Is being afraid to turn on the lights during sex a psychological problem?

page views:1 Publication date:2020-06-07

"My husband has a strange habit: he always wants the lights on during sex and for me to undress for him. He touches and watches while he does this, and he gets aroused very quickly. I feel very unwilling and ashamed about it, but I've never refused him… What I want to know is, is there any danger in this going on? Is it possible to get him to change this habit?"
After reading this woman's letter, I wanted to write to her immediately, telling her not to interfere with her husband's hobby. Just as she guessed, visual stimulation helps arouse men. Several pairs of nerves in the human brain are connected to the eyes, and visual stimulation can excite the sexual nerve center. This reaction mechanism is the same for men and women, but because women have a stronger desire for touch than men, they tend to prefer receiving caresses, while men rely more on visual sensations.
Given this, women shouldn't see this preference in men as a "problem" but rather as normal behavior, and then be prepared to accept it. Here, the problem mainly lies with the women; they are unwilling to let their men "feast their eyes" for various reasons. Some women are driven by shame, considering such acts "disgraceful," and therefore abhor visual involvement. Under the cover of darkness, they may allow their husbands to do as they please, but they absolutely refuse to expose themselves to their husbands. Other women, whether obese, thin, unattractive, with unattractive skin, or with wounds, do not want their husbands to see their naked bodies, fearing it will affect their libido and feelings towards them. Still others, with abnormalities in their reproductive organs, are even more vigilant about nudity, strictly adhering to "blackout sex." She adheres to the principle of never crossing the line. I think such situations certainly exist, where some wives are afraid to expose some flaw and dare not face their husbands naked, and they are unlikely to change their behavior due to others' persuasion.
This is, of course, a rather special case. If a man discovers that his wife has this concern, it is best not to pry too much, but to try to understand her predicament. As a husband, you might as well put yourself in her shoes. If you had a strange-looking fleshy growth on your genitals that you yourself found uncomfortable to look at, would you have the courage to let your wife see it? Protecting privacy is human nature, and anyone in this situation should understand. From the woman's perspective, she should seriously reflect on her own worries. Some... Some things may be necessary, while others may be unnecessary. For example, some women worry about their body shape, forgetting that their husbands aren't seeking aesthetic pleasure but rather physiological stimulation. Studies show that what stimulates men's sexual desire is not a woman's body shape, but rather her sexual organs, feminine characteristics, and skin color.
What advice should we offer in this regard?

If wives can dispel unnecessary worries and openly display their bodies to their husbands, it will certainly bring them joy. If, after self-reflection, a wife feels it's necessary to maintain her privacy, then her wishes should be respected. But wives should know that their husbands initially wanted to peek at them like curious children. The more you prevent him from getting what he wants, the stronger his curiosity becomes, and it's hard to resist his advances. Therefore, it's best to tell your husband your predicament to avoid arousing suspicion.
After gaining your husband's understanding, you can also think of ways to make up for this deficiency. For example, you can partially show off your body while concealing the parts you feel are problematic. You can also guide your husband to focus on your best features, and turn off the lights once his visual needs are met.
The most difficult situation is for women who have difficulties in this area. Their aversion to their husband's gaze is often just a superficial phenomenon; the real issue lies in a misunderstanding. These wives are struggling with their physiological sensations... They readily accept it, yet simultaneously reject it under the influence of moral principles. Each time, they struggle with this contradictory state, enduring the torment of saying one thing and meaning another. For these individuals, the primary issue is to completely eradicate these erroneous notions from their minds.
We should also note another situation: some women refuse to let their husbands see their naked bodies simply out of shame. This is especially common among newlyweds. This issue generally doesn't require special effort; with time and increased sexual activity, women gradually become accustomed to it. Men should be cautious, avoiding rushing the process and never forcing their partners, lest they disrupt the pleasurable experience their new wives are gradually developing.

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