Can "Xiao Si" still be his true wife?

page views:1 Publication date:2013-06-07

In the days free of conflict and misunderstanding, we lived happily with each other at the center. For the past few months, we've had a peaceful and happy life without those trivial arguments and conflicts. We greeted each other every morning; during the day, whenever we had time, we always had endless topics to chat about on QQ; and every night, no matter the circumstances, he would pick me up from work on time. This became a daily ritual for us.
However, this peaceful and happy life is quietly slipping away. Just these past few days, he mentioned again that he wants to track down the woman who bore him his illegitimate daughter and find out where she married. He wants to have a way to understand the illegitimate daughter; if she's not doing well there, he'll interfere again. This only adds to my anxiety because I worry that this will completely shatter my hopes of marrying him. At that point, his energy won't be focused on marrying me; what he'll want most is to win the illegitimate daughter away from that woman. And then, will there still be any chance for our baby? If he was simply trying to find out indirectly how his illegitimate daughter was doing, then I wouldn't have so many concerns. But...sigh! There's a kind of suffering that can only be felt personally, not spoken of. As the saying goes, "bitterness is hard to express," haha.
Yesterday, he bluntly told me on the phone that we weren't suited for marriage, only for being lovers. Although I outwardly agreed to his suggestion, my heart was bleeding with excruciating pain. It turns out that fantasies and reality are never proportional; the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment; the more genuine the effort, the less the reward! This is truly a tragedy!

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