Lost True Love

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-23

I put down the hammer I was using for work and saw a lovely girl in a pink dress walking towards me
. Her beautiful and happy face held a touch of student innocence and purity. That familiar smile made me
forget to breathe for a moment. I lowered my head, hiding my face under my helmet, tears streaming down my face.
I remember it was ten years ago, in the summer of 2000. I had just entered junior high school and
was going to school for the first time. The teacher arranged the seats according to height, and I was assigned to sit with a
girl in a pink dress and braids. I was very shy at the time and didn't dare to turn my head to look at her. I only thought she was very fair-skinned and her pink dress
was very pretty.
Gradually, through constantly borrowing pens, erasers, asking about homework, and so on, we got to know each other. Her
name was Pingping, a very cute girl with big eyes, a pink face, and a small mouth
. Her voice was soft and gentle, which was extremely adorable.
At that time, I developed a slight curiosity about men and women. In elementary school, I met an older
boy in junior high. From him, I saw my first "pornographic book"—actually, it wasn't really pornographic, but a
bestselling book by the Japanese author, Murakami. Of course, we ignored everything else and only
read the dirty jokes. Japanese authors are generous; there was a dirty joke almost every two pages.
He took it home for me to read. While reading, my penis involuntarily started to heat up and swell. I asked
him what was happening, and he told me it was okay, just keep rubbing it until it came out.
The first time I ejaculated, it was a white puddle, which terrified me. I asked the older boy, and he said it was fine, nothing to worry about. Then
he gave me a deck of cards.
You probably know that back then, those two-yuan decks of cards at street stalls had pictures of beautiful women
in swimsuits. Later, he showed me DVDs. I watched dozens of DVDs that summer; I don't know
where he got them. I used this to comfort myself. After the summer vacation following sixth grade, I had
developed a considerable curiosity about girls. Seeing bare thighs and full breasts on the street
would unconsciously make me hard, which I would then suppress and punish myself when I got home.
Since becoming deskmates with Pingping, I often threw my pens and other things on the ground, and while picking them up
, I would look up at her from below. At that time, she was reading or listening to the lesson, completely unaware of what I was doing. Her fair and
delicate face seemed like a fairy to me, especially her big, clear eyes, which
I could stare at for a long time.
I dared not look directly at her chest; she was just starting to develop, her breasts weren't big, but they were already quite noticeable, and her buttocks
were also quite prominent. In the hot summer, she wore a short skirt and a t-shirt, and I basically
dared not look, otherwise I would unconsciously get an erection, and it would stay erect for the entire afternoon. It was incredibly embarrassing.
She had beautiful handwriting, but it was slow. Often, she couldn't finish copying everything the teacher asked us to write in the textbook,
while I wrote very quickly. So she asked me to copy for her. Gradually, I helped her copy notes many times,
reminded her when she was daydreaming in class, and so on. After that, we became familiar with each other. We chatted constantly in class, talking about who was
funny today, how good the TV show was yesterday, etc. We became close friends, sharing almost everything. At that time, I never thought about pursuing her
. It was so innocent, so pure. Looking back now, those were probably the most beautiful and pure days of my life.
That day was really hot, probably around 35 degrees Celsius. Many boys were shirtless after class, and girls
were usually wearing t-shirts and skirts; no one was wearing thick pants anymore. At noon, I was napping at school
. She went out for lunch, and I usually waited for her to come back and then immediately stood up to let her
in, since she was sitting inside. But this time, I accidentally fell asleep.
It was so hot that day, and I was also shirtless and wearing only shorts. Then suddenly I felt someone
pushing against me from behind. I woke up immediately and knew it was Pingping. Before, I would immediately stand up to offer her my seat. This time,
I pretended to be asleep, secretly wanting to experience the feeling of being touched. Looking back, I was really horny.
When she squeezed in, I felt a warm, soft sensation against me. It was so soft and comfortable
. I guessed it was her lower abdomen against my back. I really wanted to feel her small breasts.
On a whim, I sat up straight, and instantly, two soft mounds pressed even more comfortably against my bare
back. I felt instantly dizzy, and immediately felt aroused.
She seemed to tremble slightly, slapped me, and said, "What are you standing there for? Get up and make room for me!"
