My cuckoldry mentality and distress, I genuinely seek answers.

page views:1 Publication date:2019-08-23

I've been on 69 for several years now. This is the first time I've seriously written something, and I'm not very educated... I'm 34, my wife is 30. We've been together for 13 years and never separated, but the passion between us has completely faded. I'm actually quite handsome and energetic, but I've never been very confident because I feel my penis is rather short and I have premature ejaculation, averaging less than 3 minutes! My wife has a very outgoing personality; I'm her only man. For the first two years of our marriage, we were incredibly passionate, though our sex lives were short-lived, but we were very energetic... However, in recent years, the passion has gradually faded, and with increasing life pressures, our sex life has become less frequent, especially in the last two years—almost nonexistent! My wife has never experienced an orgasm, so she doesn't have much interest in sex. Actually, my wife is a very sensitive woman because she's very wet; a little teasing makes her very wet! But I've never been able to bring her to orgasm...
A few years ago, I came across cuckolding and was deeply attracted to it. I think I have a serious cuckolding fetish! I really want someone to penetrate my wife and bring her pleasure to orgasm. I mentioned this to her during sex, and she got angry and resentful! After that, I didn't dare mention it again... but my cuckoldry obsession only got worse. I started looking for online friends to seduce her. But whenever a stranger chatted with her, she would come to me asking how to chat! Every single sentence was... and if I mentioned anything sensitive, she would block me... Most people online were all talk and no action, claiming to be experts at seducing innocent women, but none of them had the patience. Without patience, it's useless. Also, I was afraid of encountering people with ulterior motives, and most importantly, I was worried about my health! Later, I gradually gave up... A few years ago, my wife and I went back to our rural hometown to start a business. The daily busyness and pressure left me with no energy to think about anything else. Later, the business, though small, became more stable. Although I was still busy every day, the pressure was much less. They say that excessive indulgence leads to lust, and it's true... I have a childhood friend from the same village who also went back to start a business. Before I got married, we still hung out together. He has an exceptionally strong sex drive. Once, I witnessed him having sex—I had drunk some alcohol and was asleep on the sofa. He and a woman were having sex right next to me. His penis looked three times thicker than mine; I couldn't see the length because it was inside, but it was definitely much longer. He thrust rapidly for over half an hour! The woman urinated... I saw several puddles on the floor; he'd probably been doing it for a long time before I woke up
. We saw this every day since we were both running a business in our hometown. I thought that if my wife were to be penetrated by him even once, she would be incredibly aroused. This thought grew stronger and stronger. Every day he fantasizes about his wife being penetrated by his big dick until she's in ecstasy! He also comes over to my place every day with a few friends from our village. We all chat and eat together! A while ago, I secretly used my wife's phone to send him a text message to seduce and tease him, and then I deleted the message, so my wife didn't know! He thought my wife was interested in him, so he kept seducing and teasing her, first through WeChat and then through real-life voice chat! Later, he started touching her inappropriately, and I kept creating opportunities for him to harass my wife, probably because he looks honest. My wife didn't seem to mind being seduced and teased by him, maybe because I had instilled this kind of thinking in her before. My wife mentioned these things to me briefly once at first, but never mentioned being seduced and teased again... I even secretly saw him once from behind, holding my wife and reaching his hand inside her underwear, his fingers seemingly inserted. My wife only offered a token resistance... I suspect that if I create an opportunity, they will definitely get together. A while ago, when my wife and I were making love at night, I mentioned inviting this friend over. My wife unconsciously nodded and said okay, but afterwards, whenever the topic came up, she would change the subject! Now
I really want my wife to be penetrated by him, and it seems there's no turning back! It's probably only a matter of time before my wife is penetrated by him, and I want to be a part of it too! I don't know how to tell my friend this. I'm planning to find a suitable opportunity to tell him directly that I can't satisfy my wife because my penis is short and I have premature ejaculation. I'd like him to help satisfy her, and it can be a long-term thing, but it has to be a secret. He can't look down on me in public, he can't say anything derogatory about me, and he can't touch my wife without permission anywhere...
I haven't been able to muster the courage to say it! I'm afraid that my friend's attitude will change over time as his wife satisfies him. If this gets out, it will be a disaster for me! But I'm becoming more and more twisted; I feel my mind is getting more and more outrageous! I'm even thinking about licking their genitals while he's having sex with my wife, wanting to give him oral sex along with my wife! I feel like there's no going back.
What should I do now? How can I control what happens after this? Will his attitude change? What should I do if it gets out?

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My cuckoldry mentality and distress, I genuinely seek answers.

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