My illicit affair with my student/lover (Part 5 - The End)

page views:1 Publication date:2017-11-02

This year I'm approaching forty. Approaching a state of clarity and acceptance, I'm no longer easily troubled or confused, nor am I easily swayed by honor or disgrace. Like most men, my desire for sex remains strong, but my body is clearly declining. I've started exercising regularly and focusing on health. I moved house and started growing flowers and plants in my yard. I have a completely new work environment and social circle, and I haven't returned to my old workplace even once.
Shortly after changing jobs, my wife deleted Shanshan's WeChat account, along with a female colleague who was close to Shanshan. Like a young person from the May Fourth Movement who abandoned the old society, I was eager to forget that old relationship and emerge as a new self.
A little over a year later, Shanshan got married to Xiao Li, who remained devoted to her. A former colleague shared a wedding photo on their WeChat Moments. In it, Shanshan, wearing a white veil, is pouring champagne with her groom. Even her slight bend is still beautiful and elegant.
I saw Shanshan again five years later. Five years have passed, but I still remember her phone number. There wasn't any particular turning point. I casually typed her phone number into WeChat, and her profile picture immediately popped up—a cartoon character she liked. I subconsciously clicked "Add to Contacts," without any intention of adding her again. Usually, there's a verification step next, but unexpectedly, it was done instantly. Shanshan had actually kept my WeChat.
I tentatively greeted her, and she replied quickly, jokingly saying, "Teacher Qi, see, I haven't deleted you on WeChat." Five years later, I still couldn't deceive myself; Shanshan's image was constantly in my mind, like an obsession. Every detail of the past was vivid in my mind. Perhaps that couple, so passionate about sex, parted ways with us at some point, entering a parallel universe, achieving their happy ending in another dimension.
I thought I could have a pleasant conversation with Shanshan, but the words accumulated over five years were quickly exhausted; what remained unspoken were longing and desire. Shanshan said everything was in the past, that she had already forgiven me. But sometimes I still felt resentful—why did I seduce her in the first place, disrupting her peaceful life? Every time this happened, the conversation would abruptly end. It was an unsolvable problem, occurring in an unsolvable era.
More than ten days later, I suggested we meet, and Shanshan finally agreed. That noon, I picked her up at her new workplace. Shanshan had also changed to a good job. When asked why, she only said she wasn't happy with it and couldn't fully commit. After getting married, Shanshan seemed more mature, a little heavier, and her complexion was much better than before. Her straight hair was now styled with the most fashionable hair accessory. Only her eyes lacked what they once held—if I had to describe it vividly, it would be the fleeting brilliance that once moved me.
In the enclosed space, the atmosphere became awkward. Even though we were once so familiar that we had touched every inch of each other's skin, we couldn't overcome the growing distance between us. Five years—we had become completely different people. I parked the car by the riverbank. On the riverbank in early spring, willows swayed gently, the weather warmed, and vibrant men and women occasionally strolled by. It was another season of passion, a season that dissolved the withered leaves, corpses, and even love of winter into nothingness.
I had to break the suffocating silence and tried to hold Shan Shan's small hand. She didn't flinch, letting me hold it. Her hand was cool, making her skin appear even smoother. I gripped it tightly, and Shan Shan gripped mine firmly with her thumb, rubbing it back and forth between our thumbs. Shan Shan leaned over, her tongue prying open my lips, entering my mouth from the shallow to the deep. I responded passionately, images flashing through my mind: how many men's lips had this cherry-like mouth kissed before and after marriage, how many penises of different shapes, colors, and scents had invaded it? I was merely one of the passersby, passing through her youthful twenties, a chance encounter under the flowers and moon, a fleeting kiss. I deepened the kiss with my tongue, and Shan Shan suddenly pushed me away, smiling steadily—a truly sinful smile.
At midday, the sun was high overhead, and the view outside the car window was dazzling. A gentle breeze sliced the water into countless shattered mirrors, shimmering wildly. I stubbed out my last cigarette on the bank and looked towards the bridge. The long-haired woman's figure had already faded into the distance. I took out my phone and sent "Sorry" on WeChat. The instant reply was, "Message sent, but rejected by the recipient."
A few days later, I received a call from an unknown number. The caller identified himself as Li and ended with, "Fuck you, we need to talk."
(The End)

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My illicit affair with my student/lover (Part 5 - The End)

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