I immediately said "Oh" twice, stood up, and said as I stood up, "I'm so sleepy, can't a person sleep?" I stood up
, but we were still pressed together. I deliberately pushed back a little, and my back touched her
arm. Although I had accidentally touched her before, this time it felt so good. A girl's body
is so soft, so delicate, and the smooth feeling is so comfortable.
I immediately made way, and as I left, I pretended to accidentally brush my back against her small breasts. The feeling was
indescribable. After she went inside, I saw that her face was pink and she didn't talk to me. I immediately
started chatting with her, saying that I had just had a dream about a beautiful woman, etc., and talked about other things for a while, but my brain
was still in a dizzy state. I was thinking that it felt so good that I decided not to wash my back for two days.
After that day, my thoughts were no longer so innocent. Every time I went home, I thought about
the feeling of touching her body and her gentle appearance. At night, when everything was quiet, I would stretch out my right hand and imagine
her, and then…
I decided to take action. It wasn't just about the physical; I realized I had truly fallen for
her. Her gentleness, her cuteness, and her strong character could make anyone who spent a long time with her fall
in love.
So, I started planning how to confess to her. I took out a blank sheet of paper and a pen at home and wrote for several nights,
but it still didn't feel right. After much thought, I decided to simply tell her, "I like you."
That day, during English class, our English teacher, a college graduate in her first year of teaching, still firmly believed…
These students are all lovely; you can touch them with gentleness. Therefore, her classes are the most chaotic, but also
our favorite. That day in class, the teacher had us discuss things together, and she was talking to me about dialogues from the text, like "
Hello, I'm from China, where are you from?"
I hesitated for a long time before finally saying "I love you" to her. She just said "Ah," and froze
, her face instantly turning red. I don't know how adrenaline could surge so quickly. Then, afraid she hadn't
understood—and now I think how could she not have—I repeated it in Chinese: "I like you, be my girlfriend
." She turned her head to look at her book and ignored me. "Fuck," I thought to myself in English.
She ignored me all afternoon. School was almost over, and I got anxious. I said, "No matter what, we're still good friends
, okay? Don't ignore me!" She chuckled and said, "Who told you to say those things to me?" I said
, "It's normal for boys to confess to girls they like. Why can't they? You can tell me if you like me too! Are you
trying to tell me first, and then get angry because I didn't get to say it first?" Look at my mischievous grin! Then
we started playfully fighting. Finally, she said, "Let me think about it, hehe," and went home.
I didn't sleep a wink that night, wondering if she would say yes the next day. I thought about her warm body, her soft voice
, her lovely smile, and her big, clear eyes. The next day, she arrived very early, usually later
than me. I knew she wanted to say something, so I went up to her and asked, "You came so early? Are you
trying to confess to me instead?" Anyway, I'd said everything I needed to say. I felt relaxed and dared to say anything.
She laughed and said "Go to hell," then said, "I thought about it and realized you're pretty good. You helped me copy
the questions and answer them for me. How about we be friends for a while? You can't bully me, okay?"
I immediately felt relieved and overjoyed. "How could I possibly bully you? You're always the one who bullies
me and makes me copy your homework," I mimicked her tone and said, "Okay, it's settled then. You can't bully me either
, hehe." We both burst into laughter, feeling so happy. That night, I even thought about
marrying her and having a bunch of kids...
I planned every day about the day I would hold her hand. Even if we were dating secretly, we
still had to go through the proper procedures.
About a week later, we were both napping at the table at noon. Her head was resting on her left arm, leaving
her hand free. I couldn't sleep, and looking at her sweet face and adorable sleeping posture, I couldn't help but feel a little tempted. Looking
at her little hands, so white and tender, I really wanted to touch them, but I was afraid she would wake up immediately and be unhappy. I
placed my hand about ten centimeters away from hers. Since we were sitting quite far back, with no one behind us and almost everyone in front of us
asleep, it felt safe. I still hesitated whether to touch her or not.
Suddenly, her right hand rose up and pulled my hands under the table, then she pretended
nothing had happened and continued sleeping, although I saw the pink blush on her face. I understood, and then I pretended to be asleep,
but we were holding hands. The feeling was amazing. At that moment, I got a little greedy, wanting to
feel her small breasts, to steal a glance at her, her pink face, her eyelashes fluttering even in her sleep.
