1.0 From knowing his wife's past to falling in love with his cuckolded wife

page views:1 Publication date:2015-08-12

This is my first time writing about my personal journey. Although I'm not a literary expert and haven't made any exciting progress yet, after reading many members' writings, some real and some fantastical, I couldn't help but write down my own experiences and feelings. It's not to please anyone, but simply to organize and reflect on my own journey. So the content may not be particularly exciting, but it's real, and I hope it can help friends at a similar stage.
Without further ado, let me introduce the basics. My wife and I are graduate students, she's four years younger than me. I'm from northern China (181cm/78kg), and she's a typical Chongqing beauty, petite and adorable (155cm/44kg). I must admit that I was indeed attracted to her beauty when I first saw her in the lab. At the time, I was still immersed in reminiscing about my first love, so I didn't have any romantic feelings for her. Speaking of which, I have to mention my first love, my high school classmate. But we didn't go to the same university in the same city, so after six months, she broke up with me, saying she had fallen for someone else. But I could never let go of her. After confirming with her again during my senior year that she was going to move south to Guangdong with her boyfriend, I finally gave up. But she remained in my heart, so I never considered finding anyone else. This continued until I was pursuing my doctorate, when my junior, who later became my wife, came into my life. It's ironic, really. I never crossed any lines with my first love, we never even hugged or kissed on dates, yet my attachment to her lasted for eight years, almost costing me my chance with my junior.
Going back to my junior and me, she came to our school for graduate studies, having previously attended another undergraduate institution. This made me quite interested in her past. I won't go into the details of how we went from classmates to bedmates, from senior students to husband and wife. Here, I'll directly explain how she influenced me to develop a cuckold fetish. As mentioned before, my junior didn't attend our undergraduate school. She was so beautiful and came here alone, which made me very curious about her past. I wondered if such a beautiful girl didn't have a boyfriend, and how he could bear to let her leave. Later, I learned that she did have a boyfriend, a boyfriend of four years, and she wanted to break up with him, which is why she came to our school. So that's how it is. I didn't really think much of it then, because my first love was still on my mind. Later, we finally got together, and I became increasingly interested in her ex-boyfriend's past. Maybe I'm just really perverse. Some people might say, everyone has a past, why bother knowing and making yourself miserable? But my mindset wasn't that simple. Honestly, I didn't care that she had an ex-boyfriend, but I was undeniably interested in her past with another man, though not to the point of cuckoldry. Later, during the time we were officially a couple, something happened that would have a decisive impact on my mindset and the development of my cuckoldry.
This happened on the eve of my junior's graduation and her returning home to work, while I was going abroad for a year. At that time, our relationship was at its most intense, filled with vows of eternal love, but we hadn't yet reached the final step. However, I felt a strange fear about the year we would be apart, a feeling of impending separation. I remember the tears we shed at the train station when I took her home, and I remember the long, unforgettable kisses we shared on our dates before, but out of respect for her, we never took that step. However, about ten days after she returned home, she suddenly told me that her ex-boyfriend wanted to visit her. I was stunned. I said I wanted to see her too, how could I let her see him alone? It was over, why was she still bothering me? She absolutely refused, saying she would jump off a building if I did. I was terrified. She said her heart was still with me, but she was the one who broke up with him in the previous relationship, and she always felt she had to give in to her ex-boyfriend, so she allowed him to visit her to put an end to things. At the time, I only remembered her saying she was on my side, so I canceled my plane ticket. Looking back now, I realize how foolish and naive I was. Later, that guy came, and for those few days I felt like I was dying. I couldn't eat or sleep, and I didn't care about my trip abroad. I really felt like jumping off a building. She never answered my calls, and she rarely replied to my texts. Occasionally she would reply, saying she was with him and it wasn't convenient to contact him. You all know how that feels, right? Anyway, four agonizing days passed, and she had to go on a business trip, so she forcibly kicked her ex-boyfriend out. After that, she finally resumed contact with me. When she returned from her business trip a week later, I couldn't wait to go see her. At that time, she wasn't quite in favor of me going, but when I told her I had arrived, she excitedly came to pick me up. I was overjoyed, knowing I had finally taken that step with her. Naturally, on our first night together, we finally took that step. Ironically, at 28, it was my first time, and she teased me about it for a while. I knew she wasn't a virgin then, although it was obvious, but I still couldn't help but be very interested in her past. Later, I tentatively asked if they had slept together a few days earlier. She said no, and under my persistent questioning, she said they had only kissed and hugged, nothing more. We had just established a relationship, so I didn't want to pry too much, and that was the end of it. Later,
