Our marriage's thirty-year history of adultery, part one: the humiliation of youth.

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I come from a family of government officials; both my parents were county-level cadres. My mother was a section chief, and my father was a deputy bureau chief. Our family's financial situation was relatively good.
I was sickly from a young age, thin and frail. By the time I was 20 and went to university, I was only 165 centimeters tall and weighed 102 kilograms. What I found particularly embarrassing was my genitals; they were always pink, my penis only reached 6 centimeters when erect, and my pubic hair was very sparse. Because of these reasons, I was always extremely self-conscious about relationships. An incident that happened in high school made it impossible for me to be a real man. In my
first year of high school, we had music class. Our music teacher was a beautiful woman in her thirties, a former dancer. She was very voluptuous and sexy, with captivating almond-shaped eyes. She had a bad reputation at school; it was said that her husband had beaten her many times for having affairs.
Because I was considered handsome and fair-skinned, the music teacher always admired me. At lunchtime, she would bring me a lunchbox containing food she had prepared herself and invite me to her office to eat lunch with her. We would chat intimately, and our classmates were very envious of our relationship and affection.
One afternoon, when we returned to the arts and physical education research office, all the other teachers had gone home. She was wearing a long dress, and she gently closed the door. She reached her small hand into my pants and started stroking my penis. When she touched my penis, a look of disappointment appeared on her face, but she still took it out. After a few strokes, my penis ejaculated. The music teacher gently stroked it for me again, and I became erect again. She quickly grabbed the table, bent over, and guided me to insert it, but I ejaculated as soon as I entered. This happened twice more, and each time I ejaculated after just a few strokes. She was disgusted with me and told me to go home, muttering that I was useless.
Later, she started asking other boys to bring her pianos, and I understood what was going on. Once, I spied on her and saw our class's sports committee member having sex with her. His penis was as thick as a stallion's, and the music teacher was screaming with pleasure. After that incident, I completely despaired of my sexual ability. By my senior year of high school, I even had difficulty getting an erection.
In 1986, at the age of 24, I graduated from the provincial geology college and was assigned to the county land bureau in my hometown as a technical staff member. After sitting in the office for more than half a year, I was sent to the county survey team to investigate soil samples throughout the county. Actually, this arrangement was my father's way of sending me to the countryside to gain experience and improve my credentials before his promotion.
Although the days spent training there were tough, I felt fulfilled. My father asked me to come back several times, but I always delayed by saying I wanted to train for a while longer.
In the spring of 1987, my family started introducing me to potential marriage partners. Because of my low self-esteem, I wasn't very cooperative. I went through the motions of meeting two girls, had a few meals with them, and then nothing came of it.
In early June 1987, an older woman in the office introduced me to Mei. At the time, this older woman gave me a fairly detailed introduction to Mei. She was three years younger than me, both her parents were teachers, and after graduating from junior high school, she was admitted to the county's teachers' college. Since vocational schools at that time were two-year programs, she started working two years earlier than me, becoming an English teacher at the county middle school. The older woman even showed me Mei's photo, and my heart skipped a beat. Why? She looked so much like my high school music teacher. At that moment, I couldn't explain why, but a tremendous sense of shame and excitement surged up simultaneously. My penis suddenly became erect, making me very embarrassed. I quickly sat down, blushing, and said to the older woman, "Let's meet then." The older woman was particularly happy; she thought I had fallen for Mei, right? I didn't know; maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. But at that moment, I felt that this girl might be my life partner.

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Our marriage's thirty-year history of adultery, part one: the humiliation of youth.

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