This silly girl's pretense of sleep was so bad. I thought to myself, "Let's leave it at that for now, there will be plenty of opportunities later." At the same time, I grabbed a book to
cover my lower body.
After that, we were almost always holding hands, of course, no one saw. About ten days later, it was raining heavily outside,
thundering, and it was noon. Many classmates had gone home, but we were still inside. There were less
than ten people in the room, all sleeping face down in the front. That day, she was wearing a tight pink short-sleeved shirt
and her black skirt, revealing a large section of her thighs. Her perfect figure was almost bursting out. Thinking about it
, my penis got hard.
My hands started to wander, pulling her hand and stroking her arm at the same time. She didn't resist, pretending to
be asleep. Then, I slowly placed my hand on her lower abdomen. It was so flat. I noticed she was trembling a little; maybe
I was the first person to touch her lower abdomen. Hehe, so flat and soft. I didn't want to move upwards, but
the attraction above was stronger. I saw she still didn't react. Maybe she naively thought that's how boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to act, and
that one day she would let me touch her. I laughed to myself. I then moved upwards from her abdomen and touched those two soft
little peaks. The feel was so amazing. I felt dizzy for a moment, plus I was a little nervous.
She didn't move, but her flushed face betrayed her. I gently stroked her, because
in the DVDs I watched, they all gently circled their nipples, so I did the same. I saw her trembling, her face even
redder than before; anyone who didn't know better would think she had a fever. What a cute little girl! After a while, a classmate came in,
and I quickly let go. When class started, she pretended to have just woken up and said to me, "Hmph, annoying," but I didn't
see any real annoyance in her. It seems girls are all two-faced.
For the next two months, I touched her whenever I had the chance—her little bottom, her little breasts, I touched them all. She
became more natural, and sometimes we could even kiss when no one was in the room, though she was still very shy and couldn't touch me while I was dressed
; we could only touch her through her clothes. Of course, she became even more attached to me, inseparable from me for a moment, even
going to the bathroom together. Of course, I would pretend to wait for someone at the men's restroom entrance, but my eyes would be fixed on the women's restroom next door...
My penis gets hard easily when stimulated, and sometimes she'll touch it with a laugh, teasing me for being so pathetic. I enjoy it, though
. Except for her genitals, which she won't let me touch, I've touched almost everything else. Once, when everyone else in the house
was eating, I even showed her my penis. She looked at it blankly and said, "Wow, how come this is
so big?" Then she threatened me, "Are you scared? If you treat me badly, I'll pinch it off!"
Thinking back, those were really warm days.
Soon, summer vacation arrived. Of course, we went out together. Sometimes we went to internet cafes, sometimes we just
walked along the street, on deserted paths, where we'd kiss and touch each other—it was quite fun. Of course, we'd
still masturbate when we got home. She also foolishly fantasized with me about having babies after we got married.
That day, we were talking about names for our future baby, and I casually said, "How about we
have one now?" She asked, "Huh? How?" I said, "Just put my thing inside yours
, that's all." She said, "No, I'm afraid of the pain. Even putting my finger in hurts so much." Then I thought
, "This is really working!" Turns out she didn't know anything, she was just afraid of pain. I was secretly overjoyed. Then I said, "Don't worry, my little brother
and your little sister are a perfect match. It won't hurt at all, and it'll be super comfortable." She said, "Really?"
Then I said, "Of course it's true! Let's go try it!" That's how I was tricked into going to a hotel.
If I'd known it was so easy to fool her, I would have been tricked on the very first day. Sigh, it's all my fault for being so reserved. At that time, I
was fourteen, and she was fifteen.
When we arrived at the hotel, I started taking off my clothes, and then I took hers off too. She absolutely refused, saying that her mother said she couldn't
let others see her naked body. I laughed and said, "Am I just anyone? We'll be husband and wife soon, although it'll still
be more than ten years..." She thought for a moment and said, "Then I'll do it myself." Then she slowly took off her clothes, and as they slowly
fell off, a young girl's slightly immature body came into my view.
She was so beautiful, with a slightly upturned bottom, breasts that looked like a 31C, a slender waist, and a snow-white body .
