From the masses to utopia—why is gathering so difficult?

page views:1 Publication date:2016-03-11

Life is short, and how much can any of us experience? Who can say for sure? Perhaps it was this inexplicable feeling that led me to 69 Paradise. As a single man, I'm lucky; my first and second married friends probably both came from there, though I didn't actually ask their specific origins. But as a single man, I experienced everything in the search process—it could be called hardship, or it could be called fun. So I created a QQ group, intending to gather everyone together first, and then find an opportunity to organize this unique experience, allowing me to gradually understand the unpleasant things couples and single men encounter in their search for happiness. Therefore, this post will discuss the principles of that search for happiness.

But before starting the story, let's clarify one issue: positioning. Here, couples find couples, single men find couples, or vice versa. Due to inherent gender differences, I've established a rule: only couples and single men are added to the group. Couples are required to have experience, while single men are required to have at least a bachelor's degree. I don't welcome single women. Women have an absolute advantage in this kind of game. Having this advantage, especially if the woman is single, suggests an inherently pure and innocent nature, so I won't "corrupt" her. I also have a relatively strict ratio of couples to single men, roughly 4:1. I think experienced friends can probably guess the reason. With that established, let's begin.

Principle One: Supply and Demand Balance. The participants in this game are roughly divided into two sides. Due to the inherent nature of gender, a prominent problem arises: there are too many single men. As a single man myself, unless I had the opportunity to manage the group, I wouldn't understand the feeling of being surrounded by single men. This time, I truly experienced it firsthand. Actually, for couples, having more single men means more options, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, there's a problem: the average level of single men is often slightly lower. The reason is obvious. Excellent single men don't lack women; they don't need to search online. Therefore, I added a bachelor's degree requirement to filter out some single men. I know there will definitely be some mistaken selections, but if even I, as a single man, don't have much time to screen, then couples probably don't either. But does education really explain everything? Definitely not. This leads to the second principle: the definition of excellence.

Principle Two: The definition of excellent couples and excellent single men. This is essentially an unsolvable question, so as the group administrator, I try to simplify it as much as possible. First, let's talk about couples. What makes an excellent couple? In our group, we require experienced couples. Why is experience so important for couples? Because if, given the large number of single men, a couple lacks experience, then: 1) they are indeed lacking a bit of luck; 2) they say they are ready, but they aren't; 3) they are too picky. I hope it's just a matter of lacking a bit of luck, but I genuinely can't discern the exact reason. Therefore, I never add inexperienced couples to my group.

Now, let's talk about single men. Education is naturally the first hurdle for single men; this is the stated requirement. Actually, the second hurdle is my subjective standard. Everyone who enters our circle must have chatted with me for a while, even if it's very short. I intuitively grasp the other person's feelings. You might ask, how can you assess someone's character through online QQ chat? It's actually quite simple. When a person's IQ and EQ both reach a certain standard, their behavior will definitely show some difference. For example, consider his profile. A qualified single man understands the supply and demand balance of single men, so his initial introduction will be very brief, stating his location, height, weight, age, and approximate occupation. He might then briefly mention his strengths, such as good physical strength or expertise in spa massage. Sounds like an advertisement, right? Yes, it is. A single man with high emotional and intellectual intelligence will consider market demand, highlight his strengths, and in short, attract potential partners. Mentioning their approximate occupation addresses concerns from couples, dispelling the possibility of them being undesirable or even shady characters. They are likely to be attentive to the needs of couples and cater to them well. In contrast, can couples expect better performance from single men who only mention height and weight, or even age and location? Probably not. Okay, so when education, eloquence, emotional and intellectual intelligence are all acceptable, is there really no problem? My answer is no, and I will prove it in my own way. That leads to Principle Three.

Principle Three: Economic Issues. Okay, talking about money is vulgar, so I'll try to keep it simple. My current principle for gatherings is that couples pay free, and single men split the bill. If there are single male students, they don't split the bill; they only pay for their own portion. As single men, we've all been students, so consider this a little special consideration for them. Some couples have asked, "Oh, this seems to put a lot of pressure on single men." Here's my explanation as a single man: If your education, communication skills, emotional intelligence, and IQ are all up to par, then the corresponding financial strength will naturally follow. If you don't even have that, how unlucky must you be? You might as well keep working hard or go pray to Buddha and stop going out.

Principle Four: Leaders. Don't the above three principles sound good? But if principles don't have facts, they'll remain just principles and never become reality. This is where one or more leaders come in. Leaders need to be responsible for recruiting new members and vetting existing ones. There will always be some who slip through the net. If any couples or single men are found to violate the principles, they must be removed from the group immediately. Other group members should be alerted to any suspicious activity involving those removed, and to be wary of any private contacts. Here, I want to secretly criticize the management of 69 Paradise. They don't even allow information about QQ groups, claiming it seriously damages the website's interests. As a professional marketer, I think this is pointless. Are you worried about members being diverted to QQ groups? But if members can't find what they need here, they'll leave anyway. If it were me, I'd develop new features, like announcements of specific attributes for all members, or auctions for trending ad slots. Letting those with specific needs pay for a faster way to find specific people is a superior profit model, far better than restricting QQ groups. The management of 69 Paradise should take a look at Jiayuan.com; even a rudimentary understanding would at least triple their profits.

Principle Five: Persistence. This includes not only the persistence of the leaders but also the persistence of newly joined couples and single men. With such strict principles, naturally, there won't be many people. The group might always seem quiet. Meanwhile, the leader is under immense pressure, constantly recruiting new members, scouting meeting venues, and monitoring the satisfaction of each member.

That's why I named this post "From the Masses to Utopia." The masses are easily experienced. But an ideal utopia, without principles and perseverance, is likely just a pipe dream.
I don't know how long I can hold on, but I will try my best.

I dedicate this post to Utopia, and from now on, I will rename my group "Utopia." I hope that one day, I can rename it "Eden."

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From the masses to utopia—why is gathering so difficult?

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