I went abroad, but our relationship was officially established. However, there were several times while I was abroad when she cried and made a scene, begging me to let her go and go back to her ex-boyfriend. That period was very difficult, but thankfully I persevered. But then, another major event occurred. She cried terribly on the phone that time. At first, I thought it was just another tantrum, but after she finished crying, she said calmly and bitterly that her ex-boyfriend was getting married. I was stunned. There was a lot of information in that conversation; you can interpret it for yourselves. But then, as if she had made up her mind, she took the initiative to tell me more. She said she had slept with him a long time ago, and many times at that. Of course, I knew that, but hearing it from her mouth made my heart clench, a mix of emotions I couldn't describe. Then, she said she had been pregnant with that man and had an abortion. I was momentarily speechless. I asked her once, and she said it twice. I was speechless for a long time, then suddenly asked a question I didn't even know I asked: "When he last saw you, did you two do it together?" She hesitated for a moment and said yes, that they not only kissed and hugged, but also caressed and had sex. I said, "Weren't you staying at a classmate's house? There were several people there at night, and you slept with your classmate's female companion. How did you do it?" She said that her classmates were at work during the day, and they did it then. I said it was when I called her, and she said yes. I said it several times, and she said it several times. At that moment, I did something strange on the other end of the phone: I unzipped my pants because I felt like I was going to explode. I pressed her for details, and she said he was on top and she was on the bottom; it was intense and fast, but because it was so hot, it didn't last long. I said, "You said you were on my side, you told me to wait for you, you said you and he were over, why are you still doing this?" She didn't say anything. Later, she said if I didn't like it, I should break up with her. I think she was desperate at that point, but I knew I loved her very much. Although I felt betrayed, honestly, it wasn't after we got married. Although I still felt uneasy, I didn't think I would break up with her because of it. I comforted her for a while and then hung up. I don't know why, but I was incredibly excited and took care of myself. Later, whenever I thought about this feeling of betrayal or infidelity, I couldn't help but feel excited.
Some people might say, "What kind of betrayal is this? You two didn't do anything wrong back then." But for me, we were indeed in a relationship at that time. Although we hadn't gone public or met each other's parents, we both knew what we were thinking and had confessed our feelings. Everything was disrupted by her ex-boyfriend's persistent visit. However, our relationship withstood the test. Later, I returned to China, graduated, found a job, and we got married. That experience still left an impact on me. It wasn't exactly a shadow, but I kept trying to get details from her, but she wouldn't say. This made me even more restless. Over time, my mindset probably changed. I often fantasized about her moaning under that man. Just thinking about how it had actually happened made me inexplicably excited. Gradually, I found myself enjoying cuckold fantasies and even seriously considering the possibility of swapping (mainly her). I was surprised to find that I could accept this idea. After some time, I finally found a forum with like-minded people and read one real story after another. I realized that I had completely transformed into a cuckold, or rather, a wife-offerer. Unlike most people, it wasn't that I had lost interest in my wife. After all, we had only been married for a little over a year, and even if we had sex, it had only been two years. Moreover, because we often lived in different places (she is currently pursuing a PhD), we were actually apart most of the time, which made our passion even stronger.
The above is my initial thought process. Later, after my wife and I became intimate, I learned many of her hidden pasts, which excited me even more. I will share more with you when I have the chance. But one fact remains unchanged: I have completely become a cuckold. Perhaps in the not-too-distant future, I will be able to persuade my wife to take that step. Seeing my wife, still as beautiful as she was in my student days, sometimes makes me feel ridiculous, but the thought of her trembling under another man makes me feel that everything is bearable. So, someday in the future, perhaps one or even a few of you will be lucky enough to taste her beautiful body.

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1.0 From knowing his wife's past to falling in love with his cuckolded wife

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