The exchange was followed by heartache.

page views:1 Publication date:2021-03-12

The Buddha said: Meeting between people is predestined; if there were no debts owed, how could we meet?
I think perhaps I owed you so much in my past life, otherwise why would I have met you in this life, fallen in love with you, and been willing to do anything for you without regret? If I hadn't met you, perhaps I would have lived a peaceful and uneventful life with him.
The years after our marriage were uneventful and calm. Perhaps for this reason, he became obsessed with the online sex trade. At first, to convince me, he made
me read articles on this topic and made various promises. I really wasn't interested in it, but I felt that his purpose in swapping partners was to have sex with other women, and I felt that he didn't care about me anymore. Out of a bit of revenge, I finally agreed.
The first two swaps were actually very unsuccessful. I personally felt no excitement at all; instead, I felt very uncomfortable. Perhaps it's related to my personality. One is that I'm relatively introverted, and the other is that I'm quite conservative. I still have some mental barriers to having sex with men outside of marriage.
But these barriers inexplicably disappeared because of your appearance. I initially refused to agree to the swapping anymore, but he kept pleading, saying it was the last time. I figured it wasn't the first time, so I agreed one more time. That's what they call fate, isn't it? People destined to meet will eventually meet again. And it was this time that I met you, someone I can never forget!
The first time we met, I felt incredibly safe and comfortable with you. You were always so considerate of my feelings, and even though it was our first time making love, it was so harmonious, comfortable, and exhilarating! Afterwards, you held me in your arms, and it felt so natural, as if we'd been together for years. And it was this time that I agreed to the second, third, and fourth time with you. I started looking forward to every meeting with you, looking forward to your daily chats on WeChat. Every word you said affected my mood for the day; I thought about you all the time. I knew I was in love with you! I was hopelessly in love!
Every day I wavered between what I should and shouldn't love you; loving you hurts both of them. But I couldn't stop thinking about you until my heart ached! I suppressed myself again and again, even if it meant secretly crying until dawn. I know you wouldn't give up anything for me, and I wouldn't hurt those two innocent people.
My only wish is for you to be happy and safe in this life, even if we never see each other again!

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The exchange was followed by heartache.

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