I was stunned. My erection grew stronger and stronger, and I couldn't resist anymore. I pushed her down onto the bed and started kissing her. She
resisted, and I don't know why she was taking off her clothes while resisting. It was strange. Then I kissed her pink
lips, and she couldn't breathe and made whimpering noises. Then I stuck my tongue in. She was embarrassed and
clenched her teeth. I kissed her little white teeth for a while, then moved down to her pink breasts and sucked on her nipples.
It felt so good that I didn't want to leave. She was moaning loudly. I don't know if it really felt that good. I
moved down and kissed her beautiful legs. I was about to kiss her vulva when she stopped me, saying it was dirty.
Okay, then no kissing. I took out my underdeveloped, medium-sized penis and eagerly thrust it
in. Before she could react, she screamed, "Ah!" She yelled in pain, so I quickly stopped,
awkwardly standing inside her. Of course, my hands weren't idle; I gently stroked her body, but it was
truly suffocating. That feeling was incomparable to a hundred hands. No wonder people get married—
that was my first thought.
Since the foreplay was quite sufficient, and after a while, seeing that her reaction had subsided, I slowly pushed in again.
This time, she stopped screaming in pain, and instead made loud moaning sounds, as if her mouth was being covered. I said
, "Scream out! Don't just moan!" She said no, a shy little girl, haha.
It was our first time both of us. After a few thrusts, I couldn't take it anymore. I said I couldn't, I was going to ejaculate, and I wanted to leave her
body without ejaculating inside her because the older guy had said that ejaculating inside could lead to pregnancy. But I
couldn't bear to leave that warm place, and in my hesitation, I actually ejaculated inside her. When she saw I wasn't moving, she asked me
what was wrong. I said I ejaculated, and she said oh. Then I cleaned her up, and while I was cleaning, I saw
a little red stuff inside her. I knew that must be her hymen breaking. After that, we
lay naked together. She lay in my arms, and I held her, caressing her soft body. We chatted, and I felt like
the happiest person in the world. After that night, I felt the pressure. I wanted to marry her,
I wanted to buy a big house, a car, and make her the happiest woman in the world.
The next day, she called and said she had pain down there. She said it didn't hurt at first, but then the pain came back. I immediately asked my
boyfriend if she was pregnant. He said the chances were high and she should take some medicine and use condoms from now on. I went to the pharmacy and bought
the medicine he recommended. I gave it to her the next day, telling her the pain would go away after taking it. She took it without hesitation.
I was always surprised; didn't this girl know what pregnancy was?
After that, she didn't ask me to go to a hotel anymore. One reason was that hotels cost tens of dollars,
and we didn't have that much money at the time. Then school started, and we still sat at the same table. After that, things became even more open.
When no one was around, I would put my hand inside her, and she would give me a handjob. Those were
truly blissful days. During that time, I studied very late at night, so my
grades improved significantly.
Once you've had your first time, everything else is really not a problem. In my second year of junior high, I saved up the breakfast money my family gave me
for several months, accumulating over two hundred yuan. I took her to a luxury hotel; it was
the most beautiful place we'd ever seen. I felt only such a place was worthy of the fairy-like Pingping. That night, we
made love several times, this time using a condom, of course. Afterwards, lying in bed, looking at the beautiful room
, I secretly vowed to myself that I must work hard to earn money and buy Pingping a beautiful house like this someday.
Next semester, to get into a good high school, we chose to live on campus. Of course, my main reason was to
spend more time with her. On the way back from evening self-study, we often sneaked to a corner and I would touch her breasts.
She would help me masturbate, but she always refused to give me oral sex, saying it was dirty. Well, there really was nowhere to wash.
That day, I made her wear that short skirt. After the bell rang for the end of self-study, we slowly packed our bags
and waited until no one was in the room before leaving. On the way, seeing that no one was coming to the teaching area and the teacher had ridden
away on his electric bike, we hugged each other again. My hand went through her clothes and touched her breasts.
After more than a year of my massages, her breasts felt like a 32C. They felt better and better to the touch
. Everyone says girls mature early. What will they be like when they're twenty?
