I'm still conflicted.

page views:1 Publication date:2020-11-07

I'm free today, so I'll write about my recent situation. In August, I was chatting with my wife through a friend I've known online for four years. He was giving me advice behind the scenes, and my wife became noticeably more horny. She was very cooperative when I shaved her pubic hair at home, and she was accepting of everything except oral sex with a condom! But after we had sex twice at home, I lost interest in "training" her. I ignored his messages. He told me not to let my guard down, saying that if I did, I'd go back to square one. But I didn't listen.
Later, my wife deleted me from her alternate account because she sent me a lot of videos from there, and she probably regretted her promiscuity. It feels like I've always done this – adding and deleting friends, thinking about it again, adding them back, feeling bad but unable to quit! This has continued for over two months now, with almost no communication. We've stopped flirting.
I've been very busy these past two months, traveling a lot for work, and only come home twice. Both times, my wife was on her period, so I had her give me oral sex, but we still had to use a condom! I feel like regular sex is getting boring! I want to find that friend online again to tease my wife a little more! But he doesn't talk to me much anymore. We chat occasionally, and he says I can't keep it up! We haven't talked since! He says it's not my wife's problem, it's mine. He says if I listened to him, my wife would probably have been slept with long ago! I think he's right. A couple of years ago, he added my wife on WeChat, and she started initiating conversations with him. But I regretted it and deleted him. Later, when he added her back, she ignored him.
But recently, I can't control myself anymore; I desperately want someone else to hook up with her! A couple of days ago, my wife added my alternate account again! I chatted with her for a bit, asked her to film me, and she obediently filmed it, saying she couldn't take it anymore, wanted me to lick her, and wanted me to penetrate her. Unlike before, she wasn't so resistant and wouldn't film! When I saw the video, she was already soaking wet! She cooperated when I asked her to spread her legs! It seems it's working! My online friend always says you have to let her get used to it. If she's not cooperative at first, say some nice things. Anything is easier once you get used to it! A woman will listen to anything you say if you coax her! Thinking about it, what he said makes so much sense. My wife was especially obedient during the time he talked to her on my behalf!
The main problem is that now, as soon as I get home, I lose interest in having sex with my wife twice! Then I get sexually aroused again after a while. I'm caught in this cycle of back and forth, wondering how I can finally get my wife to cooperate and "train" me successfully.

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I'm still conflicted.

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