasn't golden. I really don't know
why he got so angry.
In contrast, I maintained my usual cold, sarcastic, and opportunistic style of arguing. It's called
using softness to overcome hardness. Calmly finding the flaws in his words, then fiercely retorting. Hmph! So I always
have the upper hand in arguments.
But this time he got angry out of spite. After shouting a string of meaningless
words, he grabbed a chair and threw it at me. I didn't expect him to do that, so I didn't even dodge. I calmly
caught the chair's fierce attack with my head. *Thud*. A flash of golden light.
I was dead.
I saw him standing panting in front of me. Or rather, in front of my corpse. What the hell
?! That chair was incredibly powerful; it actually dented my beautiful face. Like
the surface of the earth after a meteorite impact. You were way too ruthless!
Next… Sigh… Defeat. I must have been blind to have fallen for a
man like him. He actually squatted down, buried his head in his hands, and started sobbing. Please… have some backbone… why don't you just
get rid of me already? Wait a minute, he killed me! Why am I still worrying about him? A ghost is
a ghost, different from ordinary people, awesome!
Hey, what are you doing? He actually searched for a while and found a kitchen knife. Is he going to learn the legendary dismemberment
technique? Huh? Wait a minute, he's holding the knife to his own neck. I saw him push aside his hair with his left hand,
and with his right hand,
he pulled hard… I gasped. My eyes widened, waiting to see blood splatter.
He pulled hard! And then again!! And yet again!!!
What's wrong? Our kitchen knife, while not a legendary blade that can cut through iron like mud, isn't dull either! Normally,
I can chop meat so delicately and it's done in no time, so why is it chipped when I cut your neck today?
Suddenly, you raise your head, open your eyes, and exhale a long breath: "Xiao Ai…!"
Wow! He noticed me and called my name! I actually felt a little guilty and wanted to hide. After all,
it wouldn't be right to just watch him commit suicide without helping…!
But what he said next almost made me die of anger (thankfully, I'm a ghost and won't die again).
A single, glistening tear slid down his cheek. His lips parted slightly, and he uttered a monologue: "Xiao Ai, I love you so much. Put
yourself in my shoes, you must love me just as much…! If you knew this from beyond the grave, you would surely try to stop my foolish
act. Death won't solve anything! Suicide is the act of a coward! So… anyway, you're already dead,
this body is useless now. Let me bear this pain and sin alone and live on…!"
With that, he squatted down and began vigorously cutting at my… uh… corpse with the cleaver.
Damn! So he's still dismembering me!
I hung in mid-air watching him sweat profusely as he used the cleaver to conduct a human dissection experiment on my former body.
What an idiot! I haven't even been dead for ten minutes, my blood hasn't even clotted yet! Before you dismember me, couldn't you at least lay some plastic sheeting on the ground
? That would make cleaning up the scene easier later; you could just throw it in the fire, you moron! Wow! At this rate, how long will
it take to cut me up? Hurry up! I'm already hard! I suggest you find a master butcher to come and learn from him
first! He's such a pain
in the ass! (I mean, I mean the kind of pain I'm talking about.) I'm starting to doubt my judgment in choosing him! I'd rather you were the one I killed and dissected!
I'm such a workaholic; even after I'm dead, I'm still stuck here watching his clumsy antics and giving him advice from the shadows
. Unfortunately, he's completely oblivious to my well-intentioned but irrational advice. Foolish!
I'm talking about myself! How could I have fallen for such a man?! (Nth complaint) If I'd known this would
happen, I would have dated a surgeon so I wouldn't have to watch him like this after I'm dead!
Hours later, six basins were placed in front of him, all filled with me. What happened next? He rummaged through drawers
and found the biggest pot in our house, then put it on the stove. Pshaw, trying to cook his wife like that!
For the next few hours, he sat there watching me churn in the pot. Dawn was almost breaking! Damn it! Still not
cooked through? If the sun came out, I wouldn't be able to see the result!
Thankfully, my flesh seemed to have heard its former owner's wishes and dutifully cooked through.
He sighed, picked up the pot, and went to the toilet. What now? Did he want to flush it down the toilet? Are you
kidding me?! Did he want my flesh and blood to finally mix with excrement to irrigate the land? Oh well, this body
won't be used again anyway, so I don't care about the trivialities. But, but, have you forgotten? Our
toilet is an antique, the kind that groans and groans! Normally, if it's even a slightly larger poop, we have to call the property
management to clean it up! And now you want to dump all these solid chunks in there?
Do you expect it to suddenly become shiny again? You idiot!
But wait!! Oh my god! The old toilet has worked its magic! It actually
swallowed the first few pots of meat that were poured in, burping and gurgling. Hehe? Is my meat especially delicious, dear toilet? I saw him hugging the toilet, tears
streaming down his face. But, the last pot…
like in all those boring novels, it won't give you a crisis until the very last moment. In other words,
the crisis arrived. The toilet groaned painfully a few times before declaring a strike. It even gurgled and
vomited up some of what it had swallowed before.
It frantically scratched its head and cheeks, looking just like a monkey. It grabbed the toilet plunger and started mimicking Super Mario,
huffing and puffing. Forget it, it's useless. It's clogged!!
But after a night of terrifying activity, its mental state was poor. It frantically and haphazardly sucked. I was really
worried it would use its mouth later… oh uh… just thinking about it is disgusting!! Thankfully, my worries didn't come true.
It became a reality. Suddenly, he threw down the suction cup, jumped to his feet, and let out
a gurgling sound similar to the groaning of the toilet. He glared fiercely at the toilet, hurling a vicious threat: "You wait! I
don't believe I can't handle you!!!"
After uttering this vow, he let out a long howl, and I suspect that if one's internal energy had reached the level of Guo Jing, they could probably
produce a sound that could wake a pig a hundred miles away. Then… Then… Then, he 　　turned 　　and
lunged at the telephone, grabbed the receiver, and expertly dialed a number, saying, "Hello… Property management company
? My toilet is clogged…."
……… ...

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[Steaming Wife] (A humorous and erotic story)

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