She touched my hard penis, laughed, and said, "You're so useless, you can't even resist such a small temptation." Then she took out her
penis and offered to help me masturbate. I said, "No, we're going to get serious today." So I had her hold onto the wall,
lifted her skirt, pulled down her panties, and took out my much-grown penis. Before she could
even resist, I was already inside her. It had been two months since she'd been in this warm place, and she was scared. She said,
"Hurry up, people are coming!" I said, "Okay," and then I started thrusting rapidly, the sound of my penis hitting her buttocks making a "smack" sound.
A loud slapping sound, she suppressed it, making muffled noises in her throat, probably a few hundred times. With
a simultaneous spasm, we both climaxed. We quickly wiped ourselves clean and rushed back to the dormitory, not wanting to linger. It was truly
a tense and exciting life!
Before we knew it, it was the third year of junior high. We were still the same. The school was tightening its grip, and
seven or eight couples in the class were dating. I wondered what they were doing. One noon, we were sleeping hand in hand when suddenly
, a pair of large hands slapped me. The homeroom teacher came and woke her up too, calling us both to the office. It turned out
we'd been discovered.
We were used as examples, and our parents were called in. Her father came and asked the teacher about his daughter's situation. He learned that her studies
were not going well and that she was dating me. Her father berated her severely in the office. I went up and said, "Uncle, please don't scold
her, it's all my fault," etc. Her father then scolded me as well. We both cried.
Neither of us had expected this outcome. A little while later, my family came too, and I was scolded the same way. We were suspended from school for a week. I
was bored at home and didn't dare call her. Two days passed, and I thought things would be the same at school. We
just needed to stay hidden, but she never came back.
The high school entrance exam was approaching, and I missed her terribly. I couldn't bear it anymore and called her home, but the number was disconnected.
Could it be? She even changed her phone number! I cursed her father. Her other friends didn't know what was going on either.
She knew my home phone number, so she was the only one who could contact me. I believed that when she was in a better mood, she would definitely call me
.
But sadly, I never heard from her. I resented my parents, teachers, and school for
tearing us apart. While others were preparing for their final push, I couldn't concentrate, and my grades plummeted. My high school entrance exam results were mediocre
. I went to a very remote and ordinary high school. It was chaotic there; very few students went on to university
. My parents lost hope in me. I made some friends there, and then I learned
to smoke, drink, and fight. I went home once every two months, and my dad would deposit money into my account regularly each month, then he wouldn't
care about me anymore, busy with his own things.
At the same time, I was also resentful of Pingping. Why didn't she contact me? Had she forgotten my home phone number? I waited for
her by the phone all summer! In high school, I met a very wild girl. She was good at everything—smoking, fighting—
and her youthful face was always covered in heavy makeup.
We started dating. She was not yet eighteen, and had slept with no fewer than ten men. With her wheat-colored skin,
full breasts, round buttocks, and slender waist, she certainly had the looks to roam among men and drive
them crazy. In hotels near the school gate, in internet cafe rooms, even in the school at night, we
did it again and again.
Holding her slender, soft waist, touching her high, firm breasts, listening to her lewd moans—she was truly a weapon of mass destruction
. But every time I made love to him, during penetration, I couldn't help but think of Pingping, the
person I could never forget. Once, at an internet cafe, in the next room, I heard a familiar moan. I kicked the door open and saw two
naked bodies rolling together. One of them was my girlfriend, my current girlfriend. I smiled at her
, turned, slammed the door, and left the internet cafe.
Strangely, I, who fought every day, was very calm at that moment, not even glancing at the man. I knew
that this woman and I only had sex. I only needed her body.
Soon, my senior year of high school approached, and I was expelled from high school because of a fight. I returned home, looking at
the only photo of me and Pingping together on my desk, and once again, I couldn't hold back my tears. Other students
are studying hard for the college entrance exam in a month, while I'm just lazing around at home. Maybe it's fate. I'm tidying up
my desk, which I haven't touched in years. My academic career is over, so I should sell some useless books. Suddenly,
I found a letter between two books. I don't know who put it there. I took it out and saw the familiar, neat handwriting
, which made my heart clench. I took the unopened envelope to my father and asked him when it was written and
why he didn't tell me. My father was very cold: "I think it was when you were in the first year of high school. Didn't I put it on your bookshelf?
Didn't you see it?"
My eyes were red as I ran back to my room and locked the door. I opened the dusty envelope. Inside was a pink letter
from that little girl I'll never forget, the one who loved pink. My
dearest Xiaoyu:
It's Pingping. Can you guess why? I haven't contacted you in so long! Are you angry? Last time I
was brought home, my mom found out I was dating. She scolded me severely and slapped me. I ran away from
home because it was the first time she'd ever hit me! Of course I was angry, hehe. Then, I got into
a car accident. A motorcycle hit me, but thankfully it was just a broken leg. I was taken to the hospital,
and that's how it's been so long since I've had a chance to call you. But don't worry, the doctor said I'll be fine in about a month.
You know what? When the doctor did my full checkup, they found out I'm pregnant! Two
months along! I was devastated. My mom and dad were devastated too. They wanted to go find you and fight you to the
death. I held them back tightly, saying, "If you go to find him, I'll kill myself!" Then my dad got scared and promised not to go find
you. Hehe, wasn't I amazing? But, I made an agreement with my mom: before I go to university, I'm not
allowed to have a boyfriend or contact you again. I said okay. So, let me write you one last letter.
Xiaoyu, do you know, when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't hate you that much, because I've always
loved you. I thought about marrying you and having children with you. You always said we'd get married eventually.
I thought you could only get pregnant after we were married. I hate it when you lied to me, hmph, hehe.
However, during those three years we were together, even though I was very young and didn't understand much, I knew you were truly
good to me. No matter how much I teased you or said anything to you, you never talked back. You always helped me copy my homework, tutored me in math
, and explained things to me again and again without getting annoyed. We did so many things together, and I
even gave you my first time. Back then, I wanted to be with you forever, even though we're separated now.
Yes, but it's all temporary.
Mom said that once you and I both get into good universities, we can get married after graduation. Once we're in university, she
won't care about us anymore! After my leg heals in a while, I'll go back to my hometown with Mom to attend high school. We'll be
far apart, which I think is good. We can both focus on our studies and won't always be sneaking out to meet,
so you won't always bully me (*^__^*)...
I'll keep my promise; I definitely won't date in high school, and you can't either. Then, in our senior year, we'll both apply to
the university in our city. You can guess which university it is, right? Hehe, it's just a very ordinary first-tier university, not difficult
. If you're a good student, you can't apply to any other university! I'll study hard for three years; I'm sure I'll be fine. Then
, let's meet in university three years from now! I'll wait for you forever!
If I find out you had another girl in high school, hmph, you're dead!
My love, Pingping.
I read it over and over again, gritting my teeth and wiping away my tears. I stared at the reflection in the mirror—
a little hooligan with red eyes, dyed yellow hair, earrings, and deliberately ripped jeans. Then I ran out the door,
went to the barbershop, dyed my hair black again, got a buzz cut, threw away all my miscellaneous things, found my high school uniform,
and decided to give it my all. Even though there were still thirty days left, I knew that if I didn't do this, I would regret it for the rest of my life.
Thirty days later, I squeezed through the sea of people in the exam hall. I realized that you reap what you sow. Trying to
make up for years of someone else's hard work in just a few dozen days is really too difficult. When the results came out, I scored a little over 300,
far short of the 600 needed for a top-tier university. I knew she would definitely get in, that she would definitely be waiting for me on campus, but could I face
her? I knew I could never give her what she wanted, so I decided not to bother her anymore.
If only I had looked more closely at the bookshelf back then, if only my father had told me directly about the letter for me,
if only I hadn't been so willful and had a good relationship with my father, if only we hadn't fallen in love… If only… just if only.
Now, watching my peers revel in their youth on campus, dating their girlfriends, while I
remain a humble city builder in this bustling city, Pingping, perhaps we will never
cross paths again in this life, perhaps if we do meet, you won't recognize me, but I think, in this life, the one I love most
will always be you.
I truly hope that you find the best and most loving boy on this beautiful campus, fall in love
, get married, have children, and live a happy and simple life. As for me, as long as I can occasionally
think of you, and when you look back, recall the passion, the joy, and the emotions we shared during our youngest and most beautiful years
, and be able to show a lovely smile, that's enough.
That familiar yet blurred figure has already gone far away, while I continue this humble work.
A gentle breeze blows by, carrying something away, I wonder.

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